The ring signalling the end of the meeting was heard. Looks of relief were exchanged over conference room coming from the first class SOLDIERs Sephiroth, Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos as they rested and shoulders.
"Now," Lazard said, clearing his throat, "before I adjourn this meeting, I want you to get out your pencil and paper and write down the assignment-"
Sephiroth let out a sigh of disappointment and Angeal just shook his head, while Genesis, who has a penchant for writing (to the extent that this has been abused by his friends, especially when we speak of mission reports), smiled and turned his head to Sephiroth. "Did you hear that? WE GET AN ASSIGNMENT!" Sephiroth just stared at him blankly.
The director continued. "Everyone must write an essay on what not to do in the Shinra headquarters' elevator."
Upon hearing, Genesis turned his head once again to Sephiroth (who could not hide the irritation in his face) and said: "Did you hear that!? What not to do in the Shinra headquarters' elevator!"
"In no less than 800 words!" Lazard creeped everyone out with a snicker similar to a girl's.
Sephiroth turned his head to the Loveless-obsessed commander, attempting to mock him. "Did you hear that?" Sephiroth mimicked the stupid smile on Genesis face, "800 words!"
"Yeah, I know!" Genesis said while smiling from cheek-to-cheek. Sephiroth lowered his eyebrows in exasperation.
"Due tomorrow, and remember, soldiers.. work hard and no goofing off!" with that Lazard ended the meeting.
Genesis was now in his bedroom, seated on his desk and talks to his LOVELESS book: "Okay, LOVELESS!" Genesis started, treating the book as if it were a pet, "no goofing off! I am about to write the greatest essay of all time!"
He proudly announced. "Like most great essays, it will be written.." Genesis open his drawer and took out two sheets of white coupon bond, ".. on paper." He slammed the paper onto the table.
"And more important than the paper is.. the pencil." Genesis brought out an evenly-sharpened pencil that twinkled for a second.
"Hm, funny," Genesis chuckled to himself while twirling the pencil in his fingers, "as my ideas grow, you shrink!" He smiled toothily at the pencil and kissed it.
Looking out to his window where trees are visible and the glorious blue sky can be seen, Genesis said, "Well, I couldn't ask for a more beautiful day to write an essay."
"Okay!" Genesis lifted his pencil, a look of concentration painted in his eyes. "Here we go."
He wrote word by word on the paper: "what not to do in the Shinra headquarters' elevator."
"Hey, this is easy!" Genesis happily declared with a cheshire cat-like smile on his face and continued writing, "by Genesis Rhapsodos."
"Ha! This essay is pure gold!" He pointed to the paper where he wrote. "And now pencil," Genesis said as he lifted the pencil up, "get ready to do your stuff... because here we go." Genesis was brimming with confidence as he put the pencil down to write. It was five more minutes before three in the afternoon.
It was now three more minutes before six in the evening. Genesis lay frozen on his desk, smiling with a pencil in hand while looking at his paper. The contents are: "what not to do in the Shinra headquarters' elevator, by Genesis Rhapsodos." Nothing else. So, basically everyone's favorite temperamental Gackt clone had not written anything else to complete his essay.
"Gee.. this is harder than I thought." He looked worried. Genesis laid down his pencil on the desk and decided to peer from the window. Everyone he saw looked so happy as the Sun still shone up the sky. Reno and Rude were playing lawn tennis, Zack was blowing a horn while riding a rolling ball, while Angeal was applying sunblock to Sephiroth (wearing purple trunks) who lay on a picnic mat. "Come on, Genesis!" Angeal called out.
Genesis blinked and slowly went back to his desk, feeling listless. "It should be against the law to write an essay on such a super, SOLDIER-rific, sunshine-y day!" He proclaimed with his right hand clutching something invisible in the air. "Ohhh.." He frowned, resting his elbow on the desk and the palm of his right hand on his face.
