"The Part Where We Cry Havoc"

Episode 3.5

Previously on Sports Night

Richard (to Dana, Natalie, and Isaac)

We haven't approved a budget yet, but I can tell you this. Your budget will substantially improve with Quo Vadimus. We can talk about it in more detail next month when our board meets, but you can expect raises for the staff and a much larger operating budget.

General Benjamin Bradley

Natalie

We're still getting the network name wrong.

[Everyone groans around the table]

Natalie

This is serious you guys! It's not silly anymore!...Fortunately, we have another idea (she turns to Kim)

Kim (smiling)

The QVV Drinking Game!

Dana

I already don't like where this is going.

Natalie

It's the only way. Losing money clearly wasn't enough of a disincentive. In the last two weeks, we've collectively been fined almost $1500 dollars. We're counting on the hangovers to be bad enough that you'll actually remember.

The B-Roll

Dana

I've been getting calls all morning about the Malone debacle – we're now calling it the Malone debacle.

Dan

It wasn't a debacle, Dana.

Dana

When I get calls from the Giants front office, Malone's agent, and four reps from the league, it's a debacle. Why aren't the two of you happy unless someone is pissed at us?

Jeremy

We just got this off the wire. Apparently Malone did an interview on Howard Stern this morning.

Casey

What did he say?

Jeremy (reading)

Stern: Did you hear what Casey McCall and Dan Rydell said about you last night on Sports Night. Malone: I don't watch that bleep, man…Sorry, it's edited….Stern: You don't watch it at all? I figured you would watch all the late night sports shows. Malone: I watch most of 'em, but I can't get down with that gay bleep. Stern (laughing): You think McCall and Rydell are gay? Malone: Yeah, man. They're always flirting and laughing with each other. That's some gay bleep for sure. They're gay. They're…and then he uses a gay slur.

Anderson

I'm not here to assess if you did something wrong. I'm here to talk about your options. Yours and the network's.

Natalie

What do you mean?

Casey

He means if we want to sue.

Dan

Sue for what? Him calling us gay?

Anderson

It's defamation, Dan.

Casey

We're not suing, Dana. (He looks at her and notices how serious she looks.) What?

Dana

They got you on b-roll.

Dan

Yeah?

Dana

Your mics were hot. They got sound and….And it looks like you're calling Malone gay. I just got a call from legal. This is a whole different thing now. Now he's suing us.

Dana

The B-Roll

Intro – Conference Room

Dan is sitting across from an attractive woman in her early thirties ( wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b2/Sarah_ /220px-Sarah_ )

Dan

Why – why do you keep saying that?

Lucy

I like the expression.

Dan

I don't.

Lucy

You don't dislike the expression. You, for reasons that surpass my understanding, seem to dislike me.

Dan

I don't dislike you.

Lucy

Well, you shouldn't.

Dan

I don't.

Lucy

I'm charming.

Dan

I'm not – this – I'm not having this conversation until –

Lucy

Dan, Casey is coming. He's on his way.

Dan

Then I'll wait.

Lucy (rolling her eyes)

You all have a hard time figuring out who's on your team, don't you? Would it be easier if we were playing shirts and skins? Or everyone who isn't trying to screw with you should wear red.

Dan

Lucy –

Lucy

I look good in red.

Dan

No offense and not for nothing, but the last time I sat down with one of your colleagues I didn't exactly get the impression we were on the same team.

Lucy

What are you talking about?

Dan

Anderson made it pretty clear that the network was going to do what's in its best interest, not necessarily ours.

Lucy

Anderson's not my colleague.

Dan

Anderson's from Legal.

Lucy

Yes.

Dan

Unless I'm mistaken, you are a lawyer.

Lucy

I am.

Dan

Then Anderson's your colleague.

Lucy

No, Anderson's your colleague. He's an associate general counsel for your show. I work for Gage Whitney Pace. We're the outside counsel that has been brought in to handle this litigation.

Dan

Why did our lawyers bring in other lawyers?

Lucy

Because now it's a different kettle –

Dan

Seriously, you have to stop with the expression. [A beat]. Really. Why are you here?

Lucy

Because I'm your last option.

Dan

That doesn't fill me with confidence.

Lucy

It should.

Dan

Why?

Lucy (smiling)

You realize everything is different now, right?

