I suppose you could say my life fell apart when I heard about… the accident.
I started smoking pot, I went a little crazy, and I momentarily lost sight of my evil goal. Why? What was so significant about a silly little hovercar accident? How did it make me become the wreck that I am today? Well, I'm going to tell you a little story. And by little, I mean long. Buckle up, because you're in for a ride.
Where to begin? I suppose I should begin with her. None of this would've happened if it weren't for her. Although, I should really explain the plan first, because half of this story won't make sense unless I explain.
My father is Dr Spaceclaw – maybe you've heard of him? He's the head of the whole Galactic League of Extraterrestrial Exploration! I'm his son, Junior. Someday, all of it will be mine. Mine. A pretty exciting thought, right?
You'd expect us to have boatloads of money, wouldn't you? A small family, an evil mum, an evil dad, their evil son – their only son – and his evil girlfriend. Not that many expenses. Well, the truth is, although we're well-off, we wouldn't mind having a lot more money. And so, the plan came about.
About eighteen years ago, when I was only about six or seven years old, a Starship crashed on an alien bug planet. My father figured out that there were space eggs on that ship, and he dug up as much information on it as possible. Well, eighteen years later, and we're finally ready to set our plan into action.
Obviously, we can't just bring some alien eggs into earth, since planetary customs would never allow it. No, we needed to smuggle them in. And how, you may ask, do we go about doing that? Well, it's quite simple really. First, we find someone who has barely any gag reflex – it would be pretty easy to find some sluts out there, but the thing is, they have to be a Starship ranger – and send them down to the planet. The person has to be stupid enough to get caught, and whilst in the hatchery, they'll get an egg implanted in their chest. They'll send a distress signal, get rescued, and seven time cycles later, some evil alien bugs are going to break shit on earth.
The only thing we'd need to seal the deal and make sure everything goes according to plan is a Megagirl unit. The only problem; finding someone who has died recently. We could probably just kill someone, but then we'd have bloody murder on our hands. No, we needed someone who hasn't been dead for more than a day, and that someone needs to be female, or we'll have a whole man-inside-woman's-body fiasco. Men are prone to failing objectives, and when we tried to have a Megaboy unit, it ended up literally blowing up in our face. The Megaboy thought he was a lot stronger than he was, and exceeded his maximum power circuits, thus shortcutting and blowing up in our face. We decided to go with a Megagirl, since girls are more aware of their boundaries.
We had a few Megagirl prototypes, but the thing is that we needed a Megagirl who functioned properly with an inhibitor chip – the inhibitor chip makes it impossible for her to harm humans. None of our prototypes were able to continue their normal efficiency with the inhibitor chip installed. Well, when we finally got it to work, that particular Megagirl was programmed to help build Starships. So, now, with the knowledge of what Megagirl to build, we needed a brain, so that we could connect it to the Megagirl unit, download the inhibitor chip, and program her to work with the Starship rangers on their missions.
You're probably wondering why we need a human brain – why not just create a soulless hunk of metal, like all the other robots? Well, when you think about it, the human is technically a robot. Our brain works by sending many electrical impulses as messages – doesn't that make us technically robots? The Megagirl unit must be as humanly as possible. It's impossible for us to actually create life, but the scientists down at the G.L.E.E. laboratories figured out how to manipulate the human brain into working with a robotic counterpart.
So now you understand my position, right? Find a female brain, download it to the Megagirl system, smuggle some illegal eggs, make millions. What to do with these millions? Well, back then I probably would've showered my evil girlfriend with evil presents. Now? I'm going to use that money to buy weed.
Let's see… Ah, so now I can tell you about her. Her. Her name was Hannah Alkins, and she was… perfect. She came up with the most evil plots. In fact, she helped come up with the whole illegal egg thing. Oh, Hannah. My precious, precious Hannah. Funny how I, an evil bastard, could fall in love.
The night of the accident was emotional. That was the night I lost hope. We had planned out a life together, she and I. Actually, the night before, we had just gotten engaged. Mother was delighted, because she adored Hannah. Dad liked Hannah because she kept me nice and evil, but stopped me from doing the stupid things, like drugs and alcohol.
Dark brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, an amazing smile, and the sweetest laugh I've ever heard. I miss her a lot. My fiancée, gone, forever. Dad told me that she'd still remember her past life, she'd still remember me. I didn't believe him. I knew he was lying, because he just wanted her brain for the Megagirl unit. I've spoken to Ultrabeam Megagirl units. They know absolutely nothing about the person they once were.
Hannah was driving. She was waiting at a red traffic light. She wasn't doing anything wrong, illegal, or even evil. She was literally just sitting there. Where was she driving? Back home from work, to our apartment. I was dutifully filling out paperwork for dad, and briefly wondered why she wasn't home yet. I sent her a text. Someone called me from her mobile, and the police told me she was dead.
She was just sitting there, waiting for the light to go green, when a hovertruck went out of control and crashed into her. Then, my sweet, my precious, my evil fiancée, was gone – just like that. I'll never forgive myself for Hannah's death. I could've picked her up from her workplace! I did it often enough. No, I had agreed to let her take the hovercar herself, and I had foolishly thought she'd come home, make dinner, and we'd have some "alone" time (if you know what I mean).
