Hello again everyone! Merry belated Christmas! and Happy New Year to you all! Ah, finally finished the first chapter to my new story. It will be quite a dark story, but there will be lemons so don't panic :)
It is mainly based on PreciousMetalShipping I.E GoldXSilver for those who don't know, but there will be hints of Polishipping and even some Originalshipping thrown in. Be nice to me I have never written from Silver's point of view before and that is how the story begins.
Oh and just to let you know I don't own Pokemon or make any money from this fanfic, or any of my other work. I don't want people suing me :P
Chapter One: So what if I like chess?
Throughout my life I had always tried to control every aspect of it.
It ranged from the small things, such as how often I would wear a pair of socks or when I would wash my hair and for how long, to the bigger things like my emotions and feelings about other people. Well... most of the time I didn't have those... feelings I mean. It was like I was just empty, and that no-one mattered to me. I guess that now I had controlled so much of my life that I even managed to control my heart.
I have never felt love, or anything of the sort, I have never dated anyone or ever wanted to for that matter. To be honest I liked being on my own, it was safer that way, then no-one would get hurt in the process.
It was times like the present when I loved knowing I had control over a situation, a battle with some loser in the street, a fight with a tramp who stunk of body odour, or just to make myself feel good. As long as I knew I was the one in control then I was happy.
Just like now.
Here I stood watching some loser, who was about ten? Eleven maybe? Trying to helplessly save his pathetic excuse for a Pokemon from my attack.
A Ratatta, so utterly pathetic.
It had no chance against me, but I waited.
I didn't deliver the finishing blow right away, no that would be too easy. I wanted him to suffer, to sink into the pits of despair while I knew deep within I had the power to either win this fight or lose it.
Ha! Losing wasn't an option, only weak people lose.
"Sneasel, finish him off!" I commanded, watching my ice type use it's slash attack on the Ratatta.
It shrieked and was sent crashing to the ground. It's body trembled but it was unable to stand.
I was the winner.
The boy, actually let me correct that... the loser just stood there trembling like some stupid leaf in the wind.
What, was I that intimidating? I sure hoped so.
"You... you..." He stuttered, trying helplessly to save what was left of his feeble Pokemon.
Of course, Pokemon are only as weak as their trainers, so it was only natural his would lose. I smirked and folded my arms.
"Yes, I know. I'm too good, you don't have to tell me that,"
The boy scowled as tears fell down his face.
"You... you treat Pokemon so wrong! You... you have no heart!" He cried out.
Like that would bother me.
Hell I knew that! I didn't give a fuck about it.
"Let me tell you something kid..." I muttered, walking calmly towards the cowering boy. "...Pokemon are only as weak as their trainers, so that means you must be one God awful trainer,"
His eyes twitched as fresh tears fell down his face, I could see he was trying to speak but no words came out of his mouth. I smiled again.
"Maybe you should just give up being a trainer, after all, you won't ever win a battle with weak Pokemon like that,"
Watching this loser break down in front of me was actually kind of appealing, to think that I had complete control over this situation. Again he remained silent and just cradled his pathetic Pokemon.
What a loser.
"Take up another career maybe... like a Tree Surgeon," I commented, returning Sneasel to her Pokeball and taking my leave.
That was enough for today, I had caused enough chaos and was proud of it too.
All I could hear as I walked away were that loser's cries because he lost.
He should have expected it, that is what happens when you cross me.
For some odd reason I found myself standing outside Goldenrod's Pokemon Centre. It didn't seem such a bad idea to maybe rest there for a while, after all, it would give me a chance to warm up and my Pokemon to relax.
It was also my day off from work for a change.
Lately the Manager at the Goldenrod Department store seemed to give me the dodgy shifts, the one's that no-one else would do because they were either too God damn early or really late at night.
Oh well, not like I had that great a social life, and to be honest work was the only thing I slightly enjoyed right now.
I sighed, thinking about how stupidly late I would have to work tomorrow night.
