A/n: So, I hate being that author that doesn't update for weeks and weeks but I am in a moving transition and I have had a big month so the next chapter might be delayed. I am trying to make sure that what I am pumping out is quality work and I don't want to disappoint any of you. I do want to thank you for all the kind reviews. It makes my day opening up my email seeing so many reviews for a story that I personally thought wasn't going to be more than a chapter. I want to also thank Dani for her kind words and her enthusiasm of the story. It is keeping me going through these dark times. Another big thank you to Nic for being my beta, I seriously don't know how I would get through this without her. As usual, please leave me reviews! It helps me!
Disclaimer: Once again I do not own any of these characters. They belong to the one and only Ryan Murphy. Though I would really love to own Finn Hudson, it will forever be a dream. The song also belongs to Usher and his writers. Also there is a mention of the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum.
And I ain't trying to fight it, to fight it
But you're so magnetic, magnetic
Got one life, just live it, just live it
Now relax, and get on your back
If you wanna scream, yeah
Let me know and I'll take you there
Chapter 2: Scream
Rachel felt the burn of playing with fire. For all she knew, her body was covered in third degree burns thanks to her little encounter the night before with Finn. She woke up facing Finn, who was fast asleep on the opposite side of the bed. He hadn't moved all night, even though Rachel had hoped that the situation would have become awkward enough to make him move to the couch. He ended up falling asleep soundly and stealing her covers; the man had snored and mumbled in his sleep the entire night. She tried to make herself think the situation was awkward, but it didn't feel that way. She hadn't felt this rested in years, and she couldn't help but wonder if Finn sleeping beside her was the main reason. It was like high school, and for once she felt like all her worries and fears faded away. That is until she woke up finding Finn Hudson still naked in her bed.
Rachel took a breath, pulling back what covers she had and climbing down off the bed. She rushed to her t-shirt to hide her body, afraid that Finn might wake up. She slid it over her head before finding her panties and reaching into her bag for a pair of pajama pants. Quickly she pulled her hair into a messy bun. She looked over at the bed seeing Finn's chest rise and fall. Part of her was scared that she was getting too comfortable with the idea of Finn being around, and so she made a promise to herself that last night was a one-time thing, nothing more. Rachel put on a pair of socks and headed down the hall to the main living room finding Kurt and Santana drinking coffee by the fire. She could hear a few of the guys in the kitchen chatting about some football game, and she swiftly padded in to find a mug for coffee, thankful no one noticed her. Soon enough she was settled in a seat next to Santana and Kurt, her hands wrapped about the steaming mug.
"I'm just telling you fancy pants, getting drunk and trying to flirt with bowtie was a bad move." Santana chuckled; Rachel sipped her black coffee before eyeing him.
"You did what?" Rachel glanced over at Kurt who was hiding his face in his coffee cup.
"Kurt had a little bit too much to drink last night. And by little, I mean the boy got absolutely wasted. He got on stage and stole the microphone from the bar singer and confessed his undying love and devotion to Blaine by singing 'Baby, its Cold Outside'." Santana mumbled.
"To be fair, you ditched me last night. You know how I get Rachel. Don't you remember that time at Call Backs?" Kurt pleaded his case; Rachel was well aware of the fact that her best friend couldn't exactly hold his alcohol.
"I know but I wasn't in the best mood and drinking really wouldn't have made it any better."
"Rough night?" Santana inquired.
"I suppose you could say that." Rachel quipped as she buried her face in coffee again.
"Well how else would you say it?" Santana questioned with a raise of a brow. Rachel contemplated answering her, but instead she kept it to herself; if no one knew about her little romp with Finn, she was going to keep it that way.
"I guess I'm not very good at sarcasm." Rachel snipped before trying and failing to lead the conversation back to Kurt's little drunken evening.
"Well Berry, telling jokes was never your thing." Santana paused as Sam walked by before speaking up again. "But seriously, how was last night?"
"We are trying to get along. What else do you want me to say?"
"Considering I know my brother, nothing is ever easy with him." Kurt butted in glad the conversation was off him.
"And Puck and I have lived with him for years Babs. Lady Lips is right, nothing is easy with Finnocent."
"We fought more than once." Rachel finally admitted. "I'm really not surprised. Putting two ex's in a room who hadn't resolved issues for years, it was bound to happen. We have deep rooted issues stemming back into high school"
"Rachel, you know coming here was going to be an adventure, good or bad. Think of it this way, Finn is a part of your past, your unresolved past. The faster you can figure it out the easier life will be when you go home." Kurt remarked, trying to sound like the voice of wisdom.
"Thank you Dali Llama." Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Are you actually coming out tonight?" Santana pressed.
"Yes, I need to get out of this place and even though alcohol will probably be involved, at this point I don't care." She had begun the vacation with a promise to enjoy herself, and she intended to keep that promise; she deserved happiness, and regardless of present company, she was determined to be happy.
"Drunk Berry?" Santana sounded intrigued.
"I think the only time you ever saw me drunk was at my lame party in high school where we played spin the bottle and I kissed Blaine." Rachel remembered giggling.
"I remember that clearly." Kurt interjected. "And Rachel, please please please don't get drunk. I really don't want to take care of Sloppy Rachel tonight."
"I'm not sloppy." Rachel slapped his shoulder before taking a sip of coffee.
"You are. Do you know how many times Brody called me from the train telling me to leave the door open because he was carrying you upstairs?" Rachel shivered at the thought of Brody taking care of her; there was no part of her that missed him, and she really didn't want to think about him.
"But you forget how delicious their cherry sours are." Rachel smiled, hoping the subject would turn away from Brody.
