Ok. I'm really sorry about the title. It's rl bad, I know...I literally could not think of another one...
This takes place in and after S.8 ep. 7.
I know this episode had destiel written all over it, and for totally slaying that, I am sorry, as I do actually ship destiel really hard. I just needed some sweet, comfort!sastiel. For that I am not sorry. I hope you enjoy!
Reunions and Remembering
A Sastiel fan fiction
Once Dean was gone the real reunion began.
"Sam," Cas choked out weakly, but that was all he was able to say before Sam was upon him, kissing him furiously. Cas' arms were flung around the hunter's neck as they clung to each other desperately. It was as if they'd forgotten how the other felt and tasted in their time apart and they almost had. This passionate kiss was like remembering. But they both soon realized that they hadn't forgotten at all. And the kiss became even deeper.
Everything about it was forceful and rough and sloppy. Cas was shoved against the kitchen cabinets, Sam's weight pressing hard against him, their lips crashing together, hands groping for a sensation they once knew. But the kiss was still a pitiful excuse for months and months of separation.
Castiel pushed further, harder, his hands sliding down Sam's chest, fingers prying at shirt buttons. He panted for breath each time the kiss broke, working his lips wildly against the hunter's and wantonly grinding his hips against Sam's. He moaned into the hunter's mouth at the thrusting of his own hips. Suddenly, Sam stopped him, roughly holding the anxious angel at bay. "No, Cas," he breathed. "Not right now. Dean could come back…"
"He just left," Cas growled, clinging to Sam's shirt, trying, with all his strength, to bring them together again. "Sam, please," he panted, hissing, low in his throat, "I need it." He leaned into Sam, trying to bring him back into the kiss.
Sam wanted so badly to take the angel right then and there. Knowing how deprived Cas had been of contact, he tingled at the thought of how glorious sex would be right now, imagining how high he could take Cas. He saw it in his piercing blue eyes, a hunger, a need. For him. But Sam had to stop himself.
"As soon as Dean gets back we'll take the car and we'll go, but please, just wait," Sam huffed, running a hand back through Cas' hair which clearly did not help Cas restrain himself. He let out a desperate whimper and Sam thought he'd never seen the angel look more broken. "Alright. C'mere." Sam took the angel's face between his hands, gently brushing kisses along his forehead, down the side of his face and finally upon his lips.
This time the kiss was slow, like savoring the taste of water after days in the desert. And indeed, that was what it felt like. They were gentle with each other now as if the other was a fragile apparition and too much force would send them far apart again. Roving hands explored Castiel as Sam reacquainted himself with his favorite things about his lover. Like the angel's hands twisting into his long, brown hair, the soft, fullness of his lips, and the little noises in Cas' throat that he could feel rather than hear when he gripped Cas' waist and kissed him sweetly on the neck.
The next five minutes were filled with kisses to say "I love you", lingering touches to say "I missed you", longing looks to say "never leave me", and gentle whispers to say everything else. They did this until they both reluctantly agreed to separate, knowing that Dean would be back soon and they fell into the respective roles of their relationship that Dean was allowed to see…Of course, he had no idea about the majority of what happened between them, but they both knew that wasn't bound to last much longer.
Dean walked in with the beer he'd been sent to get and found Sam in his usual place at his laptop at the table. Cas was seated across the room in front of the television. Dean was none the wiser to what had occurred in his absence.
Unfortunately, Cas and Sam didn't get the change to go and finish what they'd started right away. An urgent call came in from Mrs. Tran, but once they'd rescued Kevin and taken care of Crowley, it was back to the usual: drive for hours on end and get limited amounts of sleep in a dirty motel room.
"Hey, Cas, you gonna stay with us tonight?" Dean asked as they drove to find a place to stay.
"No. Don't worry about me." He sent a glance in Sam's direction and he knew what Cas meant with the desperate look in his eyes.
Cas disappeared from the back seat and Dean swore. "Damnit. I hate when he does that."
When they found a motel, Sam stayed as long as he could bear and did all he could to contain his anxiousness.
When he stood up suddenly and grabbed the car keys, Dean asked, "Where are you going?"
To which Sam replied, "I just need to clear my head."
Dean didn't argue. He had noticed that his brother seemed rather distant lately.
"Hey, do you mind calling Cas back?" Dean pleaded. "I don't like that he's disappeared again so soon after just getting back. I'd just feel better if-" Sammy sighed, seeing the concern in his brother's eyes.
"Yeah, sure," he replied, and then he was gone. Sam didn't understand why Dean couldn't just do it himself, but he guessed it had something to do with the conversation he had interrupted earlier that day.
He hadn't been driving for more than a minute when Castiel appeared in the passenger's seat. They didn't say anything to each other, just exchanged an adoring glance and laced their fingers together as they drove down the road.
They pulled over on an empty stretch of back road five minutes from the motel. As soon as the car was stopped, they kissed sweetly and gently but it was brief as they broke apart to move to the backseat which was more conducive to the activities they had planned.
They moved slow and gentle, savoring each touch between them. Cas needed this contact. He needed it desperately, but he was not about to wantonly rush this beautiful reunion. He was sure to touch and kiss every inch of Sam's body before getting to the good part. Each moan and whispered breath of "Cas" was music to his lonely ears. He reciprocated by breathing "Sam" into his lover's neck while running long, steady fingers down the hunter's chest all the way down his body.
