Hi there! First of all, I'm handing out gold stars to anyone who still follows my silly little drabbles. Second, I'm so sorry for the delay. This one is possibly my sappiest piece yet. I suppose it's fluff/comfort? Hm. I'll try to do something more amusing and fluffy next.
Post reconciliation with Fenris
Hawke: Sparrow Class: Warrior
Hawke sat on the floor. Her back was against the stone wall, legs pulled up to her chest. She was crying into her hands.
"You don't understand!" She suddenly cried out, raising her head slightly. He could see the anguish on her features, her eyebrows were knotted together, her eyes were bloodshot and wet. "I might be a bloody mabari warhound on the outside, but in here-" She jabbed her index finger into her chest, over her heart, accusingly, "In here I'm weak. All I amount to is a frightened little girl, who can do nothing to protect herself or her family. You don't want me Fenris, you don't need me. You want the idea of me, and that's what you deserve! Someone strong... someone... that everyone keeps mistaking me for." Sparrow broke down again, her words becoming fragmented, split by gulping breaths and sobs that racked her body.
The elf found himself at a loss. It had taken a long time for her to eventually tell him what plagued her mind. When she did finally confess her deepest fears, nothing could have prepared Fenris for what he had heard. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but it certainly wasn't that she constantly doubted herself. The day she'd told him just how afraid she was, was the day he saw a side of her he hadn't known existed. He remembered that moment in the middle of the night as silent tears had fell from her eyes. In that moment as she'd faced the fire, he had never seen her so...fragile. Bloody and bruised, yes. Winded and shattered by the Arishok's crushing blows, certainly. But never fragile. It was the night after he'd given his whole being over to her, when he'd confronted his feelings and laid them bare before her.
And she'd forgiven him. So freely, so easily.
The next night he'd learned that she did not see herself as worthy of him. She'd tried to end their relationship before it had begun. They'd spent the night talking, or arguing, depending on how you looked at it. They had a war of words, a battle Fenris never thought he'd be able to win. Yet he certainly wasn't going to leave her, not when she needed him most. That was several weeks ago now. On the whole she had been...better. There was a light back in her eyes and a gleam in her smile. But occasionally it would falter and her own self-doubt would start eating her from the inside out. The first few times it happened Fenris had truly not known what to do. It happened in different ways, sometimes she would cry, other times she would snap angrily and isolate herself. Fenris soon learned that no matter what she did or said, the worst thing he could do was leave her alone. He knew well the emotions she felt, and nothing she said in her lowest moments were any worse than the things he'd said to her. Which didn't mean much considering how scathing he had been on occasion. He really wondered how she could have put up with him for all these years despite having the thoughts that she does. A few years prior this would have convinced him that he was not worthy of being in her company, but now it just gave him more reason to stay.
He now knew of her sorrow and her desire to be a normal woman...a normal girl, again. When she had first told him, he had failed to grasp just how much these feelings hurt her. He was shocked that she had presumed he wouldn't want her once he knew about the emotions she had to deal with.
Something must have triggered her current state, although he couldn't think of what it could be right in that instant. She'd told him that if she's ever crying and yelling at the same time, it means she's worked herself up into a state and someone just needs to slap her around a bit. Hawke had been joking of course, but there was truth in her jest as well. Slapping her was out of the question, he didn't think he would be able to handle the repercussions, but she did need reassurance.
He walked over and knelt by her side, taking her up into his arms, cradling her head and stroking her hair as she cried. Sparrow was always there to comfort any who needed it, yet who comforted her? He supposed everyone just presumed she was fine, that she was Hawke. Hawke the Invincible, never in need of aid herself. He tightened his grip on her protectively. He wished he'd realised it sooner, but wishes were useless. Now that he knew her secrets, nothing was going to stop him from taking up the role of her guardian. He'd spend the rest of his life learning how to erase her doubts and teach her to smile when she's forgotten...just like she'd taught him, even when everything seemed hopeless.
He was taken from his thoughts when Sparrow pulled back slightly to look him in the eye. She asked him what he was thinking. He thought for a moment before telling her what he was determined to do, that he was going to protect her. She gave him a lopsided grin.
"I love it when you're dramatic." She said, her voice cracking from crying. He snorted softly.
"I have you to thank for that." He said lightly in response. Her shoulders started jerking again, and he held his breath out of worry before he realised she was actually laughing and he joined her.
And there they sat, on the cold, tiled floor, just holding each other and laughing. Fenris would never forget this feeling, this surging emotion he could only describe as joy. Joy not only at being with Hawke, but also being able to turn her cries into laughter. It had taken six years, but finally they could understand each other. Maybe not all the time, and maybe not perfectly, however it was all a learning process. A process the both of them were more than willing to go through for the sake of each other.
I might start moving my stories over to AO3 soon, so if you're over there then I'm under the username Darth_Sparrowhawk. I'll keep uploading here in the meantime though. So uh, yeah...you don't really need to review unless you want to, because this isn't really a "serious" series or anything, but comments and or favourites are always appreciated.