Dan

Now that we're being sued?

Lucy

When this thing started two days ago, you were the good guys. He called you gay, you decided to take the high road. And while it did exhibit some impressive rhetorical wizardry on his part to set up a situation where you guys would either look like you were gay or look like you were homophobes, he had pretty much overplayed his hand.

Dan

And now?

Lucy

Now he's suing you, and you only have a few options left. You can stay quiet, but staying quiet doesn't look like the high road anymore, it just looks like a tacit admission that you were calling him gay. You can countersue, which, as you realized two days ago, is a tacit admission that being called gay is bad. Or you can apologize and offer to settle, which is a tacit admission both that you were calling him gay and that being gay is bad.

Dan

What happens if I don't like any of those options?

Lucy

And that's why I'm here. (smiling) I'm your last option.

Dan

You want to say it again don't you?

Lucy

I really do.

Dan (giving a small smile)

Go ahead.

Lucy (grinning)

It's a different kettle of fish.

Smash Cut – Title Screen

Friday Morning Rundown – staff sits around the conference room.

Natalie

Remember, I still need wishlists from the production staff so I can give recommendations to Dana for the new budget.

Jeremy

I'm collecting and consolidating them for you. You'll have them today.

Natalie

OK, but I need them before the last rundown because I have my meeting with the lawyers later today. Oh! Dan? Casey? How was your meeting with them last night after the show came down?

Dana

We're not talking about the lawsuit.

Casey

No, we're allowed to talk amongst staff, Dana, as long as –

Dana

No. We're not talking about it. I'm not saying the lawyers are stopping us, I'm saying I'm stopping us. We have a show. It's September. That's football, baseball, and preseason basketball to say nothing of a little thing called the Summer Olympics coming up in about a week in Sydney. We're not going to be distracted by this small, nothing of a man. He will not change who we are or how we do our show. Understood?

(General nods and murmurs of agreement around the table)

Dana (smiling)

Good. Now, let's get our head in the game. We're moving the Cubs so the B-block still needs –

Natalie (turning to Dan)

So what did the lawyers say?

Dana

Excuse me. What did I just say?

Natalie

Yeah, no, we're not letting him change who we are. That was a good pep talk.

Dana (rolling her eyes)

Then why are you –

Natalie

Normally, when something goes down what happens? You tell us not to focus on it, and we, in turn, focus on little else besides whatever it is, right? This is how we do our work. If we didn't let this one thing distract us, we'd be letting him win.

Dana

I hate my life.

Natalie

What did the lawyers say?

Casey

Our lawyer has a crush on Dan.

Jeremy

Anderson? He's gay?

Dana (giving a small laugh)

We really haven't we learned to stop speculating about things like that?

Dan

Turns out he's not our lawyer.

Natalie

My god, Legal cannot keep anyone.

Kim

Anderson didn't leave. I saw him yesterday. He also doesn't have a crush on Dan. (smiling) He has a crush on me.

Elliot

You think everyone has a crush on you.

Kim (shrugging)

They do. You did.

Elliot

I did not!

Kim

Dave told me when you first came here you had a crush on me.

Dave

I didn't say that exactly.

Elliot (turning to Dave)

Then what did you say?

Dave

I – yeah, that's what I said.

Kim (grinning)

See? You like me.

Elliot

Liked! And no I didn't!

Jeremy

I'm sorry, what was the original point?

Calvin Tregar (walking in and speaking quickly)

That Elliot used to have a crush on Kim, that Dave can't keep a secret, that Sports Night in-house counsel has a lot of turn over, that Anderson doesn't have a crush on Dan, but that's not who Casey was talking about anyway. He was talking about Lucy Díaz, who is lead counsel on the litigation team that's handling the lawsuit being filed against Sports Night on Monday morning. Which Dana doesn't want to talk about. Because it's a distraction.

Dana (clearing her throat)

Calvin. Everyone this is Calvin Tregar. Calvin, this is everyone, though you already seem to know them.

Casey (standing up)

Hey, it's good to meet you. We weren't actually expecting you until later.

(Casey reaches his hand out to shake, but Calvin doesn't extend his hand. He just looks at Casey silently.)

Calvin

You're Casey McCall.

Casey (awkwardly drops his hand and sits back down)

I am.