Until 10pm? They were seriously pulling my leg, but I agreed to it. Turning down an opportunity for me to earn more money wasn't an option.
I entered the Pokemon Centre, realising that it was late afternoon so it was probably going to be crowded with other pathetic trainers who couldn't fight themselves out of a paper bag. Frowning to myself my eyes darted across the mass of people, all standing around, gossiping about the days events.
Why the fuck were they in my way? Couldn't they see I was trying to get past?
In annoyance I barged past a teenage boy who was in my way and stomped up to the counter. Nurse Joy smiled at me before she spoke.
"Hello young man, would you like me to heal your Pokemon?"
I just nodded and placed the Pokeball's on the counter.
Shoving my hands in my pockets I waited impatiently for her to finish so then I could sneak back off to my apartment, which luckily for me was in Goldenrod City. I needed to have a serous clean up, lately I had just gotten so messy and untidy because of work and since I had the day off it seemed a good idea.
Nurse Joy swiftly returned handing my Pokemon back to me with another smile.
"Have a nice day!"
I scowled and snatched the Pokeball's off the counter.
I just wanted to go home now, my deeds for the day were officially over and now I felt exceptionally pleased with myself.
As I was about to walk through the abomination of people once again I heard my name being shouted,
I froze immediately, knowing exactly who the voice belonged to.
This was bad, it had been three months, maybe more since I had seen him and considering he was the only person who I could call an 'acquaintance' then he would definitely want some sort of explanation.
It was Gold.
I slowly turned around to face the direction of the voice, feeling all the hairs on my neck stand on edge.
It was Gold and he was sitting at a table with Crystal. He was smiling stupidly again, just like how he used to and I really wanted to just turn and walk away.
I had no time for this.
"Don't just stand there! Come over here and sit down!" He called again, this time making Crystal wave at me.
Biting my lip I cursed myself.
Why did I want to sit down and have a cosy chat with those two? Especially Crystal, she was hardly the easiest person to talk to.
Sighing I admitted defeat and trudged towards them, knowing that if I did actually walk away Gold would never let me hear the end of it.
"It's been way too long Silver," Gold mumbled, trying to sound disappointed as I sat down uneasily.
I shrugged, not really caring how long it had been.
I was busy, you know working for a living and stuff like that.
"I see you are your same indifferent self," Crystal commented, still smiling like an idiot.
This was not what I needed right now, I needed to get home and clean my apartment. It was the only time I had to do it.
"I can't stay for long, I have more important things to do" I said sternly, folding my arms.
Gold seemed to pout at my words.
"But we haven't had a chance to catch up! You only just got here and you want to leave already? Oh come on Silver, don't be such a spoilsport,"
I sighed again, placing a hand to my head.
A catch up was the last thing I wanted right now.
"Yeah! We have tons of gossip to share with you!" Crystal beamed, nudging Gold in the ribs making him cringe in pain.
My eyes continued to flicker across both of them, still as annoying as ever.
"I'm not interested"
Crystal seemed genuinely hurt by my comment, not that I cared. She was of no importance to me. I just tolerated her because she was a good friend of Gold's, but then again... why did I tolerate Gold? It's not like we were great friends or anything.
In fact I don't really recall a time I was ever nice to him, when we first met I did push him over in front of the laboratory and several occasions after that.
"So... I hear you got yourself a job now?" Gold asked, his eyes looking directly into mine which made me cough uneasily.
Like I was going to tell these two where I worked?
I wouldn't get any rest and they would probably keep coming in the store just to annoy the crap out of me.
I huffed in annoyance;
"It's none of your business"
"I heard he's working in Goldenrod Department store..." Crystal tried whispering across to Gold, but I heard every word anyway.
"So what if I am? That doesn't mean you two can come and bother me at work"
Gold pouted once again.
"Do you really think we would do that?"
Did he want me to answer that truthfully?
Instead I bit the inside of my lip and turned away, trying to think of a suitable excuse for me to leave, and quick.
