Kate (liarfaker) and The Deej (jomosfamilyjewels) present a delicious encounter with your favorite Soap Opera stars of Mystic Falls.

~The Vixens and the Vamps~

A polished black Aston Martin is speeding down the road between the hills and valleys of Virginia, getting closer and closer to Mystic Falls. A small town with its history full of legends, secret councils, and stirring love triangles. Now it's as boring as a lullaby. While big cities around were growing and thriving, finally swarming with people like beehives, Mystic Falls remained a very small aquarium with very lazy fish. Like someone once said, it's Mystic Falls, nothing bad ever happens here.

"Unfortunately, nothing good happens here either." Klaus mutters (cutting in on the narrator's monologue) as he gets out of his car and pushes his Ray-Ban Aviators to the top of his forehead. An imposing, luxurious mansion stands in front of him, not even grazed by the claws of passing time. The house is festooned in white. White bows are draped all over the place, like the property was one big present wrapped in fancy paper.

"The prodigal son has returned!" A blonde woman in her late forties-although if you ask her she'll tell you she's still in her mid thirties-comes out with her arms spread in a welcoming gesture. The grimace on her botox-ed face is a smile, really, but you'll have to take her word for that.

"Please, Mother, we both know you hate my guts." He shrugs and opens the trunk of his black shiny baby.

"That's true. Get in." Esther grumbles and takes a sip of her martini before she goes back inside. He's a living reminder of that one night when she managed to do the impossible. She got drunk on Margaritas, and then she had the best sex in her life with some stranger in the back of a bar in Texas. Nine months later and out came that Bastard Buckaroo. Look at him-Klaus even has that cowboy walk, doesn't he? Bastard.

Klaus shoulders a duffel bag and follows her into the house.

He's doing it only for his little sister, Rebekah. Or rather, he should say, Rebekah and Stefan. He happens to be his friend's best man. How Stefan ended up with Klaus' own sister, it will remain a mystery forever plus one more day, until hell freezes over and Satan puts on skates. As much as he likes the Salvatore, he would never ever trust him, even with a housemaid, not to mention his darling sister Rebekah.


"Stop crying, Bekah! It's the last time I'm retouching your make-up, I swear!" Caroline slaps Rebekah across the face, and then crosses her arms, huffing, exasperated. The bride just can't stop crying. She looks like a perfect white meringue, she's marrying a walking perfection, and yet the brat (ahem she means friend) has the audacity to cry. Caroline would marry Stefan on the spot if he hadn't turned her down years ago at the Grill. Since then, he's been epic with her best Barbie friend, and Caroline enjoys the fairytale she's living vicariously through her. She likes it too much to let it fall apart because the bride gets the wedding blues. No, not on Caroline's watch.

"How could he possibly love me? Look at meeeee," Rebekah whines and gestures at her near perfect form.

"Listen. Stefan is your epic love, do you hear me?" She slaps Bekah again. "EPIC! I am the mighty Maid of Honor, and you will marry this guy, do you hear me Bekah?"

"No." Rebekah stomps her foot. "He's too good for me." Rebekah throws herself across the chaise lounge in disgust. Draping over the arm and kicking her feet.

Well everyone knows that, Caroline thinks but doesn't say. She only rolls her eyes and yanks the blonde beauty up off of the sofa. "Now you listen here, Bekah!" She shakes her rigorously. "You got a great guy out there, who's waiting to marry a great girl. That's you. Do you know how many women would love to be in your shoes today? How many hearts you're going to break just by saying the words 'I do'?" Caroline sees the twinkle come to life in Bekah's mascara smudged eyes. Nothing like a good ole pep talk that reminds Rebekah Mikaelson of how truly spoiled she is. There isn't anything in this world that makes Bekah feel better than knowing she is the toast of envy in this small town.

Feeling much more herself, Bekah wipes away the tears and throws the dirty handkerchief away. Eww, she didn't know she had so much fluid on her face.

"You're right. We are epic together. Like Rhett and Scarlett." Rebekah sniffs and lets Caroline apply the thousandth layer of eyeshadow.

"I'm pretty sure that was rather tragic, you know."

"So, like Ryan Gosling and whichever chick he's with on screen?"

"Better. Now I have to go and boss around the flower girls and make sure the cake got here on time. If you let just one small tear fall, I'll show Kol your photos from the bachelorette party." Caroline throws a finger out at her in a go-ahead-try-me manner.

Rebekah narrows her eyes at Caroline, shocked. "You! Wouldn't!"

"Watch me." This wedding will have a happy ending, even if she has to drag Rebekah to the altar herself.

"Do you want me to slap you again, just in case?" Caroline asks.

"No, I'm okay, thanks." Her friend musters a smile and waves at Caroline to go back to fulfilling her duties.

