Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: "I swear, Cody, if you don't shave that thing off, I'm going to hold you down and rip it off of your face." CodyBeth, oneshot

Happy New Year! Um. This is a sillyfic. I'm not even going to try and make it as anything other than it is. Pure and utter silliness as a result of Cody's silly mustache. I'm...yeah. El oh el-ing at it every time it comes on the screen. The title is equally as silly and is a result of my current obsession with the show Amish Mafia. I regret nothing. Haha. Anyway! Please enjoy this stupid, stupid fic.

Mustache Mafia

Looking at her television screen the night Cody Rhodes made his return from injury, Beth Phoenix could hardly believe her eyes.

At first, she thought she was hallucinating. Because, surely, someone like Cody could not be capable of doing something that stupid.

But then she remembered the time he tried to defeat the cinnamon challenge, and Beth nodded sagely to herself as if in understanding.

No matter how many big words one would use, good looks didn't necessarily equate with intelligence. Or common sense. Damien Sandow's words of praise regarding his tag team partner were completely ludicrous because only someone lacking in intellect would even attempt to do this to himself.

Nonetheless, this...thing, this monstrosity on his face could not be allowed to continue.

As Beth stared at the scary facial hair that now adorned The Dashing One's upper lip, she came to a decision

Death will come to that mustache if it's the last thing I do!

Cody Rhodes was awakened to a loud rapping at his door. Incessant, unrelenting, annoying rapping.

He rolled out of bed, hating the fact that he had forgone socks as soon as his bare feet made contact with the cold floorboards of his bedroom. Running a hand over his hair, he squinted a bit in the direction of the front door of his apartment, and then looked over at the clock on his bedside table.

Ten o'clock...ugh.

The knocking wasn't subsiding. The person at the door must be really determined to talk to him. He ran through the people he wouldn't mind seeing at this hour, and came up with about...one point five.

Cody finally relented when he realized the knocking wasn't going away. He stepped to the door quietly and was surprised when he glanced through the peephole and saw the one and only Glamazon standing on his doorstep, arms crossed, a look of determination on her pretty features.

Cocking his head to the side, he slowly opened the door. With an unintentionally placed yawn, he asked simply, "Sup, Beth?"

She quirked a brow in a manner that would make The Rock jealous.

"What's that look for?"

"Oh, God, it's even worse in person."

It was Cody's turn to cross his arms. He then realized just how chilly it was outside, and shifted his feet. Really, socks would be a godsend right about now. "What are you talking about?"

Cody now realized that Beth looked scandalized, as if she had suddenly seen a naked homeless man start to do the macarena. Which, in Cody's humble opinion, would be freaking hilarious. But he digressed. He stared at Beth for a moment, watching her shift from foot to foot. A cool, wintry breeze came by and ruffled the scarf around her neck, which she quickly repositioned.

He felt bad for not inviting her in sooner. Cody shifted to the side and allowed the blonde entrance into his home, which he probably would regret later, considering the way she was eyeing him.

"Are you having problems?" Cody asked.

"I should as you the same question," Beth replied. She made no movement to sit down, only stood with her arms crossed and an incredulous expression on her face. That seemed to be her default look ever since she arrived at his home.

"What are you talking about?"

Beth cringed as he walked closer to her - now that was odd. Definitely not the usual reaction he expected from the women he was around. She stepped back a few paces, and it wasn't until seconds later that he realized she was digging around in her pocket for something. She grasped onto whatever it was and then tossed it at him.

Cody gave a rather un-manly shriek as his reflexes kicked in and he fumbled with what had been thrown at him. Another oddly feminine yelp escaped him as he recognized what had been tossed so haphazardly at his person. "A razor! What are you doing, throwing a razor at me? Are you the bathroom ninja or something?"

"You need it."

"A pink Venus razor? No, I don't think so, ma'am!"

"Did you just call me ma'am?"

"Yes! Because that is how outraged I am."

Cody blinked.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed that thing on your face."

His hand floated up to cover his upper lip. Beth was reminded briefly of one of those old black-and-white movies, and those actresses that starred in them.

"My mustache has been trending on Twitter."

"Yeah, well so has Charlie Sheen. What does that tell you?"

"...that I'm winning?"

Beth slapped her forehead while Cody looked on in stunned silence.

Cody blinked at her for a moment, watching as her immediate expression - one of fond concern for his facial hair - turned into something downright terrifying. Her eyes darkened and she clenched a fist and punched it into her opposite palm, looking as menacing as anything Cody had ever seen in his life. She walked closer to him, slowly, as if to draw out the terror, and then got right up in his face. His heart started to beat faster and he wasn't sure if it was from fright or from some other reason he didn't want to contemplate just yet.

"I'm going to put this as nicely as I possibly can," the Glamazon said, pointedly, never breaking eye-contact.

"Wh-What?" he spluttered, completely confused by her close proximity.

"I swear, Cody, if you don't shave that thing off, I'm going to hold you down and rip it off of your face."

Cody gulped.

As Beth sat down and turned into Raw the following Monday, she did so with a great sense of anticipation. Not from wondering about the current storylines and where they were going, but to see if her threat had paid off.

As she watched Cody walking down the ramp for the first match of the evening, accompanied by his bromantic buddy Damien Sandow, she saw that the mustache was very pleasantly absent.

"Looks as if Cody is back to his clean-shaven appearance," Michael Cole chimed.

"And just as I was getting used to the Magnum P.I. look!" Jerry Lawler commented.

"Wonder who was responsible for that?" Cole questioned.

"That would be me," Beth said to herself, crossing her arms and leaning back into the couch cushions.

The camera panned in on Cody's face, sans mustache, and The Dashing One gave a swoonworthy wink directly into the camera.

Beth had a feeling that wink was for her.