I'm so talented. It takes much skill to hold a proper conversation with family while writing shit like this.

I'm so fucking dead right now. Words are just falling from my fried brain.

Merry Christmas.

Have a threesome.

(If this needs warnings, then, well, it's sex guys. Some AU PrussiaXCanadaXFrance.)

I hope you like. (I love you, AA.)

"Gil hasn't looked very cheerful recently, has he."

The older blonde turned to the one that had spoken. "No, mon cher. He doesn't look happy at all. Not since Roderich kicked him out."

"Do you think... We should do something for him for christmas?"

"Like what?"

The younger sighed. "I don't know, you know him a lot better than I do. What does he like?"

A grin spread across the man's face. "What does he like indeed."

There was a knock at the door, and Francis fussed around the bottom of the tree for another minute before moving towards the entranceway.

There was another knock and and a rough voice called, "Hurry up, it's fucking freezing!"

"All right, all right, I'm coming!" He opened the door and flung his arms around the man standing there. "Ah, Gil, it is so good to see you again. It has been more than a month, yes?"

"Yeah, yeah, you missed the awesome me." The albino strode inside and began to take off his shoes, followed by his coat.

Francis helped him pull it off and took the bag from his hand, grinning at the bottle of champagne he saw inside. "Thank you."

Gilbert scratched his silver hair in embarrassment. "Well, least I could do, and all. 'Cause you guys were nice enough to invite me over, I don't have to be alone like I would be otherwise."

Francis was taken aback by the sadness in his voice. "Oh, Gilbert. You know that we are always here for you."

"I don't want to dump all my shit on you, though. Especially when you and Mattie are so happy." He looked toward the door to the kitchen. "Where is he, by the way?"

Francis waved a hand. "Oh, he should be back soon." He grabbed the albino's arm and pulled him out of the entrance way and into the immaculate kitchen, placing the champagne in the fridge and bring out a bottle each of beer and red wine.

He passed the beer to Gilbert and found a glass for his wine. "You'd better enjoy that beer. It's been languishing away in there, seeing as you're the only one that drinks it, and you've hardly been around lately." He glared accusingly at the German, who looked away.

"And don't give me that 'don't want to bring you guys down' shit. If you are sad, as your friends, you have the right to share. Antonio and I didn't press you before, because you were still hurting, but it's been five months since you broke up, and you've been wallowing enough."

"I know. I just- I can't seem to get over him."

"You're- Merde, have you even slept with anyone- you haven't even had sex? You? I thought you couldn't live without it for a day!" He ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe this was a bad idea..."

Gilbert was glaring at him, and didn't hear Francis' last sentence. "Shut up. I tried. But... Meaningless sex is just that, now. Fucking, with no emotion... I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Oh, mon ami..." Francis placed a hand on his shoulder. "You need healing. Not just distraction from the pain."

Gilbert sat tiredly in a chair. "And how am I supposed to do that? My only friends are you lot, and then Roddy's friends. And I've probably been so grumpy that anyone I talked to didn't want to bother for more than a few minutes."

"Oh cher, why did you not come to us earlier?"

Gilbert looked at him questioningly. "What could you do?"

Flapping his hands ineffectually for a few seconds, Francis gave up. "I don't know. We could have got really drunk."

"I didn't need your help to do that."

"Oh, but isn't it more fun to do it together?"

Gilbert flashed him a grin and tossed back the last of his beer. "I guess."

Francis took the bottle and waved him through to the lounge, soon following him with a fresh beer and his own drink.

He found him looking amusedly at the large wrapped box, about waist height and the same length and width.

Francis pushed Gilbert lightly onto the couch and sat down beside him. "I still don't really understand why you didn't talk to us about it at all."

Gilbert sighed. "It was just- look, we all used to be perfect, right? Three perfect couples. And then I fucked it up."

"How could you have fucked up?"

"Well, it wasn't Roddy's fault." He drank some more of his beer. "Roddy was so beautiful, and talented, and he did deserve better than me." He laughed dryly. "I kind of wish Matthew had liked me, rather than you. "He's so gorgeous, and lovely. I'm incredibly jealous of you, you know."

"Oh?" Francis glanced quickly towards the Christmas tree.

"You guys have a great relationship."

Francis couldn't hold back a chuckle. "We do. I love him. And I'm fairly sure he loves me."

"And Antonio loves Lovino and despite his protestations Lovino loves him back. And I loved Roderich."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine. It's just that it's Christmas Eve, and last year we were all with our respective boyfriends because on Christmas day we all collapse completely drunk and are too tired. And this year, everyone I would actually enjoy having sex with either hate me or are head over heels in love with someone."

