My Pet Peeve

Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.

"What are you doing?" This wasn't an unreasonable question to ask when you walked in on your boyfriend attempting to do what seemed to be a hand stand. Not long after this, said boyfriend lost balance and crashed into the bookcase.

"That was your fault!" As per usual it seemed.

"Why now?"

"You distracted me with your bitching."

"You probably shouldn't have been trying out your random gymnastics in my room."

"It wasn't gymnastics, I was just trying to see what the room looked like upside-down."

"…"

"What?"

"I'm just wondering if I'll ever be able to understand how your brain works."

"Well there's fuck all else to do round here."

"Considering that you have the attention span of a goldfish, I'm not really surprised."

"Hey! I'm not a moron!" Shikamaru raised his brow. This was the boy who had once head butted a wall because it 'looked at him funny'. Whether he'd been drunk or not was still unknown.

"If you're so bored then go outside and find something to do."

"But there are people out there!"

"Considering that the people we hang around with are the weirdest types of people around, I'm surprised that normal strangers worry you."

"I don't like them either, I just put up with those assholes because I have to."

"Is there anyone you can actually stand?"

"I like you."

"I should think so. Clearly you were raised in a cave."

"Cave?"

"Your social skills are worse than mine."

"…I can't argue with that one."

"Why are you like this anyway? I'm guessing this was Kakuzu's fault?"

"Yeah… Well mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Do we have to go into all this shit?"

"We don't have to if you don't want to."

"But you'll stop nagging me if we do?"

"…I'll never mention it again."

"Ok… So where do I start with this?"

"Well who was Kakuzu?"

"It was kinda complicated."

"Wasn't he your boyfriend?"

"Yeah... in a way he kind of owned me."

"Eh? As in slave owning?" That would explain a lot…

"No! I know I'm a masochist but seriously… He saved my life kind of so I owed him."

"Ok?"

"What more do you want?"

"That isn't much to go on." This was one of the few times that Hidan wouldn't overshare and it was when he was actually interested.

"It's not exactly complicated. If you have to know, my mum was bitch and possibly on drugs, I don't know and I don't care. I left home cause she pissed me off, didn't eat for a while, nearly died, Kakuzu let me stay at his etc etc."

"Oh…" Kind of like what happened with us.

"Is that enough for you?"

"It explains some things… How old were you when this all happened anyway?"

"No clue. 14 I guess?"

"Wait, 14? Didn't you guys…?"

"What?"

"You know…"

"You mean the fucking?"

"Yes that."

"What about it?"

"You were only 14."

"And?"

"Weren't you a little young to be doing… that kind of thing?" There wasn't any other way to say this.

"I'd be dead without him, I owed him! Anyway I loved him and he loved me."

"Oh." But if he loved you why did he kick you out? ...Yeah, I don't think I could say that. He's already pissed off, it'll get worse if I start saying that he was used.

"It would've been great if he hadn't gotten that stupid whore pregnant. Then he decided he only wanted her and I suddenly wasn't good enough. Cheating lying prick!" Hidan was getting pretty agitated by now. Shikamaru could understand why so he wasn't going to stop him. "But I don't need that asshole anymore. He could be dead for all I care."

What exactly do I say to that? Why isn't Naruto here? Or someone… better at this than me.

"Are you happy now?" Ah. Hidan was scowling defensively. "I told you what you wanted."

"Yeah that's… great." And now I sound like a heartless asshole. Brilliant. Shikamaru was regretting ever bringing it up now. What exactly do I say? Hidan decided to solve that problem for him.

"So are we having food now or what? I'm fucking starved."

"Oh! Right, sorry." I'll just forget about it. He doesn't want to think about it all anyway.

-Page Break-

"Is something wrong with the psycho? He's been even worse than usual."

"I don't think so…" If Ino's noticed, then something is definitely wrong. Shit. At first everything had seemed fine. After their long, awkward conversation, Hidan had seemed a little better but after a while he'd gone quiet. Any attempts to ask him what was wrong just bought about either snapping or having something thrown at the offending person's head.

"Choji just offered him potatoes and he was told where to stick them."

"That sounds like normal behaviour to me."

"Not when it involves food usually. He's acting like a hormonal teenage girl."

"We just had a bit of a weird conversation earlier and I think he got a little… emotional."

"Do I wanna know what it was about?"

"I'm not going into any details but it involved his ex."

"Ah… I can imagine that explained a lot."

"Oh yes." And now I don't have a clue how to talk to him. Clearly he doesn't want to act like usual but what the hell do I say? It was probably obvious that Shikamaru wasn't used to dealing with other people's problems. Minor issues like boyfriend problems he didn't mind hearing about. Major things like abuse and possible paedophilia were a little beyond him.