"Sure. I mean I really don't blame you for sucking them down the way you did. Brody made me want to drink and I wasn't even dating him." Kurt's continued rambling was beginning to annoy her; honestly, if anyone knew that the subject of Brody was a sore one it was Kurt, so why did he insist on bringing him up all the time.
"Rachel, everyone is going on the slopes in an hour, but I am a really bad skier. Do you want to go shopping with me instead?" Santana asked as she stood. Rachel knew that she would be a hopeless mess in the snow and if everyone was going, that mean Finn would be there. Santana was offering her the perfect escape, and she jumped at the opportunity to avoid spending time alone with Finn.
"Sure, I'll go shower then we can go."
She stood up and carried her empty mug to the kitchen, grateful to find it empty; as she rinsed out her mug, she leaned against the counter, taking a moment to contemplate her situation. She'd expected to wake up feeling terrible, but all her mind could think about with Finn, who was probably still draped naked across the bed. She tried to convince herself that the feelings were merely physical. If she was honest with herself, she hadn't had sex that good in years. Finn always knew what buttons to press, and he hadn't lost his touch. Suddenly the image of Finn with other women danced across her mind, and she felt a surge of jealousy. The idea of him with other women, touching them the way he touched her, disturbed her more than she anticipated. It had been a long time since she'd felt this kind of jealousy.
She looked up when she heard footsteps slapping against the granite tile floor, and she stood up straight as she saw Finn turn the corner wearing nothing but pajama pants, his hair messy from sleep. Memories she was sure had been erased flooded her mind. The days he had took naps at her house and waking up with his hair a mess. Or the few nights he did spend in New York before they had broken up. It was like she stepped into a time machine and set it back five years. As he turned the corner, Finn paused, his eyes taking in the fact that she was once again wearing his shirt. She felt the blood rush to her face, the instinct to use this opportunity to make a quick escape building. She wanted to move, but her feet were cemented to the floor as Finn whisked his way past her, grabbing a cup of coffee.
"Sorry I stole the covers all night." Finn made no attempt to hide the fact that they shared a bed. It worried Rachel a little because she didn't want the entire house knowing their antics.
"You were always a blanket hog." Rachel moved her body so he could get to the coffee maker without having to reach around her.
"I guess that is one thing that will never change." He reached for the coffee pot and poured the black liquid into the green mug he was using. "Last night was interesting."
Rachel rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, watching him reach for the creamer. Mentally she ran through his coffee 'recipe'—two scoops of sugar and more cream than coffee to hide the taste; she still didn't understand why the man who hated coffee so much insisted on attempting to drink it.
"Yeah, and it will never happen again." Her words were rushed and sharp, her eyes narrowed and cold. Finn's lips pulled into a smirk as he leaned against the counter and sipped his coffee.
"Were you trying to punish me last night?" Finn asked quietly as he saw Rachel tugging at the shirt that they had originally started arguing about last night.
"If that was what you want to call it, then yes." Rachel was intent on winning their latest battle. "It was punishment sex."
"Well that isn't very nice now is it?" Finn teased. It surprised him how comfortable he had become in twenty hour period. Yesterday they could barely look at each other, and now he was standing here teasing her, letting the tension build as the petite woman challenged him. "You know that bed is really comfortable, I really don't think I am going to want to sleep on the couch after indulging in it last night."
"Too bad, you are sleeping on the couch and that's final. I told you that what happened last night will never happen again. I would love it if we could just be civil during this trip. We are going to be here for two weeks , and it would be nice if we could put whatever unresolved issues we have aside for the duration."
"Hey, I was being civil ever since you walked through that door. You were the one who wore my t-shirt, brought up the past, and then jumped me."
"I did not jump you. You were the one who started kissing me." She felt a twinge of anger.
"I didn't see you pulling away." He was right, and she had to admit it; she hadn't pulled away. Instead she had pressed forward, diving headlong into trouble. They both knew how much she'd wanted to be with him. Rachel felt a flush of heat, tingeing her cheeks bright pink.
"Yeah, a careless mistake on my end." Rachel spat, almost hoping it would . "As I said before, it won't happen again. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go shower so I can go shopping with Santana. Please wait until I am done showering and getting dressed before you come back into the room."
Rachel left him alone in the room, and he just stood there, a grin plastered across his face. This was the Rachel Berry he remembered. This was the Rachel Berry he loved. Not the one who'd showed up the day before, looking like she was dreading being within five feet of him and being reminded of the past. He refused to think about their past or whatever unresolved issues Rachel seemed intent on bringing up with every conversation. He was going to enjoy his trip and hope that Rachel would keep her words about being civil.
She was definitely punishing him. First they have sex –not that he was complaining—but then Rachel decided to make it sound like it was the worst mistake she'd ever made. It was a terrible way to way to start this trip. To top it off, she'd decided to use up all the hot water in the shower before leaving for town. Normally he'd shake it off and assume it was a mistake but he knew Rachel was trying to get under his skin. The worst part was that it was working. She knew he needed a warm shower to get going in the morning and she'd intentionally made sure he wouldn't get one. He complained to Puck the entire twenty minute car ride to the mountain, and then repaid him by helping him unload all the gear before everyone went their separate ways to ski. Once everyone was gone, he and Puck grabbed their snowboards and headed to the lift to get in line.
"So you guys fought, then you fucked?" Puck muttered, his voice laced with confusion.
"Can you keep your voice down? I don't want the entire mountain to know." Finn grunted as the line moved slowly; he spotted Sam helping Quinn onto the lift and hoped that neither of them heard Puck.
"I'm not shocked to be honest." Puck shrugged. "I mean, the way she looked at you from the second she walked in the door—plus you always pick up girls that look like her—it was bound to happen."
"Well she says it's not going to happen ever again."
