So here is my version of the Merlin Finale. I admit this should have been posted sooner as I have actually been working on this for some time and was only waiting for Merlin to finish to add the last touches. But that Finale sent me into a red and blue melancholy which I still don't think I've gotten out of yet. So I apologise for any... well anything that displeases you. Much like 'I Dreamed A Dream' I really wanted my reader to leave my story feeling something or felt they had a good proper insightful experience – therefore this story is a gift to all Merthur Shippers out there: we've had the time of our lives, haven't we?
This story is also a special dedication to my dear friends I've met and gained over the Merlin years: allthingsmagical, littleshyangel, Kylechan1788, shadowkunoichi47 and Silent-Ninja x
I hope you all have an amazing year and don't forget the Merlin Fandom – keep it alive!
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or the inspiration material I have used.
See End for more Author's Notes.
'I'd never have such a friend who could be such an ass'
'- or I one who could be so stupid'
'For the love of Camelot!'
'I'm a sorcerer... I have magic'
Heart beats fast
'Why did you never tell me?'
'I wanted to but-'
'... You'd have chopped my head off'
'Sure I would have done?'
'No, but I didn't want to put you in that position'
'That's what worried you...'
'There are those who say he's the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the Earth'
'Why are you doing this? Why are you still behaving like a servant?'
'Who'd have thought it? A worthless servant with all that power'
'You are not a knight; you're not even a physician. You're nothing but a servant!'
'I'm happy to be your servant... till the day I die'
'It's my destiny... as it has been since the day we met'
'Tried to take your head off with a mace'
'And I stopped you, using magic'
'... and I also do this because you're my friend and I don't want to lose you'
'All I know for sure is I've lost both my parents to magic, it is pure evil. I'll never lose sight of that again...'
'I bid my life for Arthur's'
'I don't need anyone'
'You really intend to sacrifice yourself?'
'You have to have a reason, something you care about: something that's more important than anything'
One step closer...
'He's always been there... at Arthur's side'
'You're not about to start crying on me are you?'
'No! Just erh... good luck'
'I'm a King Merlin, you can't tell me what to do'
'I'm the one who gives the orders, remember?'
'Yeah... you ready, let's go'
'Because I'm telling you and I'm the King of Camelot'
'You're a prat... and a royal one'
'Are you ever going to change Merlin?'
'No, you'd get bored'
'I'm not going to change now'
'... I don't want you to change'
'I want you to always... be you'
Arthur collapsed in Merlin's arms, leaning all his heavenly weight upon Merlin to support. Merlin tried, lifting Arthur, lifting his heart as so it wouldn't bleed in the fires of agony; but Arthur was too heavy, it was too fast, too soon and then fell... with Arthur nestled somewhat comfortably in Merlin's arms.
'This can't be the end!' Merlin thought, 'We've come so far, we're almost there!' If one can hear themselves when they speak, then Merlin could hear a weeping fountain, bones frozen, voice cold and broken.
Merlin looked to the man in his arms and was softly ambushed by a most intense gaze of watery blue, the blue that is met when one looks into a lake when the sun is cold and the clouds are that sapphire grey. Merlin could hear, feel his heart beating at an unearthly speed, as if it were an animal trying desperately to be released, however chained by unmerciful metal, but in Merlin's case it was fleshy strings.
Merlin saw everything in Arthur's eyes, it had always been like coming home... and he refused to believe this would be the last time he saw them with light, however faded. They still had a destiny together! They were meant to build Albion together, they were so close. So almost there...
Merlin felt a freezing chill sweep through him, every fibre of his flesh casing trying to breathe Arthur some warmth, bring him back, and keep him alive.
Oh what a dangerous thing loss is: to claw at remains and force back the picture, the more you try, the more you fail, the more you wish to succeed.
Thus was Merlin's heart's vicious cycle.
'Arthur...' Merlin choked on the sobs, he refused to let the tears fall. He'd be giving in if he did.
