Hey everyone... Thank you all for reading, your reactions to my last chapter brought a few tears to my eyes... I am so glad that momnet came across the way i saw it in my head...
Many of you have said that you see this as a movie... I was wondering who you all would cast... I have people in my head and i wonder if you guys are seeing the same ones.
I am going to be taking a few days off from writing, the upcoming chapters ahve been intense and i need a break from Simon... Seriously i know how crazy that sounds... but its true... I will be posting chapters for this and fifty ways on Sunday...
Until then... xoxo PPP
I loved her the first moment I laid eyes on her. There was something about her, an innocence and a bright glowing light and drew me to her. It felt like a calling, a silent but powerful voice in my head telling me... She is your future...
She made me want a future, something I had never spent any time thinking about. My focus was living the now, getting through the day. Keeping the beast at bay. Fighting with it every moment just for a small semblance of peace. And somehow when Amy was near I could repress him and unleash him but still be in control. She saw the beast and accepted him, loved me despite him. Wanted me. She loved all parts of me. No one ever had before, everyone else had left and abandon me. They couldn't handle the beast. They couldn't love me with out conditions or lofty expectations. .
I thought foolishly that Amy would endure, and love me forever. I think she believed it too, until she didn't anymore. Her friends and family, getting in the way; My sister and father in the way, Honora in the way... Thinking they know us, thinking they know our love. They convinced her that I was an animal, that I was not worthy of her, of her love and she believed them. She promised that she wouldn't leave me and then she did.
Two days ago she snuck out in the middle of the night, leaving me alone in our bed. Amy wouldn't speak to me, see me, she didn't come into work, she just cut me off for two days. I called over and over again, texts and messages. When she finally picked up the phone and I could hear her sweet voice, I knew everything was going to be ok. I knew that she would forgive me for what I had done. What she had made me do.
I sat in the Starbucks waiting, waiting and waiting. She was late, over fifteen minutes. I knew she was playing her little game, trying to keep me on my toes. Trying to see if she could make me angry. It was a test, a test I was going to pass. I saw her in the window, and I couldn't breathe.
She looked beautiful, two days without her and I almost forgot. Her hair down just the way I liked it; Washed but not styled, her natural waves framing her face. I face was free of makeup, her luminous skin shining like a light was turned on from within. Her green eyes were marked with dark circles, proof of her sleepless nights without me beside her. She made her way through the crowd, her arms wrapped around her body like a hug, and sat in the chair beside me.
"Hello Love." I wanted to put my arms around her, kiss her, take her home. But I knew this was a test. She would give me a piece of her mind, her damn stubborn streak, she would expect me to argue, but i wont. I will show her that things can be different that I can be different.
"Hello..." She didn't say my name... I need to hear her say my name...
"Do you want some coffee or maybe that lemon cake i know you like?" She just shook her head no.
"I uhh... I am not really sure where to begin..."
"Let me begin then... What happened should not have happened. I am very sorry for the part that I played...as I am sure you are too..."
"What do I have to be sorry for?" Anger flashed across her face, replacing the fear. Both of which excited me.
"Amy, you know just what buttons to push... and then leaving in the middle of the night like a thief."
"So I was pushing your buttons and that's why you forced me to have sex with you..."
"Force... I forced you... is that how you see it or how your friends told you to see it." Damn it I was failing the test, see... she always knew what buttons to press always knowing how to get me going.
"Simon, I said no..." She finally said my name a hope began to build.
"And then you came... twice..." She was silent for a few moments and I knew I had her. I knew it was only a matter of time.
"Look, I cant do this anymore..." No! I could feel the panic start in my head, screaming out... No she could not leave me.
"Love, look at me... I am sorry. You are right it went to far. It wont happen again. You must give us another chance. Let me prove to you how different things can be."
"We have tried that, it was good for a few weeks but then it all starts again... I can't... I love you... so much... too much... but I love myself more... I cant be in pain all the time, I cant be afraid all the time..." There were tears in her eyes, but she wouldn't allow them to fall. Trying to prove to me how string, how stubborn she was. She reached into her picket and pulled out a black box. I knew what was inside, her diamond necklace. I wanted it to be a diamond ring. But after the weeks leading up to her birthday, I feared that a ring would scare her off.