"Anyway, Crys and I were going to stop here tonight to rest up for tomorrow, do you want to stop with us?" Gold asked, his voice sounding as if he was begging me to say yes.
"But why not? It will be fun!" Crystal joined in and I scowled at her, making her shut up immediately and look away.
"What is so fun about staying in a smelly Pokemon Centre stuck with you two?"
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot! You don't know how to have fun do you, Silver?" Gold joked, laughing after his words.
I guess he was right in a way. Fun for me was kicking the crap out of some loser in a battle, or being generally mean to strangers in the street, not staying in here with two babbling idiots.
"I think the only time I have seen him interested in anything other than battles is when I introduced him to chess..." Gold mused, making Crystal perk up again.
"I never knew you liked that sort of thing Silver," She said, her voice sounding pretty shocked.
Chess was okay, it was kind of like a battle and you could still kick your opponents ass at it.
"I didn't at first...but Gold kept going on and on at me to try it..."
"Yeah, I guess I did. I persuaded him to play with me. I suck at it, but Silver cottoned on pretty quick"
It was now I was noticing how quiet the Pokemon Centre had become.
"I am a fast learner, unlike you," I mocked Gold, who just laughed.
"But I taught you everything you know!"
"Like hell you did! I had to learn it properly from using books and the internet! You taught me things you are not supposed to do!"
A few snickers were heard in the Pokemon Centre and I tensed up slightly.
Why was everyone else so quiet? Was the conversation so interesting or something?
"Ha! Yeah, sounds like me. But still, now I bet you could beat anyone at it,"
"I wouldn't go that far, it's not like I am a professional or anything,"
Crystal's face seemed confused for a second before she joined in.
"Have you ever thought about taking it up professionally?"
"Could you really imagine Silver doing that for a living?" Gold commented and they both laughed.
Well, at least I had a hobby and something I was good at as well.
"Shut up Gold, I could beat you any day at it."
"So... what got you so interested in it?" Crystal asked me, leaning on the table, looking at me with large blue eyes.
Surprisingly I had gotten into this conversation now.
"I guess it was the thought of having control over the other person, and knowing their every move and having something to come back with. Most people just think you need a lot of luck for things to go smoothly, but it's all about knowing the other person and what they will do,"
Loud laughter erupted in the far corner of the room, making me turn and scowl at whoever was causing it.
How dare they interrupt my conversation!
"Yeah, Silver kind of goes into maniac mode every time. I mean when we did it the first time he was confused at first, but then he learnt faster than I did! It took me absolutely ages to figure out how to do it properly, but he's a natural"
The hairs on my neck stood on edge as I could feel everyone's eyes burning into the back of my skull.
Why was everyone so interested?
It was probably the most boring conversation ever to those losers.
I bowed my head, trying to ignore it.
"I could never do that, it's just so...difficult! I don't understand how anyone can do it..." Crystal groaned, probably feeling sorry for herself.
"Don't worry Crystal, I don't think it's for you anyway," Gold mused, patting her blue hair lightly in a patronising way.
It was still too damn quiet in here, I didn't like it.
My paranoia was acting up big time.
"So... when was the last time you did it? Properly I mean," Crystal asked me, obviously genuinely interested.
I sighed, not actually knowing.
"I have no idea, I think the last time was with Gold... a few months ago"
"I remember that, you absolutely owned me! I just had no way of fighting back. It was like it was over as soon as it started,"
Once again the laughter erupted throughout the Pokemon Centre and I suddenly went very quiet.
Things were starting to piece together in my mind. By the look on Crystal's face it seemed like she knew why everyone was laughing.
"Guys, I think we should change the subject..."
"Why?" Gold whined, turning to his childhood companion.
Coughing uneasily she looked around the room and whispered.
"Everyone is staring at us, especially at you and Silver,"
I had noticed it too, and it was extremely unnerving.
Gold smiled uneasily as the laughter died and was replaced with deadly silence.
Then it was like the penny dropped and I accidentally shouted out;
Putting my head in my hands I knew exactly why people were laughing at us and staring.
