By Female Heero Yuy

Disclaimer: If I owned Kuroshitsuji this would be in the anime...or manga...TOBOSO YANA PUT THIS IN THE MANGA! xD


"I can remember the first time Bard came into our manor. When i'd first met him, he didn't say much...Boy was I in for a surprise after. I should of been a little more careful in my choice for a chef. But I have to admit, in a few ways, and I do mean a FEW, he was the perfect choice. And if anyone ever claims I said that, I will deny it to my master's grave. Of all Bardroy's flaws. There was really only one that I most certainly had to fix. Atleast immediately. Ahh...how long ago it seems now. When in fact it's only been a few short years." Sebastian reclined in his seat as he remembered the past. Folding his hands on his stomach. "Yeap...those were the times where discipline was a must."


A few years ago, at the beginning from which Bard had started to live at the Phantomhive manor. He sighed as he took a hit off his cigarette. Aggrivated at the circumstances.

"I get that you were cooking, but how on earth did you explode the stove?" Sebastian asked. Unknowing that this would be a question he'd asked more than once in the near future.

"Well I thought the food would cook faster if I used some dynamite." Bard rubbed at the back of his head. "I guess I used too much. Shit."

Sebastian's eyes grew wide in shock. As a demon he'd heard profain language on more than one occastion. But he was the butler of the Phantomhive family. As such he had to react. "What did you just say?"

"I said I guess I used too..."

"No after that."

"What? Shit?" He asked with obvious confusion.

And that was when Bard found himself in the bathroom for the first time with a bar of soap in his mouth. Sebastian stared down at him with his arms crossed. Much like a mother disciplining her child. "Now, are you ready to behave?" he asked in the same tone.

Rolling his eyes, he nodded. Making disgusted noises after the soap had been removed.

"Now rinse out your mouth and get back to work. And no dynamite." he shook a finger at Bard.

"Yes mom." he muttered as he went back to the kitchen. Peeling potatos to be cooked for supper. For a bit he was doing fine, and then the knife slipped and he sliced his finger. "GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER! SON OF A BITCH!" he cursed. Sucking his finger after. Then a dark shadow loomed over him. Looking up he saw Sebastian, with a very upset look on his face. And that's when he found himself in the bathroom for a second time that day, with the bar of soap in his mouth. Atleast Sebastian had offered some kindness and bandaged his finger as well.

"And to think it was only an hour ago when i'd told you to behave yourself. What do you have to say?" he tapped his finger on the sink.

"Weh Ih dih cuf meh finga." he shrugged.

"Cut finger or not, you will not use such fowl language."

"In teh hous?"

"Ever." he pulled the soap from his mouth again. "Now rinse and get back to work."


It was exceedingly difficult not being himself. Bard found he was actually quite the potty mouth. In a single day, he'd been forced to have soap in his mouth ten times. That had to of been some sort of record in his book. Even his mother never did it that much to him. Sure he wasn't new to the method. But he was pretty sure he'd never been punished by someone who was possibly younger than he was. Or as often. Unfortunately Sebastian also seemed to have great experience with it, as he'd purposefully used the most fowl tasting soap in existence. The punishment would of been easier to take if it hadn't been for that. But he had to admit, Sebastian's way of doing it was actually paying off. His bad language had been greatly reduced. He'd only been punished seven times today.

Sebastian stood over him, glaring. He just couldn't understand how humans didn't learn the first time. Luckily they weren't wasting the good soap or he'd be more upset. The most fowl tasting soap could be bought for three for a penny. And by the looks of things, he was going to need alot of soap. "Are you going to behave now?" he asked.

"Yesh ser..." he spoke over the bar in his mouth.

Sebastian removed it. Allowed him to rinse. But the next thing that he said broke the kettles back. "And no dessert tonight."

"Awww come the fuck on!" he whined. Though it didn't take for him to realize what he'd just said. Sitting back on the toilet, he opened his mouth and the soap had been replaced. Well...maybe tomorrow would be a better day. Maybe then he could reduce it from eight.


He was chopping carrots and feeling pretty good. The day was halfway over and not once had he been punished with soap in his mouth. He'd even cut himself a couple of times, and didn't say a single fowl word. He was rather proud of himself. Even when the young master came in to sneak a snack, he didn't utter a single naughty word.

"MOTHER FUCKER! WE'RE ALL OUT OF COOKIES!" Ciel shouted at the top of his lungs in frustration.

