I knew something was coming, I could feel it with the change of the season. The heat was rising, the humidity brewing and I felt the storm rolling in. It was July fourth weekend and Will and I were heading out to his sisters for a few days of sun and beer and burgers. Dino and Grace would be there with Rocco, who had just turned two months and Kira was over the moon that we were going to be there for three whole days.
"Baby, where are my swim trunks?" Will yelled out from or bedroom, then peaking his head out of the door.
"I packed them already. Are you hungry do you want breakfast before we head out?"
"Breakfast no… You in bed… yes…" I blushed, he still had that ability to make me swoon and fluster. He walked towards me with intent, every step making my heart skip a small beat.
"Will." He pushed me against the bar counter, I could feel him pressing into my belly and I knew he was going to have me, before we left.
"Three days… at my sisters… You know you wont have sex with me there."
"The place is so small… and you are not quiet."
"No, I am not." I started to unbutton my white linen peasant blouse, Will reached out to touch me, taking my breast in his hand. I leaned my body into his touch. I wanted him to fuck me hard and fast, I wanted him to turn me around, bend me over the bar and make me scream out his name. But I knew he wouldn't, and that I couldn't ask. There was this divide, sex with Will was always amazing but it was slow, contained, controlled. He never said it out loud, but he refused to fuck me. And I couldn't bring myself to tell him what I wanted, him thinking that I had done these things with Simon.
He pulled me into the bedroom, and sat on the edge bed with me standing before him. He ran his hands down my back, grabbing my butt, pulling me to him. Gently kissing my belly as he unbuttoned my jeans, sliding them down.
"Will, we have to be there by noon, I promised your sister I would show her how to make the brownie things…"
"Mmm Hmmm. I know. But right now I don't even care." In one fast motion, he swung me around and I was on the bed. He stood above me, taking of my canvas sneakers and my jeans tossing them on the floor. I was breathless as I watched him, lift his shirt up over his head and kick of his shorts. I loved when Will was inside of me, it was one of the rare times I felt complete. I was unable to hold a thought in my head, there was no past or future. Just the now, Will and I in the moment together.
"Do you know how much I love you Will?" I wrapped my legs around him, as he slowly slid into me, a moan escaping from my mouth. I tightened my muscles around him as hard as I could, he growled in satisfaction. "Do you?"
He stilled inside of me, holding his weight on his outstretched arms above me, I ran my hands along his upper arms, lifting my head slightly and kissed his forearm.
"Amy, I know…"
"Sometimes I don't think you do… I don't think you even understand how much I love you." He slid out of me slowly, and then pushed in again, hitting the end of me. My entire being shuddered, as I cried out.
"I know baby…" He slowly but relentlessly keep thrusting into me over and over, each time hitting me in just the right place. "I know because I am inside of you right now, because I get to hold you and touch you. I get to wake up to you every morning. I know how much you love me. I didn't for a while but I do now. And I love you twice as much…" His breath was short, and I could feel him pulsing inside of me. I was so close.
"Come baby…" I screamed out, as he hit me one last time before he came, everything in me bursting out, my nails digging into his biceps, my calves clenched around his tight ass. He collapsed against me, his mouth finding mine. Kissing me with lazy, soft easy kisses and I tried to catch my breath.
"Will, come on get up we need to get going." I tried to push him off but he just held on to me tighter. "Will, I am serious."
"Nope, we are doing that again… give me five minutes… to re-coup." I laughed, a full belly laugh as he took my breast in his mouth for inspiration.
"Will, come on… It's after ten already."
"Baby, I don't care if we ever get there. We are doing THAT again." He snaked down my body until his tongue was inside of me, gently flicking over my ultra sensitive nub. He slid his fingers into me, and I grabbed a fist full of our comforter, overwhelmed. "Amy grab another condom out of the drawer." I awkwardly reached over and fished out the foil wrapped packet, tearing it open and passing it to him. "I want you on top ok?"
I nodded eagerly. Only when I was on top, we could almost fuck. I could control the speed and thrust. I stood up, and Will leaned against the head board. I climbed over him, and without hesitation I slid over his dick. It was a faster rhythm then before but still controlled, as his hands wrapped around my body, we rocked back and forward together our mouths never separating and we came together. This was the moment where Will and I were perfect.
