Update Me / She's allergic to sunlight. She's afraid of… goats—ghosts, she means ghosts. She DOESN'T like her stepbrother (I mean, who DOES? Psh, seriously, you people are SICK)—no matter what Onion-head or Don't-call-me-Tentacles-Luka says. ; —Rin's life told through the madness of the internet, random text messages and creepy sticky-notes. / Romance & Humour / Rated T / Rin K. & Len K. / Rin/Len, and other pairings

A/N: I'm pretty reluctant as to posting this… like a lot of things… but whatever. I wasted my time typing this, so, I'm not letting it rot in my pile of ever-growing unfinished stories and documents. I'll regret this later, though /wipes wistful tears

Now we're all going to clap and say, 'Oh look, a multi-chapter, unoriginal fan-fiction from kayctus. Yay.' Then we'll cry later because this is most likely a whim and will never be updated. It's called trolling, my friends.

MOSTLY TYPED UP WHEN I HAD NO INTERNET, BECAUSE MY SISTER DECIDED TO SOMEHOW BREAK IT (She was actually trying to unjam the printer. And then she turned off the power. AND IT MAKES NO SENSE.)

Warning: FLAME-WORTHY, PURPOSELY-GRAMMAR-FAILED WRITING AHEAD, AND AN OVERDOSE OF ALL-CAPS AND TEENAGE RAGING. DON'T LIKE IT? DON'T READ IT.


Update Me

::..::

Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Twitter.
(Unknown)


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Email: rin-the-bomb-diggs

Password: kagamine1227rin

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You have two unread messages.

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the-awesome-and-almighty-miku: WHY DO YOU NEVER COME ON TUMBLR, BITCH

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Len-the-banana-man: What's your favourite colour again?

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Reply to the-awesome-and-almighty-miku: UH BECAUSE I HAVE A LIFE, UNLIKE YOU. ANYWAY, IS IT NECESSARY TO CALL ME A BITCH, ONION-FACE?

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Reply to Len-the-banana-man: You've been living in the same house as me for FOUR YEARS, Len. FOUR YEARS. Yet you still haven't noticed that my room is mainly saffron. It's SAFFRON.

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Your replies have been posted.

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You have received a text message from Len My Ugly Stepbrother.

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To: Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 12/1/13 10:34PM

Received: 12/1/13 10:35PM

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How was I supposed to know that when you don't even let me within a five metre radius of your room, Rin? How? I'm not psychic. Well, not in this lifetime, anyway.

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To: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Rin

Sent: 12/1/13 10:37PM

Received: 12/1/13 10:37PM

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…What? Why are we talking about my room? And yes you are. YOU KNOW VERY WELL YOU ARE, LEN. IT'S JUST A SECRET. You speak to the dead every night and channel spirits to make my life a living nightmare. AND THEN YOU EXORCISE DEMONS FOR GAYPOO, BECAUSE GAYPOO CAN'T DO SHIT AND WE ALL KNOW THAT. INCLUDING TENTACLES.

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To: Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 12/1/13 10:43PM

Received: 12/1/13 10:43PM

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Jesus, Rin. Remember the question I asked you on tumblr? The six-month-late one you were supposed to answer last year but you answered just now? Yes. That. And I'm going to ignore your last comment, because now you're just being unreasonable. BY THE WAY, WHO THE HECK ARE GAYPOO AND TENTACLES?! Are they your multiple personalities or something?

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To: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Rin

Sent: 12/1/13 10:45PM

Received: 12/1/13 10:46PM

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Len, you could have just come downstairs and told me that. I'm in the study. I mean, are you really that retarded to not be able to move from your fat ass and reply that way? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE REAL WORLD, LEN? And six months is not late. Psh.

