Kim Possible: The Three Stooges Ride Again
(A/N: See, I'm not done with KP yet. I've just been distracted lately. Anyway, this story is preceded by my first two installments of this potential series: Kim Possible Redemption and Kim Possible This Is Not Honor. Enjoy this latest story.)
Ring! Ring! The phone pealed through the large and quiet Scottish Castle. The occupant groaned in annoyance, having been rudely awakened from his nap. Groggily he reached for it. "Aye? Duff Killigan," Killigan replied, picking up the phone.
"Killigan, are you available for a mercenary task?" Gemini's voice questioned.
The Scotsman frowned. "No!" Killigan shot, slamming it down. It rang again and he picked up. "Aye?" he asked in a more annoyed tone.
"Ah Senor Killigan, it is Senor Senior Senior. Are you available to do a task for me?" Senor Senior questioned.
"No!" Killigan shot. The phone had been ringing constantly, every single call looking to hire him! It rang and Killigan snatched it, saying, "Ah'm no' available far nything'!" he shot furiously, slamming it down. He quickly put the phone on call block. "Ach, wha' am I goin' t' do?" Killigan moaned as he paced back and forth in front of the fire. "Ah canno' keep on workin' as a mercenary. Ah'm the world's deadliest golfer, Ah should have the world! Ack, but the lassie Kimberly will no' leave me be." Pausing long enough to punch his fist in his hand, he exclaimed, "Ah need a plan! Somethin' so diabolical they will no' stand a chance. Somethin' so powerful et'll make the Cheer Squad bow to ma every whim! An' Ah know just where I can get it." He laughed wickedly and picked up the phone, quickly dialling a number.
"Yes?" the voice on the other end inquired.
"DNAmy, et's me, Duff Killigan. Ah need yer help, lassie. How much far ye' t' come up wi' a bioengineered chemical component tha'll make all those who come en contact bend t' ma every whim?" Killigan questioned. Wow, he couldn't believe he'd gotten the term right, but he was surrounded with so many mad genius' he'd certainly heard it enough times.
"For you, absolutely free anytime bestie. Consider it a thank you gift," Amy replied.
"Ah'm no' yer bestie! Ah'll be over there in a wee while!" Killigan sharply barked, slamming down the phone. Cackling evilly he headed out to his blimp.
He approached the door of the colorful and cheery, in fact cheery was an understatement, house. He knocked three times and waited. All at once he heard annoying barking and frowned down at the dog door. "Honey, come back!" Amy demanded from inside as he heard feet scurrying along.
All at once a dog's head poked out, growled, then began to bark. "Ah shut yer trap!" Killigan shot. The dog growled and leapt out, claws clacking. Killigan cried out in terror, backing away from it in horror. "Ack, wha' are ye!?" he demanded.
"Precious, mommy has your food, don't bother Duffy wuffy. Come back inside!" he heard the geneticist call from inside.
All at once, however, the dog lobster hybrid snapped his leg! He cried out in pain and shook it viciously, sending it flying through the dog door yelping. "Tha'll teach ye!" he yelled after it.
"Baby!" the woman inside screamed. "How dare you kick my poor little dogster!" Amy said, opening the door and peeking out.
"It snapped me!" he defended.
"Just for that, I'm not letting you in, you big meanie! Why, you're worse than Shego and Drakken!" Amy protested, shutting the door on him.
"Lassie, open the door!" Killigan insisted, banging on the front door loudly.
"No! Not until you apologize for kicking my babykins!" she shouted back, standing on the other side, arms folded in annoyance.
"Ah'm no' gonna apologize far yer mutts behaviour!" he shot back.
"Then you're not coming in!" she called in annoyance.
Killigan growled then sighed helplessly. "Why me?" he questioned nothing. "All right, Ah'll apologize t' the wee beastie. Ah'm sorry far kickin' ye int' next Tuesday." The dog whimpered.
"She doesn't forgive you!" Amy translated.
"She's a dog lobster hybrid, she canno' fargive!" Killigan shot.
"I'm not arguing this with you Duff!" she shot.
He sighed, face palming, then said in the sweetest tone he could possibly muster, "Amy, lassie, Ah'm sorry far harmin' the wee critter. Et was reflexes, Ah swear. Can ye tell the beastie Ah'm sorry? Ah really need t' see ye."
There was silence a moment, then he heard the woman whispering something to the dogster thing. The creature yipped happily, and the door was opened. "I forgive you Duff, and so does my precious little girl," DNAmy declared.
"Good, now le' me have ma wonder potion," Duff stated flat out. By the spirits that be, she was a changeable lassie.
"Oh Duffy, can't you at least pretend to be just visiting instead of plotting?" Amy pouted.
"Nay," Killigan flatly answered, barging in. Amy harrumphed in annoyance. "Ye' and your obsession wi' the wee beastie's and feelings and everythin' cute an' cuddly."
"Well at least I'm not a crusty grouchy old Scottish bachelor who doesn't have a life beyond his island and golfing," Amy bit.
"Touche," Killigan answered, purposely letting it slide. As much as it annoyed him, he knew it probably annoyed her more that he was ignoring.
"Come on sugar booger, we could cook up something besides a boring old potion," she flirted, cuddling up to him.
"Ach, do ye mind woman. Ah'm no' a pushover like yer other conquests," Killigan bit, shoving her away.
"Oh poo, Monty isn't a pushover. He's a heartbreaker. I should have stuck with Drakken," she complained dejectedly.
"Are ye' daft, lassie? Ye' would only get yer wee heart broken by him," Killigan replied.
"It wouldn't be any different than with Monty," she sadly said with a heavy sigh.
He twitched, hesitated, then said, "All right. Give me ma potion an' Ah'll stay far tea an' cookies wi' ye."
"Deal!" she exclaimed, taking his hand and shaking. "Just wait until you see what it can do!"
Killigan gaped as the creatures followed DNAmy's every command, bowing to her. "Wha' did ye make?" he finally questioned, taken aback.
"Well, you know how some creatures, birds for instance, will follow the first thing they see after they hatch and treat it as mother?" she asked.
"Aye," he replied.
"It's a mixture I've concocted using DNA and genetic materials that implements this genetic makeup. See, the way I combined them they'll make the ones who are caught by the mist devoted to one master and one alone. That, Duff honey, will be you," she explained.
"Amy, ye've outdone yerself lassie," Killigan praised.
"Oh it was no trouble. Now, time for tea!" Amy sang as she finished injecting his golf balls with the formula. With that she trotted up the stairs.
"Right," Killigan answered, following.
As she poured him a cup and set out another plate of cookies, which he had fallen instantly in love with, she asked, "So, what made you come to little old me?" She sat down with her own tea, awaiting an answer.
Killigan frowned at the tea. He wasn't a fan of tea, in fact he hated it. He preferred stronger more robust drinks. Still, he didn't feel like being rude, so he drank some. "Why no'?" he questioned, setting it back down. Hmm, that was the best tea he'd ever tasted. Of course, that in turn made him suspicious. What had she slipped into it? It had better not be some weird experiment. She was just twisted enough to do that to him. Hmm, this would need to be monitored.
"Well, seeing as how you, Monty wonty, and Drakky wacky are BFF's now, I wondered why you didn't go to Drakken. Surely something like this is more his thing," Amy remarked.
"We are no' friends! Just because we spent days an' days on end together en the jungle and went through a few death defying experiences does no' mean we're friends!" Killigan insisted vehemently.
"All right, don't get so snappy," Amy insisted. "So, where do you plan to strike first?"
Killigan evilly grinned, answering, "The heart o' it all. The Middleton mall."