A/N: These two just make my heart hurt. If it wasn't for the fact that I think Joker and Harley were meant to be together forever, I would ship these two soooo hard. Anyhoo please read and review!
Warnings: Not much other than a few curse words and very very slight femslash.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING
The snow fell gently outside of Ivy's window. She stared out at the frozen wonderland in complete apathy. Despite the warmth in her home, she felt as cold as if she were standing outside naked. She lifted her glass to her lips, the burn of the spiced rum hitting the back of her throat. She licked her lips as they tingled due to her drunken state. She rarely drank, only on certain occasions. She wasn't used to the feeling it gave her, the muddled feeling in her thoughts or the dizziness in her steps. She quite liked it, and wondered why she hadn't done it more often. Maybe that's why she had been on a three day binge, locked in her house drinking herself away. She liked the feeling of not having to think. When she was sober, she was constantly lost in her thoughts. They swarmed her like the gnats that she fought off her plants during the summer months. They clouded her judgment, and made her say things she didn't mean. She never was good at holding her tongue.
But now that she had been in a constant state of blissful, drunken ignorance for the past few days, the thoughts had vanished. She felt numb, and she was quickly learning that numbness felt a hell of a lot better than being sad and angry. She liked it a lot, because numbness meant she didn't have to think of her, and the horrible things she had said to her just a few days ago. She didn't have to relive the heartbroken look that had shown in those beautiful blue eyes. She didn't have to think about the silence that had followed their argument, or the slam of the door as her most precious friend had left.
It had been such a good weekend. Harley had decided to spend a few days at her house. She claimed it was because she was tired of being cooped up in the warehouse that was her and the clown's hideout. But Ivy knew better when she saw the bruises on Harley's side and stomach while they were relaxing in the hot tub. Harley brushed it off as a recent fight with Batman, and Ivy let it go. Because that is what she had to do. She had to turn the other cheek when it came to Harley and her "Puddin". Otherwise, Harley would get upset and angry, and Ivy never wanted to see Harley upset. She just wanted to see her happy. So if living a lie was working, Ivy would do it for the time being.
But on the last day of Harley's visit, Ivy couldn't take it anymore. She heard Harley hiss in pain every time she moved, and it was killing Ivy to not talk to her about it. She had started out cautiously, just asking the normal questions, "Did Batman really do this? What happened?" When Harley had finally told her that Joker had once again beaten her, Ivy began the whole "It's not your fault, he's a heartless monster" rant. Harley reacted like normal, defending that disgusting excuse of a man like he was sent straight from Heaven. And this time Ivy had had enough.
"God dammnit, Harley! Maybe you are a useless, stupid fucking broad like Joker always says. Especially if you can't get it through your pretty little head that he doesn't fucking love you!"
The look Harley had given her instantly made her regret her words. She cursed her inability to think before she spoke. But what Harley had said to her after that was the worst of it all.
"I know Mistah J says stuff like that all the time, but that's just who he is. I never would'a expected this though, not from you Red."
And with tears in her eyes Harley took her stuff and left without another word. Ivy had screamed and broke almost everything in her immediate range of sight. She had bloodied her knuckles by punching the wall, and finally fell to her knees and sobbed mercilessly. Harley was her most precious person, her beautiful little flower that she had vowed to take care of the moment she met her. Harley was her everything, even her beloved plants were second best. Ivy cursed herself over and over again for what she had said; instead wishing she had said the words she so desperately wished she could tell Harley. But she was just so impulsive and stupid, and now she was no better than the clown she despised. She had driven Harley away, and she wasn't sure she would ever talk to her again. It's like what Harley had said, she expected this from Joker, and therefore he was so easily forgiven. But Ivy was another story. She didn't feel as though she deserved the blonde's forgiveness.
That had been three days ago, and Ivy had fell into a deep depression. That's when she had started drinking. She didn't know what else to do. She had toyed with that thought of just calling up Bats and having him send her to Arkham, but she didn't want to be stuck in that little cell with no way of escaping her thoughts. So she locked up her house and stayed in the dim light of her fireplace. Her plants were suffering, and they knew she was suffering. She felt bad that she was neglecting them, but only slightly. She just didn't care. She didn't want to. She figured it was for the best, if Harley never came back to her, maybe she could stop wanting her to.
Ivy drained the last of her drink. She got up to get the bottle of rum in the kitchen, her stride swaying heavily. She knocked a few things off of her table, but she didn't care. She was so far gone, and she just wanted to stay that way. She poured another glass, and made her way back to the window sill she was sitting at. The snow stopped, and the clouds had cleared. She blearily noted how beautiful Gotham looked like this, so quiet and still.
She faintly heard a rustle at her front door, like someone trying to get in. Maybe she heard a knock too, but she couldn't tell. Her eyes felt heavy and she felt like she could just sleep forever. She heard the front door open now. She was certain she locked the door, but couldn't really remember. She heard footsteps coming toward her. She managed to turn her head toward the intruder, only to see Harley standing there looking stiff and nervous. Ivy registered that she was there, but couldn't seem to form words.
"Hey, Red." Harley said, her eyes roaming over the disheveled house and empty bottles of alcohol littered on the kitchen counter.
"Sorry I just came in. The door was locked, I figured you weren't home. I just used my key."
Ivy attempted more words but just nodded instead. She was still just happy to see the blonde girl within her presence again.
"Um, I came to get a few things. I left them here the other day. Then I'll be out of your hair."
Finally Ivy turned back to the window. "S'in the room," she slurred out before taking a big swig of her drink.
Harley took a few tentative steps toward Ivy, "Red, you ok?"
