What SHOULD have happened at the rehearsal dinner in "The Fugitive".
"Sue Thomas, DEAF-B-I!"
Lucy and Sue had sat through dozens of these jokes throughout the night. This guy apparently thought he was hilarious. But by this point it was late, Lucy was tired, and she could not believe that whoever this person was would stoop to such a level. This wasn't a high school reunion – this was high school. No – elementary school. In Lucy's mind, there was a line you just did not cross and the man sitting across from her best friend had just crossed it. She had to do something. And frankly, she was going to kill herself later if she stayed silent any longer.
Lucy stood up.
"Let me tell you something." She said. "I forgot what your name is and frankly I don't care. But whoever you are – I could have you put behind bars for six months for assaulting a federal agent. Unfortunately, verbal assault charges might not stick. So understand this – if you utter one more word about Sue being deaf you will be spending the next six months in a federal institute – but it will not be a jail. It will be a hospital." The man laughed.
"Really? I think you're all bark and no bite. And you do realize I'm like a foot taller and way stronger than you." He scoffed. After glancing in the direction of his wife and making sure she was out of earshot, he added, "But if you want to wrestle anyway…" Lucy's knuckles gripped the tablecloth in fists white with fury. She opened her mouth to retort, but a soft, calm, gentle voice interrupted her.
"Back off." Sue said. As soon as both of them had turned to her, she looked straight at the man who had been verbally assaulting her all night. "Carrying on old jokes from high school is one thing. Saying something like that to my friend is another." She set her wine glass on the table casually, as if they were discussing desert. "I'll have you know that I am not a poster girl for the FBI. I am an agent. And I have a loaded weapon in my car."
Lucy's jaw just about hit the table as Sue stood up, calmly took her purse and turned to Levi. She tugged at his leash until he stood up before facing their hostess.
"I'm sorry, but Lucy and I have somewhere to be. Thank you for inviting us." She smiled down at the golden retriever who grinned up at her. "Shall we go, Levi?"
Lucy smiled proudly at her friend before following her out of the reception room. Looking back as they reached the door, Lucy saw that the people at the table were still staring at them. She couldn't resist a parting jibe. Shaping her hand into the universally-recognized sign for a gun, she took careful aim and slowly pulled the trigger. Bang. Bullseye.