I was numb. I needed someone. I called Mum, and Dad, hoping they'd have words of comfort. They were great. Mum walked me to hospital where Hannah's body was. Then, Dad started asking the staff questions… Questions about her brain. If it was damaged. Things like that. Then, he turned to me and asked if I wanted to give Hannah another chance at life. Of course, I had stuttered out, but how? He explained to me that Hannah's brain would be perfect for the Megagirl unit they had built. He promised me she'd remember her life as Hannah Alkins. He promised me she'd remember me. Of course, I knew he was lying, but I agreed anyway. Anything to have my precious fiancée back in my arms, robot or human. Her personality would be the same, her way of thinking would be the same, the only difference would be her appearance, and the fact that she wouldn't remember being a human at all.
I remember when the robot's eyes first fluttered open. I hadn't realised that even though her facial structure and bodily appearance was different, her eyes would still be the same.
"Hannah," I had breathed out, rushing forward to embrace my love.
"Please state a command for me to service you," she had replied. It was Hannah's voice, but had a metallic ting to it. A robotic rhythm.
"I – I command you to r-remember me?" I had whispered, reaching out a tentative hand to hold hers.
Hannah had thrown me a confused glance. "You are Junior. My commander; the ship's ambassador. The knowledge of you has been programmed into me."
I had stroked her face; the scientists had created a synthetic material similar to skin. It felt like skin, looked like skin, and was as easy to wash as skin. However, this skin is made from a material that makes it bullet-proof, and theoretically invincible. "Hannah. Your name is Hannah Alkins."
She shook her head. "No. I am Ultrabeam Megagirl."
"No! Your name is Hannah."
"Does not compute," she said, "My name is Megagirl."
And so, Hannah Alkins was no more, and Megagirl was. My beautiful, evil, perfect fiancée, gone.
I'm stubborn, though, you see. Megagirl is so lifelike, so humanlike, and she still acts in the same way that Hannah does, only more orderly and robot-like. The body of Megagirl is the same as a regular human body. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I've commanded Megagirl to service me in an intimate time that I used to share only with Hannah. However, Megagirl is a robot, and does not feel emotion.
I love her, but she doesn't love me. She's incapable of it. Hannah is here, but at the same time, she's not.
Now you know the basis of my story, I think it's safe for me to go on to how I got here, contemplating the entire mission in the safety of my bedroom. Now, you know about Hannah, about that fatal accident, and a little bit about how Megagirls work.
We sent down the drop pod for that idiot, February, about fifteen minutes ago. We just received the notice from her mission log that she's landed on Bug World. It shouldn't be too soon until she gets captured, and get an egg implanted in her chest. Our plans are going swimmingly.
I've already handpicked each of the Starship rangers that will be assigned to the rescue mission, each for a specific reason. Commander Up, because he just hasn't been the same since he lost his balls. Lieutenant Taz, because she'll throw such a big tantrum about working with a robot, and will cause a lot of trouble down there because of her distrust and hate of them. Tootsie Noodles, because he's a pissbrain farthead. Specs, because she's a dweeb who's more reliable in the field of intelligence than anything else. Krayonder, because he's totally insecure and not exactly 'good' at completely missions.
"Megagirl?" I say into the intercom, knowing that she'll come soon.
"Please state a command for me to service you," she says as she walks through the door.
I try to ignore the pain in my chest as I look at Megagirl's chocolate brown eyes and remember when Hannah would look at me with those same eyes, only filled with love, not filled with cold determination. "Megagirl, can you start preparing the drop pod for the rescue mission, so that we can get February back through planetary customs as fast as possible?"
Megagirl nods. "Your commands will be fulfilled, Junior," she says. "Is that all?"
I motion for her to come closer and she sits in the chair in front of my table. "Megagirl, I want you to kiss me."
"Megagirl units are purposeless slaves," she states robotically, "and are not used for the purpose of fulfilling humanly urges."
I sigh. Hannah really is gone, isn't she? "That was a command, Megagirl."
Megagirl blinks, and accepts the command with a nod. I stand up, and she wraps her arms around me, making that awful metal whir as she does so. I hold her closely to me as I kiss her tenderly, enjoying the feeling of her lips on mind. Since it is still, technically, Hannah's mind and thoughts, just limited to no longer feeling human emotion or memories, the robot kisses me in the exact same way that Hannah used to. I pull her closer, and deepen the kiss, ignoring the icy cold of her metal torso pressed against mine. Only her torso is cold; the chest, more specifically, where the heart and lungs were once. Robots have no need for a heart, or lungs, so the chest is just filled with gears and wires. Everything else is a special synthetic material that simulates human body parts.
"Hannah," I whisper into the kiss. "Please remember who I am."
"I remember," Megagirl states in her robotic drawl. "You are Junior, commander and ship's ambassador. You made a plan to illegally sneak eggs through customs." She tips her head to the side. "You keep calling me 'Hannah'. I am not Hannah. I am Megagirl."
I groan and sit down again. I wave my hand at her, dismissing her. "You may go, Megagirl. Let me know when that idiot sends a distress signal up in the ship. I need a drink…"