Ivy turned back to her friend, looking her in the eyes for a few minutes. She could see that Harley was concerned, but trying not to be.
"Sure Harl. I'm fine." Ivy said, unsaid words building in her throat and threatening to choke her.
Harley just nodded and went to the guest bedroom where she usually stayed. When she had retrieved her things, she went back into the kitchen. She didn't really know what to think of the mess she saw there. She had never known Ivy to be a one for big parties, so she was pretty sure Ivy had drank everything herself. And that was quite a bit.
"Ok Red, I'ma get goin' then. Long as you're ok." Harley said hesitantly. She had come over here expecting Red to still be mad at her, and she was ready to meet that anger with some of her own. But seeing her best friend like this made her feel guilty. But she knew Ivy was a big girl and could take care of herself. Besides, she was still really hurt about what Ivy had said, so she sighed and turned to leave. She didn't make it far though, as a quivering voice stopped her.
"Please, Harley, don't go."
Harley turned back to see Ivy sitting toward her, the glass in her hand shaking. Tears were flowing silently down green tinted skin.
"Please, Harley, don't leave me." Ivy made to stand but she was so woozy and upset that she fell to the floor, the contents of her glass spilling everywhere. Ivy was sobbing, trying desperately to pull herself together, but lacking the ability to. Harley was at her side in an instant, her arms around her as she shook violently.
"Red, come on, what's going on?" She held Ivy up and tilted her face upwards. She could see that Ivy had been crying, and drinking, a lot. Harley was confused; Ivy never lost control like this. She had always admired her for her cool and calm behavior, wishing that she could be like that. And now Harley was worried about her friend, because obviously something was very, very wrong.
"I'm…I'm so sorry Harl. I'm so sorry for everything I've ever said about you. You aren't a doormat, you aren't dumb, and you aren't an idiot or a bimbo or anything you've ever been called by me or anyone else."
Harley stared wide eyed, "Red, it's ok. Really it is. You were just angry; you said something you didn't mean, its ok."
"No Harley it's not ok," Ivy was finally able to sit up on her own, "Because you deserve everything you want in this world. You deserve to be treated like a queen. You deserve so much, because you are the greatest thing that has ever happened. Not just to the world, but to me."
Harley was stunned, "Red, I don't know what to say."
"Then don't say anything, just listen to me." Ivy grabbed Harley's hand and held it close to her chest, "Harley, I hate everything and everyone on this planet. You know that. But plants were the one thing I could love. They weren't like the rest of them. And then you came along. And you weren't like the rest of them either Harl. You were so bright and full of life, you still are. But you love Joker, and I just can't stand the way he makes your smile go away. And I let my feelings for you and for him get in the way of my judgment. I said something that I really didn't mean. I could never think those things about you Harley. Never in a million years."
Ivy brought the girl into her arms and held her tight. Harley, not knowing how else to react to the sudden onslaught of emotion coming from her friend, hugged her back just as hard. She rubbed gentle circles on the red head's back, attempting to calm her down. Ivy's body still shook, but she was no longer crying.
Ivy nuzzled into Harley's hair and whispered, "I love you Harley." And maybe it was the liquor in her system, or she had finally lost all rational thought, but Ivy pulled back and kissed Harley firmly, pouring her love into the other girl.
Harley gasped, but made no attempt to move. She held Ivy's arm as she kissed back slowly. In the back of her mind she knew this was wrong. But somehow she couldn't tell her friend that. So they stayed like that for a few more moments. Finally, Ivy seemed to regain her composure and pulled away, terrified that what she had done would drive Harley away again.
"I'm…I'm sorry Harley. I didn't mean to. It…just happened."
Harley smiled, "It's ok Red. Really. You know I can't stay mad at you. You're my best friend after all." Harley pulled her into another hug, "And you know I love you too right?"
"Yeah, but you don't love me like I love you. Not like you love him."
Harley pulled back and gave her a sad smile, "I'm sorry Red. Maybe under different circumstances, I could say otherwise. Because I do care about you a lot, really I do. But, J is who I'm with and I love him, really and truly. And I know you will never believe it, but he loves me too."
"And you're going back to him now, aren't you?" Red had hoped that maybe Harley would stay, even if it didn't mean forever. She didn't want to be alone again.
"I gotta this time, Red. Mistah J's expecting me home tonight." Harley noticed the rejected look in her friend's eyes, "But that doesn't mean I won't come back soon. I'll always come back Red. Especially to you. You mean a lot to me, you're the only friend I got."
Ivy smiled slightly, "You mean it?"
"Of course. Maybe J will let me have a week off or something and we can take a trip. Just the two of us, got it?" Harley asked with a smile.
"That sounds wonderful Harl." Ivy said, the smile on Harley's face filling her with warmth.
"Alright, well in the mean time, let's get you some water then get you to bed. You're gonna have a nasty hangover tomorrow. I'll stop by and make sure you're ok." Harley helped the other girl to her feet.
"Thank you Harley."
Harley managed to get Ivy into bed, and even cleaned up her house as she slept. She knew her Puddin was going to be mad that she had stayed later than she said she was going to, but figured this was worth it. She mulled over what Ivy had told her as she picked up trash around the kitchen. She had never in a million years thought that Ivy would feel that way about her. She still remembered the feel of the other girl's lips on her own. It felt weird to kiss someone that wasn't the Joker, and she sure as hell wasn't going to tell him. But she couldn't deny that it had felt nice, different, but really nice. Still, in her heart Joker was the one she loved, forever and always.
But now, there was a spot for Ivy too.