When the Maid of Honor is gone, Rebekah examines her reflection in the mirror. She sighs heavily and throws herself across the chaise lounge once more. "I'm so faaaaat!"


Taylor Swift's songs are blasting out like gunshots in the Salvatore boarding house.

Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

Klaus makes his way up the winding steps, following the pseudo-country stars lyrical genius. She really is beautiful and talented and Klaus would totally hit that.

Klaus steps into Stefan's room while the groom is buttoning up his perfectly white shirt. "What is this, Stefan?"

"Armani," Stefan says and looks down at his suit, "isn't it awesome?" Stefan grins and heads to greet his old friend, but Klaus just frowns.

"I'm asking about this ridiculous wedding! Have you lost your mind?"

"It's not what you think. I truly love your sister." The younger Salvatore brings his chest out like a proud peacock.

"And you're telling me Chicago is the past now?"


"And Rippah is long gone?"

"Gone and forgotten," he assures Klaus and fastens his golden cufflinks.

"I don't believe you, Stefan…oh!"

"Forget it, Klaus. And don't you dare call me Stefano!" he threatens and takes a closer step toward his Best Man.

Testosterone permeates through the room as the two men stand toe to toe daggering each other with sharp glares. Each man puffs his chests out to match the others until the room suddenly becomes too small to handle the hotness and growing tension they exude. Their emotions are heightened.

"I was your brother, your wingman." Stefan says with reverence. He puts both hands on Klaus' shoulders. "But now, I need my Best Man."

"Don't you dare speak poetry to me, Stefano," Klaus hisses and theatrically jerks his head away. "Did you at least have the decency to hide your 'trophies'?"

The air around them is now filled with secrets like Dracula's Castle in the Carpathians. Stefan's past is shrouded in mystery, and Klaus is the only one who knows about the dark deeds Stefan, the famous Ripper, has committed. Girls in Chicago still talk about him. Ripper, a living legend. There's even a lingerie shop named after him. Ripper's Red Room.

"They are safe in the cellar." Stefan says, and extends his hand to Klaus. "Can you be happy for me and your sister? We'll be real brothers now."

It takes Klaus a minute of melodramatic silence full of doubt (can he trust Stefan? Is Ripper truly gone forever? Does anyone know about what happened in Chicago? Did Klaus bring his best suit, or did he forget? And where the hell are his favourite cotton boxer briefs?) and an irritating buzzing of some lost fly before he reluctantly shakes Stefan's hand.

"We're strange bedfellows, you and I."

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble

Taylor Swift's voice drifts back like a white dove of peace.


Caroline storms through the mansion in her red Jimmy Choo's. A pair of shoes she would never be able to afford on her own, but are another silly perk of being friends with and the Maid of Honor for Rebekah Mikaelson. The cake had made it on time, but the orchestra was late, they brought the wrong champagne, one of the flower girls spilled punch down her dress, and that's just to name a few chinks in the overall event.

However, the biggest problem she faces in the moment is the missing groom. Rebekah and her bridal party are accounted for and she's seen most of the groomsmen roaming the hallways. Stefan, however, is nowhere to be found.

The ceremony is about to start and all the people have filtered to their seats. It would be a travesty and a scandal if anyone notices that the groom is gone. Speaking of scandals, she sees the youngest Mikaelson coming down the hall, "Kol, have you seen Stefan?" she hollers trying to keep her voice level. She is the picture of calm and collective.

"Groom, have cold feet?" he smiles widely.

She tosses her head to the side in exasperation. Blast that Kol Mikaelson. He knows! Caroline's heart races and her palms are sweaty. Not on her watch, she reminds herself again. Not on her watch!

"Of course not!" She slaps Kol on the cheek and throws her head back raising her chin indignantly. Kol Mikaelson is the last person she needs to talk to about this. 'Trouble' is his middle name, either that or 'Man Whore', but both are appropriate and can be used at any given moment. He is her boyfriend Tyler's closest friend and she hates it. There isn't a redeeming quality about him. He is brash and appalling, using women for sex and throwing them out with the morning trash. She is happy that her Tyler isn't anything like him. Her Tyler. Golden boy, she swoons with delight, but then remembers about the groom.

She clicks past Kol quickly, not wanting to give him anymore reason to think there's something wrong.

"Maybe he's hiding in the broom closet? He is marrying my strumpet of a sister after all."

She ignores his snide comment and continues around the corner to make her way toward the back entrance. She's already looked there but perhaps he has finally arrived. As she makes the corner she runs face first in to a suited chest.

"Oh, excuse me," she says. She would slap whoever it is, but she got thrown off balance.

"And where are we going in such a hurry, love?" Strong hands grasp her shoulders, keeping her from tripping over her Jimmy's. When she looks up, she feels her knees grow weak as she stares in to the brilliant azure eyes of her rescuer.