"You sound disappointed." Puck tilted his head, gauging his friends reaction; truthfully Finn wasn't sure how to feel.
"So maybe I am. I mean Rachel was always good, and when we're together things just fit. I know it sounds shallow, but it's true. Rachel's right though, it shouldn't happen again." Finn looked down at his boots .
"So what happened to her boyfriend?" Finn really didn't want to think about Brody Weston; frankly he hated the guy and everything about him, including his part in Rachel's life.
"She says she isn't dating him but who knows."
"Well if she isn't dating him why are you so worried whether or not it happens again? Clearly she wanted it because if she didn't she wouldn't have actually had sex with you." Puck stated plainly, shrugging as if it was obvious; Finn looked up to see Kurt and Mercedes about two lifts above them chatting and he wondered why Rachel didn't show up. Was he that unbearable to hang out with?
"Puck, you know how things went down between us, and it wasn't good. You were there for most of it." He tugged at his gloves.
"I get that you two have shitty past. You both did some shitty things to hurt each other, but we aren't in high school anymore." Puck nudged him slightly. "You should go for it."
"I'm not going to go for it, Puckerman. It's clear she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, romantically or otherwise."
"Isn't sex supposed to be romantic to girls?"
"Making love is supposed to be romantic, and what she and I did last night would not be considered as making love." Finn let himself recall exactly what had happened the night before, until it dawned on him that he'd just given his friend a pretty intense mental image. "Hey Puck, would it be weird to you if you saw Quinn wearing a shirt that was yours in high school?"
"What do you mean? Like her actually wearing it in high school?"
"No, like if you were to walk into Quinn's room right now seeing her wearing an old shirt you wore in high school would you find it weird?" Finn could see the mountaintops slowly getting closer.
"Um, yeah, it's like she would have some weird attachment to me." Puck flexed his muscles. "Not that I'd blame her. The Puckmaster is looking quite hot these days."
"Rachel was wearing my titan's shirt last night. I walked in on her—" Puck cut Finn off quickly.
"You walked in on her doing what?"
"She was just spending some time with herself." Finn tried to be discreet and vague, but honestly, he knew it was a moot point
"As in…" Puck's eyes went wide, and Finn gave a non-committal shrug. "So wait, let me get this straight. Rachel Berry was wearing a t-shirt you wore in high school while she was touching herself?"
"Jesus Puck, keep your voice down!" Finn punched his shoulder. "But yeah, I walked in and there she was."
"Dude, she's so not over you. I mean she was wearing your shirt and that's proof enough."
"Even if that were true—and I'm not saying I think it is—we live completely different lives, and I'm not going to be her rebound after that douche she was dating." Finn could see the summit coming up and they both had to be ready to jump.
"Excuses, excuses, Huddy. Maybe it goes nowhere, but I'd jump on that train while I had the chance. Have a little fun. Worst case scenario is that you guys part ways and nothing comes of it." Puck held onto the bar as he waited for the lift to slow.
"Because maybe I don't want to just have fun anymore; maybe I'm ready to do a little more than fuck around. Look at all of our friends; you and Santana are happily married, Ryder just proposed to Kitty, hell even Tina and Mike are married. You all are serious in life, and here I am. I'm single; I can't hold on to a woman for more than a week. All I do is run into burning buildings all day and pray I don't catch on fire." Finn bit his lip, trying not to think about how his love life was going nowhere. "I don't know, maybe I'm just destined to be single forever.."
"That's not true man." Puck muttered as Finn positioned himself as the lift stopped. "You're not going to be alone forever, dude."
"Sorry man, but I am shit out of luck on that end." Finn shrugged before jumping off the lift heading down the slope.
This shop was making her uncomfortable. She wasn't sure if it was because she didn't feel attractive enough to wear anything hanging on the racks or if it was because she honestly had no one she would wear any of it for—no one to seduce. This was Santana's bright idea, shopping at Roxy's Boutique. The place was famous for their lingerie designs, but they also had some cute winter outfits. Too bad she knew she could never wear those. Instead she simply skimmed through the jewelry on a shelf next to the dressing room where Santana was trying on her latest selections. What she needed was a distraction, something to make her forget the fact that a director had told her to lose her thunder thighs and that last night she'd allowed her emotions to override her better judgment. Sleeping with Finn was a mistake, and now it just made things between them even more awkward. The last thing she wanted to think about was the fact that she was going to go back to the house and share a room with him again. She'd promised to be civil, and she would stick to her word.
"What do you think about this one?" Santana strolled out of the dressing room wearing a blue baby doll nightgown that complimented the color of her eyes, stopping in front of the mirror to admire her reflection.
"It looks really good on you." Rachel admitted as she found a seat by the mirror; she considered ditching Santana for lunch alone.
"Well of course I look good in it, I am Santana Puckerman." She moved over to a small and started going through it. "Now we need to find something for you. I mean, this place is one of a kind right?"
Rachel was pulled from her thoughts when she saw her friend pull out a matching pink bra and panties set, and her eyes widened when she held it against her body.
"No, no, no, no, no." Rachel practically jerked herself away and yanked the items from her hands, shoving it back on the rack. "I don't need any of this stuff. I don't need to seduce any men like you have to seduce Noah."
"I don't have to seduce him honey, he comes to me. I am just saying—you and Finn are sharing a room you might want to give him something to look at." Santana pulled the panty and bra set off the rack again and held it out to her.
"I am not some floozy that he meets in a bar. I'm not going to strut around in a nothing but a scrap of lace like the girls he probably brings home." Rachel sneered as she stared down at the lace and silk in her hands, trying to work up the courage to try it on.
"The girls that Finn brings home usually end up naked anyways…" Santana watched as Rachel's face fell. "You know he hasn't had a stable relationship in years right?"
