AN: All dialogue chapter!

"Fear no more, Sherlock! I have found a way to keep the boredom at bay."

"Highly unlikely, unless you have abandoned your strong moral principle for a life of crime. And even then, your crimes would provide me with entertainment for…a day…possibly two."

"They would not! I would have provided you with entertainment for a week at least!"

"Two days, John."


"…Three. That's my final offer."

"Alright, I'll take it. It's irrelevant anyway; I haven't abandoned my 'strong moral principles' as you put it. But I have brought back a source of entertainment."

"There is nothing on earth that you could have provided that would interest me in the slightest."

"Now, give me some credit Sherlock! I think I may have something to tide you over until the next case."

"A bored game? Seriously, John? The word 'bored' is right there in the title. And what in God's name are you doing on the floor? We have a perfectly functional table."

"Yes, it's perfectly functional for all your science equipment. You know, in all the time I've lived here, I don't think I've ever used the kitchen table for its intended purpose."

"Your life is full of tragedy."

"Lowest form of wit, Sherlock. Besides, this isn't just any bored game, this is Cluedo! It's a detective bored game."

"Then I have no idea why you even brought it to my attention because I will doubtlessly win within the hour."

"Have you ever played before?"

"No, never."

"Well, Harry and I used to play all the time on rainy days."

"How cliché."

"So I think we'll be pretty evenly matched."

"I shall give it a chance merely for the minor amusement beating you will provide."

"Cheers. Here are the rules: The victim has been murdered and these people pictured on the box were all houseguests during the time of the crime. These were the weapons available to them. And the house the body was found in. Now you have to deduce the murderer, the weapon, and the room by looking at your cards and moving your game piece. You write your deductions on this—"

"I have no need for such trivialities."

"Well you didn't have to crumple it up! I only have a few of those."

"How do you prove your claim? Doubtless mere logic will not satisfy this childish game."

"…right. Well three of the cards are put in this envelope; the murderer, the weapon, and the room. Those are the results."

"Fair enough. I suspect this game will be over within the quarter hour."

"We'll see."

*fifteen minutes go by*

"I'm fairly sure it's Miss Scarlett in the Library, with the revolver."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous John! Miss Scarlett obviously relies on her looks to get by in life. While she's fairly intelligent and clearly wealthy, she doesn't spend her time in libraries. She's one of those irritating flirty social types. Besides, look at how fashionable she is. Does she look capable of shooting a man? Poison would be more her style, the revolver would be far too messy going by her showy make-up and outfits. Blood doesn't always come out, you know."


"There's absolutely no need to shout, dear John. If you need the card, here it is."

"Looks as though you've won then, Sherlock."

"As I predicted. Now my final guess is this: The library, with the revolver, and it was of course, the victim himself."

"What?! It can't be the victim himself."

"Why ever not? All the evidence is right there. I'm surprised you don't see it yourself. Mrs. Peacock and Mrs. White have no way of acquiring a gun. Mrs. White couldn't steal it because her employer would have noticed her take it. Professor Plum was out with his class at the time of the murder and Coronel Mustard would have used his army issued gun, not a revolver. This gives everyone an alibi and the only person to own a revolver would be the victim himself, doubtless to protect his rather posh possessions."

"Don't bother checking, the victim doesn't have a…"

"Professor Plum!? But he wasn't even there at the time of the murder!"

"…card. HOW do you know that?"

"The professor has a bit of chalk on his left lapel. He'd have cleaned that off before going to so fancy a house. His clothing is brand name, but old. He's trying to give off the impression of being wealthy, but teaching doesn't pay as well. He rushed over from the college, without having time to change or clean his clothes. He's the only one pictured with a notebook, so he obviously didn't have time to go home. Probably arrived later than the rest of the guests! How could he possibly be the murderer?!"

"Sherlock….that's just the artist's interpretation to make the front of the box and the cards look cool. It has no bearing on the actual game! You do know that the game changes every time don't you?"

"The victim is the ONLY POSSIBLE SOLUTION, JOHN! Everyone else has an alibi!"

"Sherlock, it's not in the rules."

"Well then the RULES ARE WRONG!"

"You…you pinned the board to the wall…with a knife!"

"It was mocking me!"

"A knife, Sherlock!"

"You're right. We should play again. This game hasn't seen the last of me!"

"NO! No, I'll play anything else you want. You can even do whatever experiment you wish. Just…don't subject me to another game of Cluedo."

The real authors note: I would give ANYTHING to watch Sherlock and John play Cluedo. Merely imagining the scenario had me laughing! I hope I have provided you with a humorous take on the infamous "bored" game. Sherlock's lofty answers and deductions were surprisingly fun to write!

If you liked it, let me know! If you didn't, tell me what bothered you.

In short, please review.

Next Week: "D" for Decision