Merlin flipped through the newspaper, idly scanning the headlines. He was distracted when the phone began to ring and got to his feet, sighing.

"Yes?"

"MERLIN!" Arthur screeched down the phone. "You won't believe what's just happened!"

"What?" Merlin asked warily. "You do realise that I'm at work, Arthur? I'm quite busy-"

"Yes, yes, but this won't take a moment," Arthur interrupted impatiently. "You see, I was in the kitchen and… I made myself a sandwich!"

"Right," said Merlin blankly. "Well, remember that I told you only to use this phone in emergencies, Arthur, because some of us have to actually work, you see. Some of us don't have the luxury of sitting at home all day, doing nothing-"

"Yes," Arthur interrupted, "but I have been working. I made myself a sandwich! Anyway, you can't expect me to get a job – I used to be king of Camelot! And I died!" With that, he slammed the phone down, leaving Merlin in peace.

An hour later, the phone rang again. Of course, it was Arthur.

"Merlin!" he hissed in a panicked whisper. "There is a monster loose in the house!"

"What happened this time?" Merlin asked wearily.

"I pressed this button on some weird contraption I found in a cupboard, and it started to roar at me!"

"I think you might mean the vacuum, Arthur," said Merlin gently.

"The what?"

"Never mind, I'll explain later. Just-"

He heard a yell and the sound of the phone being thrown down. If he strained his ears, Merlin could make out the sound of Arthur bellowing about treason over the noise of the vacuum. There were a few bangs and a loud crunch before the noise eventually stopped.

"Sorry about that," Arthur panted, returning to the phone. "That vacuum monster put up a good fight, but, of course, he was no match for King Arthur."

"Arthur!" said Merlin warningly. "What did you do?"

"I put an end to the beast," said Arthur proudly. "I smashed it to pieces with…well, I don't really know what it was. But everything's okay now, no need to be scared Merlin."

"Arthur, you idiot!" But Arthur had already put down the phone.

A couple of hours later, the phone rang again. "Merlin!" he hollered.

"What?" Merlin snapped, the incident from earlier still fresh in his mind.

"I put this thing on in the kitchen, and put my hands in it, and they went all hot and sore!"

"You burnt yourself?" said Merlin, his tone softening.

"I don't know, but it was painful!"

"Sounds like you put your hands in the oven," said Merlin sympathetically, although part of him was struggling not to laugh at Arthur's petulant tone. "Thankfully I'm coming home soon, so I can repair my vacuum and help treat your burns."

"Oh, I disposed of the pieces of the vacuum monster," Arthur assured him brightly. "I put them in the bin outside, in case it was still alive. I think they've taken away all the rubbish in the bins now – they came about an hour ago." Suddenly he let out a shout. "Merlin! I just pressed a button on this thing in the kitchen, and part of it sprung open!"

"Arthur, don't-"

"I fear it might be dangerous! I must dispose of this ridiculous abomination-"

"Arthur, don't move! I'm coming home this minute!" Merlin gabbled, slamming down the phone and racing out of the office.

A/N: Hope you liked it! :)