Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine. Also, this one-shot came out of nowhere. Okay, well, it came from somewhere. It came out of boredom and listening to a lot of music. Tumblr isn't letting me log in, and instead of bitching about it, I write. This doesn't really fit anywhere; it's more of a Destructive Desire outtake. So, yeah. Here it is.

Your Eighth Life

life is a velvet crowbar/ hitting you over the head/ you're bleeding but you want more /this is so like you I said

Lana Del Rey, "Velvet Crowbar"


There's something about addiction.

Something about it is so powerful and compelling that I want to cry. I think I'm crying now. But what are tears now, anyway? They're just a waste.

The thing about addiction is that you don't know it when it begins. You don't know how it begins. It comes from nowhere, and you only realize that you're addicted when you're drowning, desperate for air that you can't receive.

I'm not addicted to any substances. That's never been my deal. I'm addicted to something far worse than crack or whiskey. Something else is killing me faster than a pack and a half of cigarettes a day can.

I am addicted to you, Edward.

I can't help but look down at you as you sleep. I sob my worthless tears and hold my face in my hands. I peek at your sleeping body through my hands and only pray that you'll start breathing. You can't leave me now. You can't.

Don't get me wrong; I've seen this before. I've seen you this wasted a thousand other times. I've seen you not breathe for periods of time.

You're on your eighth life now, darling.

I think I'm gonna lose you.

I bite my finger to not make any noise. It's not like you can hear me, anyway, but I can't take any chances. I can't take any chances with you. I don't wanna leave you, either. I'll stay with you until the morning. I have no choice.

I bite my finger a little too hard, and let go once I realize that I've drawn blood. The blood drips down onto your bare chest. Your bare, unmoving chest.

I'm addicted to everything about you. From your wannabe James Dean lifestyle to how you curse at me to how you can make yourself look so perfect in the presence of others.

I'm so addicted that I can't bear to leave you. I want to… but I can't bring myself to actually do it. Addiction always outweighs common sense. That's why so many people overdose.

I can't give you up. I can only pray for you to change. For us to change.

Our relationship is a velvet crowbar. It hits me over the head all the time.

Every. Single. Time.

Baby, you're on your eighth life. You should be dead. I know addiction can't outweigh that. Another reason why so many people overdose.

I can't leave you. I can only pray that you'll breathe again. I'll stay with you until the morning.

And In the morning, I'll try to leave.

But then I'll come crawling back to you, the velvet crowbar hitting me once again.

Addiction is a bitch.