Sorry, I promise that once the holidays start back up again, I'll get a bunch out.
I was stressing.
Pillows lay on either side of Jackson, who was on his back in the double bed.
He was simply staring at the ceiling with a blank look on his face.
I was pacing madly in front of the bed, car keys in hand. There was about a half hour till 11:00.
Jackson trilled happily, making me look over at him, and I smiled for a moment, forgetting my worries.
He really was a gorgeous baby. His smile was just . . . if it didn't sound so corny, I'd say that it lit up my world.
It's too corny.
I rolled my eyes; way too corny.
But it really did light up my world.
I walked over to the bed and crawled to the middle, and positioned myself on top of one of the pillows, curling around my son.
Running my finger tip down his nose, I leaned down to kiss his forehead.
"Gorgeous baby, absolutely gorgeous and you're going to give me grey hairs when you start breaking all those hearts."
He gurgled at me, with no idea of what I was saying and I sighed. I could feel it coming, a moment that no-one but me would remember. Luckily, Jackson is too young to understand that now and then, his mother becomes a weak, insecure, human being. My eyes start to water, and my throat tightens.
"You have no idea, Baby. Momma's trying so hard to do what's right for you. But sometimes, that's so hard to do, because it seems like the wrong thing for me. I feel like my hearts gonna get broken here, Jackson. It'll be so easy, to fall in love, and then to lose it all."
A drop of liquid falls on my son's cheek, and I blink. Wiping it away, I gather Jackson in my arms and make my way off of the bed, and with a sigh, I secure Jackson in one arm, before wiping my face clean with my sleeve. I sniffle, clear my throat and I'm done.
I check my watch, "Shit."
Where did the time go?
"Let's go Baby boy, see what that man has planned for us, huh?"
Jackson starts to suck on his fist. I take that as an "okay" and grab my bag and my keys, which I'd dropped. Looking around the room one last time I walk out the door, both Jackson and I have been ready since ten o'clock.
It takes me five minutes to drive to the park we were at yesterday, and Edwards leaning up against his car with a blank expression. That's before he notices us walking towards him.
His whole face lights up then, and it makes me so relieved to know that he hadn't decided over night that he was going to hate us.
That would suck.
I stopped about a metre from where he stands, "Hey," my voice is a little shaky, but I'm so nervous, I'm relieved that only Jackson had breakfast this morning. 'Cause if I had eaten anything, I'm sure I would have chucked it by now.
He smiles softly, "Hey," then he gestures to the coffee tray on the hood of his car, which by the way, I have no idea of what type, "Hot chocolate or decaf?"
"Ha, yeah, neither is what I want, but I'll take the hot chocolate, please," I grumble a little at still not being able to have caffeine; my other baby, besides my real baby, that is.
Edward hands me the beverage, before grabbing his own, which is already out of the tray, and is probably half empty.
I take my first sip, and despite it not being my preferred option, restrain a groan of pleasure.
Best hot chocolate ever.
I grin at him, "Lemme guess, your own brand, yeah?"
Looking at me over his cup, he finishes swallowing, and then nods with a silly smirk on his face . . . "Yeah, made them myself, Rose offered, but I figured that was a bad idea. With the way she's acting, she'd likely put poison in both of ours."
"Ha, I still don't understand what her issue is. I remember you said that she had 'problems', but none of that excuses her words about Jackson. And if I ever have to speak to her again, she'll soon find that I don't care for her shit." I'm almost growling, remembering how she insulted my baby,"I hope that that won't be an issue, if you agree to be a part of Jackson's life." I finish with a calm tone, but really, I'm freaking out a little.
It's true, I won't stand by and let anyone talk shit about the people I love, namely, my child, but I don't want that to ruin any chance we have with Edward.
"No, of course it won't be a problem. I'd um . . . I'd love to be able to swear back and forth that she's not usually like that, but I can't. She's always been a bitch; it just becomes more prominent when someone threatens her place in our family.
"And she could see that even though I only knew you for a night, and that night was almost a year ago, you still mean a lot to me, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to someday, mean a lot to both you and Jackson. And, well, I went home and I did a lot of thinking last night. I thought about if I was ready for a kid, and in the end I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter if I was ready or not, because he's here, and I'm not about to just let you both walk away simply because I'm scared. And I am scared, and a little confused, still really shocked," he paused and swallowed, and then looked straight at me, "But I would really like it if I could get to know every little thing about . . . about my son, and you."
Okay, guys, I just popped this out in about 10 minutes while my media files for an assignment were loading, so reviews, please.