Soft whimpers were mixed in with their hot, steamy breath as Sam steadily pumped into Cas who rolled into the rough sensation to gain more friction. Sam hissed, throwing his head back against the seat and nails digging into Castiel's shoulder blades. Fumbling hands gripped at sweat-slick skin with their warm, salty bodies flush against each other.
They fucked slowly, wanting this moment to last as long as they could make it. And Cas, straddling Sam's lap with Sam deep inside him, recognized that this was bliss. While in purgatory, he'd forgotten that ecstasy like this was even possible. Sam's hands gripping his hips, the look in his eyes when theirs met, and the gentle lips against his skin. Cas squeezed his eyes shut to the tears that began to form there. He'd forgotten. How could he have forgotten Sam?
The angel collapsed into Sam's arms while the hunter continued slowly pushing into Castiel, groaning lightly as he went and he held Cas against his chest. But before long he noticed the tears and quiet sobs coming from his lover.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey," Sam interrupted, gently pulling Cas away from his shoulder to look him in the eye. Sam stopped moving, terrified that he was hurting the angel. "Are you ok? Do you want to stop?"
"No," Cas choked out, blinking back tears in his raw, red eyes. "I just missed you so much," he sighed weakly.
Sam's heart ached. He couldn't stand to see his angel like this, but he knew there was very little he could do. He pulled Cas against him once more and whispered to him, "I missed you too, baby," twisting a comforting hand through his lover's hair and kissing his forehead softly.
They went on, slowly picking back up the pace, pushing harder, faster, moaning louder, breathing heavier, clinging tighter. As Cas neared his climax, he whispered desperate and breathless "I love you"s against Sam's parted lips. He released a rough, shaky moan as he came, spilling his hot, sticky substance between their bodies.
That alone was enough to send Sam over the edge. He cried out in ecstasy as he shot deep into Castiel.
All motion between them slowed to a stop as they came down from the high and tried to catch their breath. Sam slid out of Castiel, but the angel remained in his lap, his hands continuing to run all over his lover's beautiful body.
Sam reciprocated, bringing his hands from where they rested on Cas' thighs, up over his ass and across the entire landscape of his back. There, they paused at an all-too-familiar spot. It was right in the middle of Cas' back and though there was no scar, Sam knew what had happened there. He would never forget. It was where he had stabbed Castiel with murderous intent when the angel got out of control. His fingers lingered there and his eyes met Castiel's with a desperate look of apology, though he knew there was nothing he could do to make it right. But Cas understood what the hunter needed.
"You are forgiven, Sam Winchester," Cas said without hesitation, and instantly, Sam's heart felt lighter, but now it was Cas' turn for the guilt. His eyes shifted from Sam's as he was plagued with horrible memories of the things he'd done. Things he wished he'd forget. And Sam saw it all happening on the angel's face. He took Cas' face in his hands and locked their eyes again. "So are you, Castiel."
More tears came to Cas' eyes then, because how, how could Sam so simply and easily pardon the atrocities he'd committed? He would never even forgive himself and yet Sam was looking him in the eye and promising that he would love Cas no matter what. And Cas had done nothing to deserve it.
"Thank you," Cas whispered through his tears and Sam stroked his face and kissed his lips.
"Alright, no more of this self-pitying crap," Sam said. "Let's just be happy we found each other again."
Cas nodded, blinking back tears, and fell against Sam's chest, burying his face into his neck. There, he whispered against Sam's skin, "I love you."
Sam didn't respond. It didn't feel right. He did love Castiel, with all of his being, but the guilt of what he'd done while Cas was away, the guilt of giving up on his angel and settling for Amelia, was beginning to haunt him.
"I thought of you every day while you were gone," he said, hoping to somehow make it better. It didn't, and Cas replied, "You were the single thought in my mind, Sam."
The hunter swallowed back tears and he knew there was nothing he could do to make this pain go away.
They sunk down onto the seat together, legs sprawled out and intertwined and Cas leaning into Sam's shoulder. At first, Sam was surprised and a little concerned when Castiel actually fell asleep. Angel's don't need sleep… he's thought, but then he remembered that yes they did, sometimes, when they'd been over worked or cut off from heaven. And Sam realized that miraculously escaping purgatory must have been an incredible feat.
So while Cas slept peacefully against his chest, Sam marveled at how perfect he was. It had been a long time since he had seen the angel so at peace. And he wished he could say the same for himself, but he found his hear in turmoil. How was he to tell Cas about Amelia? Sure, he would never leave Cas for her now, but he had been in love. He couldn't keep her a secret forever. And it wasn't so much that he was afraid Cas would take it personally, it was the guilt that he'd left Cas, abandoned him. He hadn't even tried to bring him back. He'd just given up. And just remembering that now, with Cas in his arms once more, made it harder to breath. How could he have given up on this?
Cas stirred and woke before long, pulling Sam out of his thoughts.
"Hey, we should be getting back," Sam said, remembering Dean, alone at the motel. "Will you stay with me?"
Cas responded with a weary nod and Sam found it adorable, the way he rubbed his eyes like a sleepy child.
They dressed themselves fully and slid into the front seats. On the drive back, no words passed between them, just contented silence, for they found there was nothing left to say.