Sooo...Obviously I have a problem with sticking to schedules. My apologies. I never intended to go this long without updating.
"So, not that I'm complaining or anything but what brought this on?" Alec asked.
I sighed as I kissed his bare chest, and snuggled tighter against him trying to avoid answering his question.
He chuckled as he wrapped his arm around me, "Oh no you don't. I know we avoid personal stuff, but you haven't sought me out in a while."
He was right, we avoid getting personal, because I don't want to get close to anyone. I don't want a relationship. However, I am a woman, and I have needs. I may not do relationships, but you don't have to have a relationship to have sex.
Edward didn't leave me a virgin when he went off to college. However, I've learned in the last ten years there is a big difference in the clumsy fumbling of a horny teenage boy, and being with a man who knew what he was doing.
I met Alex while he was in his residency, and I was doing my clinical rotation. Listening to his rants one night in the break room at the hospital, I laughed for the first time in a long time at one of his jokes. Before I knew it, we were sitting in the cafeteria drinking coffee together and filling each other in on our sob stories. My break up with Edward, and his with his ex-fiance Heidi.
After he finished his residency, we had stayed in touch. We were fuck buddies for lack of a better word. We had the occasional hook ups, without the complication of a relationship, or getting involved in each others personal lives.
"We have a new attending in the ER." I mumbled causing him to chuckle.
"Okaaaayyyy...what's so stressful about that?"
I let out a big sigh, "It's Edward."
"Edward, as in your ex Edward?"
"Yep." I replied tracing patterns on his chest with my index finger.
"Wow...okay...I guess I can understand how that would stress you out."
I laughed as I rolled over onto my back, "Ya think?"
"How's he handling it?" he asked rolling onto his side, resting his head on his arm.
I snorted and rolled my eyes, "He keeps trying to apologize and invited me to Thanksgiving at his parent's house."
Alec barked out a laugh causing me to laugh in response, "Seriously?"
"So what are you going to do?"
"What? You seriously can't think I'd actually go!"
He laughed, "No not at all."
"I don't know Alec. I'm trying to be civil."
He nodded, "Civil is good."
"I don't know if I can do more, or want to do more than that."
I rolled onto my side to fully face him, "Have you forgiven Heidi?"
He pursed his lips and blew out a breath through his nose, "Yes."
"Do you think I should forgive him? And his family?"
"You are the only one who can answer that babe." he said as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
"I might be able to forgive them, but I don't think I could ever trust them again."
"Trust is something that has to be earned, and I agree it would be hard for them to rebuild that after what they did to you."
I nodded, "I don't know Alec. I don't know if I can do either."