Calvin (looking around)

It seems like your meeting has gone off the rails. Would you mind dismissing it early? So we can talk?

Dana (shaking her head slightly dazed)

Yeah. Back here at noon, guys. (Everyone files out except Natalie) Natalie? Can you grab Isaac for me? (Natalie looks confused but nods and walks out)

Newsroom – Jeremy is typing at his desk and Natalie is leaning against his desk facing the conference room.

Jeremy

Don't worry about it.

Natalie

She wouldn't let me stay. She always lets me stay.

Jeremy

Don't worry about it.

Natalie

Stop telling me not to worry about it, Jeremy. (she turns away from the conference room to face him). At this point, we've all heard the stories about Calvin Tregar. He's not exactly…stable.

Jeremy

He's eccentric.

Natalie

Which is just a way of saying he's completely unhinged but rich enough to get away with it. What about the time he was supposed to introduce the London Symphony Orchestra when they played at the Kennedy Center? He stood up, said, 'My name is Calvin Tregar' and then sat back down again. Or the time he was speaking at a Quo Vadimus stockholder's meeting. He stopped speaking mid-sentence, looked around, poured a cup of coffee, and then walked out.

Jeremy

Fine. He's crazy. But he could be our kind of crazy.

Natalie

I don't think he is.

Jeremy

Why not?

Natalie

Because Dana doesn't think he is.

Jeremy

How do you know?

Natalie (gives a sad smile)

Because she wouldn't let me stay.

(Kim walks up to Jeremy's desk and Natalie gives a small wave and walks away)

Kim

I heard you were looking for me?

Jeremy

Yeah, I'm collecting everyone's wishlists for Natalie.

Kim

I already gave you mine.

Jeremy

Yeah, I need you to give me a different, slightly more realistic, slightly less insane version.

Kim

Dana said think outside the box.

Jeremy

Well this is more than outside the box. It's outside the Euclidian plane.

Kim

What's the problem?

Jeremy

Well let's compare your list to mine and Elliot's. I asked for three new editing bays. Elliot asked for new headsets in the control room. You asked for a personal shopper. I asked for a new teleprompter. Elliot asked for an increased travel budget. You asked that we put a sauna in the building's gym.

Kim

I still fail to see the problem.

Jeremy

Make a better list! (sees Casey walking through the newsroom) Casey! (turning back to Kim) Change your list!

(Jeremy follows Casey through the newsroom and into Dan and Casey's office)

Casey

What's up?

Jeremy

I noticed on the chart you had several shots that you're allowed to assign to someone else tonight.

Casey

I honestly still don't understand the system.

Jeremy

You get to give away some of the shots you've earned by screwing up the name of our network for winning side bets or for catching other people's screw ups.

Casey

Yeah, I wasn't so much asking you to explain it to me as I was –

Jeremy

I'll give you $20 bucks for them.

Casey

Wait. You want to pay me to make you drink?

Jeremy

No. I don't want you to assign them to me. I want you to transfer them to me.

Casey

We can do that?

Jeremy

Check the chart.

Casey

It doesn't matter if I check the chart.

Jeremy

Because you don't understand the system.

Casey

OK, so who do you want to make drink?

Jeremy

Elliot wants to get Dave back for telling Kim he had a crush on her a hundred years ago.

Casey

So why isn't Elliot in here offering me $20 dollars?

Jeremy

Oh, I'm not trying to get them for Elliot. I'm trying to get them to keep away from Elliot.

Casey (sitting down at his desk)

I feel like this conversation is getting longer and longer as my interest in it wanes.

Jeremy

I'm in on a prop bet that says Dana winds up with the most shots assigned to her tonight. So I don't want Elliot going after Dave and ruining my odds.

Casey

The prop bet is with Dan isn't it?

Jeremy (slowly)

Yeah…How did you know that?

Casey

I already traded my shots to him in exchange for him taking the Olympics feature tonight.

Jeremy

You couldn't have told me that any sooner?

Casey

Honestly? No. (off Jeremy's look) I don't understand the system!

(Dan walks into the office, takes a look at Jeremy and starts grinning)

Dan

I already got his and traded them to Dave. You're going down, Goodwin!

Jeremy

We'll see. (he glances out toward the conference room) How do you think Dana's doing in there?

Casey (shrugging)

Dana can handle him.