Gaypoo is Gakupo—Tentacles is Luka. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THAT BEFORE. I mean, is your mind elsewhere when you're sitting with us at lunch? BECAUSE LUKA AND I BRAWL ABOUT HER NICKNAME ALL THE TIME. I think one of our best brawls ended up with spaghetti on your shirt. You had a stain on the back of it all day. It was awesome.

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To: Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 12/1/13 10:48PM

Received: 12/1/13 10:48PM

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HOW WOULD I KNOW YOU ARE IN THE STUDY? I mean, you could be on the Moon for all I know. And… I'm not going to argue with you about that, because I know you know it was late.

Uh, and do you ever notice I actually study at lunch? So, no. I never pay attention to your stupid brawls with Luka.

Oh right, that spaghetti stain...

…so that's where it came from. Wait, you knew it was there but you didn't bother to tell me? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? NO WONDER PEOPLE KEPT LOOKING AT ME WEIRDLY ALL DAY.

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To: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Rin

Sent: 12/1/13 10:56PM

Received: 12/1/13 10:56PM

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Duh. You're psychic. You should know. (And no, there is never a time too late, Len.)

Oh my god… YOU STUDY? AT LUNCH? It's a miracle! Actually, no. What kind of loser studies at lunch? AND I DIDN'T BOTHER TELLING YOU BECAUSE IT MADE MATHEMATICS INTERESTING. MIKU COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING, SHE WAS SNOTTING EVERYWHERE. It was great. I even got it on camera for blackmail.

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To: Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 12/1/13 10:57PM

Received: 12/1/13 10:57PM

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I… What. WHERE DOES THIS PSYCHIC THEORY COME FROM?

Well yes, I study so I don't have to do it at home. SO THEN I DON'T END UP CRAMMING THE NIGHT BEFORE, LIKE YOU DO.

By the way, you suck. I can't believe we sit at the same lunch table and you don't even notice that I've got my head stuck in textbooks all the time.

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To: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Rin

Sent: 12/1/13 10:59PM

Received: 12/1/13 11:00PM

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FROM MY ASS, LEN. FROM MY ASS.

Oh… well, I can't argue against that. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE PROVEN A POINT FOR ONCE. CONGRATULATIONS, LEN.

And I don't suck. Psh, I know you love me. I KNOW YOU DO. YOU WANT ME ALL OVER YOUR BODY, SCREAMING YOUR NAME.

But we all know that will never happen in a million years, because I don't date nerdy, puny boys that are related to me.

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To: Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 12/1/13 11:03PM

Received: 12/1/13 11:03PM

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KEEP IT IN YOUR BUTTOCKS, THEN.

And I… what, I don't love you—what the hell, Rin? I just… THIS CONVERSATION IS GETTING WEIRD, SO I'M GOING TO LIE AND SAY I HAVE A LUNCH DATE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. GOODBYE.

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To: Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 12/1/13 11:05PM

Received: 12/1/13 11:05PM

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I MEAN, GOODNIGHT.

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To: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Rin

Sent: 12/1/13 11:06PM

Received: 12/1/13 11:06PM

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YEAH, RUN AWAY LOVER BOY. RUN AWAY.

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Welcome to Facebook!

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Email: rin-the-bomb-diggs

Password: RINISAWESOME2712

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You have four notifications.

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Miku Hatsune – Rin Kagamine: DID YOU HIDE THE BODIES

Kaito Shion, Rin Kagamine and 6 others liked this

(Posted 2 hours ago)

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Rin Kagamine: YES, UNDER Len Kagamine's BED.

Kaito Shion, Miku Hatsune and Rin Kagamine liked this

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Miku Hatsune: FANTASTIC. THE NEXT CULLING SHALL COMMENCE AT 3AM.

Rin Kagamine liked this

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Len Kagamine: Was it necessary to tag me?

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Rin Kagamine: I thought you were on your lunch date with your non-existent girlfriend.

Miku Hatsune, Kaito Shion and 2 others liked this

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Miku Hatsune: Len is on a lunch date? With a non-existent girl? At eleven o'clock at night? Blasphemy!

