AN: This is so stupid, I mean Jesus. It's a two or three shot type thing because I just can't with anything else. My brother thinks it's guilt, but he also thinks the Avengers is just a random movie not based ON DECADES OF COMICBOOK HEROES FIGHTING THE GODDAMN SKRULL AND TERRIBLE FATHERS, so. (I have a passion for comics. Never ever tell me Mark Ruffalo wasn't a perfect Bruce because he was "sarcastic". Bruce Banner is the sassy. Overwhelmingly sad, but sassy.)
Anywho, this is kinda a season one AU? It's because season one Kurt is precious and I think he's also more liable to have the kind of relationship with Blaine that's going to be in this story. (Blaine is older because fuck Ryan that's why.) Burt and Carole are already married though, because well, it wouldn't work if they weren't. Blaine and Kurt met at McKinley when Blaine transferred during season one, and Sam's always been there because I like Sam.
That makes no sense. Just ask if you have questions.
Basically, this is about a rivalry between Blaine and Finn, who simply don't like each other. Finn's not in sweet gay love with Kurt. (But to be honest if you want to look at it that way it won't be too difficult.)
"Dude," Puck says slowly from his left. "Where the hell did Kurt get that?"
Finn looks up from his phone- Remember out vocal exercise date is tomorrow! xoxoRachel –and for once, he immediately gets what he's talking about.
"Oh, it's his birthday present from his dad."
"He bought him a Navigator? With fucking speakers on the front?"
"The dash lights up. You can change the colors," Finn announces casually, but he can't deny the jealousy he feels. Not like, mean jealousy, just normal jealousy like everyone who sees the Nav has to feel. It's fucking amazing.
"How loaded is Mr. H?"
"He not loaded," Finn says with a roll of his eyes. "He owns a garage. He and Kurt are like, super geniuses about car stuff. They got the parts and put it together."
"Woah, Kurt built that?"
They turn and there's Mike, Sam and Artie, all with eyes focused on Kurt and his truck. (It will never not be kind of weird to Finn that Kurt owns a truck. It's probably homo-racism or something, but he always pictured him with one of those hybrid car things.) Mike's just got his eyebrows raised a bit in surprise, but Artie is openly gaping and Sam looks about ready to orgasm at the sight of it.
"Dude, that is some Tony Stark craftsmanship right there," Sam says with awe, and Finn gets uncomfortable because he really does have a total sex face. That's not appropriate.
"Is Kurt in robotics club?" Mike asks. "Because he should join robotics club."
"Kurt's not joining robotics club," Finn replies, being sure to sound like they're all so stupid.
"How do you know he wouldn't?"
I asked him yesterday.
"Because Kurt's not one for hanging around guys with braces."
Finn clenches his jaw and looks to the skies above for strength. Why does he always just show up? Conversations with the guys, conversations with Kurt, conversations with Rachel and Friday Night Dinners; He comes in and ruins Finn's life all the time.
Kurt about ripped his balls off last time he was 'rude' though, so a greeting is probably in order.
"Blaine, how are you?" he asks cheerfully, a large grin forming on his face as pulls out of a slouch to look even bigger next to him.
"Absolutely fabulous," the shorter (way shorter) guy answers, and Finn just knows he used fabulous to make a point or something. Nobody actually says that if they're not trying to make a point.
"Your boyfriend is Tony Stark," Sam says reverently, eyes still glued to the Navigator. "You're Pepper. You're like his Pepper."
"I'd prefer to be his Steve Rodgers," Blaine replies with a smirk. Finn hates his smirk. His smirk is greasy and stupid. When Blaine steps around them and heads for Kurt, the four boys surrounding Finn take off right behind him. Sighing, Finn follows along. Kurt just got the Nav Saturday, and he and Blaine had taken off in it, even though Kurt said he'd take him to Rachel's. Call him paranoid, but he's pretty damn sure it's Blaine's fault, and he doesn't want to walk home today.
