This is a pure crack story that I literally dreamed up. I have no idea why I dream about such things. Whatever... Expect silliness, some OOC from both Hilda and Oga, and mature content. Read at your own risk!

"Hey you! You're the one they call Oga Tatsumi, aren't you? The Baby on Board Brawler?" The punk with the blue mohawk jeered. "I'm from St. Hishida High School.. When I defeat you I'll..."


A fist going 80 kilometers per hour suddenly collided with his left jaw, sending him hurtling towards a garbage dumpster.

"Ayeeeeeee!" The punk screamed. His two burly cohorts stood paralyzed with disbelief, not budging an inch to help their comrade.

A white haired guy made a face at Oga. "Was that really necessary? He wasn't even finished speaking yet."

Oga scratched his head, then picked his nose. "Not interested. Besides, I'm late already." He nonchalantly held up a bag of groceries. "My mom is teaching Hilda the proper way to make croquettes. If I don't hurry, Hilda's going to make it the demon way with the excuse that she already has the ingredients for it." He shuddered at the thought.

"Da buh!" Baby Beel agreed, nodding solemnly. Furuichi sighed. "I guess it can't be helped. Let's get going then."

The two boys turned a corner and almost ran right into a blonde girl in a black gothic lolita get up.

"Hilda-san! What a nice surprise!" Furuichi happily exclaimed.

Hilda paid him no mind and pointedly told Oga that he was late. Furuichi slumped on the ground with the characters for "totally ignored" hanging over his head.

"So Mom and Misaki sent you to find me? That's just like them." Oga grumbled.

"OGA TATSUMI!" A sudden shout from behind made all of them turn. It was Blue Mohawk again, thoroughly enraged at his humiliation.

"Oga, who is this filth?" Hilda deadpanned.

Oga blinked. "Dunno. Never seen him before."

"You just punched him five minutes ago!" Furuichi shouted.

"How dare you forget me so fast! I'll make sure you never forget my face!" With that, Blue Mohawk took something from his jacket pocket. Furuichi's eyes became as large as saucers.

"That's dynamite, isn't it? Why the hell do you carry one with you? Are you crazy?"

Blue Mohawk laughed. "I'm the son of a Yakuza boss! I carry all kinds of weapons with me. Now take this!" With that, he swiftly lit the dynamite and threw it at the stunned trio.

The dynamite exploded and debris flew everywhere. When the smoke cleared, Furuichi was five meters away, hanging over a brick wall. Baby Beel was sitting on some grass beside the ruined sidewalk looking bewildered but unharmed. Oga lay sprawled face up on the street. On top of him sat Hilda, coughing. She was straddling his chest but facing backwards so that her back was to him.

The grocery bag Oga was carrying spilled its contents everywhere. When Hilda saw this, her fury ignited. Her green gaze settled on Blue Mohawk, who had another stick of dynamite in his hand.

"Do you know how much Oga's mother and sister are looking forward to the croquettes I will make? DO YOU?" The angry demon nursemaid slowly stood up from her current position, still with Oga beneath her.

Oblivious to Oga's suddenly wide open eyes staring straight under her skirt, Hilda continued. "I will make you pay dearly, you insect!"

"Uh, Hilda..."

"Human scum like you are not fit to walk the Earth!"

"Hilda..." Oga's face was beet red now.

Hilda drew her sword from her pink parasol and pointed it threateningly at Blue Mohawk.


The demon nursemaid turned to look behind her and glared at Oga. "What is it, fool?"

"Ummm... You're not wearing any underwear." He said in a whisper which only Hilda could hear.

By this time, Furuichi had recovered enough to get himself down from the wall and discover that Oga was still on the ground looking up at Hilda.

"Oga, you pervert! Why is it that you're the only one who gets to see Hilda-san's panties? Let's switch!" He begged. He was in full Creepichi mode.

In his mind, Oga replied. She's not wearing any, you dumbass. Of course, he couldn't say that out loud.

All color seemed to drain from Hilda's face after Oga's statement. In the blink of an eye, she kicked Oga so hard, he disappeared like a star in the sky.

"What did I dooooooooooooooooooooo?" His scream lasted several seconds until it faded away.

Blue Mohawk's jaw dropped when he saw what she did. He hurriedly tried to light his remaining dynamite but Hilda was too fast for him. She sliced his dynamite in half, and gave him the same kick she gave Oga, sending him to Kingdom Come.

Furuichi's gasp suddenly brought her back to reality. He was staring in horror at Baby Beel, still sitting quietly on the grass. Instantly, Hilda realized her mistake. The 15m range!

Hilda ran like lightning, picking up Baby Beel and running in the direction where the baby demon lord's father had flown. They'd been in a situation like this before, when Beel had gotten a new toy car the Great Demon Lord had sent. As long as her Master didn't cry, Oga Tatsumi would stay alive.

Well, that's the first chapter. Hoping for some reviews/reactions/comments. This is also my first Beelzebub fic.