Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS

A/N: So before I start I want to clear up that in this chapter McGee has already stolen Abby's cupcake that Ziva got for her. This is chapter nine so that means that this is my second to last chapter. I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Nine: All's Fair in Love & War

It was a slow morning at NCIS headquarters and Director Shepard, team Gibbs, and Abby were sitting in the bullpen having coffee, Caff-pows, and smoothies.

"So Tim, do you still have that stuff in your desk?" Abby asked. It sounded as if she was trying to be quiet but she was failing miserably.

"What stuff?" McGee asked innocently but rather alarmed.

"That stuff you told me not to tell anyone about," Abby replied seriously.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Abby," McGee said.

"Yes you do! You told me not to tell anyone about it, especially Tony and Ziva," the forensic scientist insisted dramatically.

"Don't tell Tony and Ziva what, exactly?" Tony asked, now extremely interested.

"Show us, McGee," Ziva said.

"I don't know what she's talking about!" the agent said nervously. Abby, who had been perched on the edge of McGee's desk, slipped down and faced McGee. By this time Jenny and Gibbs had also focused their attention on the younger members of the group.

"What are you hiding in your desk, McGoo?" Tony inquired again, this time moving from his desk to his friend's.

"Nothing! I promise!" Tim said.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Abby asked, her green eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Open your drawer, McGee, and do not make me ask again," Ziva warned as she also walked over to McGee's desk. Gibbs and the director looked at each other with amused expressions.

"I'd listen to her, McGee," Gibbs said from his desk with a small smirk tugging at his mouth.

Timmy made no movements. Tony and Ziva looked at Abby who just shrugged. Ziva walked over to McGee "I will tell you one more time, McGee. Open the desk and show us what is inside,"

Tony walked onto the other side of McGee's desk pushed his friend and the chair he was in out of the way. Abby smiled anxiously as Tony prepared to open the desk.

As Tony opened the drawer his eyes grew large. Ziva's face was instantly one of horror and Abby looked like she was about to pop from excitement. Jenny and Gibbs had also walked over to the desk to see what it contained.

"You are a dead man!" Ziva hissed as she punched McGee in the shoulder.

"I remember this," Tony laughed as he took out a picture of Ziva in a bikini. "But that doesn't explain this other stuff,"

"That's obviously Honey Dust," Gibbs said as he nodded his head to a lilac box with golden script.

"What is this?" McGee said as he pulled out a small plastic jar of red gel.

"Body jellies," Jenny laughed as she pointed to similar green and blue jars.

"How do you know what that is?" Tony asked with a smirk before Gibbs took it off with a nice and sturdy smack to the back of the head.

"Fuzzy handcuffs?" Ziva asked as she picked up a pair of hot pink fuzzy handcuffs with a pencil.

"Criminals would be so intimidated if you arrested them with those, Probie," commented Tony.

"You okay, McGee? You look ready to have a stroke," Gibbs laughed as he looked at his red faced agent.

"I have no idea how any of this got in my desk," he said quietly, obviously traumatized.

"Well maybe you took it, because we all know that you have a thing for taking things that aren't yours, Timmy," Abby said as she put her hands on her hips.

"Are we referring to that time McSticky Fingers took that exquisite cupcake from your lab? The very same one that Ziva had so generously gotten for you after you extended a kind and caring hand to her when she was in need of a place to stay?" asked their senior field agent dramatically.

"I do believe so, Special Agent DiNozzo," confirmed Abby.

"If this little incident is over with I'd like to remind you all that this is a government run facility and not a brothel. I do not want rumor circulating that I condone this sort of childish behavior from my best team," the director scolded but her eyes told everyone that she was still amused by the whole situation.

"I'll apologize on Timmy's part, Director. I'm sorry that he deemed it appropriate to hide such private matters in his desk. It was very unprofessional of him," Abby said eloquently.

"If you're apologizing on my behalf then who's going to apologize on your behalf?" McGee asked sharply, clearly not amused by her stunt.

Abby opened her mouth to spit a witty reply back at McGee but the director cut her off. "Abby, don't you have something in your lab that you have to see to?"

"Why yes, I think I do," Abby said as she turned, her black, curly pigtails bouncing with each step to the elevator.

"Get rid of that, McGee and let's try not to have a repeat of this incident, okay?" the director said with a sigh as she grabbed her coffee and headed to her office.

