My name is Dave Strider and I have fallen in love with my best friend. I could have any girl in the world, hell even some guys want me, but the one person I want has totally un-ironiclly friend-zoned me forever. My best friend, John Egbert, was not a homosexual, and reminded me of that fact almost everyday. I have known him for three crazy years. We met online when we were 13 through one of mutual friends, Jade. How Jade knew both of us is still a mystery to me even after all this time. I didn't get to see John everyday, so I not sure when my attraction to him first started but I totally un-ironiclly loved him, every dorky ass bit of him. John lives in Washington, while I live in Texas, making it difficult for us to hang out in person, so we converse online over Pesterchum and Skype. At this current moment, I am waiting for him to get online. After only a few hours of him being away, I must admit to actually missing him. Good thing no one will ever read this uncool feeling of mine.

turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist

TG: sup

EB: dave!

EB: watching Con Air.

EB: the best movie ever.

TG: you and your nick cage movies

TG: you have the gayest crush on that man

EB: hey!

EB: he's an awesome actor.

EB: and no homo.

TG: i know bro

TG: you tell me too many times to forget

TG: and here i thought i had a chance

EB: you don't have to fake flirt with me when you can get any girl in texas.

EB: by the way, why don't you have a girlfriend dave?

EB: or are there too many swooning over strider ass to make a decision?

TG: yes hot babes are throwing themselves at me all day i cant get rid of them

TG: but i do have my eyes set on someone

TG: special

EB: hehe dave has a crush.

EB: what does she look like?

TG: perfection

TG: kinda dorky

TG: but hot as hell

EB: wow dave. i didn't know you were into nerds.

TG: not nerds

TG: just one

EB: why don't you ask her out then?

TG: the one person on this whole planet that isnt into me is the one i fall for

TG: its like fate is against me or some shit

EB: oh man, that sucks.

EB: you should ask her out to see a movie. as 'friends.'

EB: use that strider charm you are always going on about.

TG: my sexy ass strider charm is not enough in this endever

TG: different states

EB: i'm challenging your strider charm.

EB: hehe

TG: are you sure your not gay

TG: that giggle makes me think youre lieing to me

EB: man

EB: not cool.

TG: you wouldnt lie to your best bro now would you

TG: so whats your excuse for not having a girlfriend egderp

EB: ...

EB: well

EB: i have my eye on someone. it's just...

TG: what

EB: it goes against everything i think i am.

TG: is she a stripper or some shit

EB: what?!

EB: eww. no.

EB: well... it's someone at school.

EB: we have homeroom together.

TG: is she hot

TG: she better be like a fucking goddess for my best bro

EB: oh yes.

EB: amazingly hot and smart. famous too.

TG: a model

TG: or youtube famous

EB: youtube.

TG: so she is a stripper

EB: fuck you Strider.

TG: anytime you want egbert

EB: haha. your ego is showing.

TG: whats her name/youtube channel

EB: RomcomRed

I search for the youtube channel, found it with ease and played one of the videos. RomcomRed was an angry dude complaning about life.

TG: dude

TG: you have lied to me all this time

TG: you are so homo

TG: come out of the closet

EB: ...only for this one.

TG: ...

EB: i promise.

TG: i know...

My best bro promising me that he would never love another guy almost made me, a fucking Strider, cry.