This is the moment when a fanfare of heavenly trumpets reverberates around, and angels rejoice singing Hallelujah. Klaus feels captivated by a pair of blue jewels fenced by long lashes, and for the briefest of moments he forgets to breathe. Her blonde locks shine in the vernal sun. Who is she? A fairy? A siren? (Probably not because the ocean is a bit too far.) A goddess? Does this perfection have a name?

"Genuine beauty." He whispers, unable to take his eyes off her gorgeous form.

When she speaks, her voice sounds like a nightingale's melody. "Uuum..."

"Do you have a name, o the fairest of them all?"

She still stares at him with her lips absently parted. Is this guy speaking Chinese, or what?

"Caroline?" She clears her throat while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, feeling a warm pink blush spreading on her face. Thank God she put an extra layer of foundation on this morning.

"Caroline," he says, her name slowly rolling off his tongue. He smacks his lips in admiration. Caroline.

"My name is-"

Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

Klaus starts in with what he thinks is a seductive low tone, but the beauty shakes her head like she has just woken up from a dream, and grabs his wrist.

"We have to find Stefan!" She rasps. "No time to explain. Come with me!" He's probably dying somewhere in the woods after being stabbed by a gang of Rebekah's former suitors, Caroline panics. Or he got trapped in the cellar by an unknown avenger who bears a grudge against the Salvatore family! Or the aliens kidnapped him to experiment on his flawless body! And as he's tortured by electrodes sucking at his chest, he's probably reminiscing about Rebekah and their perfect almost-wedding.

Because we all know that Stefan would never just bow out of it. Not Stefan the Epic Lover.

Klaus is about to explain that Stefan is still at the Salvatore boarding house struggling with an unruly tie, but she doesn't let him as she drags him by the hand through the crowd of guests. Always mindful of her role, Caroline finds a moment to stop by the orchestra and angrily stamp her Jimmy Choo clad foot. They saw away Ode to Joy making itsound rather gloomy and somber, and if this was a tawdry soap opera, maybe it would even be foreshadowing a great tragedy.

But Caroline Forbes, the goddamn Maid of Honor and hyper-social Miss Mystic Falls that organizes everything from her wardrobe to the wedding of her best friend, does not allow tragedies to happen on her watch.

Stefan will put a ring on it, even if it's the last thing Caroline sees in her life.

"Can you guys pick up the tempo?" She snaps her finger at the violinist that seems to be the only one paying attention to her. "It's a wedding, not a funeral!"

As she continues dragging the stranger through the hallways of the Mikaelson mansion, Caroline wonders who the man might be, and why she has never seen him before in Mystic Falls. (Because if she had, she would already be pregnant with his second baby. Come on, have you seen those lips? Every girl's wet dream. Literally.) Maybe he is some estranged Mikaelson cousin, judging by the five o'clock accent. It does sound like tea and biscuits.

They pass through the corridor full of antique portraits hanging on the wall. Proud members of the Mikaelson family tree, she muses, epitome of excellence. One of the founding families. There is not a single girl in town that wouldn't dream of becoming a part of it. So far only Sage the Redheaded Slut and Elena the Saint managed to join the club by ensnaring Finn and Elijah with their charms. Considering there's only Kol left for the taking, Caroline decides she would rather have her eyes clawed out by a creepy baby princess from Toddlers and Tiaras than spend the rest of her life with that sad excuse of a man. She's certain that he swapped heads with his dick in pre-school and hasn't thought clearly ever since. Fortunately, she has Tyler, who may not be a Mikaelson, but being a Lockwood is quite a treat too.

But what was she on to… Ah, Stefan. Right.

Suddenly Klaus tugs at her hand, and she abruptly jerks back right into his chest (cocking an eyebrow at how toned it is as her hands slam in to his chest. Damn you, Brits. Why do you have to be so royally… hot!?)

"Wait." He whispers. "Did you hear that?" There is a faint grunting noise coming from a study at the end of the hallway. They stand on their tiptoes and then trot towards the door like every old-fashioned cartoon villain does, their tiny steps almost inaudible, grotesque shadows following them. They both try to peek through the key hole at once, and their heads collide right in front of it.

"Ouch!" Caroline hisses, clasping her hand over her forehead. "If it leaves a bruise, I will kill you slowly and painfully, you…"

Then, before she can say Flat Iron Spray, she feels a tight grip on her shoulders as the Brit hurls her into the adjacent room, hiding them behind the door and pinning the blonde to the wall. A hand clamps over her mouth muffling a desperate scream escaping her throat, and she sees the man bring a finger to his (sexy, luscious) lips.

"Shh. Something's going on there."