Rin Kagamine, Kaito Shion and Luka Megurine liked this

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Len Kagamine: I'm… actually in a different time zone.

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Rin Kagamine: Yes, your bedroom. It's always lunchtime there.

Miku Hatsune, Rin Kagamine and 3 others liked this

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You have one new friend request from Piko Utatane

Accept ・Ignore

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Luka Megurine has tagged you in a comment: Oh, you mean Rin Kagamine Len Kagamine

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Len Kagamine has tagged you in a comment: Good luck with that. I'm just going to be in my abode if you need help tying down the raging night fury Rin Kagamine

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Miku Hatsune – Luka Megurine: YOU, ME, KAITO, GAKUPO TO KARAOKE ON FRIDAY AT 3PM

LET'S TRY GET TWEEDLE DEE AND TWEEDLE DUM TO COME TOO.

I MEAN, LET'S TRY HOOK THEM UP. IN A SUBTLE, COOL WAY.

Miku Hatsune, Luka Megurine and 2 others liked this

(Posted 6 hours ago)

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Luka Megurine: Oh, you mean Rin Kagamine Len Kagamine

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Miku Hatsune: NUUU, DON'T LET THEM SEE THIS LUKA!1!1 Especially Rin D':

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Len Kagamine: Good luck with that. I'm just going to be in my abode if you need help tying down the raging night fury Rin Kagamine

Luka Megurine and Kaito Shion liked this

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Kaito Shion: as long as there's ice-cream available, I'm all in :)

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Luka Megurine: Kaito, one simple question – why?

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Kaito Shion: because ice-cream is necessary. always.

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Miku Hatsune: YES KAITO, THERE WILL BE ICE-CREAM. As for you, Len Kagamine, YOU'RE COMING REGARDLESS. You are the only one who can save us from Rin's anger and spitfire.

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Len Kagamine: Why me?

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Miku Hatsune: Because you two are destined to be together, BY THE GODS AND THE UNIVERSE AND THE FLOWERS AND BUTTERFLIES AND MY PIANO. Like seriously, YOU TWO BELONG TOGETHER LIKE… LIKE MONEY BELONGS TO A BANK… OR SOMETHING.

Kaito Shion, Gakupo Kamui and 6 others liked this

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Luka Megurine: That is the worst metaphor I have heard. Ever.

Rin Kagamine, Len Kagamine and 2 others liked this

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Rin Kagamine: WHAT IS THIS SORCERY

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Rin Kagamine: You guys suck. I mean, SERIOUSLY. HAVEN'T I ESTABLISHED THAT LEN AND I ARE RELATED (AND TECHNICALLY THAT A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN US IS ILLEGAL ACCORDING TO THE GOVERNMENT)? AND THAT I DON'T LIKE HIM IN THAT WAY? Gross, guys, gross.

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Len Kagamine: Oh, finally. About time the night fury came to resolve this post.

Kaito Shion, Gakupo Kamui and Luka Megurine liked this

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Rin Kagamine: COME BACK HERE, TENTACLES. WE HAVE SERIOUS BRAWLING TO DO. AND LEN, I AM NOT A DRAGON. STOP SAYING THAT.

Miku Hatsune, Len Kagamine and Rin Kagamine liked this

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Luka Megurine: Don't call me Tentacles.

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Miku Hatsune: Tentacle hair. C:

Rin Kagamine liked this

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Rin Kagamine: THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS, KIDS, THAT I'M NOT COMING BECAUSE I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN INCEST. It is illegal, and our parents will not hesitate to murder us both and throw our corpses into the Pacific Ocean if they catch us doing it. Goodnight.

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Len Kagamine: You forgot the part where it's only incest when the reprobates are blood-related.

Miku Hatsune, Luka Megurine and 3 others liked this

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Rin Kagamine: Why.

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Logging out…

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You have received a text message from Onion-face Miku.

