Picture after picture of Kaworu and Rei cuddled together. Playing musical instruments together. Playing with the bug larva angel together.
"It looks like they're getting over you," Misato told Shinji, who knew that she was trying to make him jealous.
Honestly, that was more than a little disgusting. Kaworu was a boy, and Rei was made with his mother's DNA. Not to mention that they were both angels. Still, he was jealous. He spent so long trying to connect to Rei, and now Kaworu got to hold her hand like that? Got to reap the benefits of Shinji's effort and heartache?
Rei really did make a good mother, and if they were sharing a child now, then what chance did he have? None with Asuka, who had tried to kill him a second time, after they'd thought she was better, and was now in a padded cell somewhere.
Jealousy… It was wrong of him, but a dark and twisted part of him wanted to get between Rei and Kaworu. Make them jealous of each other. Make Rei want to be with him, and Kaworu? He'd killed a kitten, so how was he now so nice to these angels?
Two pairs of nervous red eyes, surprised that he was here and hoping that he would stay, that he would want to be with them, but anticipating that those hopes would be dashed.
Kaworu pulled away from Rei, smiling at her with a bitter twist to his lips. Jealous? Shinji wished he knew who Kaworu was jealous of, Shinji for the fact Rei must want to spend time with him without Kaworu, or Rei for the fact Shinji cared about her, and would obviously want Kaworu to leave them alone?
He hated that Rei's eyes followed him sadly, but who was she sad for? Kaworu that he had to go or Rei herself, that Kaworu was leaving her even for a few minutes? Still, it was a relief that he wouldn't have to pretend to be civil to Kaworu, much less like him, with Rei there. He didn't want Rei to see through it, to realize that there was this shameful darkness in him.
"Why would you reject me so thoroughly, why would you be so cruel if you didn't hate me?" was what Kaworu wanted to know.
"I didn't hate you" was Shinji's answer, and he knew he hadn't. Not then. "I told you that I didn't want to lose any more people, that I couldn't stand it, and you knew that you were going to die? So weren't you the cruel one, wanting me to suffer even more when you died, too?"
"Perhaps I was being cruel," Kaworu realized, looking down at the thing he called Rei. "I was so caught up in my own pain and loneliness that… I was dying. I knew I was going to die, and I just wanted someone to care. I wanted that person to be you because I love you, and I wanted to experience being loved, even by something like you." Like this? Pale, gentle and sad: he looked like Rei. Holding a child like that?
It would have been nice to hate Kaworu, the way Kaworu thought Shinji hated him. He was weird, he was an angel, Rei liked him: it should have been simple. It would have been nice if it was that simple. Yet Kaworu was so much like Rei. "I went to your room to get away from Rei's death, and then you would have died and it would have been just like Rei all over again."
Instead of denying it, or something, claiming that he hadn't meant to hurt Shinji Kaworu just nodded. "I was the vessel of Rei's memories and emotions then, and memories are the immortality of the Black Seed. Since your Rei lived on in me, then when I died and there was no one to remember me or my memories, the last of her would have died as well." That seemed to make sense at him. "If I hadn't given those memories to the new Rei, then your Rei's love of you would have died with me. Your Rei still lives on inside of me, too," he said, touching his chest, red eyes meeting Shinji's brown. "Does that make you happy?"
That was a weird thing to say, and Shinji wanted to say that he had Rei back, but the clone was really a replacement Rei (like the larva Rei) even if she did have memories of his Rei, but those memories came from inside Kaworu? He didn't like the thought that Kaworu might be just as much Rei as the new Rei was, since that meant the new Rei wasn't very much Rei at all, that the Rei he'd liked was still dead.
Best to think of it as some weird angel thing, and try not to react to how close to him Kaworu was standing now, after carefully putting the larva down on Rei's bed, where she trilled and started rolling around to wrap herself up in the blankets.