"What's wrong?" Gold asked, seemingly worried.
"Think about it Gold, that conversation... it didn't sound like we were on about chess did it?"
And it sure as hell didn't!
It sounded as if we were talking about sex, and me doing it professionally and the last time I did was with Gold! Oh fucking hell!
I tried hiding my face as Gold exclaimed;
"Well... I guess not now I think about it. It kinda sounds like me and you were..."
"I know! You don't have to fucking say it!" I literally screamed at him, keeping my face hidden in my arms.
"But does it really matter what they think? We all know you wasn't talking about that so why get upset over it?" Crystal tried making me feel better but the damage had been done.
I didn't want the whole fucking Pokemon Centre thinking I was gay and liked having sex with Gold!
I already got teased about that because of how long my hair was and I hardly looked very manly did I?
I could slowly feel my energy draining away as my head ended up slamming onto the table.
"Silver... don't get so worked up about it. I don't care, It's kinda funny really," Gold chuckled, but I wasn't laughing.
How could I laugh about this?
Everyone now thought I was some sort of faggot who enjoyed owning Gold's ass.
Hell, I didn't know the first thing about that sort of thing!
And now I couldn't escape it.
"Gold... you wouldn't care if the Pokemon Centre exploded..." Crystal muttered under her breath loud enough for us to hear.
"I wouldn't go that far,"
"I don't want people to think I'm... I'm... gay!" I exclaimed, lifting my head up now to stare at both of them.
Gold shrugged, he obviously was unaffected by this.
"Does it really matter? You are probably never going to see these people again, and so what if they think that? You shouldn't get upset over it if it isn't true"
I scowled at Gold, biting the inside of my mouth, trying to come up with something vulgar and horrible to say back but, I just couldn't.
Of course it wasn't true, but I didn't want people to think that way about me.
Gold would probably act camp if someone accused him of being gay anyway, just to amuse everyone, but I wasn't like that. I took things too personal always.
I sighed, feeling the walls close in on me slowly.
"Come on Silv, cheer up,"
"Don't fucking call me that!" I spat angrily, glaring at the dark haired boy whose amber eyes widened at my words.
"It's fucking girly, Silv is a girl's name and I'm not a girl," I commented coldly.
He nodded, and turned to Crystal who just shrugged.
"I think we should go to our rooms for the night, at least then we won't have any more people staring at us,"
Now the idea of staying here didn't seem all that bad.
Truth be told I didn't want to walk through all the people and have them all judge me and mock me. Perhaps staying here tonight wouldn't be so bad.
"Is the offer still open?" I mumbled, hating myself for this.
"The offer to stay here tonight..."
I watched as both of them smiled at me, and immediately I wanted to change my mind.
They had already caused me enough grief as it was.
"Of course it is!" Crystal beamed happily.
"Actually forget it... I'm going home!" I declared, standing up and almost knocking my chair to the floor.
Again everyone stared at me with those piercing eyes that literally carved into my withered soul. Closing my eyes I took a deep breath, wanting to ignore it.
Why did my paranoia get so bad?
Usually I wouldn't care if I was causing a scene, but not now. Not now everyone thought I was some sort of faggot.
"Silver, calm down. It's okay, you can stay here with us, we really don't mind" Gold said quietly, trying to get me to sit down again.
All the hairs on my neck were standing on edge as my head bowed.
As much as I hated this I hated the attention even more so reluctantly I sat down once again.
"Seriously, one of these days you are going to have some sort of breakdown..." Crystal commented, placing a hand to her head.
Folding my arms I ignored it, not wanting to say anything else. Seems like our conversation had already ended badly, and remind me never to speak of chess ever again.
"But we have a little problem Crys..." Gold said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
"We only ordered two rooms for tonight..."
My eyes widened and I wanted to literally run out of the Pokemon Centre right now.
I didn't care if everyone mocked me or stared at me, the thought of sleeping in the same room as either of them was making my skin crawl.
Even worse if I stayed in the same room as Gold!