Ziva took the pictures of her in a bikini and ripped them as many times as she could before throwing them in the trash while Tony and Gibbs returned to their desks.

Later that morning, as the team finished up the paperwork that they had been putting off McGee stayed in a bad mood.

"Hey, McGrumpy, you still upset about the whole Abby thing?" Tony asked.

"Drop it, Tony," McGee snapped.

"Either get even or get over it," Ziva said from her desk.

Timmy looked around to make sure Gibbs wasn't around before continuing.

"How am I going to get even? Abby would kill me not to mention what Gibbs would do to me!" he shuttered at the thought, knowing that while Abby could take care of herself, Gibbs wouldn't be pleased that anyone was messing with his little girl.

"Well I have an idea," Tony smirked as he walked over to McGee's desk to talk to him about how to get Abby back.

"You coming, Zee-Va?" DiNozzo asked.

"No, Toe-Nee! I am not getting in the middle of this. I am friends with both Abby and McGee and I do not want to face Gibbs when you get caught," the Israeli woman responded. Tony shot her a mock glare and began plotting with McGee.

Abby had just returned from having her afternoon tea with Ducky and was preparing to finish a forensic analysis when she paused. Her skin prickled and she knew something was hinky. She started having a look around, making sure that nothing was missing when her vibrant green eyes made their way back to the desk in her office. She froze as horror hit her in the stomach.

Gibbs was talking with Jen in her office when the door burst open and a hysterical Abby came in, escorted by Cynthia.

"I'm sorry, Director. I didn't know what to do," Cynthia said as she handed Abby off to Gibbs who was instantly by her side.

He sat her down and anger instantly bubbled in his stomach as he took in the distraught forensic tech. "What's wrong, Abs?" he tenderly asked.

Neither Gibbs nor the director could make anything out as she cried. Jen handed her some tissue to wipe the mascara that was now running down her pale face.

The two older adults comforted Abby until she had calmed down to the point that they could understand her.

"Tell us what happened, Abs," Gibbs said as he knelt in front of her so he could look her in the eyes. Jenny sat on the arm of her chair with her arm around Abby.

"It's horrible, Gibbs. I don't understand why anyone would do this. He's innocent!" Abby sobbed.

"We can't help unless you tell us what happened," Jenny said softly as she rubbed Abby's arm affectionately.

"I'll probably never see him again though! He's defenseless and probably terrified! He needs me to take care of him!" Abby said as she broke into hysterics again.

"Tell me what happened," Gibbs signed in ASL.

"I came back from having tea with Ducky and something felt hinky, Gibbs. I know how you feel now because my gut was telling me something was wrong and it was. It was all wrong, Gibbs! How could I have not known? It's my job to protect him and I wasn't even able to do that! What kind of person am I?" Abby rapidly signed back. Jenny looked at Gibbs.

"Who, Abs?" Gibbs asked as Abby's crying slowed down again.

"Bert, Gibbs! Bert's been kidnapped and I need you to find him. I need you to investigate. I need him back. He needs me to take care of him. What if something bad's happened, Gibbs! What if he's hurt? What if I never see him again?!" Abby whimpered, her voice cracking with every other word.

Jenny looked at Gibbs and sighed. "I'll keep her here if you want to go take a look,"

Gibbs sighed too as he asked Abby where was the last time she had Bert.

"He was on the desk in my office undergoing aromatherapy for an anxiety attack he had this morning," Abby hiccupped.

Gibbs fought the urge to roll his eyes. He remembered once when Kelly had done the same thing Abby had done when she had lost one of her favorite stuffed animals, however, Kelly had been four.

Gibbs looked around Abby's lab before his eyes fell to a paper that had fallen on the floor. He's sure Abby had been too panicked to notice it so he picked it up. It was a ransom note telling her to leave twenty bucks and a sandwich in interrogation room three in three hours or she'd never see Bert again.

Gibbs crumpled the paper and headed back to the bull pen where McGee was doing something on his computer, Ziva was looking through some gun magazine, and DiNozzo was shooting paper balls into McGee's trash can and making a mess.

Gibbs threw the paper and hit McGee in the face. "I won't ask again. Give me the animal, McGee,"

McGee looked like a frightened child that had been caught taking a cookie from the cookie jar without permission.

"What did McGeek do this time, Boss?" Tony asked with a smile as he came to stand beside his boss.