Suddenly, he slammed his fist on the table and frowned, determined. "But, I must press forward!" Grabbing the pencil like some sort of a magnificent artifact, Genesis's eyes gleamed. "Because with this pencil and the completion of this essay-" he touched the paper gently, "-I'll be one step closer to be a hero greater than Sephiroth!" Genesis imagined himself riding a shiny, red F1 car running speedily through the highway crashing against a grey one, the latter exploding (with Sephiroth in it). As he watched the car parts flying the air, Genesis laughed maniacally to himself. "Ohh yeaaah.." Genesis sighed dreamily. "This would be no problemo!" shaking himself out of daydreaming state and shrugged his shoulders. "I've got plenty of time! It's only six o' clock!"
Drumrolls can be heard out of nowhere while Genesis reached for the pencil and one of his eyebrows rose. "Okay, here we go.." he was tapping his fingers on the desk, ".. here we go." He repeated.
Genesis attempted to write, but failed, causing him to bang his head on the desk and on his paper. "AAUUUGH!" He let out a scream of frustration. Sitting up, Genesis suddenly had an idea on his mind. "Oh, I know! I just need a little blood pumping in the noodle." He tapped his temple. "How about some calisthenics..!"
Genesis got out of his chair and stood up. Breathing heavily, he raised his hands forward, put them down, exhaled, raised his arms again and inhaled, and then put them forward accompanied with another exhaling. He repeated this several times. Afterwards Genesis steadied himself and let his nose grow and shrink. How he was able to do that, we don't know. Then his eyelashes did jumping jacks for the finale. Again, don't look at the author. It might be one of the side-effects of Mako.
Genesis sat on his wooden chair once again, fully energized. "Now I can feel those juices pumping now!" He said as pushed himself towards his desk. Hearing the chair make a funny sound amused Genesis, and pulled himself away from the desk. Now, he pushing himself back and forth while still seated on the chair, trying to create rhythmic tunes from the movement. This went for seconds as Genesis wiggled his eyebrows in delight, and ended with a hearty laugh, which was abruptly stopped when he let out a shriek. "What am I doing!? I gotta write that paper!" He shouted and pushed himself to the desk.
"Come on, pencil.." Genesis leaned forward on the desk, his brows furrowed. "Make words.." His elbow had hit the LOVELESS book, resulting to it falling on the ground. Genesis picked it up and was distracted. "HEY, HEY, HEY, LOVELESS!" Genesis beamed. "How's my favorite book? How about little Genesis fetch you something to 'eat'?"
Genesis bought a lot of bookmarks for his book and made a pile out of it. "I gotta make sure you get nutrition!" Genesis felt content upon seeing his book surrounded by bookmarks on his bed, but moments after he reflected.
"Gee.. LOVELESS sure had made a mess.. I can't work on my essay knowing there's a mess in my room." With that Genesis grabbed a mop and headed for the floor. After he was done, Genesis contemplated. "I might as well as clean the rest of the rooms while I'm at it." He proceeded to clean the living room that he shared with Sephiroth and Angeal. Genesis also targeted Angeal's kitchen which he had access to (unbeknownst to Angeal), Angeal and Sephiroth's private quarters (Genesis was sneaky in his own ways), and even tidying up the puppy's hub, much to Zack's delight.
Everything was as shiny as chrome when Genesis was done. He was back on his room, feeling accomplished as he rubbed his hands. "Well, I think it's clean enough now!" Even the windows sparked in cleanliness. "Why, it didn't take that too long.. it's only-" Genesis looked at the watch, "-10 O' CLOCK!?"
Genesis groaned, then straightened up. "NO more fooling around! I gotta get back to work!" Genesis returned to his desk and lit his lampshade. "Okay, Mr. Essay, I say.. prepare to be WRITTEN!" He swooshed the pencil in the air like a soldier fighting an enemy. Subsequently the pencil landed like an airplane on the paper, and Genesis started writing swiftly. He was muttering to himself, "I'm doing it! I'm doing it! Yeah...yeah...yeah! And some of these, and some of these...Almost there and...done. Well, let's see how it looks so far!" Genesis held up his paper triumphantly as he read:
"The-" It turned out to be an artistic lettering of the article "the", similar to blackletter type of writing.