Dan

They have Isaac too.

Casey (peering over)

Really?

Dan

Yeah.

Casey

You think they're talking about the lawsuit?

Dan

Nah.

Casey

Really?

Dan

Of course they're talking about the lawsuit.

Casey (shaking his head)

This is – we're a news organization –

Dan (groaning)

Please don't start again.

Jeremy

What?

Casey

We're a news organization –

Dan

Casey.

Jeremy

Casey?

Dan

Jeremy!

Casey

We're a news organization –

Dan

We are.

Casey

We have a Legal Department.

Dan

We do.

Casey

So my question is –

Dan

By the way, I do already know what your question is.

Casey

My question is why are they so mad about a lawsuit?

Jeremy

This isn't any lawsuit.

Casey

But it kind of is any lawsuit. We're a news organization. Getting sued for defamation is like a speeding ticket.

Dan

The problem with this one is that we can't win. We win the defamation suit then we got away with calling someone gay, so we still lose. We lose the defamation suit and…we lose.

Jeremy

So which way do we want to lose?

Dan

That's what Dana has to figure out.

(Conference Room – Dana, Isaac, and Calvin sit around the conference table. Calvin is noticeably stoic)

Isaac

It's nice to finally meet you, Calvin.

Calvin

We've met.

Isaac

Have we?

Calvin

Years ago. You were a stringer in Atlanta, and I was a child, and you were interviewing Lewis Stonboe before a game and I interrupted to get an autograph and you were very gracious about it, but yes, we have met before.

Isaac (apologetically)

I'm sorry I don't remember –

Calvin

Of course you don't remember. I wouldn't have expected you to. I remember a lot of things that most people don't.

(There is an uncomfortable silence and Dana and Isaac exchange a look)

Dana

So, how was your flight? (gives a small laugh) I'm sorry. I don't know where you flew in from?

Calvin (overlapping with the end of her sentence)

We should get started.

Dana (looking taken aback)

Oh. OK, then.

Calvin

I'm sorry. I've been told I'm not good at small talk. It's something I'm working on.

Dana (shaking her head)

That's OK. We should get started.

Calvin

I spoke with people in the Giant's front office this morning. According to my sources, Everett Malone would like an apology.

Dana

According to my sources, Everett Malone would like a couple million dollars.

Calvin

I'm saying I think we can make the lawsuit go away if you apologize.

Dana

For what?

Calvin

For calling him gay.

Dana

First, we didn't call him gay.

Calvin

He thinks you did.

Dana

Second, we don't think that being gay is a bad thing.

Calvin

He thinks it is.

Dana

Well that's one of the many places he and I disagree.

Calvin

You don't want to apologize?

Dana

I don't want to apologize.

Calvin

Why not?

Dana

Because there's nothing wrong with being gay, and I work in an industry where very often people are told that there is, and standing up right now may actually make a difference so I'm not going to be bullied into verbal gay bashing and masquerading it as PR damage control.

Calvin

Do you like sports, Dana?

Dana

What?

Calvin

Sports. You like sports?

Dana

I don't think I understand what you're asking.

Calvin

It's not a trick.

Dana

Are you trying to tell me we have to issue an apology?

Calvin

I'm honestly asking if you like sports.

Dana

Calvin, on Monday morning, Everett Malone is filing a lawsuit naming Sports Night, QVV, me and Isaac, and my two anchors as defendants in a defamation suit. That lawsuit is going to be expensive, and we might lose. And now you're telling me that Everett Malone is willing to drop the lawsuit if I issue an apology, and I don't want to do it. And your question for me is, honestly, whether I like sports?

Calvin

I'm sorry. I know this is why the small talk helps. I can be...odd. The small talk is supposed to make me less off-putting.

Dana

OK.

Calvin

Kolkata.

Dana

What?

Calvin

That's where I flew in from last night. (a beat). Do you like sports, Dana?

Dana (sighing)

I love sports.

Calvin

Me too.

Isaac's Office – Dana and Isaac walk in together

Dana

He's...weird.

Isaac

I've heard that about him. He's just a little socially awkward.

Dana

No, Jeremy is a little socially awkward. He was…no kidding, Isaac, I honestly think he might be an android. And I couldn't read him at all. I've never seen someone make that many noncommittal faces.