"And I care why?"
Rachel finally gave in and decided to try the stupid lingerie on; there wasn't much harm in it. Besides, she didn't get to shop with Santana very often, and she might as well have a little fun.
"Don't be ridiculous, Rachel. Even if you aren't in love with him, you know you'll always care about him." Santana leaned against the frame of the dressing room door. "If I know Rachel Berry, I know she loves her friends and family—even if she doesn't always show it."
"I didn't do anything wrong!" Rachel swung the curtain open with a sigh. "Finn and I did things we both regret, can't we just leave it at that?"
"Damn Berry, you actually look really good." Santana quickly changed the subject as she pushed Rachel if front of the mirror.
Rachel stared at her reflection, part of her wondering if she might have actually managed to lose the two pounds she'd promised herself she'd lose before Christmas. She knew she wasn't repulsive; she was pretty, and deep down she knew that. But it had been quite some time since she actually felt pretty. Brody never called her repulsive or ugly, but he was always trying to 'encourage' her to tone and get into better shape. She knew that was his way of implying that she was fat. So she worked out twice as hard and watched her diet much more carefully. But he never seemed pleased; she was never good enough. Her self-image continued to drop, and Brody only made it worse. He'd gone as far as to tell her she needed a nose job.
"I guess I look alright; my thighs are still huge, and I still have no boobs. I look alright, I could lose a few more pounds in my thighs but overall my goal weight is there." Rachel muttered, hoping her friend wouldn't hear her, and when it seemed that she didn't, she tucked her hair behind her ears. "Hey San, can I ask you something?"
"Sure Hobbit." Santana slid back into her dressing room and once alone Rachel gave herself an appraising look in the mirror before going to change as well
"So I have this friend who just got out a really bad relationship with this guy who tried to mold her into something that she knew she wasn't. He made all these comments about the way she looked—her weight, her boobs, and her nose. Well, anyways, she just saw her ex-boyfriend, and they have a lot of history; she kind of slept with him. How is she supposed to move on from this bad relationship and then this giant mistake of sleeping with her ex?" Rachel knew she'd just made it very obvious who she was talking about, but she was desperate for advice, something she knew she couldn't get from Kurt without judgment; Santana jerked the curtain open before Rachel could finish dressing. "Santana!"
"You slept with Frankenteen didn't you?" She leaned against the doorframe while Rachel fumbled with her clothes.
"I said that my friend was having the issues not me."
"Yeah right and I am Lady Gaga." Santana bit her lip with a smile. "That is why you were being so different this morning."
"I was not being different. I was just being cautious." Rachel pulled her shirt over her head before reaching for her jacket.
"So you did sleep with him?"
"Okay, yes, I slept with him but it was a huge mistake; we were just caught up in the moment. I told him I was going to be civil this trip, but it's hard to do when I know he's still thinking about last night."
"What do mean thinking about last night?"
"This morning he was trying to flirt with me. I can tell." Rachel sat down to zip up her boots.
"Well, he kept teasing me telling me that he doesn't want to sleep on the couch" Rachel knew she shouldn't have opened her mouth, but now it was too late.
"Do you enjoy sleeping with him?" Santana slid into her own boots.
"Obviously, but let's be honest, I haven't exactly been satisfied lately anyway. Not that Finn could ever be disappointing in bed."
"So what's the problem? He seems to want it. You seem to want it. Go for it and thank me later with a big chocolate basket." Santana grabbed the pink lingerie from her hand and check the tag size before moving over to the rack to grab two more outfits in different colors.
"I'm not going to start sleeping with Finn just because we both want each other. Finn and I—there's too much history there and way too many emotions involved. That's a line I'm not going to cross, San."
"Yet you slept with him last night? I am pretty sure that you already crossed the line." Santana dug through a small basket that was filled with charms for a charm bracelet. "I have to remind Puck to come back here to buy me these."
"Yeah, we did sleep together, but it was the spur of the moment time thing that won't happen again. It can't happen again." Rachel was pretty sure that she was trying to convince herself of that fact more than she was trying to convince Santana.
"Sure it won't. Listen, if you are asking me for relationship advice, I'm telling you to go for it. Finn hasn't dated really anyone in years and you have been cooped up with that donkey so long I was afraid you were turning into Shrek." She turned around, holding up a necklace that Rachel was looking at earlier; Rachel chose not to respond to the unfortunate nickname for her ex-boyfriend.
"Go for a sexual relationship with my ex-fiancée, the man I have been dodging to deal with for almost five years?"
"I mean, just be civil and see where it goes. Who knows maybe you can make up for five years lost time? Even if you guys are just friends again it's better than nothing; you were best friends at one point. You know you can never erase how you felt about that right?" Santana looked around once more before heading to the small counter to check out. "I am buying these three outfits just in case you change your mind about the whole get sexy and bang Finn thing. You have to be prepared." Rachel looked at Santana before shaking her head in displeasure not putting up a fight. She hoped that she could keep her cool and not sleep with Finn again, but whether or not she could do it was the mystery.
Rachel admitted defeat and let her friend buy the lingerie, but she had no intention of using it. Following through was going definitely going to be a huge challenge.
He could see her across the room from the bar; it was easy to pick Rachel Berry out of a crowd no matter where she was. She was wearing this little long sleeved burgundy sweater dress that clung to her body in all the right places. The neckline was just low enough, and he couldn't control where his mind went as he watched her move on the dance floor. She was wearing black tights and knee high black boots with heels that lifted her at least four inches, and all he could think about was stripping them way. Currently sipping her third apple martini, Finn was pretty sure she was progressively becoming bolder and bolder. He was sitting with the old gang from school, catching up and pretending they were still teenagers in high school again. The girls were talking about style or something, and he was talking about football with Ryder. It was finally shaping up to be a great vacation.