"-breaktime!" Genesis snapped his fingers in delight. "Pacing always helps me think!" Genesis started to walk inside his room, "Let's see, only 799 more words to go... think Genesis, think!"
As he strutted around the room Genesis's attention was caught by the telephone on the table. "Hmmm.."
Angeal was happily snoring in his room after a hard day's work (mostly hard because of a certain spiky head constantly pulling pranks on the unwary cadets when his phone rang. He woke up, a feeling of surprise and alertness mixing inside him as he looked from side to side, "Hn-! Who's that-" he grabbed the ringing telephone. "Hello?"
It was Genesis. "Hey, Angeal, whatchya up to?"
"Sleeping," Angeal deadpanned.
"That's really fascinating, are you having a good sleep? Any dreams you'd like to discuss, I remember on the..."
"Genesis, you and I both know that you're just using me as a distraction so you don't have to write your essay."
"That is-that is not true! I called to have an engaging conversation with you!"
"Well, I'm listening."
".. Prettypinkbraids!" Angeal hung up and went back to his much-desired sleep.
"Yeah, well I gotta get going Angeal, got an important essay to write?" Genesis put back the phone on the night table, slightly annoyed. "Sheesh, what a chatterbox. Can't he see that I'm busy?"
Genesis goes back to his desk and noticed the eraser shavings on his paper. "I can't write with all these eraser shavings all over my paper!" Genesis blew the shavings with much force. "So long Pesky Particles!" Unfortunately, some of the shavings went flying inside his mouth, causing Genesis to gag. "I swallowed one! I'm choking! Water, water!" Genesis reached for a glass of water which luckily lied on his the nightstand next to his bed. He drank all of its contents. "That was a close one." Genesis looked over to the LOVELESS still lying on his bed. "What do you mean 'overly dramatic?' LOVELESS?" He talked to the book.
"All that choking sure made me hungry." He felt his band rubbing his stomach. "I can't write on an empty stomach LOVELESS, I gotta have my brain food! Now let's see...White or rye bread...or banora apple pie. I guess it depends on the meat inside... and the cheese." As he was deliberating on what to eat he heard the doorbell ring and Genesis grinned like an idiot. "A VISITOR? For me!?" Genesis made a beeline for the door and opened it, greeting the alarmed cadet with a cheerful "hello!". The cadet (who we all know as Cloud), handed over a box to Genesis. "Package for Mr. Rhapsodos."
"Great, thanks! So, uh, do you like delivering mail?"
"If it is favorable to my reputation as a soldier."
"Rye or pumpernickel?" Genesis laughed.
"Oh brother.." Cloud rolled his eyes.
"So, do you deliver your own mail or do you have your own mail person? But then who delivers his mail... Is there a never-ending chain of mailmen delivering mail to other mailmen? I suppose a P.O. box could in theory break the chain-"
"I'm a cadet, not a mailman." Cloud interrupted. "Don't you have a paper to write?" With that Cloud left.
"How did he know I'm supposed to be writing an essay?" Genesis felt scared, blipping his eyes as he closed the door.
"In other news," Genesis saw the newsman on the television being Hollander, "local first-class SOLDIER Genesis Rhapsodos only has a few hours left to complete his essay, and yet he continues to goof off." Hollander's head stuck out of the television, causing Genesis to freak out. "When will he learn?"
"Hi-yahhh~!" Genesis cast Firaga, hitting the television causing a zap and the television to break into pieces. Genesis then lit a candle when everything went dark, and when he cast a light over his beloved red armchair, Genesis was all the more terrified. It had eyes and a mouth that moves! "Hey, Genesis? Over here! Come on, take a seat, put your feet up and relax."