(Dana sits down in a chair while Isaac walks toward the bar)

Isaac

So what do you want to do?

Dana

I want to alert NASA and the Pentagon that we have proof of some pretty advanced artifical intelligence.

Isaac

Wouldn't you think if we had androids NASA would already know that? And they would probably be the ones to alert the Pentagon.

Dana

Well then who do I get to alert?

Isaac

I don't think you're a part of the equation.

Dana

Well, that hardly seems fair.

Isaac

This lawsuit is going to be expensive.

Dana (shaking her head slowly)

It's going to come out of our budget, isn't it?

Isaac

We don't know that.

Dana

Isaac we're a brand new show for them, and already we're costing this kind of money?

Isaac

They have a legal department with a budget just for this type of thing. It's not the first time a news show has gotten sued for something like this, and it won't be the last. This is part of the cost of doing business. It isn't anything they can't handle.

Dana

Maybe they can handle it, but they won't want to! The ink is barely dry on the papers finalizing our sale. (she exhales) I'm going to tell Dan and Casey to apologize.

Isaac

If you think that's the right thing to do.

Dana (incredulously)

Of course I don't think it's the right thing to do, Isaac! You were going to let me do that?

Isaac

Dana -

Dana

I can't believe you, Isaac! You are supposed to be the moral center of this show. How could you let me do that?

Isaac

I'm trying a new management strategy.

Dana

Oh, and what strategy is that?

Isaac

Mostly it involves ignoring ninety percent of what you say and waiting for you to come to the right decision.

Dana

Isaac!

Isaac

You know what the beauty of the strategy is? It works every time. (Dana gives a small smile and Isaac continues). Dana, you're the moral center. You're...our heart. And you're going to run this show someday. You know how to handle this.

Dana

We'll issue a statement clarifying that what Casey and Dan were saying was taken out of context. We'll unequivocally state that we would never use an accusation about someone being gay to embarrass them. But we don't apologize to Malone.

Isaac (smiling)

Every time.

Dana

I'm scared. Why am I so scared?

Isaac (shrugging)

We're about to go to war.

Dana

You know if this happens, we're all gonna get deposed.

Isaac (his smile fades and he gives a sharp nod)

I know.

Dana

You'll probably have to talk about -

Isaac

It's fine.

Dana (staring at Isaac for a long moment)

It was the right thing to do, Isaac.

Isaac (shrugging)

Maybe.

Dana (shaking her head)

You're the moral center, Isaac. You always have been.

(Dana leaves and Isaac looks pensive)

Dana's Office – Dana is sitting at her desk with her feet on her desk looking out the window. Natalie comes in and closes the door

Natalie

What do you need?

Dana (looking confused)

You came to see me.

Natalie (nodding)

Yeah. What do you need?

Dana (smiling)

Advil. For tonight at Anthony's. Jeremy is going after me.

Natalie

How was Calvin? (Dana shakes her head) Dana. You're scared. I met with the lawyers and –

Dana

I – there's a quote.

Natalie

OK?

Dana

It's about war. It's famous.

Natalie

Is it from the St. Crispin's Day Speech?

Dana

Yes!

Natalie

Really?

Dan

Sort of. Well, no, but it is Shakespeare.

Natalie (laughing and sitting down)

Alright.

Dana

It's about…it's…it's a really famous quote. He says it's time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

Natalie

Dana. Is it going to get bad?

Dana

Isaac said we're about to go to war, and it made me flash on this quote, and I've heard it a million times, but I can't remember where it's from, and I'm trying to remember what happens before – how he knew it was time to cry havoc.

Natalie

Dana?

Dana

It's going to get bad.

Natalie

Jeremy might know where the quote is from. I'll ask him.

Dana

Yeah.

Natalie (walking out)

Last rundown in five minutes.

Conference Room – the staff sits around the conference table

Kim (holding up a chart on a piece of poster board)

Last call for tonight's round! Let's see who's drinking what!

Natalie

Take Advil now, people, I mean it. We're back here tomorrow no matter how hungover you are!

Dave

I made one mistake this week. How am I doing six shots?

Elliot

Maybe it'll teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Dave

Maybe it should teach you to stop telling me things. (turning to Kim) Kim, he also bribed one of the other producers who worked here at the time so he could travel with you to Boston for that Red Sox feature you did your first month.