Kurt pulls down his sunglasses and smiles at his boyfriend. Finn has to admit, he'd looked pretty damn cool leaning against the Nav in his shades.
Finn should get shades.
"You look amazing."
It takes Finn a moment to register that Blaine wasn't the one who said that, because he'd kinda zoned out like his mom kept telling him not to, and he wasn't really interested in listening to Kurt and Blaine fawn all over each other.
From the way everyone's looking at Puck, Finn thinks he knows who did say it.
"…Thank you," Kurt says slowly, and Finn can't blame him because it's kinda a Twilight Zone thing for Puck to say to anyone, let alone his step-brother.
"Yeah man, anytime," Puck says quickly. "How many people can you fit in that thing?"
"Five," Blaine answers, and Finn just knows he's trying to show off the fact that he's been in it. What a sleeze.
"Alright, that's nine if we put someone in everyone's lap but the driver, we've got," Puck counts heads quickly. "We've got seven, but if we grab a few girls, and hell, we could stuff some people in the back…"
"None of you are allowed in my baby," Kurt says sternly. "I have to clean it every time Finn rides." He sends a borderline accusative look at Finn. "Don't ever wear your cleats in here again."
God, he'd only ridden once. What was he supposed to wear after practice? Ballet slippers?
"My shoes are never dirty," Artie offers up hopefully, but Kurt still shakes his head.
"Nobody rides unless they're slightly entitled because they live with me." He looks to Blaine with a shy smile. "Or if they're going to live with me, someday."
It takes a lot of willpower for Finn not to barf at the way Blaine looks at Kurt all soft and rubs their noses together. Really? An Alaskan kiss? How does Kurt stand this guy? Nobody else says anything either, probably still trying to get in Kurt's good graces and snag a ride.
"You guys are really cute together," Mike says slowly.
"Yeah, I was just saying how your Iron Man and Blaine's your Captain America!"
Kurt looks at Sam inquisitively.
"I didn't….are they together in the comics?"
Sam sorta shrugs, smiling a little.
"Kinda? I don't like, generally read in to that stuff ever since I looked at Batman and Robin in that way, but they….There's kind of a close…." Sam pauses, looking a little helpless. "Nobody's really sure."
"Like us back at Dalton," Blaine whispers, though it's so not actual whispering because Finn can clearly hear it and he knows he was meant to.
Kurt actually fucking giggles at him. Actually. Fucking. Giggles.
"Seriously though Kurt, this is only a step away from a party bus," Puck implores, and the puppy eyes he's giving are pretty top-notch. "I'll get you invited to a real college party, in an actual frat house, and all you have to do is bring this baby. I promise, you and the boyfriend can have a bedroom for alone time, I'll get one like, reserved."
"We don't need your seedy hookup rooms, Noah. Blaine and I are not about to get hepatitis from a pair of sheets that have seen more action than you and Santana combined."
Finn can hear Artie snort in to his hand and Mike's choke as he tries to cut off a laugh. It isn't funny though. Kurt, he's suggesting that he and Blaine have, that, that they're sexually active. This is in no way okay. Kurt's too young; he'll end up feeling bad about it, like when he slept with Santana. Kurt's like, emotionally fragile, and when he sees the light and figures out what a creep Blaine is, he'll be wrecked that he just gave up his first time to such a dickwad.
It's gotta have been Blaine's influence, because Kurt's always been a total prude when the guys tried to include him in a conversation, and he can't even look at the dicks in the locker room. If Finn was in a girls' locker room he'd be staring at the boobs like, all the time. No way in hell could Kurt be ready. Blaine probably pressured him, and what if he pressures Kurt in to doing unsafe things, like whips and chains and shit, because now that he thinks about it Kurt's been on a Rihanna kick lately and what if they didn't use a condom and Kurt got pregnant.
