This is what happens when I can't handle the feels that come with this song and its video (We Found Love by Rihanna). You will notice that some things in this story seem familiar and that is because it is both cliched (honestly falling in love in a mental hospital is the new black isn't it?) and because I used some of the lyrics. In saying this I would like to just take a minute to say right here right now that I do not own We Found Love (song or video) nor do I own Hetalia.Okay so now here are some WARNINGS: mentions of attempted suicide, drug withdrawal, le sexy times, and swearing. Let me also tell you that this story isn't a happy little "yay we love each other! yay we found each other with multiple problems (enough to land us both in a mental hospital!) but we're gonna live happily ever after in our own little messed up world! :D" no that's not how this will happen. So if you're still with me, please reader carry on.
"Its like you're screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts, you feel hopeless and like nothing can ever save you. And then when it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back just so you could have all the good again." You looked like you'd burst into tears at any second as you spoke the words. Looking past the proceedings like you weren't even here, I knew you really weren't, you were in the past remembering every little detail. I put my hand on your shoulder in silent comfort as the rain came down.
~One Year Earlier~
Ours was a clichéd love, both patients at Highlands Psychiatric Hospital and Rehabilitation Center, both highly unstable, but both so incredibly in love. Oh god had we been in love, from the moment our shadows crossed under the sterile florescent lights of the hall, the first time looking into those amber yes was the first time I'd felt alive in years. You had a piece of gum in and had dark circles underneath your eyes, but you were still the most gorgeous man I'd seen in my entire life.
"What are you here for?" you asked in a thick accent I couldn't place. I'd been so entirely shocked that you'd spoken to me: normally I was invisible to everyone. "Can you not speak?" you asked with a puzzled look after my shock had rendered me speechless for too long.
"Y-yeah I was just..." I trailed off. You raised an eyebrow and it disappeared under your long dirty-blond hair.
"No!" my cheeks reddened in realization that I had just shouted in your face. "I-I mean no, I'm just shocked." I ducked my head. "People don't notice me much." I shrugged and as I peered up at you out of the corner of my eye you frowned deeply.
"I hardly believe that." you lifted a shaking hand to mess with your long unruly hair.
"What do you mean?" you grinned a bit and wrapped your hoodie around you tighter.
"Never mind, so what are you here for schatje?" I disregarded the fact that you could have just insulted me for all I knew and thought about what I could say. I could of course lie but where would that get me? I wasn't all that bad compared to some of the people here.
"I tried to kill myself." Your eyes widened a little and then you seemed to contemplate something.
"Do you still want to die?" I offered you a noncommittal shrug and when you crossed your strong arms and gave me a look I knew you weren't budging.
"Some days more than others." you were beginning to make me feel uncomfortable and I couldn't resist the urge to pick at the gauze around my healing wrists.
"I'm Lars." You said, suddenly sticking your hand out for me to shake. I caught on that you were stopping me from doing more damage to myself and smiled. I took your warm calloused hand and felt a strange peace with it.
From then on we'd meet up periodically. I'd pace the halls with you, you'd keep me from trying to slit my wrists again. I'm not entirely sure when we fell in love for real, but I do know it was within those long and painful months at High-Psych. Some nights when I couldn't sleep I'd lie awake, staring out my barred window while listening to the sobs of others, thinking that the stars were like yellow diamonds in the sky. From there the yellow diamonds would morph into your amber eyes and then I'd be lost. One night while doing this I heard the distinct sound of socks shuffling down the linoleum and perked up. Moments later you appeared in my room shivering and looking for all the would like you were in the most miserable state of your life.
"Shh, you don't want the nurses to hear do you?" You shuffled your way to the bed and crawled in. "I can't get warm." You snuggled further into me and I could feel the cold dampness of your skin. "Especially after that last dream..." Your lips were warm on my ear as you wrapped your arms around me. The shiver that wracked my body had absolutely nothing to do with temperature.
"Chase away my monsters schatje." I shifted in your arms so I could face; one look at your face and my heart shattered. Only one word could describe the expression: haunted.
"It'll be okay Lars." You smiled a little as I lifted my hand to trace your scar, I moved it into your hair and you closed your eyes in content. This was the closest we'd ever been and I felt like I was breathing for the first time. It just felt so... right. In a moment of sheer adrenaline-or was it lunacy?-I leaned in and pressed my lips with yours to which you reacted immediately, wrapping your arms around me even tighter. God it was the best feeling of my life! I couldn't get enough of your taste as we practically devoured each other out of weeks of suppressed feelings.
