I couldn't believe it. We had gone through so much. So much that to this day it seemed unreal, not surreal, but unreal. Like it didn't happen, like it couldn't happen. But it did. Everything did. I realised now we had come full circle.
And like every time, I had the same thought I had before it all seemed like it's about to end. It was worth it.
"Are you ready to go?" his magical voice asked me as he came up to wrap his arms around my waist the second I was straightening up from doing the dishes. His cold breath in my ear gave me the warmest shivers. Still.
"I almost was until… or you could continue to distract me?" I blushed yet couldn't resist the temptation. Even without our eyes locking, he still dazzled me; mostly unintentional on his part but he was aware of his effect on me. Anyone who's ever seen us would know.
"Bella" he sighed.
My sigh in return made him turn me around to look at him.
This time the dazzling definitely wasn't unintentional.
After most of my senses were returned to me – barely – I grabbed at his shoulders and gestured to move. I wanted to avoid another one of his virtuous self-hatred moments that tore my heart. A man this wonderful should not carry that much pain. It didn't make sense.
Not like much did anyway. Coming to stay with Charlie, away from Renee for so long, living in Forks, the proud home representative of all things wet and all things cold. Right until the moment these had occurred, I didn't think it would be likely. Unlikely yet very much possible. What was impossible though that I'd actually like it. This was home for me. Always will be now.
I don't know if Edward was the reason I'd call it a home. The fact that he was the centre, right and left of my universe, that he was my universe wouldn't make me doubt it. But there was always a faint curiousity in my mind if we'd come back here sooner than later after I said goodbye to.. everything. Well, everything human.
No, this was definitely home. It is where I met my life. It is where I will begin my life.
Not unusually, it was raining hard and Edward rushed me to the car. Rush in terms of Edward, because I found myself in the passenger seat in mere seconds of me getting out the door. I inwardly sighed, he will never fail to surprise me.
After a quick kiss on the temple, he was at my other side in an instant. His hair and face a little damped despite his quick movements outside. Add the familiar yet always buzzing electricity in the car and the burn in my right temple, you got yourself the real near-fainting Bella. I unconsciously thought, for the hundredth time, if this was all a dream. I could not fathom what I'd done to deserve this, it was everything I'd never even dreamed of.
I was happy in my life – I always have been. At least I thought I was. Renee and I may have reversed roles for most of my life but we had a great relationship. Phil has always been good to me and especially my mom. And Charlie has always adequately been happy in Forks, which always gave me comfort. Even when I first got to Forks, I was grateful of how easy it was to live with Charlie. I hadn't had any reasons to complain in my life regarding other students and the limited amount of friends I had. Life was good, sufficient.
If I only knew what that actually meant. My mysterious Biology classmate had just about turned my life around no less than a hundred and eighty degrees. As if that wasn't enough, the unique, devoted members of his family seemed to be accepting of me as well. It was like they had all worked together somehow to just blow me away by showing what real happiness meant. From the hundreds of happy memories and moments I had with Edward, the one that springs to mind the most, in regards to finding and realising true happiness is the night at the clearing. Right after the eventful Italy episode, when I physically woke up and denied myself of the reality that he was actually there, with me. When I said those words that really did wake me up that time from the deluded nightmare I constantly believed even before the unfateful lie, that he didn't want me.
"You love me."
The happiness I felt which devoid him of all the pain flashing through every part of his body. The relief I felt from truly believing it myself for the first time. The lightness I felt when the dark hole in my body forever disappeared from hearing the words I so desperately needed to believe.
"Truly, I do."
Despite the doubts I had, I had always believed in those words. The doubts I had were always of myself and not him. It could never be him. His love was immeasurable and never-ending. To doubt feelings in the most lively heart would be tainting his soul. I knew what he thought about his soul, his heart – that they didn't exist. But for me they were always there, overpowering anything that has stood between us. Even when he left, when his body left, the reason I couldn't – wouldn't – 'move on' was because his heart and soul were still with me. That is why I allowed myself to have the pin-drop size of hope that he'll return to where he belonged. To his heart. To his soul.