It's been years, I still can't believe that you are gone. Some days I want to believe that you and Gale took off into the woods with Talon, that you are still living out there. It would've been exactly what the two of you wanted; a life in the wild, feeding yourselves and being completely free. The life in the District never suited the two of you.
I miss you, I guess that's the most important thing to tell you now. Despite having moved on, despite having my own family now with Jonah, I let my eyes wander over to the place where the Seam used to be. If you thought our district was small then, you should see it now. Five hundred people survived the bombing, only three hundred returned. I look over there and I imagine you and Talon sitting on the porch, as you would on summer days when I would come over to visit you. I think of Talon's smile, and the adoration in your eyes that appeared whenever you looked at him.
Do you remember the last thing you said to me that day it happened, on Talon's birthday? You were walking away from me with Talon on your hip, and when you turned around you had that beautiful smile on your face. You never understood just how beautiful you were, that it was why you got away with so much. You shouted to me "See you on Sunday!" and then you disappeared around the corner. That was the last time I saw you. That Sunday was when I first arrived in 13, after hiding with Jonah for days behind a rock.
Vick says that someone as beautiful as you could never age. Your beauty that radiated from inside of your bones was so incredible and so potent that it couldn't last a whole lifetime. It hurts less to view it like that. I hadn't expected him to survive. But Posy and Vick are here. Vick said that Hazelle went to find our mother, but was never seen again. Mother didn't survive. There were so many people that died that day, Katniss. People who sacrificed themselves to save others, who threw themselves into houses that were on fire to try to save just one person. There are so many stories, so many people missing. Whole families have disappeared. We're supposed to be thankful that we survived, but I'm not thankful all days, because I miss you so much.
Jonah told me to write this letter to you, he is so kind to me. He is the best husband I could ever ask for, and he is an amazing father to our children. We have three children. Rosemary was born during the war against the capitol, and she kept me out of it and safe in the bunkers of 13. Basil was born the year after we returned to 12, and Kale two years after that. Now we have protection against pregnancy, the thing you always wished to have. Maybe you would call it insanity, or maybe you would understand now that the threat of the games being gone, but we want more kids. We want a lot of them. It is so quiet here now, we need the noise, the children, it's what keeps us from going insane. Kale looks so much like you, he is only three years old but he is you. Maybe there is a piece of you in him?
I wish there was something that I could say to bring you back, but I have to accept that you are gone. There are days where the thought of you not being here anymore makes it hard for me to get out of bed. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I heard you screaming for me to come help you. Other times I am sure that the bombs are raining down on our district again.
There are so many things that I wished that you could experience. I wish that you could experience real freedom. I wish that I could take you to one of our trips to the sea side, where Jonah would teach you how to fish. I wish that I could show you the vast fields in what used to be 11. I wish that the two of us could hop on the train in the middle of the winter and take it down south to where it is warmer. I wish that I could show you how Rosemary smiles, how Basil furrows his eyebrows as he concentrates and Kale on his constant adventures.
There are also so many things that I wished that I would have been able to see. Talon would have turned ten this year, the child you were pregnant with would have turned eight, your 30th birthday is next week. I wished I would have been able to see that, see you blow out your candles on the birthday cake I would have baked you. Would you have taught my children how to shoot an arrow? I know Kale would have loved that, if he was a bit older.
You deserved this life that I have now. The house we live in, the fresh air that we breathe, the freedom that we have. You deserved to know what it's like to be able to bake a cake for a birthday, to have food on the table every night, to go to the store and find fresh produce that you can buy. You deserved to be able to walk straight into the forest and not have to come back before anyone notices that you are gone. You fought so hard for everything, and I wished that you would have been able to get this break.
Why did you have to die?
It's been eight years Katniss, and I can no longer trick myself that you are living out in the forest anymore. There is only so long you can go on denying it. Still, in my mind, you are out there with Talon, your baby and Gale. You are laughing, you are happy, you are free. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Katniss, we won't see each other on Sunday, but they've been telling me that there might be an afterlife, and I want to believe that. So we won't see each other on Sunday, or next week, or anytime soon, but we will see each other eventually. Will you meet me then? Will you show me the way, show me how your life is? Will you introduce me to your children again? Because I'm afraid they won't know who I am.
Katniss, I love you. I love you. I love you. It still hurts to think of you, so I hope you don't hate me for forgetting about you sometimes. I've forgotten your scent, I've forgotten your laugh, your face has started to slip from my memory. But did you know that there is a picture of you left? From my wedding. You are standing there beside me, your face glowing and your smile the biggest ever remember it ever being. When I start to forget I look at it, and every time I wonder how someone like you could just slip away.
There are so many things I want to tell you, I could write a whole book about it, but the most important things I want to say are these; I miss you, I am good now, I wish you were here.
And then… The hardest thing of all to say to you. The phrase I never wanted to be completely true;
Your sister Prim
I want to thank everyone who has reviwed, favorited, and subscribed to this story, everyone who has clicked in and read this story. It means a lot. This was the first story I wrote, and finished, in about 2 years, so it was a big big thing for me. It's also the first fanfic I've finished since very early 2009 (so essentially 4 years).
Some people wondered if Katniss and Gale died/survived, and they did die... And yes, it's sad that Gale just took off like that, but Talon was their #1 priority and Katniss being heavily pregnant meant that she couldn't run that fast. They both knew how much they loved their son, and knew that they wouldn't forgive themselves for hesitating. Katniss definitely would have forgiven him for taking off just like that. Katniss and Gale are survivors and they make people survive with no regards to themselves. They sacrifice their lives for who they love, and that's why...
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this story. I usually don't do any recs in my fics, but there is one that I re-read yesterday when I couldn't sleep, and it made me cry the second time I read it too. Anyway, it's called The Wild Ones, the url after the ff . net is s/8156259/1/The-Wild-Ones. It's kind of Cato/Katniss (depending on how you read it), but I swear to you it's the best HG fanfic I have read.