"Can I keep you?" you whispered against my lips. Oh what a question! As if I could just snap my fingers and make it so! You'd be leaving after your assigned three months-over in a week actually-but me? There was no telling how long I would be here. Next to the term basket case in the dictionary was a picture of me.
Nevertheless the question took my breath away and I couldn't help but whisper in the affirmative before diving back in for another kiss.
One month later I was following you up the stairs to your apartment carrying my bag full of all my worldly possessions ready to begin my life with you. No sooner had I closed the door then you were on me, crashing our mouths together so hard teeth clicked, giving me a mouthful of blood, but I didn't care. I needed you and I couldn't wait a second longer.
You had me pressed against the door and I had my legs wrapped around your waist, our hips rocking together causing such delicious friction. My eyes slipped closed and I leaned my head back against the door letting out a lewd moan that made you thrust harder.
"Oh god Lars, fuck me please!" My eyes flew open and connected with your ambers and I almost lost it right then. You went in and attacked my throat, biting it hard enough to draw blood. God damn did I love every single fucking second of it. You knew how to hurt me in the best possible ways. "Lars... seriously!" You smiled against my neck.
"Right here?" You punctuated the question with a particularly hard thrust causing me to slam my head against the door with a solid thump.
"Fuck yes." You nipped my earlobe and I grew impossibly harder.
"Such a dirty little pain slut, wanting me to take you right against this door, suppose you want it dry too huh?" I dug my nails into your shoulders, I was so lost in pleasure I couldn't do anything but moan. I needed you, it was like a mantra over and over again in my mind.
"Fuck Matt that's so hot, watching you come completely undone because of me, saying you need me." You groaned and stopped thrusting.
"Neh!" you chuckled at my disappointment.
"Don't worry kindje I'm not done with you yet." You murmured things to me in Dutch as you set me down and stripped me out of my jeans, I kept my balance as I stepped out of them by holding onto your shoulders. Once those were gone you looked up at me with your lustful eyes as you began to slide my boxers down, down, down until my weeping erection sprang free. Keeping eye contact with me you leaned forward and licked from base to tip making me gasp and arch against the door. My eyes slipped closed as I experienced the greatest pleasure of my life, but a sharp smack and searing pain shot through me as you slapped my ass hard. "Don't close your eyes, I want you to see everything I do to you." I kept my eyes locked on yours as you continued to suck me off, grazing your teeth every now and then to make me yelp in pleasure, every so often my eyes would slide shut and you'd deliver a deliciously hard blow to my rear. But just when I was about to explode, you pulled off.
"Lars!" I gasped, but my arguments were cut off by your contradictory lips on mine. Honestly how could you be so soft yet so hard all at once?
"When you cum, it will be because I'm inside of you, got that?" I nodded and began to work on the fastenings that were separating me from you. As soon as your beautiful length was exposed you slammed me back against the door and picked me up, keeping your hands on my ass and roughly shoving a finger inside.
"Fuck yes Lars!" I hissed in your ear. Oh god I needed all of you, I couldn't stand this teasing, and yet I loved it. "Baise-moi! Baise-moi tout de suite, tout contre la porte!" Oh mon dieu!" You rammed yourself into me fast and I screamed in pleasure. The pain was excruciating but that was how I wanted it; the more it hurt, the more pleasurable it was, the more alive I felt. With every thrust, every curse, every nip, I felt you, I felt you and me together and moving in sync with each other and becoming one.
"Je t'aime. Oh mon dieu je t'aime Lars." you bit hard into my shoulder and I almost screamed.
"It's so fucking hot, you speaking French Matthew." you pounded into me relentlessly and I was so close, so fucking close, and then you fucking went and spoke- no growled Dutch and it was all over.
"Ik hou van je." You growled directly into my ear. With one final thrust I was coming all over us, the hardest I ever had in all my life. You followed soon after and mon dieu, your face as you came. Absolutely the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
As we came down from our shared ecstasy I ran a hand through your falling hair, you'd been spiking it since you got out of High-Psych and I was loving that I could now see your eyes clearly. "I meant what I said Lars." I whispered. You smiled against my throat. "I really do love you. I'm yours." My eyes found yours only to have them fall shut as you stole yet another kiss.