Don't own the Hobbit.

This was done in response to a prompt on the Hobbit kink-meme.

Where Does He Put It All?

They were at Beorn's house, having an actual meal – well, what a Hobbit would consider a meal, and hobbits were very serious about their food. And so, as Bilbo sat at the table with his dwarf companions and was told to eat as much as he pleased, Bilbo did exactly that. It started out rather easily, him asking the dogs for more of certain dishes or sides, the food never lasting more than a minute on his plate.

Kili and Fili were the first to notice, as Bilbo had gotten confident enough that he would intercept some of the food aimed at the dwarves beside him. They had only meant to give him passing glances, but the looks quickly turned to outright staring as they saw just how quickly their little burglar was going through his food…and how he wasn't stopping. Their horrified awe wasn't noticed by Bilbo however, as he was too caught up in sating his hunger to actually look at anyone.

Dori, Ori, and Nori were the next to notice, as they had been the ones throwing food to Fili and Kili. When they noticed the youngest dwarves' distracted states, they looked at what had caught their attention – and joined in their staring. Did Bilbo even taste any of the food he was eating? The honest answer to that, for anyone wondering, was no, he did not.

Dwalin whistled lowly in an impressed tone when he caught sight of Master Baggins tearing apart rolls like a rabid warg, and Balin just shook his head with a small, amused smile.

Gloin snorted, somewhat hoping his son would develop an appetite as strong as their burglar's while Oin gave the hobbit a more disgusted look, though the little being hadn't diverted too much from his polite mannerisms.

Bofur and Bifur had been gleefully switching between eating and throwing food to their brother, when they looked curiously at the hobbit. Smirking a little as an idea overtook him, Bofur grabbed a pear and threw it at Bilbo. His amusement turned into astonishment as Bilbo caught the fruit without directly looking at it – or him, for that matter – and began taking bites from it between mouthfuls of meat and bread.

Bombur was the last to notice, having been too busy eating himself. When he finally leaned back, patting his large stomach contently, he followed everyone else's gazes to the smallest of their group, and was genuinely stunned. He had finally been out-eaten, and by a hobbit.

Just as the entire group had started to grow fearful for their companion (what could have happened to make him this hungry?), Thorin came in from outside where he had been letting his thoughts wander. Unfortunately, the doorway to the garden was behind Bilbo, making it so that everyone seemed to be staring at Thorin as he entered. He caught their horrified gazes and gave them a stony look back.

"What seems to be the problem then?"

Bilbo finally paused and looked up at Thorin, breaking everyone's concentration on him. "Bilbo," Kili started, with Fili finishing, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Bilbo replied, blinking in confusion. "Just a little hungry, I suppose."

"Just a little…you out-ate Bombur!" That's certainly not a little hunger!"

Thorin started in surprise, and shot the hobbit a look. "Is this true, burglar?"

Bilbo looked back, not surprised but still confused. "I'm not entirely sure if it's true, if you'll have me be honest, as I wasn't exactly looking," he confessed, casually smearing honey over another roll that he then bit into. The dwarves that had been watching longest paled a little as he still ate, but the object of their concern didn't seem to notice.

Dwalin asked next, "But why are you eating so much, lad? It doesn't seem healthy – you'll be puking before the hour's up!"

The hobbit turned to look at him, smearing cheese over an apple slice as he did. He crunched it thoughtfully – not noticing the cringe he'd elicited from Kili and Fili – before coming up with a response. "I suppose my eating may seem a tad excessive," he started slowly, "but not in net amount. I have missed four meals today, after all."

This caused Kili, who had been drinking some ale to appease his stomach (as food certainly wasn't appetizing at the moment), to spit out the brew so he did not choke on it in surprise. "Four meals? You've missed four meals? In what way?!"

Bilbo passed the youngest dwarf a napkin amiably and pressed a finger to his chin thoughtfully, missing the stunned faces around him. "Let's see; we had breakfast, though it wasn't much; that means I've missed second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, and afternoon tea. Plus, knowing Tallfolk, there won't be any supper."

Fili counted the number of meals mentioned, adding the meal they were having now, and turned a rather interesting shade of grey. "Seven…you eat seven meals every day?"

"All hobbits do." Bilbo thought this would comfort them, but instead they looked even more worried. He popped a grape casually into his mouth and started dipping strawberries in honey and biting into them, all without taking his eyes off the group. "Well? What's the matter now?"

"Oh, nothing! Nothing at all, burglar! We'll just leave you to finish then, shall we?" Rather abruptly, most of the dwarves got up from the table and hurried off, leaving Bilbo with Thorin, who took a seat soon after their leaving. The hobbit shrugged it off as a dwarf thing and took a hearty gulp of cream, before drizzling a sweet potato in honey and starting on it.

In another room, the Company looked at one another, their faces varying between confusion and worry. "Does this mean we've been starving our burglar more than we thought?" The youngest dwarves asked as one, and none of the older dwarves knew how to answer that.

This was a lot of fun to write, if I'm blunt. I hope everyone else likes it.

Please review.

Ja ne!