Chapter 1: Rolling heads and relaxing herbs

"I am not an assassin!"

The shield sliced through the air with a scary precision. It reached the necks of at least seven unsuspecting terrorists decapitating them with a hissing sound.

"You are exactly what I'm telling you to be, son."

The blood was flowing and painted the floor and the walls and even some of the ceiling red. Every one of the bearded men that still had a head stopped what they were doing and turned their gaze towards the entrance of the cave and the terrifying silhouette of a tall, muscular man with furios blue eyes.

"I am not going!"

"This is a direct order!"

"I don't care what it is! I refuse!" The intimidating man with the eye patch sighed.

"You can't." The blonde shrugged.

"I am not doing it. Just fire me... No wait I quit."

"You can't," the director repeated.

"Don't be silly. Of Course I can!"

"I am sorry Captain, but you really can't. That serum in your body... when that entered you you became SHIELD property." The blue eyes widened in shock.


"Now you can make it easier on yourself by following my orders or things can get real nasty."

"You can't just own me! I am not a tank, or a gun, or a chair!" He tried his hardest to keep voice from trembling but it was hard.

"I am not your slave! That was not even legal in my age!" The one eyed looked at him with a death serious expression.

"Rogers... We are SHIELD. We are above laws."

Steve hated the screams, the blood and most of all being feared. He catched the shield as it flew back to him now slippery with blood. He threw it again before any of the poor men even realized what was going on. God he hated killing! Of course it was not the first time. He had pegged tons of nazis under the war but he still couldn't stand it. And the one thing about this mission was it was all about killing these guys off. - come on Steve! You can do this... for America remember! - he tried to tell himself but this time the thought only brought a sour taste to his mouth. - Who am I kidding. I am Furys bitch! - He catched his baby once again and snarled at the bright red, white and blue colors. - This would never had happened in Canada. Why couldn't I just be Captain Canada instead? That would have been so much easier! - The terrorist was starting to fight back and some bullets rebounded from the shield. Steve sighed. He tried to picture every terrorist alive with Furys face and threw that one particular strong hand grenade into the cave and walked away without looking back at the explosion. Because maybe he was a slave. Maybe he was a 90 year old virgin, and even though he right now wished his shield to be red and white with a maple leaf instead of a star in the middle, he was still Captain America. A badass.

He didn't talk when he arrived back at the base. Not a word was spilled when he was on the flight home. He especially did not say anything when he was debriefed back at SHIELD's headquarters. Fury had patted him on the shoulder like he was some dog telling him something like he was a good boy. Steve had really restrained himself from not giving in and planting a fist in the directors mouth.

Tony Stark was bored. He had everything. Money, a hot girlfriend and a flying iron suit. Why was he not satisfied? He was saving the world a couple of times a month. He had awesome friends and an awesome job. So why was his life so dull?

He was for once sitting alone in the living room of his tower drinking a nice cup of strong coffee, watching a stupid soap while it was thundering outside. He hadn't been much alone since all his fellow avengers had moved in. There was always some kind of loud demi god yelling about whale saving (Yes, Thor had become a Greenpeace activist). Well it was nice when he did that because then he would drown the really loud assassin sex next door. His lab was shared with Bruce. Which was fine. That guy was awesome. And then there was Steve. Tony smiled for himself. At first him and the old-young soldier-boy didn't get along at all but eventually they had grown on each other. They were still not the best of friends, but on the battlefield they made a hell of a team. It was fun how the spangly suit changed the man. Without it the guy was almost cute (as cute as a giant, cut super soldier could be), and then he was completely clueless about everything. That plus his pretty unspoiled innocence made him the teams everlasting victim of evil pranks (like making him google Lemon Party).

But now no one was at home. Thor was saving whales, Bruce was on some science convention. The assassins and Steve was doing something secret SHIELD-work. Even Pepper didn't have time for him. This was in fact more boring than usual.

A lightning lightened up the living room as the door was almost kicked open and a furious man still covered in blood and dirt entered. Tony screamed like a little girl spilling his coffee all over the place. Then he uttered some colorful swear words because of the burning coffee on his pants.