"Amy… Marry me…" My heart exploded in my chest, overwhelmed in so many ways. "I love you baby, I want to spend my life with you. Marry me?"
My eyes filled with tears, and I started to shake. I couldn't speak, all I could do was nod. "So that's a yes." I nodded with more vigor and crashed my mouth into his
"Wait, wait…I have to get your ring…"
"There is a ring?!" I stammered out, my eyes blurred with tears. He pulled out of me gently and leaned over into the bottom drawer of his night stand and pulled out a small back box.
"I bought this the day after you moved in, when I said I was getting bagels. I have been waiting for the right moment to give it to you." He clicked the box open and my eyes couldn't believe the beauty of this ring. It was white gold, with a oval diamond in the center, the band was covered in pave diamonds. It was simple and perfect. He took it out of the box and slid it on to my finger.
"Will this ring is amazing. You did this on your own?"
"I did… I saw it and I knew it was for you."
"And it's been here since I moved in?"
"Yup, I went out the next day. After the loading docks. I wanted to ask you that night, but I didn't have the ring… So I waited and waited for it to be like that again."
It was well after twelve when we finally got on the road to his sisters house. I couldn't take my eyes off my ring, or off of Will who was beaming with happiness. My mind kept drifting back to that first night I moved in. That was the night he knew he wanted to marry me. We had talked about it in passing but that was the night he decided.
Will and I had moved in together and it was seamless. Most of my stuff fit into his place. My books, clothes, photos. It all fell into place nicely, and it felt like home to me in a way I had never experienced before. I remember that first night, unpacking boxes eating pizza.
"Hey baby, what do you want me to do with this box that says do not open?" it was a small box, heavy for its size. I knew what was in there, my marble notebooks. Each one filled with moments that should be forgotten, filled with my blood and flesh and pain. I didn't want them here in my new home, but somehow I couldn't leave them behind either. He lifted the box, holding it at arms length, surprised by its weight.
"Well, those are my journals…" His eyes shot up in surprise.
"I didn't know you kept a journal."
"I don't not anymore, I just did for a while… after…" Recognition spread across his face and I could see how he held the box with contempt. "Its everything that happened…When I was at my worst in the beginning, before Dalton…"
"What do you want to do with them?"
"I want to burn them." A smile spread across his face, as he hoisted the box on to his shoulder, grabbing my hand leading me down the back metal staircase to the old loading docks. He went into the studio, returning with a metal puke bin, and box of matches. I tore through corrugated cardboard the box, Will took a few pieces and lit them on fire, kindling in the bottom of the bin. I pulled out a book, and leafed through it, the ragged letters, my handwriting didn't look like my own. I was possessed when I wrote these words. Simons name appearing again and again.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I had never been so sure in all of my life, I wanted these words turned to ashes. They would wield no power over me, the light of the fire would destroy the darkness of my words. I tore the pages from the book, tossing them into the fire, they quickly caught and vanished into nothing. This feeling of relief took over my body, and I wanted to watch them all burn. I bent down, pulling a handful of books.
"Here… help me." Will smiled and grabbed two books, quickly tearing them into pieces and throwing them in to the fire. In a flurry of activity all the books were gone, the heavy box was empty. We stood there, his arm around my shoulders watching as the fire died out, the embers taking its last breath. It was done, and gone and I felt the change right there in that moment. I was going to live my life, for as long as I could, for as long as it was mine. No fear, no worry.
I could sense Will waiting for me to react, waiting to see if I was going to laugh or cry. I looked up at him, and felt like I saw him for the first time. I pulled on his tee-shirt, bringing his face closer to mine, and lifted my arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around me pulling me towards him. Our breaths mixing, in the cool April air, his eyes fixed with mine.
"It's going to be ok Will. I am going to be ok."
"Yes you are." He too me by surprise, lifting me off the ground, my feet dangling, before pressing his lips to mine. I was consumed by his mouth, the motion of his tongue, his lips. The need and the urgency. I was pressed between the old painted brick wall and Will's body, my legs wrapped around him. He pulled his mouth away from mine, looking down at me.
"We can't do this here…"
"What you don't want to make love to me in a dirty loading dock?" He chuckled and shook his head no.
"I want to make love to you in OUR bed."
"I don't know, this loading dock is so romantic…" I lowered my legs to the ground and Will released me, taking my hand and leading me back upstairs to our bed.