"Yo Finn, did you hear what I said?" Ryder tried to pull him back into the conversation.
"Sorry man, I got lost in the music. What did you say?" Finn looked at Ryder who slightly shook his head looking back at Marley and Kitty.
"I asked what you thought about the 49ners this year." Finn's eyes floated back over to Rachel as she started laughing with Kurt.
"Yeah, um, they have a good defense." Finn muttered, lifting his beer to his lips and finishing it off.
"Are you kidding me? We were taking about the quarterback Finn." Ryder looked over at the girls and then back at him. "Dude, stop staring before they kick you out of the club."
"I'm not staring." He waved at the bartender to order another. "Did it look like I was staring?"
"Yeah, can't seem to get your eyes off the ladies. I'm surprised Santana hasn't said anything yet." Ryder ordered another beer.
"Well, I'm sure as soon as Kitty notices she'll say something and let them know. She's always been a blabber mouth." Finn suggested to Ryder.
"Hey now, watch it. She isn't that mean." Ryder defended his fiancé.
"Technically I'm mean when it comes to Chubs." Kitty had crept up behind them, hugging Ryder from behind. "Can we go home soon? It's cold and I want to snuggle."
"Go tell everyone we're taking a taxi home, and I'm going to finish my drink; I'll follow behind when I'm done."
Finn was jealous. He hated being the single man of the group. Sam didn't count anymore, not when he was all over Quinn. He tried to ignore the loneliness as he stood there watching everyone leave. He missed having someone who kissed him just because she could or smiled at him the way Kitty smiled at Ryder. It wasn't like those girls he met at bars or got set up with because he was the only single guy in the group lived up to the high standard he'd set a long time ago. He was pretty sure no one could meet that standard.
"Guess I'll see you later. Everyone just started drinking so I think maybe I should stay and make sure no one gets arrested." Finn shrugged.
"Please, I don't need Kitty and Marley waking up at like three in the morning to bail Jake out of jail or something." Ryder gave him a gentle punch in the shoulder before making his exit with Kitty.
Finn felt someone staring at him, and when he turned, he discovered it was Rachel and began to make his way over to the girls.
"Ryder and Kitty are leaving if anyone wants to catch a cab with them.'' Finn offered.
"I'm the DD tonight so I'm staying." Marley added before finding Jake and disappearing into the crowd, and it didn't take long for Finn to find that he was alone on the floor with Rachel
She'd been thinking about what Santana said all afternoon; when she returned from the trip, she tried focus on anything but her conversation at the lingerie store and the things Santana had bought. It was like San was pushing her to be with Finn, and it didn't make sense. Santana kept pushing, and as the day wore on, it kept getting worse, right down to the fact that she'd made a bold attempt at color coordinating their outfits for the evening. But Rachel changed her clothes before they left, exchanging the grey for something much bolder. But Finn's clothes were understated and typical Finn. He wore a gray wool sweater that was pulled over a white dress shirt with black slacks; his hair had that little fin that was always so very Finn Hudson. He looked too good to be true, but then he always did.
"Did you have a good time shopping with Santana earlier?" Finn made a bold attempt to make conversation with her, but all she could think about was kissing him.
"Of course I did. Santana and I haven't spent a lot of time together these past couple of years, and it was good chance to finally hand out." Rachel sipped her drink.
"I'm glad. I was kind of sad not to see you on the slopes."
"You know it would have just been a mess. I would have been slipping and sliding down the slopes."
"You just need a teacher. Puck and I use to go up to this mountain outside of LA, and we got lessons. This is the first time hitting the big slopes though. I fell on my ass all day." Finn laughed as he watched her sway a little to the music.
"I really don't know if I want to learn to snowboard or even ski. I think I would much rather stay in the ski lodge reading a few books by the fire while everyone is out in the freezing cold." Rachel giggled as she set her empty glass down on the table. "I could use another drink."
"I can get you one if you want. I feel like I'm gonna need another beer." Finn shuffled quickly to the bar behind her as she ordered another martini, and he ordered another beer. "Can I ask you a question?" Rachel's eyes peered at him before she nodded quickly.
"Ask away, but I am not promising any answers."
"Who decided to call off your relationship with Brody. Was it you or him?" Finn needed to know if he was just another rebound because she was all heartbroken over the asshole; he needed to know if she was just using him to fill a hole left by some other guy.
"Does it matter?" She reached for her drink, almost willing to down the whole thing in a gulp if she weren't afraid of a hangover.
"To me it does. I get that last night was a one night stand. But I spent the entire day on the mountain trying to figure out what happened, and I want to know if I was a rebound or not." He didn't want to sound like jerk, but he couldn't take it anymore.
"I don't have rebound sex, Finn, but if you really must know, I broke up with him." Rachel moved her finger over the rim of the martini glass.
She didn't like talking about Brody or her relationship with him, especially not with Finn. But she promised herself that she would lie anymore. He let out a small sigh of relief, glad that Rachel had wanted to end her relationship.
"So does that answer your question?"
"Yeah," the word was all he could come up with as they stood there watching each other.
"I don't have time to mess around anymore. I have three weeks to memorize my script for the new musical workshop and if I sit here and worry about the past, it's just going to bog me down." She hated that she was suddenly admitting her feelings.
"What about you?" Rachel blurted out; if her past was fair game so was his.
"What about me?"
"Santana told me you were a big shot firefighter who has girls falling all over you. How is it that you haven't settled down?" Rachel couldn't believe that he hadn't found someone else.
"Just haven't found the right girl." Finn shrugged before chugging his beer.