(Kim laughs loudly)

Elliot

Dave!

Dave (shrugging)

I'm already going down.

(Calvin stands outside the conference room and gestures for Dana to come out)

Dana

I'll be right back.

(Dana walks out and closes the door behind her)

Dana

Can I help you, Calvin?

Calvin

I'd like to address your staff.

Dana

We really need to focus and finish up this last rundown –

Calvin

Correct me if I'm wrong, but right now you are all taking prophylactic ibuprofen in anticipation of hangovers you're going to get because you can't remember our network name?

Dana (a beat)

You're kind of creepy, you know that?

Calvin

I do know that.

Dana (she opens the door for him)

Come on.

(Calvin walks in and everyone looks curiously at Dana and then at him.)

Calvin (he looks around the table and settles on Dana)

Julius Cesar.

Dana

What?

Calvin

The quote you were thinking of? It's from Julius Cesar.

Dana

How did –

Calvin

I heard Natalie ask Jeremy, but she couldn't remember the quote so he couldn't tell her the answer. But it's from Julis Cesear. It's from Marc Antony's speech after Cesear's death.

Dana

That's it.

Calvin

"And Caesar's spirit, raging for revenge, with Ate by his side come hot from hell, shall in these confines with a monarch's voice cry 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of war." It's a good quote. People only ever quote it from "cry havoc" so everyone think it's about war, but it's not. Antony is vowing that Cesear's spirit will have its revenge on those who wronged him.

Dan

Listen, Calvin, all due respect, Dana told us about the apology, and not only would we stand by her decision regardless, but we agree with her on this. We're not going to apologize.

Calvin (talking over him)

Have you ever noticed all the best quotes are about revenge?

Dan

Sorry?

Calvin

I don't want you to apologize.

Dan (looking confused)

I wasn't apologizing. I didn't hear what you said.

Calvin

No. I mean, I don't want you to apologize. To Malone. I should have led with that. I have a hard time figuring out what to say first, you all call it burying the lead. You're going to have to bear with me. I was never a journalist.

Dana

You're not going to make us apologize?

Calvin

See, you don't get this because you all love sports for the right reasons. I know you do. It's why I bought this network. If I asked you why, you'd talk about Bobby Thompson and Jordan playing with the flu a couple years ago in the playoffs and the Miracle on Ice and Tino from El Pino. You all got to start loving sports for the best reasons. I started loving sports for the worst reasons. See, I love sports because of Everett Malone.

Jeremy

You know Malone?

Calvin

When I was a kid I used to get beat up. A lot. And bullies don't really need a reason to torment someone, but I gave them plenty. I was short and my parents were rich, so I was an easy target for lunch money in elementary school. But that was OK because I learned to listen when people didn't know I was listening so I could know when I needed to run. I speak quickly and I'm…strange and have never been really good with people so I was the weird kid in junior high. But that was OK too because I learned how to get along on my own. And then in high school I learned to love sports. It was easy. I have an eidetic memory so I memorized stats and trivia easily. But I didn't do it for any of the good reasons. I did it, because I went to school with a bunch of people like Everett Malone and they told me that if you loved sports you couldn't be gay, so I figured if I loved sports...I wouldn't be gay anymore.

(Everyone looks up startled as Calvin continues speaking)

Calvin

It didn't work, in case you were wondering. Turns out I just grew up to be a gay guy who loves sports.

Dana

Calvin you're saying –

Calvin

I'm saying I spent my life letting people like that tell me who I was was an insult and a joke. That it made me less than and unworthy. And it quite literally almost killed me more than once. But it didn't. (He looks at Dana) And now I work in an industry where standing up right now can actually make a difference. We're not apologizing to Everett Malone. And we're sure as hell not paying him. There is nothing about who I am that means I don't belong in the field of professional sports and there is everything about who he is that means he doesn't, and I am quite prepared to spend more money than he's ever seen in his life to make that point as publicly as possible.

Dana

You think you could have mentioned any of this earlier in your visit?

Calvin (smiling)

I had to make sure you were 12-minute guys.

Dana

So now what? We go to war with Everett Malone?

Calvin

That part comes later. The next part is my favorite.

Casey

What's the next part?

Calvin

The part where we cry havoc.

Smash cut to black