Bard dropped the knife he'd been using instantly. The moment he'd seen Sebastian's expression at the young master's shout. He couldn't help but laugh. That was the day the young master had learned why he didn't bathe with three for a penny soap. That glare he gave Sebastian was a nice touch. And he couldn't help but wonder if that was how normal butlers acted. Or if this was simply a special case considering the young master didn't have any parents. He didn't know.

"Young master I am simply appaulled at the language you used. Where did you hear such fowl language?" he pulled the soap from his mouth to hear the reply.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" came the response.

"Out with it." he tapped his finger on his arm. "Where did you hear such fowl language?"

"Just from every living being who's not you."

'Nice one young master.' Bard thought with a smile.

"Ha ha very funny young master." he replaced the soap. "Well I want you to know, your not having dessert tonight after supper."

"YOH NOTH MEH MOTAR!" he attempted to shout over the fowl tasting bar.

"I may not be your mother, but you did order me to bring you up as a gentleman of fine society. And if that means taking on a feminine role, then I shall."

Bard snorted as he tried to keep his laughter in check. It was obvious Sebastian hadn't thought that one through. Although he had to admit, Sebastian did have quite the birthing hips.

"What are you laughing at?" Sebastian had turned his attention to him.

"Umm...showtunes." he sheepishly remarked.

He rolled his eyes, putting his attention back at the young master. Unfortunately it seemed the young master thought he was laughing at him. So he decided to kick him.

"FUCK!" he rubbed at his knee. Sebastian was glaring at him not even a second later. "But he...!" he pointed at their master. Scoffing and rolling his eyes, he sat on the edge of the tub and put a bar of soap in his mouth. Ciel smirked over the soap in his mouth. 'I hate you.' he thought at the brat. Making a note to put chili powder in his shorts later.


After several weeks of enduring soap punishments, he was a new man. He hadn't said a fowl word in two days. Two whole days. And that made him feel good. Strange how one change could change one's perspective on life. How it made him feel more mature...God how he needed another cigarette. He shoved one in his mouth. Leaving it unlit as Sebastian wouldn't let him cook with a lit cigarette in his mouth. "I need a smoke break."

"No. You had one twenty minutes ago." Sebastian continued to work on the fish he was preparing.



"Awww come on!"

"No. Now get back to work."

"I'll give you a cookie."

"I baked the cookies."


"You can't use what I made as a bribe. Besides you need to learn to smoke less anyway, it's bad for the young master, and it stinks."

"You sound just like my mother!"

"Well I wouldn't have to act like your mother if you'd act like a grown man." he put a hand to his hip.

"Well i'd act like a grown man if you'd let me!"

"Smoking is not the act of a grown man!"

"Fuck you grown men do it all the time!"

Sebastian gave him one look, and then he knew.

"DAMN IT!" he slapped his thigh. And found himself with a freshly unwrapped bar of soap in his mouth.


Sebastian just smiled as he remembered those time. "Those were the days. I miss those days. But I am happy Bard has learned to stop being such a potty mouth."

"Your just happy because you don't have to smell that awful soap anymore." Ciel remarked from his spot on the sofa.

"Indeed young master. But i'm also glad you learned with the first time."

"I swear that soap should be illegal. As should the punishment."

"Not a chance young master, not a chance." he smiled. "Atleast I didn't have to initiate spankings."

"Yeah...that would of just been too weird."

"Not really. I just didn't want to have to pull him over my knee. Bard's a fighter. He wouldn't take that."

Ciel just blinked at his butler while tryng to comprehend what he'd just said. "Get back to work you crazy demon."

"Yes my lord." he smiled as he stood up. "And make sure you behave or i'll have to discipline you again."

Ciel held the ice to his rear, it throbbed painfully, and he could swear it burned. "I think we need to have a talk about this disciplining thing."

"Whenever your ready to behave young master." he smirked slyly. Sometimes his masters orders really paid off.


This actually came from a thought I had while watching a video theamazingfetus had me watch about Bard. I realized while watching it that Bard is not as much as a potty mouth as he honestly would be. And then I thought. Maybe he was, but Sebastian kept punishing him by putting soap in his mouth.

I hope you guys enjoyed this fic. I did want to get a fic out for Christmas. But I didn't get the chance. But it's atleast out before New Years! But I am hoping to have something updated or a new one shot up. ((I was working on a Gatchaman Christmas Fic. I'd still like to put it up .))

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday of which they celebrate for their heritage/tradition, and will have a Happy New Year!

Reviews and comments appreciated.