This is the pantomime I wrote with one of my friends for my year group to perform at Christmas. I thought it was pretty funny and decided to upload it here. I'm not going to give the names of people or specific places in order to protect their identities, so some of it may not make sense. Also, just as a heads up, there are several 'in-jokes' from our school that people may not understand.
And to make things a bit easier...
RH - Robin Hood
MeMe - Merry Men
MeMe1 is also Little John!
[RH and MeMe walk on stage mumbling to each other. An Angry Drunk Fairy Godmother is sitting by the side of the stage]
MeMe1: Aww it's a bit Chile.
RH: No we're in Nottingham, Sherwood Forest…not South America. Didn't ** ever teach you that?
MeMe2: Nah beeeyy he sent us to the cupboard init.
MeMe1: Hey, have you seen my jumper? I can't find it anywhere.
MeMe6: Ah mate, look! A dead pigeon! [picks toy pigeon off floor and throws it MeMe4] Catch!
MeMe4: Mate you got pigeon on my shirt! Wait, you got pigeon on my shirt?...
RH: That looks well sick.
MeMe1: Ahh babe, that looks fabulous!
MeMe4: [turn to the audience] Like my Facebook page and you get a free Tee.
[Offstage noise of 'clippity cloppity' horse carriage, RH and all MeMe hide in forest, behind trees. Enter carriage with two 'Essex ladies']
Lady1: Not that it would ever happen, but what if someone like jumped our carriage, not that it would ever happen?
Lady2: Don't be stuuuuuuuupid! That would never happen! Why would you even say that?
[Carriage stops in centre stage]
RH: [from behind tree and points] JUMPER!
[All MeMe run, attack and tie ladies up]
Lady1: [to Lady2 in Essex voice] Oh my god! Did this actually just happen?
RH: No, no, no! Not Jump Her! JUMPER! Look, up there!
MeMe1: Oh sorry, always putting my things in the wrong places. [budum chhhhh]
RH: Anyway, what have we got in here then? [Reference to carriage] A fine range of conserves for all the family.
MeMe 2,3,4,5&6: Gavvers! Old Bill! The Plods! The Pigs!
[Three little pigs enter]
RH: We're in a right pickle [picks up pickle jar]
MeMe6: We're in a bit of a jam [picks up jam jar]
MeMe2: We're toast! [picks up loaf of bread]
Angry Drunk Fairy Godmother: That's bread, just shut up. Killed it.
MeMe1: Heyyyyy I know you! I saw you on that Uniform Dating Dot Com!
Voiceover: If you work in uniform or don't, or just fancy those who do, or don't because we all know it's for everyone. Go to Uniform Dating Dot Com, or don't. ****
MeMe1: It's BigLarry_69!
RH: Officers, these women forced themselves upon us in an unPG manner, so really you should take them away before Senior Management shut this ting down.
Pig1: Oh thank you sir, we'll take them off your hands, let's just go, quickly! [looking at MeMe1 embarressed]
RH: Anyyywayyyy… right so we've robbed the rich, now letsss…
[Offstage: "give to poor!"]
MeMe 2: I know! Let's give it the poor!
RH: YES! You're on fire! Oh wait, you're just ginger.
MeMe1: Guys…don't you just love wearing tights.
MeMe4: It's so liberating...I mean manly, MANLY!
MeMe3: Hey, we're like men, in tights, like men in tights!
[WE'RE MEN, MEN IN TIGHTS DANCE]
[Year 10 students walk in, interrupting end of dance. MeMes stop abruptly, embarrassed]
Student1: Oi benders! What you doing?
Student2: Yeah you BUMDERS!
RH: Uhhh, back off. This is a PG-rating. None of that language please.
MeMe3: That was for you Senior Management, we've got your back.
MeMe1: And personally I take offence to that.
Student1: Ite doe beeyy, wot u doin wid all dat suff init? U got dem iPads n ting from ** boh.
Student2: Aw bruv shut up, that's Robin from da Hood.
RH: I think you'll find it's just Robin Hood. My name's just Robin…and then Hood: Robin Hood.
Student1: Aw mate, I know we're only in like year 10 or whatever, but you got a lighter?
MeMe3: Just shut up. You're like 12. Go home.
[Year 10 students exit, RH and MeMes stay on stage]
MeMe6: Those little year 10s reminded me, I really miss those days of cheap cider and smoking because we're really cool. I wish we could still do that. I really miss those days. If only we could do that inside, legally ya'know without fake ID…
MeMe5: So you're hinting that we should really obviously just go to the pub, right? Why didn't you just say that? Who even are you?
RH: Men! Let us bestow these beautiful conserves upon the poor, unfortunate children of Ye Olde Shabby School. But, alas! Before we depart, let us venture to Mr Bishop's Finger where we can…
MeMe1: Woooo! Let's go girls!
[MeMes and RH exit, end of scene.]