"Here, you should take this back. I cant accept it." I extended my hand and she placed the box in my palm. She could have just put it on the table, but no... she wanted me to touched her. I grabbed her hand as she stood, locking my eyes with hers. Relief washed over me as the tears finally fell and for a moment I thought she had changed her mind. I was convinced that she did. I could see her love for me and then as quickly as it came it was gone. She was gone. I followed her, a few blocks and when I saw her it was like a stab straight to me heart. She met Jeff on the street, he was waiting for her, putting his arm over her shoulder. Holding her close, holding my Amy...
"Simon, can you come up to my office please." My father, that stupid bastard calling me to his office, like I was a student and he was the master. I put on my jacket and made my way to the elevator. I was on edge already, Amy was being ridiculous, unreasonable. Ignoring me for two weeks, taking my flowers to some women's shelter. She was trying to move on with out me and I couldn't let her. I wouldn't let her. And now my father wanted to add to the cluster fuck that had become my life.
I got into the elevator and my mind went to a better time, a better place. Remembering the day I had met Amy in the very place, standing in the same spot where we began. Remembering the time, only weeks ago when we fucked in the corner, stuck between floors; after a very late night. I missed kissing her, being inside of her, the way it felt having my hands on her, hearing her say my name.
I walked into my father office with a sense of dread, not wanting to hear another lecture about what I had done to Amy or how to conduct myself. When I was a child, growing up in London my fathers office was my favorite place to be. I would sit in his leather chair and play CEO for hours, of course that was a long time ago in a place very far away. He gestured for me to sit and then he cleared his throat.
"I am not really sure how to say this, except to just say it. I am letting you go Simon." His voice was stone cold and flat, like usual. No emotion.
"Excuse me?!" My head began to rattle and shake. I could not believe what I was hearing."
"Honora won't move forward with the deal as long as you have any involvement with this company. What happened between you and Amy last week has left a lasting impression... for us all." He looked at me in disgust. You would have thought I bet Amy to death, they way everyone was going on. We had a fight, I yelled, I shook.
"Then tell him to go to bloody hell and fuck the god dammed take over."
"You know we cant do that, we need this technology Simon. Not just for the tablets but for other projects as well. This could lead to a huge government contract. And to be honest, I don't want you here either. You have become a liability... What happened to Amy on a profession level was disturbing... but on a personal level I want to beat the shit out of you everyday. Amy is like a daughter to me..." He was yelling now, angry. All of his coldness melted. I could see the hate he felt for me, he was jealous of my relationship with Amy. I could see how he looked at her, wanting what was mine.
"AND I AM YOUR SON!"
"Yes, yes you are... Maybe you should remember that Simon, remember who you are, who you are suppose to be. Not who you are becoming..."
"I am becoming what you made me."
"I didn't make you this..." He pounded his fist on the desk, and stood, his body crouched over.
"You left me to fend for myself!"
"Enough Simon, I did everything in my power to find you... If you really believe that I would leave my ONLY son, my flesh and blood to rot because of money... I wanted to help you... I hired the best, to find you… They said no police, I believed they would have killed you. If I would have had the money liquid, I would have paid double what they asked for. I tried get you to a therapist... I wanted you to talk about it... but you wouldn't... you didn't want anyone to know... I respected that... But I did everything i could... I wanted to keep you alive..."
"You wanted to keep your fifty million dollars." I could feel the beast pumping in my veins, bursting from my body, telling me to throw things, break things, starting with my father face. I took a deep breath and stood from the chair, and buttoned my jacket. My father stood as well, we stood there like two elks before the fight, waiting for our horns to meet.
"Simon, this is not how I wanted this to be. In the beginning, you were doing so amazingly well... I was really proud of you... proud to work with you. Amy was so very good for you. But now, I cant risk everything because you are in a bad mood or having a bad day. You need to leave, maybe in some time you can come back. Get yourself some help, talk to someone."
I turned on my heel, storming out of his office slamming the heavy door behind me. I looked at my watch it was just after eight...
I didn't need help... I needed Amy.. My Amy...