It wasn't that he didn't find the right girl, because he did find her years ago. But he was so sure that she'd fallen out of love with him, and there was no one else in the world who could live up to the standard she'd set. They stood in awkward silence as they drank. Rachel reached martini number five, and she could feel the buzz of the alcohol burning away her inhibitions. When Santana pulled her out onto the floor, Finn was left to watch. He never could dance. While Finn stood back watching the crowd, his mind fluttered back to a conversation that was going around the dinner table. He didn't think much of it until Rachel told him that she was the one who broke up with Brody, and now he wondered what she had meant by her comments at dinner. He tried to recall what she had said as the music pound loudly behind him.
"I don't want to stay out to late tonight. Kurt and I have our early morning work out's and I would love to keep those in tack." Rachel gestured as she put the glass of wine against her lips. "Really Rach, we are on vacation and I would prefer to sleep in." Kurt let his words slip out as he saw Rachel roll her eyes. "You know why I need to stay on track Kurt." Finn could tell she was hiding something; either that or something had her upset with Kurt. "Enjoy yourself; you don't have to worry about that anymore." Yeah, there was definitely happening with Rachel, and it wasn't good.
"Really Rach, we are on vacation and I would prefer to sleep in." Kurt let his words slip out as he saw Rachel roll her eyes.
"You know why I need to stay on track Kurt." Finn could tell she was hiding something; either that or something had her upset with Kurt.
"Enjoy yourself; you don't have to worry about that anymore." Yeah, there was definitely happening with Rachel, and it wasn't good.He didn't have much time to think as he was drawn from his thoughts by Rachel who had clearly become braver since her last drink. Her loose curls framed her face, swirling as she danced to the music, her heels clicking on the dance floor as she rushed to him smiling. What a difference apple martinis and house music could make to a girl.
"You never liked dancing did you?" She yelled over the music as she took the last sip of her drink before setting it down.
"Nope, I very rarely dance and when I do it's because I want to get laid." Finn answered openly.
"So if you dance with me it means you want to have sex with me?" Rachel asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.
What was she playing at? She was clearly drunk, and alcohol and old emotions mix; the temptation to answer her honestly was overwhelming, but he was trying desperately to be civil.
"Do you want the truth or do you want me to lie?" Finn said over the music as she moved closer to him so that she could hear.
"The truth!" She grinned.
"I don't need to dance with you to get lucky."
Finn was being bold, beyond bold. Rachel bit her lip, before she slapped his shoulder pulling him out on the dancing floor dancing in circles.
"But you will still dance with me right?" Rachel asked her voice far too sweet.
"I suppose I could spare one dance but that's it." Finn suggested as if he was in control of the situation.
Despite the fact that she was drunk and he couldn't dance, they were actually having a good time. He could feel Santana watching him, and he wondered if Puck had spilled the story about what happened the night before with Rachel. But he couldn't focus. He couldn't decide whether he was thrilled that Rachel was grinding against him or concerned that it would make things worse. How could they be friends and civil if all they did was get closer and closer to having sex again. But god, it felt good to feel her moving against him.
"So you're telling me that all you have to do is bat your eyelashes and you get me into bed that easy?"
"Considering how you acted last night, yes."
"Wow, the fact that you think I'm so easy that I would jump into bed with you." Rachel pushed away, grabbing her purse.
Finn knew he should have kept his mouth shut because now she was stomping drunkenly towards the door. Finn rushed over worried that she would try and leave on her own.
"You know I didn't mean that Rachel." Finn blocked her exit. "I was joking around."
"No you weren't." Rachel huffed when he blocked the door, stomping her foot and trying to push him out of the way.
"Rachel stop! I was just kidding. I was flirting with you." Finn admitted.
"Why would you do that? Flirting is for people who are interested in pursuing in some sort of relationship or repeat a sexual encounter, something that isn't happening between us." Rachel bit her lip.
"Seriously Rachel don't leave because I am a drunken idiot." Finn desperately tried to diffuse the situation.
"You have barely drunk anything."
"Enough to make me say stupid shit and act like an ass."
"I told you we should keep this civil. Why are you making this so hard?" Rachel frowned.
"I was just having fun, but I guess I forgot that you didn't like to have fun. You were always so damn serious." Finn gave up on attempting to make things better. "If you will excuse me, I'm just going to leave you alone. If you decide to leave, please get someone to go with you. I wouldn't want you getting lost in the snow."
He turned on his heel heading to the men's room. Rachel stood there for a moment, trying to decide what had just happened. Was she really that awful? She was just trying to be reasonable with the situation. She didn't want to start something she knew she emotionally couldn't finish. Was that unfair? Rachel just wanted to safe, and getting into something that could cause her so much heartache with the man she loved wasn't safe. Impulsively she followed him into the men's room, scanning the area to make sure that no one else was else was looking at where she was going. This was going to be her only opportunity to confront him without any outside interference. She was going to solve this problem once and for all. Rachel moved down the dark hallway seeing the men's room door, and she looked behind her making sure no one was watching her. Rachel pressed her hand on the men's room door and stepped inside.
Rachel looked around the room taking until she found a small bench where Finn was sitting; the place was a lot nicer than she imagined a men's room to be, but maybe that was because this was such a high end club. He was leaned back against the wall, staring at the ceiling, and she caught herself staring at him. Was it strange that she missed just being able to look at him?
"Is this all you want, Finn? Just fun?" Rachel spoke up, and Finn jumped slightly at Rachel's presence.
"Rachel what are you doing in here? This is the men's bathroom, get out." Finn looked around quickly to make sure there weren't any other men in the room.
"Answer the question Finn."
"Rachel, I'm going to answer a question like that." Finn moved towards the door gesturing her to leave, but she just stepped closer to him.