There was no way in hell that was happening.
"Fuck no..." I murmured, shuddering.
"Crys, go to the counter and see if Nurse Joy can order us an extra room,"
I watched as the blue haired girl stood up uneasily and made her way over the the counter.
Sighing I could not believe how stupid I was, if I had just decided to go home instead of coming here then I would not have bumped into Gold and he would not have made me talk about fucking chess and make everyone think I was a faggot.
There was still time.
"Silver... I don't see what the big deal is," Gold mused, refusing to look at me.
"It's bad enough being stuck here with you two let alone sharing a room with you!"
I watched as the amber eyed boy just chuckled at my words.
Honestly I did not see what was so amusing. Then again that was just how Gold ticked, he found almost anything funny, and especially if it was aimed at me.
"Is it because you are worried that everyone will think you are gay?"
"Shut the fuck up Gold, you have no idea how I am feeling" I said coldly, refusing to look at him any more.
I guess it was a concern of mine, and the thought of sharing a room with either of them wasn't very appealing. Being in my apartment on my own in my own bed was more like it. So what it was just me in that apartment, but that suited me fine, in fact solitude was the only thing I enjoyed more so than working.
My eyes flickered upwards when I noticed Crystal returning to the table, her face looking a little solemn.
"Well?" Gold asked, nudging her slightly.
She sighed and shook her head.
"All the rooms have been taken, there is nothing she can do about it,"
"This is fucking great..." I muttered, biting the inside of my lip in annoyance.
There was still time to go home and leave these losers here and never have to see them again.
Yeah that seemed like a pretty good idea, go home and clean my apartment. Right, now think of an excuse...
"It's okay, I can stop in the same room as Gold if you like and you can have my room," Crystal offered, trying to help in some way.
Shit, there was even an option for me now.
My eyes watched Gold's expression.
It seemed he wasn't too keen on that idea for some reason, which was weird because they were such good friends. Maybe it was the whole male and female sleeping in the same room thing, I don't know.
"Forget it, I'll just go home,"
"Come on Silver! It won't be that bad!" Gold tried lightening my mood even if it was just marginally.
Those large amber eyes of his stared into my own cold silver ones and I couldn't help but look away.
Why did he always look like that when he wanted something? I was trying so hard to fight this, to say no, to stick to my guns and just leave.
Why was it so hard to say a simple word?
"Besides... we need to talk about Gold's birthday!" Crystal beamed, making me flinch involuntarily.
Gold's birthday? Why on Earth did she want to involve me in this charade?
Birthday's were a waste of time, wow you get a year older and twice as drunk, nothing really great to celebrate. I sighed, feeling as if my only means of escape was fading and now I would be stuck here for the night.
"Crys I told you not to make a fuss!" Gold said sternly, shaking his head.
"But you are only eighteen once!" She cried out, trying to get her point across.
It was stupid really, even though I wasn't best friends with Gold I could read him like a book.
He secretly wanted a big fuss made of him, to be centre of attention. The complete opposite to me, but sadly my birthday was Christmas Eve so usually everyone was making a fuss anyway.
"So.. will you help me with the birthday?" Crystal literally begged me and I sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time this evening.
I casually stole a glance at Gold and as expected large eyes stared back at me, making me look away instantly.
"No" I spat, making the blue haired girl's eyes widen.
"But why not?"
"I have more important things to do,"
Of course it was a lie, in fact the most important thing I did nowadays was go to work and do my dodgy shifts at the department store.
I just didn't want to be associated with this stupid idea and especially if Crystal was organising it.
Disaster was bound to strike.
"Oh Silv, you're killing me!" Gold wailed, pretending to be upset, quite obviously I might add.
I scowled in distaste.
"Don't fucking call me that!"
"Oops, my mistake," He chuckled, completely forgetting the fact he was acting upset less than a few seconds ago.
I hated the way he acted so carefree, like nothing in the world fazed him at all.
I hated the way he could easily approach anyone and act like he had known them for years.