"Are you saying you'd like to have sex with one of us?"

Gilbert blushed. "Well, Lovino's maybe not quite my type, but Antonio is fun, and you're always rather addictive, in a good way, of course."

"And Mattie?"

He drained the last of his beer. "I've always had a soft spot for him, all right? If he was single, I would try for him, but he's not."

Francis patted his friend's knee. "It's all right. Plus, it's nice to know that you still find me attractive." He tossed his head. "Though, who wouldn't?"

His phone beeped and he looked down at it.

Please hurry up.

"Matthieu won't be home for a bit longer, it turns out. So he said that you can start opening your present."

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. "Which one's mine?"

"Which do you think? The awesome sized one, of course."

The albino bounded up, suddenly excited, and looked at the present carefully.

Francis watched as he picked up the tag and looked towards him once more before tugging at the ribbon.

He stood up and walked over to Gilbert, who was struggling with the wrapping paper and laid a hand on his.

"There's and easier way to open it."

"Thanks, you know I'm shit at wrapping and unwrapping these things."

"It wasn't for your convenience." He bent down, ignoring Gilbert's "Huh?" and pulled on the outward facing side of the box, tearing the tape holding it together.

Lifting it up until it was resting on the top of the box, leaving one side completely open, he gestured to Gilbert to look inside.

"What? Mattie?"

Francis crouched down, smiling at his boyfriend.

Who was looking a delightful picture, naked but for his glasses, the red ribbons poking out from behind his bound arms and an identical ribbon tied around his cock.

Gilbert leant forward into the box and reached around Mattie to untie his wrists. Francis noticed that his face had turned the same bright red as the ribbon.

"What the fuck is this."

"Merry Christmas, Gil!"

Mattie crawled from the box. "My legs hurt, but yes, Merry Christmas."

Gilbert was sitting back on his heels, a slightly angry look in his eyes. "I repeat, what the /fuck/ is this?"

"Mattie is part of your Christmas present. Only on loan, mind you."

"Francis." Matthew was tugging at his sleeve.

"If it's some kind of pity fuck, I don't want it."

Francis' hand clenched involuntarily and a flash of pale skin moved past him and Matthew had latched his hands onto Gil's crimson shirt. "It's not a pity fuck, idiot, it's a 'get over him and join the real world again' fuck." Realising the position he was in, he scrambled back to Francis' side. "That's if you accept the Christmas present thing."

The hurt and anger in Gilbert's eyes slowly faded. "So if you were in there the whole time..."

Matthew nodded. "I kind of heard everything. I'm sorry for invading your privacy like that."

"It's fine. But... What exactly is the present? Matthew?" Francis nodded and Gilbert turned to him. "What about you?"

He caught the glint in his friend's eye and grinned widely. "Depends on what you and Mattie want."

"Awesome." He took Francis' hand in his own. "Mattie?"

The man in question took one look at the two of them and nodded, leaning towards Francis as he did so.

He whispered in his ear, making him grin and nod, before pulling the other two up onto their feet with him. "Bedroom?"

Without waiting for an answer, he pulled them both across the room and into the hallway.

"I still don't understand why we couldn't have just said 'Hey Gil, merry Christmas, fancy a threesome?'" The Canadian looked annoyed. "You didn't have to dress me up like that."

Francis pulled him to his side and planted a kiss of the pink cheek. "I do love you, but you really have no sense of the dramatic."

"I think if he did the same kind of things as you we would have a lot of trouble on our hands."

"Yes, yes." He let go of Gilbert's hand to open the door, dragging Mattie onwards and onto the large bed. He beckoned to Gilbert, who moved forward into the position indicated.

Matthew knelt upwards on the bed and placed his hands on Gil's shoulders, before swooping his head down and kissing Gilbert firmly.

Francis watched with delight as his boyfriend began to move his hands down Gilbert's chest, being held up by strong pale hands. Matthew's thin fingers deftly slid each button from it's hole, pushing it to the side and spreading his hands out on Gil's chest while Francis pulled the material off of Gilbert's arms.

It was hot, watching the two of them, their mouths moving in the long unbroken kiss. He was growing harder, quicker than he'd imagined he would.

Mattie's hands fiddled with the button and zip of Gil's jeans for a few seconds before it came undone, then Francis took over, his hands sliding into the front of the pants, rubbing over Gil's crotch briefly before hooking his thumbs into the boxers and pulling both them and jeans down to Gil's ankles.

"I have to get some thing quickly."

