Chapter 16: The eiffel tower part 2
The hallway on the third floor in the classy hotel on Manhattan resounded by some Barbershop version of an extremely cheesy 80's hit, sung by three male voices. A maid walked by with a cart filled with towels, and a lifted eyebrow. The voices came no doubt from room 237, where that black haired woman who had stayed at the hotel for weeks now, lived. She sure must have had a wild night out. The maid had heard a lot of violent sexnoices from that particular room, but three guys was a little over the top, but she gave good tips so the maid didn't ask questions.
"WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIIIIIIDE AND WE ARE HERE IN BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" A voice sang with a little bit of Brooklyn accent, but the kind she had heard in old black and white movies. Another voice took over. This one sounded definitely familiar.
"LOOOOOOOOK OUT TO THE NIIIIIGHT THERE WILL BEEEEE NOOOOO SHAAAAAAME!"
"Ermagerd is that like... Tony Stark?" the maid thought. Then a third voice cut in. This one lighter with a weird, norwegian-ish accent.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALWAYS I'M GONNA BE WITH YOU, AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY OH LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!"
The maid carried on walking.
Inside room 237 Captain America an Ironman was really feeling the groove. They were both standing and singing (more like yelling) into some organic shampoo bottles in the bathtub. Loki, the god of mischief, burdened with glorious purpose and all that shit, was standing in front of the mirror straightening his hair with a pink straightening iron.
"I knew his hair was too straight to be true," Tony whispered to Steve. He was once again in a good mood, and had even stopped calling Loki a dirty rapist.
"Shut it Stark!" Loki muttered but kept tormenting his own hair.
"I think your curls are adorable," Steve muttered and started rubbing shampoo into his own hair.
"I am not 'adorable', I am classy, which is a skill you two by the way will never master!" Loki exclaimed with a smug smile.
"Because the gold horns of destiny is like sooo chanel," Tony whispered.
"Shut up you whore or I am going to pimpslap you out the window... again..." Steve sighed.
"So what happened last night anyways," Tony asked.
"I mean like... you didn't... do anything disgusting to Stevie-boy? Because then I will kill you mofo!" Loki started chuckling with a dark expression.
"I promise you that I didn't deflower him..." Steve was at that moment the same color of a tomato.
"Guys...? Can't you discuss that when... I'm not here?" He was ignored.
"You have to be more precise," Tony muttered. His aura was turning dark.
"Oh sweetheart, I don't think so!" Loki answered with a singsong voice.
"What did you do?!" Loki was now going all evil genius.
"Oh I'll never tell you nyehehehehe!" Tony sighed and glanced almost depressed at the pretty red guy beside him.
"What a douche..."
When Steve and Tony returned to the house, they had a scary surprise waiting for them. She was tall, red haired and very angry.
"Oh hi miss Potts!" Steve greeted cheerfully. The retard hadn't even noticed how mad she looked. He could indeed not read women... at all...
"Steve... shut up... she looks like she is going to explode...!" Tony whispered with a frightened look in his eyes.
"Wha... why?" Steve answered. Tony looked around in the livingroom. Clint, Natasha and Bruce was sitting cramped on one of the couches reading a magazine while giggling maniacally.
"Mr. Stark... you have really gone over the line this time..." Pepper growled.
"Seriously what have I done?" Pepper didn't answer the question but carried on with her monologue.
"I'm fine with the thousands of women you have dated, the three leaked sextapes and that time you puked on Madonna, but seriously?! Did you HAVE to drag HIM down with you?!" She pointed wildly at Steve.
"HE'S A NATIONAL ICON FOR GODS SAKE? And you do WHAT?! YOU DRAG HIM OUT INTO SOME ILLEGAL STRIPCLUB AND DRYHUMP THE SHIT OUT OF HIM IN FRONT OF ALL THE PAPARAZZIS! WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Tony and Steve gasped.
"...Guys? What are you reading?" Steve asked their giggling friends with a high pitched voice. Bruce made a strained face as he got up and handed Steve the magazine. Steve saw the front page, screamed like a girl and dropped it on the floor. Tony bit his lip and bended down to pick it up. He looked through it with a cool expression.
"Well this all seems... horrible... I don't even remember this happening. It's shame though, it looked like we had the time of our life's..." he muttered. Steve just uttered some whiny sound. Tony patted him on the back.
"Don't worry about it pumpkin, at least we can assume that we have succeeded at ruining your good reputation for good."
"But Tony! To be honest I think we took it too far this time!" Steve screeched. He was literally looking like his head was about to explode.
"No no! People were expecting this. It is like all the Disney channel kids! They all end up like that too, and then they get much more famous. Don't worry! There's no such thing as bad publicity!" Steve grabbed the magazine out of Tony's hand and flipped through it. His facial color turning from red to blue. It was filled with pictures. First of him and Tony and Loki (luckily in his female form) poledancing. Then of him and Tony dryhumping on the dancefloor, which wasn't a pretty sight, and then again one of him and Tony making out furiously against a wall.
