Author's Note: You know, when a cheesy subplot hijacks your fanfiction, you know it's time to re-write it.

Anyway, this fic has been in limbo for some time now, and it was all because that damn subplot involving two of my OCs who are in love. I'm going to re-write this fic, and the subplot won't be in the fic this time, which means that there will be no writer's block. Add to that, I've been in a bit in a slump lately, since I haven't gotten a lot of reviews for my fics in the past few days and I have some minor writer's block.

Anyway, let's re-start the fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.

Our tale of crossdressing, a yuri pairing in disguise of a het pairing, useless marriage plots, socialites with too much free time, and teenaged love began one afternoon at a cocktail party at a fancy mansion.

"A party where I don't have to cater?! The Crap Geezer loves me!" Our male love interest, Sanji, said as he entered the party room.

"Yeah... About that..." Patty, one of Sanji's colleagues said nervously.

"What? What's the Crap Geezer planning THIS TIME?" Sanji asked Patty and Carné, who sighed.

"You will find out soon enough," Carné told Sanji. Sanji's best friend, Nico Robin, then approached them.

"What's going on?" Robin asked Sanji.

"Crap Geezer is planning something, I just know it," Sanji explained as he lit up a cigarette.

"Cook-san, you should really stop calling your boss-slash-adoptive father 'Crap Geezer'. I don't think he likes being called that," Robin suggested.

"Well... He is letting me have the night off. Plus, he adopted me, fed me, clothed me, sent me to the best cooking school in France, and got me my job at Baratie AND my celebrity status. I guess he isn't as crappy as it seems," Sanji explained.

"You do have a point, Cook-san," Robin stated as Sanji poured glasses of fine wine for all four of them.

"Cheers, guys! It's a beautiful day to be a celebrity!" Sanji said. And, so, the four were about to toast, when Zeff, Sanji's adoptive father-slash-boss, cleared his throat, leaving the four to keep their wine glasses suspended in the air.

"I have an announcement to make! Patty, Sanji, Robin, Carné, keep your glasses where they are, since this is something to toast over!" Zeff said.

"My arm is beginning to hurt!" Patty yelled.

"My son is getting married to the beautiful, orphaned socialite Nami! The wedding's in three months!" Zeff said. As his three friends toasted, Sanji dropped his wine glass.

"Zeff, you Crap Geezer!" Sanji yelled angrily.

"Cook-san!" Robin yelled.

"How could he do this to me?! There's beautiful ladies out there that need my loving!" Sanji said to himself. Zeff then gave him a picture of a girl with short, orange hair.

"Is this... Nami? As in, my ex-childhood crush Nami?" Sanji asked Zeff.

"Yes. Now, shut up, since you are marrying this girl, who will graduate high school in a year," Zeff explained. Sanji did a fangirl scream as his eyes turned to hearts and steam came out of his nostrils and ears.

"Mellorine!" Sanji yelled joyfully. Robin smiled.

"Cook-san is gonna sleep tonight," Robin remarked.

Over on Nami's side of things, she took the news rather well. But, she was in a world much different than Sanji's - she was at the Apple store in the mall with her two friends, Vivi Nefatari and Kaya.

"So, then, I said to Sanji, 'be glad you're marrying somebody you already know'," Nami said, making Kaya and Vivi laugh.

"That doesn't really explain why you guys are going to get married in the future," Kaya said.

"It was a family deal thing. I would be married right now, if Bellemeré didn't die in that accident three years ago," Nami explained.

"You mean the one involving the mikan truck and Arlong?" Vivi asked Nami.

"Yeah... But, thank God, they found cocaine on Arlong, which means it's all good," Nami explained.

"Plus, he did some other things, too. I don't know how long that guy is gonna be on probation," Vivi said. Meanwhile, at a kindergarten...

"And Mr. Spot the Dog and the Mailman became friends forever! The end!" Arlong - a half-fish, half-man, ex-mafia boss - read from a storybook to some little kids. A little boy named Stelly raised his hand.

"Mr. Arlong, what's that?" Stelly asked as he pointed to a shotgun on Arlong's lap. Arlong jumped up in shock.

"Fuck! I thought this was a Super Soaker!" Arlong cried. The kids giggled.

"Mr. Arlong, what does 'fuck' mean?" A little girl named Chimney asked Arlong.

"Well.. Uhh..." Arlong said as the police, with their sirens on, pulled up to the school. Two cops named Smoker and Hina entered the kindergarten. Smoker was holding another shotgun and Hina was holding a plastic bag filled with pot.

"Arlong, we found these things in your car. Care to explain?" Hina asked Arlong, who grew white.

"I... Uhh.. I was saving the weed for my friends! And, the gun is in case my crazy ex comes back!" Arlong cried. Smoker just put handcuffs on Arlong.

"Heard it before when you were arrested for posession of marijuana six months ago," Smoker said.

"Look, I can't quit smoking. If I do, I'll get hit by a bus," Arlong said nervously. Hina just laughed.

"That's not even possible!" Hina said, holding back laughter, as she and Smoker led Arlong away. Back with Nami, Vivi, and Kaya...

"Yeah... I kinda don't wanna know what happened," Nami said with a nervous laugh.

"I'm sure that Arlong is currently incarcerated right now," Kaya said. Nami and Vivi laughed.

"We all hope so, Kaya," Nami said. That evening, Nami returned to the mansion she and Nojiko lived in.

"Nojiko, I'm home!" Nami said as she entered the empty mansion and set her bag down. Nami the discovered a note on the table, which said:


Went to a party at Sanji's mansion. Dinner's in the fridge.

- Nojiko

Nami just sighed.

"I'm getting Pizza Hut," Nami said as she pulled out her phone and began to dial a number. Both Sanji and Nami did not expect what was to happen next.

Ending Note: Review if you want to see Luffy(ko).