Okay, so he might be overreacting a little, but still. He's Kurt's brother now, his big brother, and it's his job to be super-protective, because he promised himself and he promised Burt-
Burt. Finn sighs in relief, because holy shit this is going to fix everything. There is no way in hell Burt's gonna let Kurt have sex, especially with Blaine. Burt hates Blaine, and Kurt's still his baby boy; he'd said so just the other day when Kurt told him not to worry about him driving.
I'm not worried about you driving, kid, just the other people. There are some crazy ass people driving around Kurt, and you're still my baby boy. You die and I'll actually kill someone.
Just the memory of the overheard conversation makes him smile.
Now go eat your toast before it gets cold enough for you to whine about it.
Burt's really great; Kurt totally lucked out.
He glances back at the truck. Yeah, Burt's the greatest dad to walk the earth.
"Kurt, dude, we will seriously do anything if you go. You can touch Sam's abs!"
The blonde boy stares at Puck incredulously, shoving him.
"Um, I'm not a prostitute." He glances over at the Navigator. It's so large, and shiny, and those are some quality tires. "But, I mean, letting you touch my abs for a chance to ride in a tricked out truck makes me economical, not a prostitute."
"It also makes Kurt your sugar daddy," Artie offers, laughing at Kurt's expression when he says it.
"…I could live with that."
"I couldn't," Blaine says with a smile, but he's not joking, and for once Finn isn't the only one who can tell.
"Aw, don't be like that Blaine," Artie says with a laugh. "It's so selfish to think you're the only one allowed to be a sugar daddy."
"Blaine is not my sugar daddy!" Kurt cries in alarm, loudly enough for some of the people who've gotten close to stare at the Nav to hear. There's mumbling and someone yells stop lying, princesss!, but Finn's not sure who said it and he doesn't think any of the other guys are either. Sam would totally punch someone if he knew.
Why doesn't Kurt date Sam? Finn wasn't a fan of the idea, but he's a beacon of light compared to Blaine.
"Okay," Mike yells, finally and effectively stopping the arguing. "Let's just all stop with that term-"
"What term?" Puck asks innocently. "Sugar daddy? You know, what Blaine is?"
"Yes," Mike allows unfazed, "that."
"Well he is, have you seen the promise ring?"
"Are promise rings still around?" Artie asks. "Or is that just a gay thing?"
Jeeze, Finn thinks. That is so offensive.
And probably true, but still. You think it, you don't say it.
"They are a popular show of affection," Sam mumbles. When he gets odd looks from the other boys, he gulps. "Also, Blaine brings him fancy coffee."
They start in again, and Finn doesn't say anything, because Kurt would consider it 'rude' probably, if he started pointing out how every time Kurt got mad at Blaine flowers showed up at the doorstep. He's pretty sure that counts as bribery, even if Kurt says it's 'sweet' and 'thoughtful'.
Yeah, sweet, thoughtful bribery.
He's so busy thinking about what a privileged rich boy Blaine is and how disgusting that makes him, that he doesn't notice said disgusting rich boy taking Kurt's hand and pressing a kiss to it. He misses the way he leans in to whisper in Kurt's ear, Why don't we get out of here, baby?, and the way Kurt raises his eyebrows and smiles at the suggestion, before turning and getting in to the driver's seat with a blush, staring at Blaine with dreamy eyes.
He doesn't miss the roar of the engine and the Navigator taking off, because it's fucking loud and Burt convinced him that putting this flame thrower pipe thing on the back was a good idea. Finn's pretty sure he bribed him with a scarf.
…..Well, bribery is okay if it's your dad.
Or your big brother.
"Shit," Puck mutters, even as Sam does a Bon Jovi impression, singing about going down in a blaze of glory.
Kurt doesn't even look back or, like, stop to let Finn get a ride.
An: I told you guys this was stupid. I'm just gonna do this and another two-shot to get back in the game. I'm having major writer's block and it's starting to fuck with me. For serious, I can't even read Perfect, cause, you know.