Title: Mortal Coil 0/?
Rating: R/NC-17
Category: Angst, Dark Fic
Warnings: Yaoi, shounen-ai, Aya bastardization, Ken torture, non-consensual sex
Pairings: AyaxKen,KnightxKen, hints of Yohji+Ken
Author: Ellyr
Author E-mail: airyn_shinigami@yahoo.com
Archives: if you want it to can have it, just e-mail to let me know

Ken ran.

He didn't want to remember the events of the past two hours but he couldn't forget, the pain and anger and fear that had gone with them was too vivid. The feeling of Aya forcing himself on him, biting viciously at his neck and thrusting so roughly into his body that it tore his insides apart. His own pained cries and pleading sobs for the redhead to stop, pathetic entreaties that were ignored. How helpless he'd been against the swordsman's rage, his own inability to fight back forcing him to give himself over to whatever Aya wanted to do to him. That was what haunted him the most; he had had given in.

He hated himself for that.

Ken had waited until he was absolutely sure that Aya wouldn't be coming back, that was he was truly gone for the night before pulling his window open and carefully dropping down into the alley running behind the Koneko. He didn't want any of the others to see him leaving, not when his blood and Aya's cum were still smeared across his skin. The evidence of his shame. The shame that would be a stain on him for the rest of his life.

And so here he was, running away from everything he had known for what felt like forever.

It was cold outside. A few snowflakes were already drifting out of the bleak November sky to scurry across the pavement, their clean beauty and whiteness representing the essence of purity. He could feel his gut twisting as they brushed against his cheeks. They made him feel even dirtier if that was possible, their light innocence making his sudden and violent violation seem all the more vivid. His fingers clawed at his arms in an unconscious desire to rip the skin off. He wanted to be clean again. But it was hopeless.

Ken only slowed when the pain stabbing into his side grew too sharp to bear, his breath coming in ragged gasps and pants. His lungs felt like they were on fire. He bit his lips and glanced back in the direction of the hayana. Wondering if he would ever be able to go back and face what had happened. Face Aya.

He couldn't help it anymore. He sank down onto the pavement and buried his face in his arms as the tears streamed down his face. It hurt. It hurt, knowing that he had been raped by one of his own teammates, the only people in this world he could truly count as his friends...

Why? Why, Aya?

The tears flowed faster as everything that had happened flashed through his mind, going faster and faster. Aya coming silently into his room, still gripping his katana, his violet eyes cold and hard and unreadable. His icy hands pushing Ken roughly onto the bed and then pinning the brunette's arms over his head, keeping them fixed there with a strength that Ken couldn't match. The redhead had tugged his jeans down and then tore at Ken's clothes to leave him naked and confused and scared.

And then -

The pain of being penetrated, feeling his insides break apart. Going on forever until Aya finally withdrew and left him huddled up on the bed trying desperately not to cry, not to show any kinds of weakness. And then he had fled and now he was here, alone in the alley. Lost.

Ken sobbed until there were no more tears left in him, then slumped into an exhausted heap. He didn't know what to do now. His life before Weiss was forever lost to him, burned up in that fire from years ago. He could never go back, even if he wanted to. He doubted that Kritiker would just let him walk away now that he'd gone so far with them - maybe he would be reassigned to another one of their assassination groups. He wasn't sure if he could function in Weiss anymore.

Help me...somebody...anybody...just help me...