Kitsune here with a brand-y-new spanking story! I've got no one to blame for this but myself, but I'm going to blame/thank the people who helped with the latest chapter of Reverse Tide and the reviewers who found said chapter funny. That being said, this is a stand-alone kind of piece. It could take place in the world of Reverse Tide, or really, One Piece in general so you don't have to read my other works. I guess I should say here that I do not own One Piece, if I did, I would be Pirate King! (I refuse the title of Queen. King sounds cooler). Eventually I hope to have at least three more chapters for this, but it's going on the WAY back-burner. I do have other active stories that I should have been writing for.

Question of the chapter: "What was the best present you ever got someone else?" I got someone a dog for their birthday once...(and he hogs my bed!) and an antique school desk for Christmas.

Sengoku looked once more at the man he'd come to call friend and decided that he was, in fact, as crazy as the pirate scum claimed. Still, there was the off chance that there was a method to the man's madness, and it really wasn't like he was one to talk about fashion sense, really. Keeping that in mind, he thought it was best to ask just what, exactly, Garp was wearing. Later, he decided there were some things better left unsaid.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

Garp kept munching away on his doughnuts for a moment before answering, "Cloths."

"I can see that." And really, he wished he couldn't. It was making his eyes water just looking at the man, "What I'm asking is why those cloths."

"My cute little grandson sent it to me for my birthday." The man grinned, tugging out the rather offensive top. It looked like someone had tie-dyed the usual marine top in the brightest neons they could find, then given the resulting mess to Amazon Lily for tailoring. The effect was dramatic, to say the least.

"Where did Luffy manage to find such an...interesting...shirt?" He had to look away from the outfit, but it was a bit like a black hole, it kept drawing his eyes to Garp. So he didn't miss the ecstatically happy grin plastered on the man's face. Suddenly, he knew he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear.

"Oh, not Luffy! Luffy sent me a mug. It's cute, say's #1 Grandma on it. I think he meant Grandpa, but it's Luffy, Bwahahahaha! Oh, and he sent a tiger-skin. Forgot to tan it, though." The man waved off the fact that there was now a rotting, stinking tiger pelt somewhere around.

Well, that's what new recruits were for. Alright, not really. But someone had to clean up after Garp, and at least the privates still had a bit of hero worship going on. He'd just have a one or two of them find the hide, clean and tan it. Naturally Garp would want to keep what his grandson had sent him as a present. If the man was honest with himself, he wanted to see it, too. Chances were it was a tiger killed by the boy. That was kind of impressive, actually.

"..." Sengoku took a calming breath, "Garp, how many grandsons do you have again?"

The man continued to grin at him, "Well. One. That no-good son of mine only has one kid." Great. Now his friend was admitting to an imaginary grandson. Fantastic. "I adopted Ace."

"Uh-huh. Garp...who, or what, is Ace?"

"Why, my cute little grandson, of course!" Because that told him so much. Dealing with a real monkey would be easier.

"Is Ace a person, or a thing? Because with you, I never know."

Garp laughed heartily, "I think I should be insulted."

"You named the potted plant in the corner Fifi."

"How is Fifi?"

"Someone over watered her last week, but I think she'll...stop changing the subject, Garp!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" The man slapped his leg, tears running down his face as he laughed. It took a moment but he calmed down, "Relax, Senny! Ace is a person. He's, oh, sixteen now. Can't believe it. Seems like only yesterday he was ten, telling me to stop picking on Luffy. They'll both be fine marines one day."

Sengoku knew Garp, knew him well enough to tell whoever this 'Ace' kid was, he was really important to him. Which made it odd that he never had mentioned him before. Not once. Garp occasionally even talked about his son, and he'd disowned him. That told him that his friend had been hiding the boy. Hiding him for a long, long time. There was only one reason he could think of that the man would do so.

"Garp, tell me you didn't! You're a marine hero, for God's sake!"

"What kind of hero goes after children? That's not justice, and you know it!" His old friend snapped back.

The look that passed between them said it all. They'd had this argument before. Each knew he was right, it was one of the reason's they'd never gotten along. Different ideals of justice. He'd allowed the man to sway him when it came to Luffy, but this, this was asking a lot of him. Then again, being in the same room as that shirt was asking a lot of him. He felt his lips twitch in amusement for a second.

"So...Ace sent you that?"

Garp beamed at him, "Yep! Shitty little brat keeps acting like he doesn't care, but he's a real softie when you get to know him. Once he stops throwing trees at you, that is."

"He sounds charming." He sounded like a monster child. Then again, they were talking about someone raised obstainably by Garp. It wasn't like the mountain-bandit nannies were a big secret between the two of them. "Please tell me he's not a complete ape at least."

"Hey! Don't talk about my grandson like that! He's a good kid, I mean, look!" Garp gestured at his shirt, "He remembered my birthday!"

Sengoku wished the boy had forgotten. He wondered if the kid really thought that monstrosity of a top counted as a good present. "Fine, fine, Garp. I'm sure he's an excellent boy, regardless of who fathered him. Back to what I called you here for. There's some rookie pirates causing trouble over at Sabaody, and I want you to go and take care of it."

Garp grinned at him before turning to leave, "Right! It'll give me a chance to show off my new shirt!"

"Garp's New Tactic? Pirates Taken By Surprise!"

Ace grinned down at the paper a week later, flipping the News Coo a coin. He couldn't believe the old man had actually worn the shirt! Luffy was going to love this, since his little brother had helped with dyeing the horrendous thing. Of course, they'd ended up pissing off Dadan by trying it out with one of her tops first but that was old news. Hell, she's the one who told him to send Garp something for his birthday this year. The teen looked over his shoulder to Party's bar where he was sure Luffy was busy making a pest of himself before looking down at the paper again. He took off, unable to wait to share the ridiculous image of their grandfather chasing after a bunch of pirates who had their hands over their eyes, tears streaming down their face, in his hideously dyed, frilly shirt.