Swan's Guide To Being Single...And Staying That Way

July 15, 2012

Dear Journal,

Sigh. It happened. Again. I found out someone close to me is pregnant. Can you believe it is Angela? The one person I never thought would get knocked up. Then again I never thought she would get married and now she is with child. She is going to be a blabbering, waddling, hormonal, dilating…girl. She told me in the hallway as I was headed to the OR to do some much needed cutting. I told her congrats and don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, but she is going to be one more person in a line of people chomping at the bit to get me 'settled'. Don't they see that I am happy the way that I am? I am 35, rich, intelligent, successful, pretty…a good doctor and a great lay. Also a tad egotistical but that is to be expected in my field of work.

They say I need a man. What is this, the 1950's? In this day and time, a woman does not need a man to be whole. Nor does she need children to fulfill some empty place in her soul. My soul is fine and I am all whole and healed…whatever.

I do not need nor do I want a man. They will all see that no man would ever be enough for me to settle down with.

They will see.

4:30am

The alarm blared and I groaned. I cocked one eye open and peered blearily at the clock.

Ugh. Why the hell am I up this early?

Oh right, I am a brain surgeon.

Almost forgot.

I slapped snooze and passed back out.

4:35am

I cracked one eye open and slammed the snooze button again.

Just five more minutes.

4:40am

4:45am

4:50am

I stretched a little and then looked casually over to the alarm clock.

5:15am

Shit! I had surgery at six. I glared at the little unobtrusive alarm clock and promised it death later tonight. We had a love hate relationship. It was the fourth one this month and all four had failed to get me out of bed.

Wasn't that their job?

I rushed to get ready and I flew out the door at 5:40 am, my wet hair not making a difference as it was raining…again. Lovely weather we have here in Seattle.

I threw my car in drive and sped the rain laden streets, hoping that traffic wasn't horrible this morning.

At 6:02, I was pulling into my personal parking space. Yes, I have one. No, you don't. Sucks to be you.

I walked into the hospital. Notice I didn't run. Why kill myself when I was already late?

"Swan, you're late."

I grinned at Dr. Victoria Hunter as I stopped at the coffee cart and ordered my usual.

She looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

"No explanation? No 'Sorry Dr. Hunter that our patient is waiting in the OR but I just crawled out of some random loser's bed and have to have my coffee first'?" She ranted.

"First of all, you want me to have coffee. No coffee for Bella means the end of the world as everyone knows it as I will go postal and gun down the hospital staff. Secondly, I slept alone last night, which is why I need coffee. I am horny which makes me bitchy. Coffee helps and may I point out that this discussion just added like five minutes to the patient's wait, not that it matters as said patient is knocked out, so this conversation is pretty much moot?" I said.

"I hate you." She said, walking away.

"You love me." I called after her.

"Hurry your ass up or you will be needing surgery." She responded.

Two hours later found us scrubbing out. She kept peering at me from the corner of her eye and it was driving me crazy. But it drove her more crazy that she knew that I knew and was ignoring her.

"Bella!"

I laughed.

"What's up, Vicky?" I dried my hands off and leaned against the scrub sink. Vicky was my long time colleague and friend. She was two years ahead of me and was my resident the year I started. She was now the Head of General Surgery and a damn fine one at that.

"The Chief is making noises about retiring at the end of this year." She said.

I nodded. This I knew. The Chief was my step father.

"Yeah. I know. Should be a fun fight." I murmured. Word was they were hiring in house and all the department heads were chopping at the bit, me included. Luckily it was a board decision and Phil couldn't be accused of nepotism like he was with my department head appointment.

"I am taking myself out of it." She informed me.

'What? Why?" I asked.

"James and I are trying to make things work and me adding four hours a day to the already twelve I spend here per day now…" She shook her head. "I have to put my family first and…I'm pregnant."

"You too? Is there something in the water? That's it, I am double bagging a fucker before sex from now on."

"It is not a disease, Bella." Vicky admonished.

"That is your opinion." I said.

Vicky finished up and threw her paper towel in the garbage bin. She turned to me with a small smile.

"One day, you are going to meet your match. You are going to meet a guy who is going to challenge every delusional thought process in that otherwise brilliant mind of yours and I am going to enjoy watching every second of it." She shook her head and walked out the door.

"Ha! Like that will ever happen." I called after her.

Never gonna happen.

Do you hear me? Never.

So...This is me trying to dip my toes into Twilight fanfic waters. I might succeed, I might fail, but at least I tried, right? Comments are appreciated, flames are not. I don't mind constructive criticism but outright hatred isn't necessary or wanted. This story is finished. It is light, airy and not prone to overwhelming details or cerebral thinking. Just a quick, hopefully funny read.

S