Arthur looked gently to Merlin, as if discovering something rare and beautiful, as if he'd seen the sunrise or a shooting star. He looked almost content, however feverish and silently frantic.
'Don't talk, you'll be fine. We've seen worse.'
The more Merlin spoke, the more he realised their fate, the more he wished to cry and change everything. His sobs of breath were wet with salty water, his nose running, thus led to his words being as if he was being strangled or drowning; only silenced temporally by the bodily need to sniff.
'Listen to me: I'll get you out of this. Trust you to leave me with saving you but I'll do it again.'
His attempts at humour were like shattered glass: useless to disguise his emotions anyway even if the mask was strong. He felt his face heat and still refused Arthur accept an ending.
Looking up from a pit of darkness and finding no light, so you crape and clamber at the wall, yet feel them consume you the harder you try... is a most frightening experience.
'Merlin...' Arthur's breath was rosy and weak, as if each utterance was a strain for his mind and heart. So Merlin pulled him closer, sniffing in the process and blinking hard to rebuild the dam against the unyielding ocean. Arthur wouldn't have to strain so much now, he could whisper to Merlin, and Merlin would hear him.
But he got there before the King did-
'I can't lose you. I can't' And as Merlin spoke these words, he realised that if the body in his arms were to become cold and lifeless... what does one do in darkness when their candle has been blown out by the bitter winds? But at Merlin saying this Arthur seemed to be sweetly attacked by a fond flowing. Closing his eyes momentarily, he spoke again.
'I've made... so many mistakes'
'No you haven't!'
'- you've been used and betrayed so many times Arthur and all you've ever cared about is fighting with everything you have for justice and peace and freedom... until the world gives in. But you've never been given the chance...' Merlin had to break himself off lest he smother Arthur with tender stinging water. His breathing was ragged like a rusted blade in the shaking hands of a mad man.
Arthur looked at his servant and was enraptured by how he couldn't see him as thus. He felt an internal chill, and words needed to be expressed.
'I'm so very tired Merlin. So very tired. My bones ache, my skin feels cold.' He didn't want to leave, far from that. There was so much that had been said without being spoken between them, over the many years.
But being told something is very different from thinking it.
Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes, really looked... the pupils a pitch black, the iris a sky blue with snow to surround and little tendrils of beating blood at the edges to taint said snow – all covered in a glaze of water, reflecting Arthur at himself.
He'd never seen such eyes before.
He'd never seen anything more beautiful.
'Do you want to know something? Something I haven't told a single soul?'
Merlin nodded anxiously but dared not speak; looking down for a moment as if looking at Arthur with such intensity meant holding his breath.
'I've been so lost... all my life: different people telling me different things, giving me so much responsibility and expecting so much... It's terribly crowded in my mind'
What he was about to say now, he did with all his pulsing being, all his spirit, and hoped beyond any human comparison that Merlin could find his soul as he could look into Merlin's, could see how his heart was beating franticly, his blood a living ice and trying to grab hold of what Merlin was giving him.
'But do you know who the light in the darkness was for me? Who's guided me? There has always been someone, someone always there... someone who I believe I haven't really given much credit... But they are... stupidly loyal and so very warm.'
'Do you know who it is?'
And he believed that what they felt was very mutual: their blood collapsing under the quakes their hearts trembled under.
Merlin saw a tear glide down Arthur's cheek from the slit end of his eye and went to wipe it away, only then to realise how close they were, breathing each other's breath. Merlin kept his hand in that position, Arthur's cheekbones a complimentary site for Merlin's fingers to rest.
Merlin hadn't realised when he'd started crying.
Arthur lifted his arm to stroke Merlin's hair. The man bit his bottom lip and leaked more of the salty elixir, having to close his eyes under the pressure of such an intimate touch.
Merlin's hair was soft.
Arthur knew he wanted to always caress Merlin, finally feel his warm skin under his touch.
Merlin then held him closer so he could rest his forehead against Arthur's, their skin clammy and damp with sweat and tears, their hair strands a mixture of soft and rough texture and both knew where this ended... and where they wanted it to end.