Shinji looked back at Kaworu to see him smiling dotingly at the child, even as he stood there in Shinji's personal space. "All Lilim are lonely, aren't they?" Kaworu seemed to realize. "The old men said that was so, and it makes sense. Rei was lonely: that was why she was happy you reached out to her, and it was why you reached out to her in the first place, wasn't it?" Turning to Shinji, he said that, "I made my children so that I wouldn't be lonely anymore. So that I would have people who loved me. You said you didn't want any more loved ones, but that was because you were sick of them dying and leaving, weren't you?
"I'm sharing baby Rei with Rei, so she isn't lonely and it's making her happy, although you would make her happier. So you should have children," Kaworu told him. "My children don't die as easily as Lilim do. I know they'll love you," since Kaworu did? "And that way you will be loved and not alone."
There was so much wrong about that Shinji didn't know where to start, thinking of his own father. Kaworu looked earnest, and maybe he did love the Rei-thing, but Shinji knew he'd make a terrible father and, "Having kids with you? But we're both guys!"
Kaworu didn't seem to have gotten a clue about that since the last time Shinji brought it up with him. "You're a Lilim, how would we… Well, I guess Lilim can make children, but it can't be the same thing. Not if your father was willing to kill his own son. My children love me," Kaworu said with a combination of happiness, pride because his children were just better and disgust at how messed-up Lilim like Gendo were. "If you loved me back, then that means that my children will love you too, if you make me happy. I'll share them with you, like with Rei," the angel explained. "And even if you shoot them like that old man shot you, they'll be fine." It wouldn't matter if Shinji started acting like a Lilim and trying to kill children, not now that Eva 01 was destroyed. "So you won't lose them ever. You said you were tired of losing the people you cared for, right?"
Kaworu grinned, suddenly grabbing one of Shinji's hands. "I was going to die before, but now I never will. So you won't ever have to worry about losing me." So Shinji's reason for refusing to be his friend was no longer valid. No, clearly Kaworu was the best possible person for Shinji to let into his heart. Not only would he get someone who would never leave him, but who could say no to such wonderful children?
Shinji seemed more nervous than anything, but that was probably just because Lilim were weird. How could he not want this? To be loved and wanted and remembered after he was gone?
"Rei and I love you," Kaworu reminded Shinji. "I'll tell her," about this idea. Even a Lilim couldn't possibly turn all of them down, not when Shinji was like Kaworu. He had to want to be loved, had to want someone to want him to live. So that was settled, then.
Shinji was left to go 'tell her what' when Kaworu dropped his hand and hurried off, because Kaworu was weird and almost certainly had the wrong idea. As for what that idea was?
Legs almost giving out under him, he managed to catch himself on the edge of the bed, sitting there and wondering what he was doing to do about this, and Kaworu and Ayanami and he was certain to be an absolutely horrible excuse for a father…
Now there was a baby angel trying to crawl up into his lap, trilling happily because there was a lap and it probably associated laps with Kaworu. That segmented body moved in a way that should just be creepy, like a small, stubby worm but was… kind of cute, he guessed?
Rei came into the room, followed by Kaworu. She hurried to Shinji's side, seeming to feel an urgency that Kaworu didn't possess. She'd copied Shinji's memories in order to save them when Gendo tried to kill him, so while Kaworu just thought that no one could refuse love and babies forever and it might even be a good idea to wear Shinji's resistance down slowly so he didn't freak out and do Lilim things, Rei knew that Kaworu was right: Shinji really did want to be loved. So there was a chance this could work.
She had been trained as an Eva pilot and on the battlefield chances should be seized, the way she took Shinji's head in her hands as she almost threw herself onto the bed next to him and kissed him, hard.
Kaworu frowned: he wanted to touch and kiss Shinji too! But Shinji had two sides, so Kaworu could just sit at his other one and look at the things he could touch while Rei possessed his lips.
"Do all ears look this funny?" he wondered, brushing Shinji's hair out of the way and poking at it before some atavistic urge moved him to take Shinji's earlobe in his teeth and tug at it gently, his warm breath making Shinji shiver a little.
Yes: even if Lilim were weird and used their minds to come up with messed-up things, there were definitely good things that could come with thinking.