The main thing I hated though was his smile, that stupid goofy smile of his, it really ticked me off. If the world was ending he would still be stood there smiling like an idiot. Not a care in the world, just happily going through life without any worries, a fucking perfect life...
"Silver? Are you listening to me?" Crystal beckoned suddenly, making me snap out of my train of thought.
My eyes focused on Gold, who now looked kind of confused and a little worried.
"No... I guess not," I murmured, rubbing my head.
What the hell just happened? Did I just space out or something?
"Why were you just glaring at Gold?"
I looked across to Crystal, her expression seemed none to friendly.
I scratched my head, closing my eyes for a second.
"Yes! You were just glaring at him like he was dirt on the bottom of your shoe!"
Shit, seemed like my thoughts got carried away.
I never meant to glare, I guess it was just a part of me. Bowing my head slightly I bit the inside of my lip.
"I didn't know I was doing it..."
"Hey Crys, it's fine! No harm done! Silv's glare attack did not leave me paralysed, so don't worry!"
There he goes with the pet names again! Maybe he was doing it to psyche me out, was that it?
Still, I decided against causing a fuss this time.
"That's not the point..." She continued, as large threatening azure eyes glared back at me.
Seemed like my actions had really gotten under her skin for some reason.
"Maybe he wasn't staring at me, but through me? Like when people space out or something, well I do it a lot..." I looked across at Gold, who was trying to come up with an excuse for me.
"I think we should all head up to our rooms, I'm getting tired," I murmured, trying to get rid of the tension that had leaked into the atmosphere so suddenly.
Not that I hated tension, usually it was one thing I loved, but not this time. It just seemed... odd.
All three of us made haste and retreated up the stairs to where the rooms were located.
The Pokemon Centre was dimly lit as night time was setting in, leaving us to bathe in it's afterglow. The stairs creaked underfoot and a part of me wondered if they would just cave in and I would just plummet to my untimely doom.
"So, who's sharing with who?" Gold asked, standing outside two doors.
I didn't want to voice my own opinion so I remained quiet. My antics had caused enough chaos for one night.
"Well... I would rather not share with either of you," Crystal commented, making Gold nod respectfully.
That was exactly how I felt right now.
"Okay, then Silver can share with me,"
Somehow I managed to trip over nothing and almost ended smashing my face into the wall.
Well, I had good reflexes sometimes...
Regaining my balance and brushing myself off I waved my hand, showing I was okay. They need not worry about me.
"Yeah, we can talk birthday's tomorrow," Crystal beamed, now happy about the fact she had a room to herself.
I on the other hand was not so thrilled.
The idea of sleeping in the vicinity of Gold wasn't what I had in mind on my day off, but I just tried my best to accept it.
It was for one night, no big deal right?
"Goodnight Crys!" Gold said, as both him and I watched the blue haired girl whisper 'goodnight' and retreat to the safety of her room.
Then it was just Gold and I, and the silence started to sink in, smothering every crevice of the hallway. I could just barely make out his expression in the dim light, it seemed like he wanted to say something but decided against it.
"Sorry about the room arrangements Silver," He eventually decided on saying.
I shrugged, trying to make out it was no big deal.
"It's fine, lets not make a habit out of it though" He smiled again and I cringed.
Why? What the fuck was there to smile about?!
He fidgeted in his pocket for a moment to get the key for the room. I just waited patiently, after all, I rarely had a decent night's sleep so this should be no different.
Slowly Gold unlocked the door and pushed it to, releasing a heavy creak as the wood scraped against metal. Seemed like this door hadn't been opened for years! It was in desperate need of repair.
With that in mind I followed Gold into the room and prepared myself for the night's events.
The room was actually okay for a Pokemon Centre room. Not up to hotel standard but, with a little more added luxuries it could come close.
It was quite large and airy, allowing lots of natural moonlight into the room.
The décor was not to my taste, but it was basic. Creams and whites, the same colour as the curtains.
If it was me I would've preferred black or red, at least red is a warm colour.