He lets go of her mouth and they both turn to watch the oak door. They can't hear anything but see shadows dancing out of the keyhole, so Klaus takes a moment to "assess" the situation in front of him. He gazes at her perfect form as she leans forward in her tight red dress. Her ass is round and pert and he wonders how he got so lucky, bumping into her like this. He suddenly likes playing detective very much since it seems to mean hiding in dark corners with sexy little blondes. "Did you hear that?" he asks, and grabs her waist and pulls her into him.

"I don't hear an-," she starts to say before her back crashes up against him. His arms wrap around her and he brings his head forward to listen closer. She notices the stubble on his face and her knees start to do that wobbly thing again when he darts his tongue out and licks his lips. Those goddamn perfect pink lips.

Time seems to have stopped. The sound of their uneven breathing fills the small space around them. Caroline can swear she feels her lungs contract, shivers-or rather an earthquake-running through her body. If she were a cartoon character her heart would be lunging out of her chest.

She closes her eyes and tries to focus but this only heightens her other senses. She feels his strong arms wrapped around her, his hard chest pressed in to her back, and his cellphone prodding her just above her waist. Wait. Is that his cellphone? Her eyes grow wide and her back stiffens (Yes, stiffens. That word can be used to describe other things besides…cellphones.) No it is not his cellphone, she realizes.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble

Suddenly the sexual tension becomes so thick you could cut it with a butcher's axe. In her mind's eye she can already see them rolling on a bed of rose petals, his Greek god-like body hovering above hers, his hard, huge-

Then the reality slaps her on the face. Caroline turns around and takes two large steps away from him. "Put that away, this is a wedding!" she scolds the stranger. She knows too well that a wedding is the perfect place for "cellphone" activities-we all know what happened in the Godfather-but not now, not this wedding. She has to keep to the schedule! (Not that she has a boyfriend or something.)

He only smiles at the indiscretion. As an artist, he has spent a major part of his life running around naked in the bosom of nature. He wouldn't mind if now he could explore Caroline's bosom for a change. "Well, love, if you weren't pressing that tight little body in to me then we wouldn't have a problem, now would we?"

She crosses her arms and scoffs at his insinuation. Who does he think he is?! Except for a living proof that Mother Nature favours some people more than others.

He slowly moves toward her again, he's like a wolf on the prowl. What he wouldn't do for an empty bedroom where he can slowly undress her? Where he can run his hands all over her body, kiss her from head to toe and make her scream out in painful pleasure. He reaches his hands out for her waist, his eyes lock on hers, luring her into his trap. It's working, she will be his before the end of the night, he can feel it.

He pulls her close like she was but a doll, making her gasp at his sudden movement, and then he whispers into her ear, his voice shaky from the excitement that is pulsating through his… body, "I fancy you."

Alas, the only thing he feels is a hot handed slap across his face. "I told you to put that away!" She scolds him once more.

The two of them are distracted, so of course this is the exact moment when the large oak door begins to creek open. Caroline turns around quickly and Klaus grabs her waist and pulls her back in to the shadowed corner. Again, Caroline curses Mother Nature as her hips involuntarily rub against his pelvis.

Two men emerge from the dark room until they are standing in the sunlight pouring from the windows up above. One man turns to the other and says, "Here let me fix your tie." This would seem like one gentleman just helping out another, but the way his fingers linger a bit too long at the knot of the tie has Caroline questioning the action. It's not until the face of the man adjusting the tie comes in to view, that she sighs in relief. No scheme or crime is being committed here, she thinks as she recognizes her father Bill Forbes. Maybe he wouldn't get the Best Father in the World award (he always wanted a son, but Caroline proved to be the ultimate disappointment when she joined the cheerleading team and refused to have a sex change), but one thing is certain, he is not a criminal.

Bill claps the other man on the shoulder and they shake hands before they turn and leave. She finally sees the other man's face and recognizes it instantly. After spending more time than she would like at Rebekah's preparing for this wedding, she ran into Mr. Money Bags, Mikael Mikaelson, a time or two.

"Who's that man with my father?" Klaus whispers.

"That's my dad… Wait, what?" She turns and looks at him, really taking in his features. Sandy blonde hair, pouty mouth, blue eyes, chiseled features. The man before her isn't a distant cousin, he's the estranged, bad boy brother (that no one was allowed to talk about because of his dastardly deeds) of Rebekah! Her eyes grow big like bubble gum balloons. "Your father!?" she gasps.

"Klaus Mikaelson." He extends his hand out to greet her and smiles a wide, Cheshire cat grin.

Caroline is so shocked she forgets to slap him again.


Will Rebekah marry Stefan?

What shady business are Bill and Mikeal up to?

And what will happen to Klaus'... cellphone?

Stay tuned for the next chapter of The Vixens and the Vamps!