"Answer it please." She quietly whispered looking up at him, her hands resting on his chest.
"If that's all I can have it's better than nothing." Finn moved his lips to her ear, whispering it in her ear and making her shiver; he couldn't stop himself, and part of him didn't want to.
Rachel didn't know how to react. This wasn't smart; this wasn't smart at all. If she did this, it would only last two weeks. This was no relationship, and it would only break her heart. But she needed to feel again, to be with the one person who made her feel beautiful and cared for, and this was the only way. Her hands moved up around his neck and she pressed her lips against his, soaking in the moment as if it was the last she would ever have. Finn leaned against the door as her lips traveled from his lips to his neck just like she did in high school. He let out a soft moan as her hands moved up and under his sweater as if she was trying to explore paradise.
"Two weeks, that's all we have Finn."
Rachel couldn't believe she was agreeing to this. This was so stupid, so dangerous. After everything she'd been through with Brody, this was the last thing she needed to do. But there was something about Finn Hudson that her body on fire; she craved his touch, and she needed to feel the way only he could make her feel, as if she were heaven. Finn's hands trailed down her sides memorizing her curves again.
"Then what?" Finn found himself asking as his hands pulled her closer to his body.
"We go back to the lives we had before; we go back and pretend this never happened. You know we can't fix the past, so let's make the most of it while we can." It wasn't that she didn't want to fix them, but she was so broken. Nothing could fix her, and she wasn't going to let her damage hurt Finn.
Finn wasn't thinking about pain. All he could think about was the absolute pleasure he'd experienced the night before, the ecstasy that flooded his body was everything he'd dreamed of and waited for all these years. He needed to stop before they both got hurt, but he just couldn't stop himself. Rachel was in his arms and even if it was only going to be two weeks, he was going to savor it and hold on for as long as it possible. Vaguely he remembered a song Rachel once sang in Glee. Oh I'd rather hurt then feel nothing at all.
He knew they were setting themselves up for heartbreak. He could feel it. Rachel could feel it. But as their eyes met for a moment, it was like none of that mattered.
"Promise me this will be nothing more than sexual; promise me that we won't get attached again." Rachel asked quietly. "I want us to be best friends again, but it can't be anything more than that, Finn. I'm too broken, and we'll only hurt each other."
Confusion was written across his face, but the way she looked at him chased his concerns away. She opened her mouth to speak again, but he shook his head.
"Will you shut up so I can fuck you now?" Finn whispered in her ear as his hands ran down her back before moving over her soft round ass.
She released a whimper feeling his fingers lightly squeeze her ass to pull her closer. She regretted wearing her tights because they were only a barrier between her and the touch she ached to feel. Rachel wrapped her legs around her waist, reaching for the lock on the door.
"Just in case someone walks in." Rachel whispered before her lips moved to his neck sucking on his pulse point.
He let his head fall back for a moment before he carried her over to the granite counter and set her down, his eyes flickering to their reflection in the mirror. The lights were a lot brighter in this bathroom and he could see her better as he moved his hands up her thighs pushing up the hemline of the sweater dress.
"The one day you had to wear tights." Finn grunted as he moved his fingers higher, Rachel's small whimpers turning into panting.
Rachel's hands moved down his chest once again, feeling every muscle through his sweater before her hands gripped the hem pulled it up and over his head. She dropped it on the floor quickly as her hands unbuttoned his dress shirt underneath taking in every inch of his body. Finn's fingers still danced on her inner thighs before he moved the hemline of the dress up, his eyes fell Rachel's white cotton panties through the tights, and he was tempted to shred them if that was what it took to get them out of his way.
"I hope you aren't attached to these."
"Nope, not at all." She purred into his ear as her fingers danced down his chest to the button on his black slacks.
She slowly unbuttoned them, teasing him. She could see the outline of his hardness, and she smile flickered across her face as she tugged his pants down and out of the way. He was wearing boxer briefs tonight, and they clung to his erection, revealing just how big he was; she wanted to beg him to take her right then and there. Finn moved his lips to hers, let his tongue slip passed them to explore her mouth. He let it flicker over hers as he moved his fingers to the waistline of her tights, pulling them down her body roughly until they bunched around her knees where her boots started. One hand slid up to her chest, massaging her breast through the fabric, and his right stroked over her exposed inner thighs. He pulled away from her lips and she leaned back slightly moving his left hand against her chest massaging her luscious mounds as his right hand danced over her now exposed inner thighs.
"Fuck you are so beautiful…" Finn whispered, concerned that this term of endearment could turn her off, but she didn't pull away.
Rachel seemed to ignore his words as she moved her free hand over the bulge she created in his boxer briefs while his hands massaged her breasts harder. She just wanted his strong hands to explore her body. She wanted to feel like she did when he took her in their room the previous night. Rachel wanted to feel like she was in high school again, experiencing her first orgasm and her first moment of making him release. Finn's right hand moved up higher between her thighs before his middle finger and his pointer finger outlined the middle wetness of her panties.
"Fuck," the word slipped from Rachel's lips as he pulled his fingers away, feeling the wetness drip down his fingers.
For a moment he kissed her, his hands moving over her body, but when his hand left her breath she let out an almost needy moan. He answered by hooking the hem of her panties and roughly pulling the white cotton away from her body; there was small ripping sound, and Rachel's eyes went wide for a moment. His fingers danced up her inner thighs once more before letting his finger over the soft wet skin between her thighs, marveling at the heat he yearned to feel.
"So wet—it's good to know I haven't lost my touch." Finn smirked as he moved his fingers between her lips causing her body to squirm.
"You always knew how to soak my panties."
