Ollo! Here's my alternate ending to New Year's Kiss. This takes place after the events in the first chapter, but is an alternate ending as opposed to ending with just the knowledge from the first part in mind. Do I really think Roxanne would do this in canon? Not exactly, but it was just too good and funny of an idea to pass up on! And I know the one song mentioned in here didn't come out until 2011, and in my canon, I believe this took place in 2010 (like it said in the first chapter) but I just had to throw it in there, so please be open-minded to what I wrote Okay, well, here's the alternate ending you've all been waiting for! :D
Minion threw Roxanne over his shoulder, as if she was unconscious, and she let him do so, without a fuss. The space fish walked her out to the garage where the invisible car was parked, and placed her in the backseat, overlooking the buckle, as usual, as if it were just an accessory.
The robotic gorilla then hopped into the driver's seat and backed out of the holographic wall. He was very focused on the roads, as they were not at all their best during this time of the year. The Michigan snow piled down on the motorways, and the frozen precipitation would normally get so high that at least a quarter of the streets would get closed and people would not come out of their homes for days. Megamind tried his hardest to provide good the invisible car with wheels that had good traction, but even a super genius couldn't stop Mother Nature from causing an absolute wreck on the roads.
However, due to him being a fantastic multitasker, he allowed himself to turn on the car's audio system and jam to one of his favourite mix CD's. Whenever Megamind was around, they only would listen to heavy metal and hard rock classics like ACDC, Ozzy Osborne, or Guns n' Roses (even though Minion knew his master secretly listened to Minnie Ripperton), so whenever he got the chance to listen to the type of music he enjoyed, he savoured it and took full advantage of it.
He knew that the CD he wanted was already in there from when he kidnapped Roxanne, so he just hit the CD button, and then play. One of his, and Roxanne's, favourite songs began to play, Mr. Blue Sky by ELO. Minion liked how cheerful the song was and Roxanne had always been a huge ELO fan.
In the middle of the song, Minion briefly looked over his robotic shoulder and saw Roxanne laying on her side, quietly, as if she were in slumber. What he didn't know was that she was just pretending.
"Miss Ritchi," Minion began to confess, thinking that she fell asleep due to her stillness and silence, "I wish you knew how much Sir really cared for you. He's always trying to impress you with his gadgets and gizmos. I keep telling him that the bad guy doesn't get the girl, but he insists on trying."
Hidden to his knowledge, the reporter was resting in the back, listening to every single word out of his ichthyic mouth.
He continued, "I just wish everyone could see that he's actually not evil. He says he is, and I'm forced to agree with him, but he really isn't. He's just so focused on getting you and Metro Man's attention, that he forgets he's now an adult and has options. He thinks that this is the path given to him by "destiny". I try to tell him that he could change, but it's useless. He's set on doing what he wants. I just wish you knew! But, I guess fate will have its way."
There was a silence, as the five-minute song was dying out, and Minion had finished speaking. It was faintly awkward for Roxanne, who knew that she was awake, and felt uncomfortable deceiving both Megamind and Minion, especially after what he had just admitted to her.
The song changed and, at first, the nosy reporter could not identify which song it was, but as it progressed, she dreaded every moment of it, especially knowing that she most likely deserved it. Yet, Minion's fishbowl head was gleefully bopping up and down to the music.
"Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Seven A.M., waking up in the morning. Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs. Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal. Seein' everything, the time is goin'. Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'. Gotta get down to the bus stop. Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends…."
Little did Minion know, in the backseat, poor Roxanne Ritchi's ears were bleeding from listening to, in her opinion, the worst song ever made in history. Normally, she could suck up listening to a gruesome song (her best friend, Jo, was obsessed with country music, which she despised), but she didn't know if she could bare it any longer. First of all, she was just downright irritable from PMS, but that wasn't the worst! The worst was knowing that this was fate's payback for what she had done. She knew she shouldn't have tricked Megamind and Minion. It wasn't fair to mess with people's emotions like that. The song was not only an annoyance, but a reminder that she had done something very wrong. Karma's a real bitch.
When the chorus came up, Minion began to sing along with the song, "It's Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!"
The "drunken" captive could take no more of the hideous torture and burst out loudly, "STOP THE GODDAMN MUSIC!"
"Ahh," Minion sighed, with the music still playing in the background, "Miss Ritchi, maybe if you were sober, I would try to accommodate your needs, but please understand that my boss gave me strict orders not to listen to you while you were intoxicated."
"Minion, would you please turn off the song if I admitted that I was sober?" she asked, kicking herself for slipping the truth. Under any other circumstance, she would have maintained and been able to keep her mouth shut until she got home, where she'd probably call up Jo and blab about how great of a kisser she thought Megamind was and how bad she felt that she tricked him into believing that she was actually drunk, but Rebecca Black was hell to her ears and she needed to admit the truth. Her guilty conscious would punish her forevermore if she didn't 'fess up.
"Oh, Miss Ritchi, I know how drunken people can act sometimes. They deny that they are indeed drunk. It's okay; you don't know what you're saying. You can't help it," he affirmed her.