All this white was making me feel even paler than usual.
"See, it's not so bad is it?" Gold tried pointing out as I watched him dive onto the large bed, which was also coloured in sickly whites and creams.
Slowly my eye twitched as the realisation started to sink in.
This wasn't a single room! We had a fucking double bed!
Closing my eyes and balling my hands into fists a part of me could not help but think Gold knew about this, and that was why he apologised outside the door.
Instead of pummelling seven shades of excrement out of him I walked over to the large window and sat down in one of the chairs.
I would stay here tonight, no questions asked.
"Silver? Why are you over there? The bed is real comfy!"
"I don't care," I spat, folding my arms and returned to gazing out the window at the hundreds of stars that illuminated the sky.
I heard him sigh behind me.
"So what, you going to stay up all night?"
"Maybe I will."
The bed creaked suddenly and I turned to see what he was doing.
He was now sat up on his knees, arms between his legs, looking at me with sorrowful eyes.
Like I would fall for that look.
"But you'll get dark circles under your eyes and you'll get wrinkles if you don't get enough rest"
"I'd rather wither away than sleep in there with you!" I literally shouted.
Turning away I vowed not to look back, I would stay here just gazing outside, looking at all the stars and wondering if any of my old wishes would come true eventually.
It was silent for a while, it seemed like Gold didn't know what to say, and that was how I liked it. Sadly the silence did not last for very long.
"You like looking at the stars, huh?"
Bowing my head slightly I laughed nervously.
"So you noticed?"
"What's so interesting about them?" Gold questioned, making me reminiscence about the past for a moment.
The stars were always a comfort to me ever since I was little, and whenever I felt like I had nowhere else to run or turn to, I would look into the night sky and make a wish to the stars.
Now I think about it, it was really stupid.
"It's none of your business,"
"Come on Silver, don't be like that..."
There was another wave of silence, only this time the silence was even more awkward than the last time. It just made me want to tell him everything, about the past, about why I was so bitter and twisted.
Sighing I relaxed in my chair.
"It's just... something I do to remember the past,"
"But... why would you want to remember the past? Why not look forward to the future?"
I chuckled at his words.
Future? What future? What future did I have?
I didn't, I would be stuck in the rut of going to work, coming home, cooking food, eating alone and then going to bed only to replay the same sordid routine day after day.
"The past is the only way I can remember my Mother..." I blurted out, forgetting that Gold was in the same room as myself for a second.
I placed my head in my hands, trying to block everything out, this room, Gold, this situation.
It was all a mess, I shouldn't be here, I should be at home on my own.
"So... the stars, are they some sort of comfort to you?" Gold's voice was soft and tender for once, which was strange.
I was so used to his annoying brash voice. I nodded, realising that he probably couldn't see me in the moonlight.
"Mom... used to tell me when I was younger that if I felt down or upset, or I felt like I was going nowhere to always look up at the stars and make a wish that things will get better,"
Now it was out in the open it actually felt like a weight was lifted from my weary shoulders and somehow I managed to find the strength to look over at Gold.
He was now sat on the edge of the bed, just looking at me.
"Now it makes sense, so basically you are feeling like that now?"
I scowled, not wanting him to know how I was feeling.
I should have complete control over this situation, over my stupid emotions or lack of them.
Yet, right now I didn't.
"I just find it helps sometimes..."
We didn't speak any more after that.
Gold eventually fell asleep on the large bed, snoring so loudly that I thought it might wake up Crystal next door.
I tried to get as comfy as possible in the chair, even though sleeping in such a confined space was rather difficult. Still, sleepless nights always haunted me so it shouldn't be any different tonight.
But before I tried to sleep I looked upon the brightest star in the sky, silently wishing for some sort of change in my life, for it to alter direction and maybe to eventually find some solace from somewhere.
Closing my eyes I smirked. As if that was ever going to happen to someone like me.
First chapter finished! Brownie points for anyone who thought the chess conversation sounded dodgy anyway! Please read and review! It would mean so much to me!