DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sherlock Holmes- somebody else does. Rights belong to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and some other respective parties. I make no profit- monetary or otherwise- from this production.
Warnings: A kiss, somewhat slashy. I guess. o.o
A/N: My first Sherlock Holmes fic, more of a crack!fic really. I came up with it while brushing my teeth honestly. Hope it make you smile a little.
"You can't be serious."
"Dead serious, trust me it works."
"No it doesn't there's no way. That's not even how you do it."
"What are you talking about? Of course, that's how you do it Watson. There is no other way to do it."
"You're insane if you think that's how people do it."
"Insane, is to repeat ones actions over and over expecting a different result. I am not insane."
"Fine." Watson sighed, he ought to just drop this- but he couldn't resist. "Doesn't change the fact that is not how it works."
"That is preposterous Watson; all the books describe it this way. The pursing of a lips and then-"
"Bloody Hell, no!" Watson couldn't stop laughing as Holmes did exactly what he was describing pursing his lips in such a fashion and looking utterly ridiculous doing it." No one does that."
"I'm telling you Watson that is how you do it. Books don't lie."
"Then explain fiction book eh? They rarely have a bit of truth."
"Not of our world no, but all the tales they spill are true of the fictional world the author created. So really, fantasy, science-fiction, fiction and all the like are-"
"Big fat lies." Watson finished for him, suddenly losing interest in this conversation-, he happened to like books, of all sorts really, no sense in ruining that.
"Ahem, well doesn't change the fact that when a human-"
"Holmes! Would you stop it! That's not how people do it unless they are intentionally trying to look like a fish!"
"I do not look like a fish." Holmes snapped, hands smoothing down his face. "My complexion is too smooth for that."
"You're an idiot. Just accept you're wrong Holmes. If you actually believe that's how people kiss, it's no wonder you're single."
"Oh, really? This coming from the man who can't keep a wife."
"She divorced me because of you. And your blasted intruding and trampling upon everything."
"Oh come now Watson, you're thankful to me, you didn't want to be with her anyway."
"Even so, it doesn't pertain to this conversation."
"I disagree. Kissing is integral part of relationships if you can't kiss then obviously she was-"
"It's got nothing to do with my kissing! I just didn't like her okay. And she didn't like you so obviously I chose you- like I always do, like I'm cursed to do."
"Are you sure about the kissing though? I mean Watson, come on you have to wonder."
"Enough Holmes, really, you just-ugh. Never mind. I'm headed to the market." Watson threw his hands up in defeat, gathering his jacket and wallet and heading for the door.
"Why you're there, be sure to find a lovely young dame and ask her how she kisses. Even have her demonstrate it, and I am sure you'll find the truth."
Watson whipped around at that, storming back into Holmes office, where he was still making that ridiculous face. "I would never do such a thing. That's absolutely inappropriate Holmes really!"
"Not if it's in the pursuit of science."
"Science has ethics and that- that is just breaking a moral code."
"Well you may be right, still."
"Still nothing Holmes, you look like a fish, or like you're blowing bubbles through a straw in your milk, or, or, a bloody drunk with an allergic reaction to sense!" Watson finally spluttered out, his face a tint of red.
"That's completely impossible; you can't have an allergic reaction to sense. It is biologically impossible. As is looking like a fish, also-" Holmes words were swallowed by Watson's lips on his. A blistering heat erupting between them, and Holmes was left gasping as Watson pulled away. Holmes tried to regain his composure, forcing a lopsided smirk onto his face that just fell into a slack-jawed expression.
"That is how you kiss, you bloody fool, nothing fishy about it."
Hope you enjoyed. Reviews are much appreciated.