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To: Rin; Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Onion-face Miku

Sent: 13/1/13 1:09AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:10AM

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WHAAAAAAAAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO, GOT TO DO WITH IT

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To: Onion-face Miku

From: Rin

Sent: 13/1/13 1:11AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:12AM

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One in the morning, Miku. One in the morning. Is this really necessary?

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To: Onion-face Miku; Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 13/1/13 1:13AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:13AM

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WHAT'S THIS GOT TO DO WITH LOVE…?

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To: Rin; Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Onion-face Miku

Sent: 13/1/13 1:15AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:16AM

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GET ON FACEBOOK, NERDS. WE HAVE A KARAOKE SESSION TO DISCUSS.

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To: Onion-face Miku; Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Rin

Sent: 13/1/13 1:16AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:18AM

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NO. YOU GUYS ARE HORRIBLE AND I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP, SO LEAVE ME ALONE.

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::..::

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You have received a text message from Miku H.

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To: Len

From: Miku H

Sent: 13/1/13 1:20AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:21AM

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It's okay. She'll come around eventually.

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To: Miku H

From: Len

Sent: 13/1/13 1:22AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:22AM

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Eventually, you say. Eventually.

Eventually = the act of Rin not doing it. Ever. Good luck.

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To: Len

From: Miku H

Sent: 13/1/13 1:23AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:24AM

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Good luck? Why are you wishing me good luck? She's your future wife, Len.

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To: Miku H

From: Len

Sent: 13/1/13 1:25AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:25AM

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You're the one who's planning this. Not me.

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To: Len

From: Miku H

Sent: 13/1/13 1:27AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:27AM

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Pshhbbbbbbbltptptppfffft. Poppycock. I know you want this. I KNOW. Miku knows all. I know your secret desires. Don't try to deny me, Lenny-boy, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WANT HER IN YOUR PANTS.

MUAGHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

AHAHAHAH.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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To: Miku H

From: Len

Sent: 13/1/13 1:30AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:31AM

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I… I'm going to bed, now. Goodnight, Miku.

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You have received a text message from Len My Ugly Stepbrother.

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To: Rin

From: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

Sent: 13/1/13 1:35AM

Received: 13/1/13 1:36AM

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If Miku mentions anything about 'pants', 'knowing', you and my secret desires, just ignore her. Please.

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To: Len My Ugly Stepbrother

From: Rin

Sent: 13/1/13 8:50AM

Received: 13/1/13 8:50AM

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Um… okay.

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::..::


A/N; Oh, sarcasm, weirdness and all-caps are so much fun to put together in one, big, random story. :')

Anyway, to some of those who are wondering, yes—this is inspired by 'You Have Mail' by Amaryne (and I suggest you really go and check it out, because it's tons better than mine)—and no, I am not going to steal the plot. Stealing a plot is just NOT COOL, guys, NOT COOL. In fact, I don't think this even has a legitimate plot.

Stuff will just happen. Arbitrarily. Yes, I know, I'm disorganised. The aim of the game in this story is to get Rin and Len together so they can fall in love-love and play roley-poley in the grass meadows. The end.

But anyhoot, I recommend all of Amaryne's stories by like, ten hundred per cent, because her stories are amazing and she needs to update more often. I mean, if you go flood her with loving reviews, she might just update, and then everyone will be happy, yeah? (Actually, now I'm sounding a bit like a hypocrite. I actually need to review and show my support a bit more, too.)

So this sucks, I'm bored and I love reviews. So flame me, critique me or just… do whatever. TELL ME A LAME JOKE. I'm a sucker for those things.

DISCLAIMED. Since there are a lot of things I don't own in this that don't fall into the 'Vocaloid Fan-fiction' category. c':

'What's Love Got to Do with It' belongs to Tina Turner and… that… record company… thingy… (IN OTHER WORDS, I DON'T OWN IT. PSH.)