Mattie broke off the kiss and turned to him. "You'll be back soon?"

"I'll only be a minute." He leant forward and kissed both of them on the cheek before walking into the bathroom.

He stripped quickly, giving his erection at least a little relief before he opened the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a bottle of lube and condoms.

Upon re-entering the bedroom, he found Mattie laid out on the bed, Gil's tongue flicking over and around his member.

He ran a hand over Gil's naked back. "Looking as good as ever."

The albino raised his head and turned to him, looking him up and down. "You too." He moved backwards to sit beside Mattie, who looked at them questioningly. "How are we doing this?"

"Well, I get Mattie's mouth, but I'll just sit and watch for a while." He set the items in his hands on the bed before moving around it and making himself comfortable against the pillows.

Matthew's eyes seemed to follow him, at least until Gilbert bent his head again and they turned unseeing.

It was strange seeing different hands push his boyfriend's legs wider, to be watching and stroking himself languidly. Weird, but seeing Mattie's reactions from a different position was definitely worth it.

Like the way his forehead crinkled into a frown as Gil moved away from him to pick up the lube and spread it generously over his fingers. He moved further up the bed, positioning himself between the Canadian's legs, and Francis grew harder at the sight of the moist pink lips opening, gasping quietly.

Gilbert's fingertip was slowly pressing into Mattie, he could tell, but then his view of both of them was obscured by the silver haired head leaning over Mattie and latching onto one of his sensitive nipples, drawing a moan from the youngest.

Luckily for Francis, Gilbert seemed to prep quickly, as he returned to his kneeling position.

Only to grasp Matthew's hips and turn him over, settling him with his knees apart and butt up in the air.

The purple eyes of his boyfriend had flown open, now slightly obscured by his fogged glasses, so Francis moved forward and plucked them from his face, placing them on the bedside table.

"See all right?"

Matthew only had time to nod briefly before he moaned again, and Francis looked behind him to see Gilbert's head positioned right between Mattie's pink ass cheeks. Their eyes met and Gil winked at him, the communication of the idea immediate.

Francis gently placed his hands around Mattie's shoulders and lifted him, bending his own head down for their mouths to meet, plundering with his tongue, same as Gilbert.

Matthew's hands placed themselves on Francis' hips, where the Frenchman could feel them trembling, tightening and digging the nails in. He let his own hands drift down and over Mattie's chest, tweaking the hard nubs, meeting one of Gilbert's hands as he reached lower.

Matthew was the first to break the kiss, making eye contact with him and keeping his gaze locked as he slowly moved his hands down from his hips, one leaving his body completely, the other taking his member in a warm grip.

His eyes switched to look at his chest as Mattie turned his mouth to it, laving his way down it, giving clear indication of exactly what he was intending.

Francis looked frantically towards Gilbert, who, thankfully had gone back to preparing Mattie's ass and currently had three fingers moving in and out at a fast pace.

At that moment the pink lips reached the area just above his crotch and left him, only to come back and land on the head of his length. A kiss was pressed against him first, then Mattie's tongue was curling around him, caressing gently.

Francis tried to detach his mind from the slowly enveloping moistness of Matthew's mouth by keeping his eyes on Gilbert, the other man reaching towards the condoms on the bed.

A thought popping into his head, he gained enough to control to slide backwards, leaving Mattie's mouth. He pulled Mattie back upwards, walking forward on his knees until they were both reasonably upright, their erections brushing together. Looking over his shoulder, he locked eyes with Gilbert and reached around Mattie to take the condom packet from him, pulling it out quickly before reaching for the albino's flushed cock.

He slid the latex down it, pressing his chest close to his boyfriend's in the process, and was able to feel both of their pounding hearts. He took the lube handed to him and slathered it generously over the length, stroking along it a few times before Gilbert moved towards them and nudged at Mattie's ass, by the way he wriggled.

Francis moved his hands down to glide over the smooth cheeks before finding his crack and spreading them, making the way clear for Gilbert. He turned to Mattie's neck and kissed up it slowly, licking along the shell of his ear, until he let out a whine and Francis moved backwards again, lowering his Canadian down as he did so.

And Matthew's mouth went straight back on him. Slowly sucking, teasing him, and gradually taking in more and more of him. Eventually he was fully inside the warm, wet cavern of his mouth, and from the look on Gilbert's face, he was completely inside too.

Slowly, Mattie pulled back, concentrating on stimulating the underside of his member. His mouth tightened in him suddenly, and Francis looked up from where his gaze had ben transfixed on that blonde head to see Gilbert withdrawing and gently pushing back inside of Mattie.