"Well?"

"What?" Ino was giving him the motherly look and he knew he was about to get seriously nagged.

"He's your boyfriend and he's upset about something!"

"I thought you hated him."

"He's still a person despite his many annoying traits. Besides, if Choji was upset I'd try to help him."

"I'm pretty sure he wants to be left alone though."

"How much detail did you go into there?"

"Quite a lot…"

"If you'd just bared your soul to someone how would you feel?"

"Bared my soul?" It seemed Ino was more philosophical than she seemed.

"He's just told you a lot of private stuff he didn't want to think about let alone tell anyone about, and now he's probably feeling kind of emotional and a little awkward."

"But if I go and talk to him he'll probably bite my head off."

"Probably because he's embarrassed about what you know."

"I feel awkward enough knowing it…"

"Why?"

"I don't know! I just… Why am I even talking to you about this? You're not my therapist!"

"I've known you since before we could even walk. I know you and I know you're really bad when it comes to things that scare you."

"What am I supposed to be scared of? Hidan?"

"You're just scared of other people's problems because you don't know how you're supposed to act around them. It's not like they're gonna affect you though, so stop being so selfish."

"I'm not scared! And where did you get all this crap?"

"Have you even looked at the stuff they put in women's magazines nowadays? Anyone can be an amateur psychologist."

"Great…"

"Anyway stop procrastinating and make an effort." Ino had a triumphant look in her eye and they both knew she was right.

"Ok I'll do something about it, just please stop nagging."

"Of course~."

"And before you ask, no I'm not going to share any details with you."

"After all the advice I've just given you, I think I deserve some of the gossip involved."

"Just no." I take back every thought I just had about her being a good person, she's just as bad as always.

-Page Break-

Hidan was upstairs in the bedroom, randomly arranging all the things on the desk. This was something he occasionally did when he was distracted but never usually that much.

"Hi…" Brilliant. That's a great start to the conversation. Hidan turned and scowled.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I just wanted to see if you were ok."

"Well clearly I'm fine so kindly fuck off and leave me alone."

"Are you?" I'm really not brave enough for this. He nearly physically recoiled at the scowl he was given.

"Can't you tell?" This was practically hissed. He wanted to just walk away and leave him be but the nagging he'd get was just as terrifying.

"Well I'm just gonna… sit over here with my book…" If he was in the same room it was a start.

Hidan watched him cross the room and he could still feel his eyes giving him an intense scowl when he sat down. Shikamaru would have to stand his ground on this one.

"Oi." Uh oh.

"Y-yes?"

"Stop with the bullshit and leave me alone."

"I'm not doing anything, I'm just reading."

"Yeah clearly. Why can't you just get the hint?"

"Blame Ino, she's the one who seems to think you want me around. She wouldn't shut up until I agreed to talk to you." …That just makes me sound like an insensitive dick. Perhaps I am…

"Well don't I feel special."

"I'm sorry…"

"You don't want to be here so just fuck off and tell her downstairs to stop being an interfering bitch."

"It's not that I don't want to be here…"

"Of course you don't! You don't give a fuck at all."

"That's not true! I really do care! I just don't know what I'm supposed to do here. What do you want?"

"I've already-."

"No. What do you really want? More specifically, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know! I wish we'd never talked about any of that crap."

"It's my fault and I'm sorry. If something's wrong though I'll help. I don't have a clue what to do but I will try."

"You're useless at this kind of thing."

"Yes I am but I'll try for you."

"Why?"

"Because your moods tire me out… And maybe I care about you, a little."

"Well thanks."

"You know I'm bad at this so can you at least make it a little easier and tell me what you want?"

"Could you promise me something?"

"If it helps."

"Don't say it if you don't mean it though."

"I won't" It'll probably be either odd or perverted. "Promise me you won't just leave or kick me out like Kakuzu did. Or cheat on me." Crap.

"I definitely won't cheat on you." At least that part's easy enough. The first part though… I can't promise that! I couldn't even commit to a newspaper round when I was 13, how can I promise something like this?

"What about the first part?" Damn. "That's just as important."

"…Well I don't know about always if that's what you're looking for but I can say for now at least?"

"That's the best you can do? Really?" Hidan did know that for Shikamaru this was pretty good but he thought he should at least tease him a little for all the trauma he'd caused.

"It's not like we're saying our marriage vows here!"

"Tch. Fine. As it's you. Now help me with something."

"What?"

"We're going to leave a little something in the bitch's room for trying to get involved in things she shouldn't be."

"Gladly"

This chapter was a little deep :S Probably cause I've been watching pretty deep anime recently :L This chapter would've been updated sooner had I not dropped my laptop and broke the damn screen T_T Hope you enjoyed reading it and please review :3