Gibbs head slapped Tony rather hard. "Don't play stupid, DiNozzo. Bring me the damn animal. I know you were in on this whole thing!"

"How?" Tony asked as he rubbed his smarting head.

"A sandwich?" Gibbs growled as he turned to Ziva.

"Do you have anything to do with this, David?" Ziva shook her head.

Gibbs nodded and looked back at his "sons".

"Bert's in autopsy," Tony said, suddenly finding a small piece of paper on the floor very intriguing.

"W…what?" Abby studdered as she chose that moment to enter the bullpen with Jenny.

Jenny sighed dramatically and pulled the once again hysterical girl into her arms. "Don't just stand there! Go get him!"

The boys nodded before heading to autopsy to retrieve the stuffed hippo. They arrived later empty handed and rather frantic.

"Where's Bert?" Ziva asked. They male agents just looked at each other with grim expressions.

"We're sorry, Abs. We don't know what happened," Tony began.

"We had him in there and when we went back to find him he was gone," McGee added.

"We even asked Ducky and Palmer to help us look but they can't find him either," Tony frowned.

"You two lost Bert?" Abby asked as her chin began to quiver.

"We're really sorry," McGee said sincerely.

"Well sorry isn't going to cut it McGee! I may have put stuff in your desk and embarrassed you but I didn't hurt you like this. I didn't take your typewriter and lose it. I didn't lose your baby sister. I didn't break your computer. You broke my heart. You lost my hippo! You lost my Bert! Do you know how long he and I have been together? Do you know how much he's been there for me? When my parents died do you know who was there to catch my tears and make me feel better? Bert was! When Kate died do you know who was there for me at night when I was too scared to close my eyes? Bert was. He's irreplaceable and now he's gone and I'll probably never see him again. I will never be able to forgive either of you…" Abby seethed, tears rolling down her cheek. Her mascara had long since been cried away. She walked over to Gibbs and hid her face in his jacket.

"Abs…" McGee said softly. His face was red and he looked close to tears himself. Tony wasn't better off. His mouth was slightly open as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

Laughter broke the awkward silence and the boys turned to eye Ziva.

"Zeeeeeee-vahhh! You ruined it!" Abby playfully scolded as she turned around with a small smile on her face.

The boys were confused until Gibbs pulled Bert from under his desk and handed him to Abby who hugged him tightly.

"But how…?" McGee asked.

"Ziva," Abby smiled as she rocked side to side with Bert still tightly in her embrace. The boys turned to Ziva.

"Well I went to autopsy after you dropped Bert off and took him here and hid him. I knew that you would go to get him as soon as Gibbs found out what you two had done and thought it would be funny to teach you two a lesson. When you two left for autopsy I gave Bert back."

"And what was the lesson?" Tony asked.

"Don't mess with my little sister because girls stick together," Ziva smiled warmly at Abby who returned it. She walked over to Ziva and with hugged her tightly, Bert sandwiched between them.

Gibbs walked to the two boys and head slapped the day lights out of them. "You two ever make her cry like that again and I will hurt you. Then I will feed you to the dogs. And the dogs I have in mind are red headed and Israeli and very vicious"

"We're really sorry we made you cry," Tony said, gulping at Gibbs' threat/promise.

"As am I," McGee agreed, equally frightened. Abby looked at Gibbs with a small smirk on her face.

"Go at it," he said. The smirk grew into a full blown smile.

"Grab your toothbrushes boys. It's going to be a long day," she laughed. The boys groaned but went to grab the cleaning supplies. They knew better than to argue after the little stunt they have just pulled. They hadn't expected Abby to get so upset but they were glad that it was over. They planned to lay off the revenge seeking for a while.

"Thing they learned better than to mess with the baby, Jethro?" Jen asked as Abby and Ziva followed the boys.

"Not really," Gibbs sighed as he watched his four "kids" walk onto the elevator, laughing and joking.

"They're going to be the death of us," she said as she tried to rub a mascara stain off her shirt.

"Wouldn't have it any other way,"

"Nor would I, Jethro. Nor would I," Jen looked up and smiled at Jethro who smiled back at her.


A/N: Hope you all liked this chapter. Sorry if the characters are OOC, My muse is running on fumes and I'm currently flooded in at home because it's been raining for four days straight. Anyways, please review. The more reviews I get the faster the last chapter comes out! Thanks!