Genesis gasped and hears a bell ringing, letting go of the candle he held and everything went black once again. Suddenly, the wall clock glowed in the dark and Genesis was now more worried than ever. "Oh no! Midnight!" He went running in a hallway surrounded by irregularly shaped clocks. "Must.. get... back to desk!" Genesis managed to reach his desk and chair, but he shrank. Despite this he was able to jump on the chair successfully. "Whew, that was a close call." Genesis was about to swipe off the sweat on his forehead when he noticed that his legs were out in the open, his red briefs showing out. "Ah! My pants!"
"Yoo hoo!" The paints talked to Genesis. "Down here!"
"You get up here! I've got to get back to work!"
Genesis's pants ran out of his room screaming "FREEEEDOM!" as a desparate Genesis chases after it. "Stop Pants, you get back here this instant! And..." When Genesis was out of his room, he heard his door click. He got locked out! He tried to get back in, but to no avail. Panicking, Genesis went outside and tried to go inside through his window. Looking inside, he saw a lighted candle on the desk instead of his lampshade and the clock hanging on wall the spun rapidly until broke and came to life. It said in its demonic voice: "Time's up, Genesis..."
Genesis gasped and saw the candle melt and turn into nothing but flame. "Only 799 words to go!" It spoke, followed by an evil laughter as it burnt Genesis's essay into ashes.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Genesis pulled his face with his hands in frustration. The flame jumped from the table, causing everything inside his room to burn. "What have I done?!" Genesis started to run around the Shinra headquarters with nothing but his coat and underpants on. "Help! Help! My room is on fire!" He tried to go back inside his room but was stopped on his tracks by his own door, which started to speak. "Genesis, why? Why did you set me on fire, Genesis?! Why didn't you just write your essay?! STOP WASTING TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!"
"AH!" Genesis woke up from his desk, pencil sticking to his cheek and paper to his forehead. It was all a dream. "Where's my essay! Oh, there you are!" Genesis happily laughed when he saw the paper sticking on his forehead. "I must have dozed off." Genesis grabbed the paper from his head. "Let's see.. where are we?"
There was still nothing else on the paper aside from the artistic lettering of the article "The". A sweat trickled down the commanders. "Do I dare look at the clock..?" Genesis slowly turns to his back and let out a gasp. "It's almost 9 o' clock! Meeting starts in 5 minutes! How am I going to write this whole paper in 5 minutes? How am I supposed to know what not to do in the Shinra headquarters' elevator?" Genesis felt something struck him as he came to a halt from freaking out. "Feeding Zack is something not to in the Shinra headquarters' elevator!" Genesis cheerfully said to himself as he continued to write down on the paper. "And farting, and casting Firaga, and braiding Sephiroth's hair, and calling the Turks boring, and karate chopping the television, and shooting the breeze with the cadet, and fallin' asleep..."
"Director Lazard! Director Lazard!" Genesis said in between breaths, "I'm finished! All 800 words! I'm finished! Here it is!" He was carrying the paper, waving it in the air as he went inside the conference, where he discovers is devoid of any perosn. "Huh? Director Lazard? Where is everybody?"
"Oh, there you are Genesis." Lazard greeted him upon entering the room.
"Here you go, director!" Genesis held out his paper, panting but looking proud. "All 800 words all about Shinra headquarters' elevator and not what to do inside 'em."
Lazard had an apologetic look in his face. "I'm sorry, Genesis. I tried to call you.. I have to go to a yaoi comi-department briefing!"
"But what about my essay?"
"I decided to cancel the assignment. We're just going to take a field trip to Gongaga instead. See you next week!"
Director Lazard left. Genesis staring blankly into space while smiling decided to rip his paper into two pieces as well as himself.
Disclaimer: We write fiction for fictional people! Fiception!? /shot.. I expect you to know upon entering and discovering the word "Fanfiction" that I do not own anything here. Not even Spongebob Squarepants, but I do have this lump of mud you may want to have..? Uh. Yeah.
And remember, in-character quality here has to be sacrificed for humor's sake. And reviews are highly appreciated and loved. And if I can, I'd give a cookie to every person who has read this. Peace out!