"No, Minion. You don't understand. I really am sober, okay? I'm sorry. It was bad and wrong and deceitful, but please, turn the godforsaken song off. Look, I can prove I'm sober. Nine times six is fifty-four! George Washington was the first president of the United States! Ah… JUST TURN IT OFF! Please! I'm sorry! Okay?! Just…. STOP IT!"
Minion slammed the brakes, and looked at Roxanne, who did appear very sober, minus the messy hair and smudged make-up. "You mean… you faked it?" he asked, hurt and disappointed. He couldn't believe that Roxanne would do something so dishonest and… evil. Maybe she would make an excellent evil queen.
"Yes, okay! I get it! Bad Roxanne! I know, I know! Just, please. This song is downright hideous, and I feel guilty enough as it is… this is just… too much!" she exploded, feeling miserable and blameworthy.
At that moment, he turned off the tune and spoke, "Why did you do it, Miss Ritchi? It isn't very fair to Sir for you to tempt him like that."
"I… I know. And, I'm really sorry, but he doesn't have to know. Can we keep this between us? Our little secret?" she supplicated, adding a final, "Please?"
"My sincerest apologies, Miss Ritchi, but if Sir found out about this and figured out that I didn't tell him, I could be in a lot of trouble. Please understand that it is my duty as a minion to testify these things. I truly am sorry," Minion sympathized.
Roxanne rolled her eyes. Reporting about the reporter. How ironic? "Pwese, Minion?" Roxanne begged with her best puppy-dog face.
"Well…." Minion trailed off, contemplating his options. He knew that he could keep it between Roxanne and him, but he was not good at keeping secrets, and never had been. He'd always let something slip, some way or another, and whenever his leader found out he had either a.) let something slip to Miss Ritchi or b.) had been keeping something from him, he would become very outraged with him and scold him angrily, and it was certainly not a pretty site to witness.
"Or," Roxanne changed her tone to a darker, more mischievous voice, "I could tell him all about how you revealed his secret admirations for me. It's up to you…" she blackmailed.
"NO! You wouldn't!" he gasped in shock. He had always known Roxanne to play by the rules. Was there a side to her that was unknown to him and his master?
"Oh, but I would! It's your choice, my fishy friend," Roxanne elucidated, "Look, I don't want to get in trouble, but I really have no other choice. You need to understand that this would permanently ruin your master's relationship with me. He'd be a mess! Please? If not for me, then for him? Pwetty pwese? With a cherry on top?" she beseeched, using her cute baby voice. She always tried to act serious and sarcastic around people, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and she could not let Megamind know the truth about this little incident, and she would do whatever she had to do to prevent that from happening.
"Fine," the space peices surrendered. He didn't like giving into Miss Ritchi's blackmail, but if Sir knew that Minion told Miss Ritchi about how he thought so highly of her, there would be some seriously negative consequences that he could not afford to risk just by keeping the little dignity he had left in him.
"Okay, then. I guess that makes us even," Roxanne finished their conversation. It was true; they would be officially even by making that deal. Roxanne wouldn't have to worry about Megamind being upset by her deceiving him and Minion wouldn't get scolded for letting such a big thing slip. It's not like Roxanne didn't know about the blue alien's affections for her, but she kept her mouth shut about it (excluding the previous hour beforehand), and just continued to play along with their silly kidnapping game.
Until Roxanne's apartment was within eyesight, the rest of the car ride was silent. No conversation, no music, no nothing. When they could see her apartment, Minion said, "I guess you won't be needing the brainbot that Sir requested watch over you and your car."
"Guess not," Roxanne quickly and quietly concurred. She tried avoiding the topic of, well, everything. She didn't want to talk to Minion; not because she was mad at him, but because she was sorry and didn't want to deal with the shame and culpability.
They reached the front of her apartment, and Minion voiced, "I still can't believe you weren't really intoxicated." He couldn't. He thought it was so realistic. Well, he had never seen a live drunk person, but the media really did portray drunk people the way Roxanne had acted in the Lair with Megamind.
Before she got out of the invisible vehicle, she decided to say, "Well, I still can't believe you guys actually fell for it! I wasn't at all believable!"
"What do you mean, Miss Ritchi? If I wouldn't have known you, I would've guessed you were a five-star actress!" he complimented, flattering the reporter.
"Thanks. But you really think I acted like a good drunk?" she questioned as she stepped out of the automobile, not believing that she was truly convincing in her performing.
"Well, if that wasn't good, I don't know what is!" he sincerely praised, "I mean, I don't know. The way you kissed Sir was extremely credible."
"C'mon, Minion!" Roxanne said, not believing that he actually fell for it. "Do you really think that if I was actually drunk, I would have stopped at kissing?"
Minion's facial expression in response to that: Priceless.
What did you think of my alternate ending? Please review! It always makes my day to check my email and see "New Review: [INSERT STORY HERE]". So, do that. I hope I could entertain you and watch out for other one-shots I'll post in the future and my other stories such as Secure in Your Embrace and MegaScars. Well, until then, my fellow citizens of Metrocity! ;D