She should have known better. Diana knew the stories of the gods, her unruly newly discovered siblings, well. It was well known that people did the dumbest things, angered everyone, started war, alienated family, destroyed entire nations over love, or what they perceived was love.
Having felt only the love that comes with having sisters and a mother who held her best interest in high regard, Diana may have missed the beginning symptoms. Had it been there with Steve? Honestly, she wouldn't even have known what to look for. In retrospect, she realized that she had every right to be terrified of these new feelings, even if she went back and forth with trying to convince herself that terror was a little over the top. With this new massive and all-encompassing feeling she should have been terrified both with what she was feeling and what she knew of love. The logical choice would have been to run screaming in the other direction, but curious little Diana, she hadn't. She'd instead pushed back in the face of fear, facing it. Well not necessarily in the beginning. In the beginning she'd slipped her toes in the water and though there was a distinct lack of screaming, then she'd ran. Even now, with where they were, the thought of running seemed to always slip back in as an actual option. Back and forth the scales tipped, from terror to elation, from frustration to contentment, over and over and over. No wonder people went absolutely and utterly insane for love. It was dangerous.
Yes, maybe she could have handled things better that night, but hindsight was twenty-twenty and for an Amazon warrior used to staring down foes in battles, the fact that the simple touch of a man's lips had sent her spiraling into fight or flight, seemed understandably frightening…
Hands in his hair, his hands against her waist, kneeling between his knees, she felt ensconced somewhere safe. Not just physically safe, but…it was a hard feeling to find the words for. Athena's eloquence was failing her even now. That first feeling of not only being seen, but heard, and perhaps understood, it was overwhelming. Her heart was rampaging within her chest; each pounding beat resonating in her ears as it tried to crack through her ribs, her stomach had twisted itself into knots and was practically trying to crawl up her throat. None of this was familiar. Or rather what had been familiar suddenly turned strange. Save for his scent. That she knew. He smelled like green things. Like growth, like a brilliant summer day, and a bit like the sea. It wasn't overpowering, nor as strong as the salt sent that wafted from Arthur, but it was something different, something fresh, and revitalizing. The rest of it was absolute, complete and utter chaos. Beneath her lips he was morphing of his own accord into something…something undefinable. A friend, someone with which her deepest secrets would be safe, but something more; Superm-Clark was something more. Right? Was he? Could he? Was this? Were they?
Complete and utter shutdown. Just like that, her mind was through. Short circuited by the lack of understanding, and overloaded by all that it was trying to analyze. It was actually perfect timing, because for the next few seconds, as her system tried to reboot, Diana was allowed time to feel. This was not her first kiss, but it was different. With Steve she would take such care, keep such control. Easy,light, careful, was the mantra. Keep touches light, keep your kisses careful, your hold easy. Lessons taught from the second her strength was discovered flashed red lights behind her barely closed eyes: RESTRAINT RESTRAINT RESTRAINT. It was all so much sometimes, she was left trembling. Yet in that moment, there were no flashing red lights, no warnings blaring across her mind, everything was blessedly silent. Peace. The trembling started again, but without the warnings her grip tightened. She should have stopped, but her brain was still trying to unscramble itself. Instead, with a mind of its own, her hands tightened around him, and he didn't break, he simply sighed and pulled her closer. The kiss deepened, layers seemed to slide away until all she could taste was raw and needy and…oh shit (to borrow one of Steve's favorite phrases). Air beckoned. She wasn't sure when her body stopped responding to even its most basic needs, but it had, and the burning in her chest seemed to serve as both a reminder and a shift back into functioning.
He was pulling back and so was she, her heart still ricocheting, drowning out most everything. Think, she couldn't think. What were they doing? What was this? How did? Were they?
Complicated. Everything was always so complicated. Here it came. The…the…the everything else. The I'm sorry, the I can't do this, if he was going to reject her she couldn't take it. She just could not. On top of everything else today, in light of Steve, of everything, even of this kiss; one more thing and Diana wasn't sure she'd even be able to stand. He was going to take this, wasn't he? It was a mistake. Like Steve, like coming here in the first place! It was all a complicated, messy, stupid, idiotic mistake. What was she thinking, putting herself out there again? Stupid. Quickly, before she did something else ridiculous, Diana stood, shattering the spell, leaving the safety of his company. Overwhelmed, overwrought, simply over it, she stood and slammed her defenses back in place so fast she almost lost a finger. Too much, this was too much. She wanted a lot of things, a hug, a laugh, a friend, hell, even another kiss. What she needed to do to ignore the way her heart was racing, the way it felt so good to reach out and find another reaching for you. But what if the racing heart was only her own, what if he was everything she was warned about, what if the only one reaching was her? Were those backwards? Did she need what she wanted and only wanted what she needed? Too much. Retreat was so tempting. So very easy.
I need to go