"Shit Cap! You scared me!" Steve muttered something indistinctly and threw his shield at the floor without even noticing Tony.

"Hey! Wow... hey... What's going on there?" Tony jumped to his feet hurrying towards the angry blonde. Steve shook his head and then finally noticed Tony.

"I hate him! He doesn't own me!" he roared. And then to Tony's big surprise tears started to well up in the blue eyes.

"Wow wow wow! Stop! What's going on?" Tony repeated with fear in his voice. There was nothing more scary than big, crying men.

"Tony..." the cap croaked.

"I just found out I am Furys slave!" He then started to sob violently.

"But we all are! Haven't that sunk in yet?"

"No! I mean for real! I tried to quit today and he wouldn't let me! He made me do terrible things!" Tony's eyes widened in shock. He grabbed Steve's sleeve and dragged him over and down into the sofa. He looked at him with worried eyes.

"Son... did he touch you inappropriate places?" Steve frowned and stood up again.

"If you are not going to take this seriously I am leaving," he muttered but Tony dragged him down.

"Okay sorry! I will behave. What happened?" Steve uttered a small, whiny sound before he started talking really fast.

"He wanted me to be a one man army, which is okay because I kinda am, but then he said I should kill this minor terror cell off. Nothing else. And I am not an assassin! I avoid killing people unless my life is in danger! I told him I wouldn't and I would rather quit, but then he told me I gave up my freedom because of the serum, and I now belonged to SHIELD, and if I didn't behave they would lock me in a lab the rest of my days!" Tony lifted an eyebrow.

"That's not legal," he mumbled.

"I know! But they don't care and I have to be useful for them one way or another! And I can't do anything because SHIELD is almighty!" He tried to wipe away his tears in an angry motion but they just kept rolling out of his eyes. He didn't really like the thought of weeping in front of Stark. And it didn't help that Tony looked like he was feeling really awkward.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Tony finally asked.

"I can't do anything!" Steve spat. Tony nodded.

"You need a drink."

"Obviously but I can't get drunk."

"Right... then you need something else."

"Like what?" Tony rose from the couch.

"I'll be right back," he said and marched away. He returned a couple of minutes later with a big bag of some not all innocent herbs. Steve lifted an eyebrow. Normally he would have made a very long Captain speech about how he needed his team to be clear in their heads all the time because else it would be difficult to save the world and so on, but right now he was so upset that he didn't care.

"This is Bruce's stash of weed... and he will probably hulk out when he find out... but I have the feeling you need it more than him."

"But will it work on me?" Steve asked softly. Tony smirked.

"Yes... yes it will."

"You know what's funny, Tony?" Steve asked and puffed on their fourth joint. Tony slowly shook his head looking at him with a dazed expression. They were on the floor now, laying on their backs.

"I am supposed to fight for freedom and now I am not even free myself. How does that even make sense?" Tony took the joint out of his hand.

"You know it doesn't! Fury is an ass pirate!" He fought himself up on his elbow and turned to lay on his side facing the soldier.

"You should totally just make things really difficult for him!"


"Just do a lot of stupid things in public."

"Like you?" Steve asked with a little smirk on his face.

"Exactly," Tony answered with a stoneface.

"But then you have to stop being such a girl scout, if it have to work out."

"I'm not a girl scout," Steve pouted which made Tony crack up. He laughed for a good moment.

"That was a good one!" He ruffled Steves hair and passed him the joint.

"You know... I can help you out. I am the master of making Fury pissed anyways . You just have to do exactly what I tell you!"

"It sounds a little dangerous," Stave said with a little smile.

"Oh trust me it is! But Fury will be... well furious. He would hate seeing his little Goldilocks be corrupted." Steve didn't answer right away. He exhaled a cloud of smoke. Maybe it was time for some changes in his life. He looked at Tony with slightly frowned brows.

"Okay. Then corrupt me."

Tony smirked. Maybe the Captain could save him from his boredom.

I hope I didn't spell too much like a Wiking...

Ps. Yes... Thor's Greenpeace activism is in fact canon c: Everyone should just go and watch Ultimate Avengers it's just lovely!

But anyways! Hope you enjoyed the story so far. Next chapter is done and will be up soon.