The mouth around him relaxed quickly and went back to its previous occupation, only this time sliding off and along the bottom of his length at a painfully slow speed, eventually dipping to lick and wrap his mouth around his balls.

Which Mattie knew were sensitive.

Once he couldn't take much more of the teasing, he reached down and took hold of Mattie's chin, forcing his head upwards. But there was a sparkle in his eyes, and so Francis slid his hand up his cheek and threaded his fingers into the soft hair, positioning him back onto his member and controlling his movement on it.

He met Gilbert's eyes over him, and an urge sprung up in him. He reached out with his free hand, and took one of Gilbert's who, just as they used to, read his mind and halted.

Tightening his grip on Mattie's hair, he pushed himself in until he is undoubtedly deep throating him, and leant forward with Gil until their lips met softly, and brought the hand that used to be in Gil's to grab the back of the albino's neck and pull them closer together.

His best friend is smiling as they break apart, and he pulled back and thrusts back into Matthew powerfully, almost pushing Francis further inside, at least if he hadn't been completely swallowed already.

Following Gilbert's lead, he slowly began to thrust into Mattie as well, trying to keep pace with him so that one of them is inside Mattie at any time. At least until their movements became more erratic.

Francis felt the pleasure and heat build inside him, dragging him toward release. Almost as if sensing it, Mattie seemed to have dragged up the cunning to almost draw him deeper, and creating suction around him that made his legs collapse, slipping from the rosy lips.

To his dismay, Mattie ripped his head from the constraints of Francis' hand and followed him down, wrapping his mouth around him like there was no tomorrow, and Francis couldn't help but let himself go, releasing into Mattie's mouth with a cry, barely hearing the identical cry from Gilbert as he did the same.

After cleaning themselves up, Gilbert hesitated as Matthew climbed into the bed. Francis, seeing his dilemma, grabbed his hand and pushed him towards him, before leaving the room.

He looked in confusion after his friend before turning to Matthew, who was watching him with a smile and patted the bed next to him.

"If you want to stay you're welcome. We're hosting Christmas here anyway, after all, so whats the point in going home?"

There was a muffled band from somewhere else in the house and they both looked shocked for a second before Francis strode back in, carrying the champagne and three glasses. He put the glasses onto the bedside table and poured one, handing Mattie his glasses back with it.

Pouring the other two, he handed one to Gilbert and lay down beside Mattie. "Aren't you going to join us?"

"You really are such a weirdo, you know."

"Why?"

"Both of you actually. Instead of spending special time together as a couple, you invite me over, ply me with alcohol and then invite me to have a threesome in a silly way, and then ask me to stay?"

Matthew looked at him happily. "We did spend special time together. And with you. I think you needed it. And…" He blushed. "Well, I certainly enjoyed it."

"I definitely did." Francis reached out a hand, just as he had earlier.

Gilbert looked at it for a second before chuckling and jumping onto the bed, wrapping an arm around Mattie, and stroking Francis' hair.

They sat sipping the champagne for a few minutes in silence.

"Thank you."

"For what?" The two blondes chorused.

"For seeing how I was, and helping me. And for loving."

"No problem."

There was silence again. "Can I sleep now? I'm kind of tired."

Both older men laughed.

"Of course you can, chér."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Bon nuit."

That's where it had been going to end… but then I wrote this.

After a round that morning where they'd all given each other blowjobs (and very nice it had been) they'd gotten dressed and Gilbert retrieved every one's presents from his car. ("Well, I thought I'd better bring them last night in case I forgot some and then could bring them today!" was what he'd said.)

And then the guests, Antonio and Lovino, Gilbert's brother Ludwig and his boyfriend Feliciano, as well as Matthew's own half brother and his boyfriend, Arthur.

Matthew stood sipping a cocktail from a tall glass and talking to Lovino when a thought occurred to him.

He turned to Antonio, who was nearby, and asked, "If you and your boyfriend were asking someone to have a threesome with you, what would you say?"

The Spaniard looked at him curiously. "Probably, 'Hey, want to have a threesome with us?' Not that I would want to have a threesome with anyone, not while I have Lovino. Why do you ask?"

Mattie had already spun to look across the room. Spying Francis, a triumphant gleam appeared in his eyes. "See, you crazy fuck, the normal thing to do is just ask!"

What happens when I set myself a deadline? Which then I don't make, so I set one every day for the next few days?

Me, getting stressed and listening to random music until the last day I can possible do it, and then in the last half hour chanting 'fuck' because I have like 1000 words left to do.

Merry Christmas, naughty little grapefruit.