Like right now he was thinking that he couldn't see very much of Shinji at all, and since clothes were unnecessary things he should tug at Shinji's shirt and ask Rei to, "Help me get this off him."
"Sex?" Rei asked.
As Shinji sputtered, Kaworu looked confused. "Six whats? Six babies?" To convince Shinji to be with them since that way he would be loved a lot? "But I don't think more than one will fit on his lap." Kaworu had that problem.
"No, sex. It's what Lilim do to make babies," Rei explained. "It requires the removal of clothing."
"Oh. Well, if it's anything like the real way to make babies, then it must be a good thing," Kaworu knew. "And if he's naked, then it will be easier to touch and kiss him." So that sounded like a very good idea.
"Touching and kissing are part of sex," Rei knew.
Kaworu smiled at her. "Let's do that, then." What a good idea!
Rei took the little Rei off of Shinji's lap, but Shinji was too stunned to make a break for it. "According to Dr. Akagi, children are not supposed to be present during sex," Rei explained.
That didn't make any sense to Kaworu. "But if it makes children, then wouldn't they just appear during sex anyway?" So why put Rei out of the room?
"It begins the process of making children. The process is not completed for nine months."
"Nine months?!" That horrified Kaworu. Why, if it took that long to make children the real way as well as the Lilim way, he still wouldn't have any yet!
Rei nodded. "I am not capable of having children, and two males are not capable of having children the Lilim way."
"That's good." Kaworu was worried about looking after the ones he already had. Well, if this sex was so different from making babies, if it was a Lilim thing, then it shouldn't bury his mind under instinct. "Let's sex, then."
"It is called 'having sex,'" Rei told him, pulling her shirt up over her head to expose a bra Shinji remembered from that time they'd ended up on the floor with her underwear drawer thrown everywhere.
It was when she started to slide out of her skirt that Shinji made a strangled noise and managed to bolt.
They stared after him.
"The old men kept telling me how crazy Lilim are, and how they ruin their own lives, but…" But Kaworu was still amazed. How could someone turn down something that was sort of like making babies, only with kissing and touching involved?
"Apparently Lilim often do not want sex, and it is wrong to pressure them into it," which was the only reason Rei wasn't going after Shinji. She turned to Kaworu. "I was also told that many men have trouble pleasing their partner. Since I want Shinji to love you too, I will help you practice." She didn't say that although she was given a lecture by Dr. Akagi her own knowledge of sex, while superior to Kaworu's, was entirely theoretical.
Kaworu looked touched and said, "Thank you," as she pushed him down on the bed, straddling him.
"What exactly did you tell her about sex, Ritsuko?" was what Misato wanted to know, although Rei could be taking control just because even though both of them were virgins, Kaworu knew even less. Still, what mattered was, "Shinji, get back in there."
He blushed, face an incredibly bright red.
"They're both virgins. Do you want Rei to have her first time without you?" With Kaworu instead? "Shinji, you have to think about what you want. Pursue your own goals, of your own will." And like hell sex with Rei wasn't one of those goals. If even this wasn't motivation enough for him to take what he wanted, "And it's a threesome. It's not gay if there's a woman in there," she told him.
That did it. Or maybe it was Rei's contemplative sound: it looked like Kaworu had finally figured out what to do with his fingers down there after around six minutes of mutual fumbling.
"You don't need to watch it that closely," Ritsuko told Misato ten minutes later.
"I have to make sure our last," human, "pilot is safe, don't I?" If only she could have beer on duty. It wasn't as though the sex itself would make Shinji any more mature or Kaworu any less dangerously erratic, but with Rei firmly in control here?
Shinji had no people skills: Misato had despaired of him being able to get the angel under control. She should have considered the potential of the First Child instead.
Rei, after all, was the one raised by Gendo Ikari.
Turning into a cat? As I've said, it's weird that Eva has so much fanfiction and yet it's short on a lot of the obligatory kinds of (crack)fic.
As Rebuild shows, no, the moon is not out of range. Kaworu just doesn't really know what he's doing, aside from the stuff that's instinct and the tactical data the other angels were sharing.