This was new between the two of them, talking dirty. In high school they were so vanilla and basic, and they got much of a chance to explore other things. This was so incredible. How was she going to stop this and leave to go back home when it was over? All that filled her mind were Finn's fingers moving in and out of her wetness, drawing out moan after moan. He felt her heat drip down his hand as her body rocked back and forth riding his fingers, her hands gripping the edge of the counter until her knuckles turned white. He couldn't help but watch their reflection in the mirror. They looked so good together and the years they spent apart hadn't changed that at all, no matter how painful it was to be apart. This felt so different from the night before, there was no hate in his soul, just the desperate need to be close to her for as long as possible.
"Finn please, I need you to fuck me."
"Oh yeah, how bad?" His fingers moved in and out of her in a smooth rhythm, and he could feel his boxers getting tighter and tighter with each slick movement into her.
They would have plenty of time for foreplay when they weren't locked in the men's bathroom of a night club, and he truthfully didn't know how long he could last at this moment. But he needed to get her close to the edge before he connected with her body. He needed to know she wanted and needed it just as much as he did. Her hands moved up, pulling him into a kiss with a groan out as she rocked against his hand harder.
"That I would do anything…" She whispered running her hands back to his boxers, rubbing his hardness and drawing out harsh moans from his lips.
"Can I fuck you whenever I want?" He moved his thumb to her clit rubbing it in small circles as his two fingers continued to pump in and out, the delicious tightness nearly sending him over the edge.
"You can fuck me whenever, where ever, and however you want." Rachel cried out desperately; concern for what would happen later far from her mind. "You can fill me with your big hard cock."
He could wait no longer; the filthy words that left her lips pushing him over the edge, and he pulled away to give them a chance to finish undressing, both fumbling to remove the clothes that kept them apart. As soon as her boots, tights, and panties fell on the floor, she reached for Finn's boxers pulling them off as her legs dangled over the edge of the counter. She let his boxers fall to the ground she watched his hard length release from the tight material that was holding him back.
"Fuck, you are dirty aren't you?" Finn fished out a condom from his wallet, and Rachel grabbed it from his hands and ripped the foil packet open with her teeth.
"You have no idea how much I was holding back in high school." She smiled sexily as she took out the condom from the package and moved her hand to his erection, wrapping her fingers around him. She rubbed it slowly feeling his pre-cum slip out before rolling the condom down slowly and sensually as his eyes fell closed.
"You have two weeks to show me." Finn growled before he pulled her hand away from him and wrapping her legs around his waist; he teased her soft wet center with his tip, feeling her writhe against him desperately.
Her body leaned back against the mirror and her arms wrapped around Finn's neck as she felt him push his length into the tight wet paradise. God the sounds that escaped her lips. They started out with moans, and then linger into whimpers, before turning into full-fledged screams. The music was loud enough to cover both of their screams as he moves his body in motion with her hearing the slaps of their bodies touch each other.
"Harder Finn, fuck me harder." She begged, her voice lifting an octave, as she fumbled for something to grip.
Finn picked her up from the counter moving her and pressed her back against the door, offering them more leverage and support as he continued to pound into her harder. His free hand moved between them and his thumb found her clit; he wanted her to reach her peak with him inside her, and her hips jerked. She reached for his hand, pushing it away, and he lifted an eyebrow in confusion.
"I want to make you cum." Finn grunted as he continued to push deeper and harder into her.
"You don't need your fingers for that." She whispered heatedly, kissing under his ear as she moved to change the angle of his thrusts, allowing him to brush against her g-spot. "Right there, Finn, don't stop."
He gripped onto her ass as he found her talking control over the movement. Rachel's body trembled, her back arching with each thrust. He leaned down kissing her neck as his thrusts became harder and more erratic. Each time he brushed her g-spot she gasped and moaned louder. Suddenly her entire body tensed, and he brought her to her peak with one final thrust.
"Oh fuck—fuck yes—Finn, I'm cumming!" Rachel screamed out his name as buried her face into his neck. He could feel more wetness stream down his shaft and within seconds Finn chased her climax with his own. The two leaned against the door for a moment, both shaking, Rachel wrapped in Finn's arms.
"God I love it when you scream." Finn was pretty sure that whatever this arrangement was, it didn't allow for post-sex cuddling, and so he dropped a quick kiss to her lips as they separated and she began to hunt for clothes. "This is going to be the best vacation ever."
"Get dressed Finny; we don't want anyone to be suspicious." Rachel voice seemed flat and almost emotionless as she leaned up to kiss him, better to stay distant to avoid heartache; Finn pulled off the condom and threw it away before he dressed and watched Rachel do the same.
"Question?" Finn buttoned his slacks as watched Rachel toss her destroyed panties into the trash.
"Shoot." Rachel slid on her tights then her boots before straightening her dress and looking at her reflection in the mirror making sure that she didn't look like she had just been completely and thoroughly fucked.
"When we get back can we have round two?"
He didn't want to be greedy or come off as some pushy asshole who was using her for the opportunity to fuck whenever he wanted. But if this was all he had, then maybe he needed to take as much as he could get before he had to say goodbye. For the first time in almost a year, Rachel felt wanted and beautiful, and she was rapidly discovering that she wanted more and more of that feeling.
"We'll see." She waited as he finished dress before she unlocked the door and peeked around to see if anyone was outside. "I'll go out first, and you follow in about two minutes. When we get home, maybe my mouth will be ready to please you."
She tossed him a wink as she reached for her handbag and skipped out the door, waiting until he couldn't see her before she let the mask fall and the pain show even a little. Finn's grin grew wider as he watched her go. Part of him knew that when the two weeks were up, he was going to be heartbroken; they both were. But again the lyrics played in his head.
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.