A short and very silly fic based on the part in the film where Aragorn takes Boromir's gauntlets.

All characters are quite out of character.

Happy New Year!


Boromir was dead.

Aragorn had another look, just to make sure.

Yes, dead. Aragorn wasn't a talented healer for nothing. He could tell when someone was dead. He could spot the – ha, vital – clues. Like the lack of a pulse, the glassy stare. Sometimes, the gushing blood. The general deadness.

Boromir was definitely dead.

As such, he wouldn't be needing his stuff anymore.

'Try being a ranger,' Aragorn muttered huffily under his breath. 'See how easy it is to look clean and neat then.' He couldn't help being scruffy. Sure, his clothes weren't clean. How could they be, when he spent half the time wading around in bogs eating squirrels and stabbing orcs? He didn't have the latest equipment. How could he? He didn't have a well-stocked treasury or city armoury to select the finest shiny weapons and polished bits of leather military gear from.

Boromir had some really nice boots, Aragorn couldn't help noticing. Waterproof. They'd got fancy cloaks from Lorien, but no new boots. Aragorn's leaked. Shame their feet weren't the same size.

And his glove thingies. They looked nice. They looked like they'd stop him from scraping his wrists all the damn time. Maybe he should take them.

What were they called? Wrist-guards? Gauntlets?

Fancy Gondorian gear, anyway. He sat back and considered. What had Boromir's last words been? 'What took you so long?' Hmmm. Boromir was confused by blood-loss. He surely meant to thank Aragorn for his noble efforts.

The gauntlets would do nicely.

It would be something to remember him by.

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'Boromir's dead,' Aragorn said, trying to look suitably downcast.

'How?' asked Legolas.

Aragon raised an eyebrow, then realised Legolas was serious.

'Old age? Or the blood and stuff?'

'I think the multiple arrow wounds,' Aragorn said weakly. Eru, what had he done to deserve such companions?

'Ah,' Legolas nodded seriously. 'That's a shame.'

Gimli arrived. 'Where has everyone been? Where is everyone else?'

Aragorn gestured silently to the bloody form that had been Boromir.

'Oh. Oh well,' said Gimli. 'Let's bury him.' He'd quite liked Boromir, for a human, and he didn't want Aragorn or Legolas to make some wimpy excuse about 'Not having time because of having to rescue Merry and Pippin,' to avoid doing the heavy lifting.

'We don't have time,' said Aragorn. 'We have to rescue Merry and Whatsisname.'

Gimli scowled. 'How would you like it if we left you to rot by a tree?'

'I wouldn't mind,' said Aragorn smugly. 'Because I would not want my noble sacrifice to be in vain. I would want me to rescue the hobbits.'

'The tree doesn't mind if Boromir stays there,' said Legolas. 'He's good fertiliser.'

'Just because you don't want to break a nail!'

'Just because you want to abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death!'

Ah, Pippin, that's his name, Aragorn thought. 'Alas, these difficult decisions!'

'Hey, you wanted to be the leader!'

'An ill-fate is on me this day,' Aragorn adopted a noble, but slightly tortured look. His noble brow furrowed.

'Aragorn, if you have … needs to attend to- '

'Shut up!' he snapped. 'I'm thinking!'

'How about a boat?'

'Don't be ridiculous, Gimli. The orcs didn't take Merry and Pippin along the river. Wait! How about a boat for Boromir!'

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It was when they pushed the boat off that Legolas noticed.

'Aragorn,' he said. 'I can't help noticing that you have some brand new gauntlets and they look exactly like Boromir's.'

'What? Oh, yes. Funny coincidence.'

'You stole them!' said Gimli, outraged. 'What about us? If I'd known we were stealing things, I would have taken his fancy Lothlorien belt. I just got hair.'

'I wouldn't have stolen anything,' sniffed Legolas. 'Because I'm better than you.'

'Can we get on?' Aragorn asked, quite pleasantly, he thought.

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All was quiet for several minutes as they found the orc trail and started to follow it. Aragorn started to relax. It was a nice day, they'd got rid of that whiny hobbit whose stare always gave him the creeps (shame Sam had gone too, now they'd have to cook for themselves) and he was a day closer to being King. He had some shiny new gauntlets, he was pretty sure Gimli and Legolas were looking at him with respect, and he wouldn't have to argue about taking the ring to Gondor every five minutes.


'What was that, Gimli?'

'Cough. Grave robber. Cough.'

'Hey, there was no grave!'

'Just wait til Arwen hears about this.'

'It's tradition,' Aragorn said quickly. 'Boromir would have wanted me to have them,' He paused, then added for honesty's sake. 'Or maybe for his brother to have them. But probably me.'

'Boromir hated you!' said Legolas. 'He said you were an arrogant, entitled- no, wait, I think that was Gimli?'

'Shh!' Gimli hissed. 'It was definitely Boromir. Anyway,' he said, changing the subject hurriedly, 'did Boromir say you could have them?'

Aragorn nodded. 'Just before he died, he said.'

'No he didn't, he said to stop looking thoughtful and damn well heal him. And also not to kiss him.'

Damn elven hearing. Legolas had been in earshot.

'Wait, you were in earshot!'

Legolas looked uncomfortable. 'What of it?'

'You were in earshot that whole time and I had to kill that giant orc by myself?'

Legolas looked shifty. 'Didn't want to cramp your style,' he said.

'You were right behind me up on Amon Hen! You heard the horn before I did!'

'That's impossible,' said Gimli. 'Given the speed of sound and how close you were standing, there'd be no meaningful difference between when the soundwaves reached you and-'

'I was running as fast as I could!'

'This is your fault,' said Aragorn. 'One arrow, that's all it would have taken, and Boromir would be alive now.' He paused; his lower lip trembled manfully and his eyes glistened. He was just manly enough to hold back the tears, but noble enough to admit his grief. 'My brother, my captain, my subject… Boromir was my favourite person on the whole quest, and you… you as good as killed him.'

'What about when you nearly pushed Boromir off the ledge in Moria?'

'You… you saw that?'

'Dwarves have excellent vision in the Dark.'

I mean,' Aragorn smiled weakly. 'Look at the time, we need to rescue the hobbits.'

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The whispering started a few minutes later.

'Shut up!'

'I didn't say anything,' said Gimli. 'Are you all right?'

'Yes, it's nothing. Come on, Merry and Whats-his-face need us!'

They ran on.

'I said – Shut up! How do you know that about my mother?'

'Mortals,' said Legolas wisely to the sky. 'Poor, confused things.'

'Are you sure you're all right?'

'Fine, fine,' said Aragorn stiffly. 'Just, just thinking, you know? About how the dead should rest. How the dead should rest peacefully and leave the living alone. They should rest quietly.'

'Aragorn,' said Legolas curiously. 'Are… are your gauntlets glowing? And by yours, I mean Boromir's.'

Gimli backed sharply away from Aragorn and raised his axe. 'What? Ghosts?'

'No, don't be ridiculous.' Aragorn pulled his sleeves down over his gauntlets. 'Nothing to see hear.'

They continued.

'Hey, Arwen did NOT – I'm the only mortal she's done that with! And I do not smell.' Aragorn spluttered. 'You – you take that back! How dare you, you pompous-'

Legolas and Gimli looked at each other and shrugged.

'Fine,' said Aragorn. 'Fine. You two wait here.'

He raced back the way they'd come, towards the Anduin, and disappeared into the undergrowth. Gimli and Legolas waited.

In the distance, there were two small splashes. Gimli and Legolas waited some more.

Aragorn reappeared soon after that, puffing slightly. His gauntlets were gone.

'Right,' he said. 'Let's hunt some orc.'