"In our defence, that paparazzi must have been a Ninja! We didn't even notice him and I always do... oh wait..." Steve pointed hysterical at a picture where Tony was flipping the photographer the bird with a smirk, while Steve apparently was licking his ear shell.
"Oh my... you really is the life of the party when you are drunk. Why have we never seen you drunk?" Bruce laughed and ruffled Steve's hair.
"Sh-shut up!" Tony shrugged.
"Well at least they don't know about the magical gypsy cookies. They only know about our gromance. We can work with that you know." Pepper punched his shoulder so hard that it definitely would leave a mark.
"For fucks sake Pepper! What the fuck?!"
"WE COULD HAVE WORKED WITH THAT? YOU COULD HAVE COME OUT IN OPERA OR ON ELLEN LIKE ADULTS, BUT NONONO! YOU HAD TO GO OUT IN FAIRY WINGS ACTING LIKE HORNY TEENAGERS IN PUBLIC! THIS IS NOT CUTE, AND NOT APPEALING FOR THE PURE CAPTAIN OF VIRTUES FANBASE!" Pepper was cut of by her own voice failing her, and she broke down coughing like crazy.
"So guys? What with the wings and tiara?" Clint smirked.
"Don't even mention that, birdbrain!" Tony muttered while he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Suddenly Steve grabbed Tony by the collar and looked desperately into his eyes.
"FURY!" Tony sighed and looked down on the floor.
"Yeah we probably have to leave the country..."
"This is why we shouldn't hang out with villains," Tony muttered as the car speeded through the city streets towards the airport. Steve whimpered and nodded.
"So how do you feel about Belarus. I think it's like near Russia or something. We could build a house in the woods and hunt bears with our bare hands the rest of our life?" Steve didn't answer right away. He was looking out the window where a blonde and a black haired woman was walking with a dozen shopping bags.
"Say? Isn't that our faghags of destiny?" Tony asked. Steve nodded.
"I don't think Loki counts as a faghag but okay?" Tony suddenly lighted up in a mischievous grin.
"What?" Steve asked.
"Screw Belarus! I have a much better idea!"
Raven and Loki was walking down the street chatting cheerfully. By chatting Loki was of course giving Raven all the dirty details of the night events. Suddenly a red Alfa Romeo drove by them with one Tony Stark hanging out the window.
"GET IN LOSERS! WE ARE GOING SHOPPING!" Then another blonde head popped up behind him.
"IN PARIS!" Raven lifted an eyebrow.
"Say...? Isn't that the good guys?" Loki slapped her with a shopping bag.
"Screw that! We are going to Paris!" Then they flapped their hands like tiny tiny wings while screaming like maniacs and ran to the car.
"So the bald, scary eyepatch-guy is going to kill you because you slept with Loki?" Raven asked while she sipped her chai. They were sitting on a sidewalk cafe in Montmartre. Raven had already earned the title of faghag.
"No no! He don't know about that luckily..." Steve laughed.
"But I might have... pole danced in front of a paparazzi... a little... wearing a tiara..." he then added with a flushed face.
"Aw honey! He shouldn't condemn you for that! I bet you were rocking that pole!" Raven exclaimed.
"Oh trust me, they were both!" Loki added with a smirk.
"Yeah... we still don't remember anything... fucking cookies," Tony muttered. He then downed the rest of his espresso and broke into a broad grin.
"So girls! Should we get on with... breaking the the city?"
At the end of the day they had been all around the city. They had been to Louvre, where Steve had been the only one that had been interested in the art. The rest of the gang had been running around, taking pictures of Loki and Tony high fiving statues in the name of America (because that what was american tourist did). They had been to Notre Dame where Loki had made every Madonna statue cry blood which made everybody freak out, and they had been around forcing Steve down in overpriced clothing against his will, while they stared judgingly at him through their sunglasses. When the sun went down, they ate weird food at a, once again, overpriced restaurant. And then they ended up getting wasted. Again. Loki had taken off with a curly haired, blonde beach-boy named Lestat, ("They are so going to fondue, Tony!" "Yeah Steve. You should probably take a break with the beer, for now...") and only minutes after, Raven blacked out. It was getting late anyways.
The rising sun colored the sky over Paris' roofs pink. Steve and Tony was sitting out on the balcony of their hotel suite. The alcohol fog was slowly clearing out of their heads.
"Yeah Fury can suck my cock..."
"Tony! Language!" Tony grinned and wrapped his arm around Steve's shoulder and pulled him in for a kiss on the cheek.
"I love you..." he muttered. Steve smiled softly, and opened his mouth to answer, but was cut of by the sounds of Raven that was violently barfing.
"Oh Raven-honey! Should I hold you hair?!" Steve yelled and ran back into the room.
Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait. Have been busy fucking around in Venice looking at medival art and NOT highfiving statues. Anyways enjoy!