And while they were caught in their tête-à-tête Arthur spoke again, fluid choking his throat: caught between being content to leave the Earth but not Merlin. Never leaving Merlin.
Arthur raised his head just a fraction to look into Merlin's eyes once more with full focus. Their noses touched tenderly.
'No man is worth your tears Merlin' he tried to smile.
'You are...' was Merlin's quick and true answer. With that look Merlin then gave Arthur – one full of never-ending loyalty and something else that was too painful to place now... Arthur's heart started skipping beats.
'I have no regrets Merlin-'
'- I do'
'Don't' Arthur took hold of Merlin's hair then and spoke in a hushed tone, 'because from all this... Merlin' then Arthur took it upon himself to make sure Merlin was looking into his eyes, 'If none of this ever happened, then you know what?' Arthur needed Merlin to know this, desperate to not leave without these things being voiced at last.
'What?' Merlin couldn't speak.
Arthur resumed his caresses and his eyes glazed with a tender sheen, his face relaxing.
'I never would have met you...'
Arthur gave the overwhelmed Merlin a gentle smile, 'and my life would have been incredibly boring.'
The more they spoke, Merlin knew, the more time was passing for Arthur to go. He wished the dams hadn't broken, because the tears were starting to sting his eyes and block his vision of Arthur. But then he felt Arthur tilt him closer and realised that Arthur's heart was becoming weak.
Arthur looked at him like he'd never seen before. Arthur was unguarded despite his armour and vulnerable in his eyes and spirit. Merlin lost his breath with that gaze.
No! Arthur can't thank him! It means it's the end! Merlin felt his heart slow with deadly pulses of un-nerving ice. He felt numb and limp and so very weakly, heart-warmingly yet brokenly overwhelmed by his King.
'Don't thank me–' but it was too late to hide the desperate edge to his strangled voice.
'-I want to' Arthur said in half mock defiance and soft stubbornness.
Silence fell between them while Merlin started to feel nauseous with the overwhelming and bewildering palpitations of his heart: it felt so very sore.
Arthur looked at Merlin as one might look upon a setting sun: caught between awe and a cold sadness.
'I know all you've done now... Thank you Merlin'
'For what exactly?' He'd failed to save Arthur...
And here it was when Arthur's lips were tugged gently into a crescent... but then collapsed under quivering chills. Merlin's hand brought Arthur's head closer, the arm wrapped around him held him tighter.
Arthur closed his eyes briefly; then looked into panicked ones. He needed to drop balm were there was wounded... from his doing.
'For being just and simply... you... always'
Merlin's nerves collapsed. His heart coiled in on itself as if a vice of slitting metal had been clasped around it.
With quivering lips and a trembling heart, Merlin looked at Arthur one last time before doing something impossible before.
He brought Arthur just that much closer and joined their lips.
Never... never had either felt such bliss. The air was silent around them and the world froze in motion and rhythm, all coming to pause and watch this exchange.
Arthur's lips were softly chapped, slightly cold and damp with fluid but firm and vibrant all the same. And as Merlin increased in depth allowing his wet and slippery tongue to push for access, movements desperate and in frenzy, chasing sweet nectar... Arthur responded with all his energy in an overcoming moment. Merlin's tongue was tremoring and forceful and seemed to taste of something better than ambrosia. The fingers in Merlin's hair ripped a hold and brought their mouths in immersed contact, Arthur never wanting to leave such opulent lips. The thick slide of slimy smooth muscles, cushioned by full petals of firm heat in a dance of wanting to become the other and join entirely stole what breath Arthur had left... it was too much too soon after too long... but that's what made it perfect to indulge in something he'd tried to deny.
New words needed to be spoken before he left. And he didn't have long; he could feel his heart slowing and the beats started to cut through him and all his fibres. So without breaking the merged connection of their mouths, Arthur tried to speak,
'All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes; they're all I can see.' And then they were torn between their exchanging of tongues and lips and fluid of tears and small saliva, as if by this exchange Merlin could give Arthur life or looking into each other's eyes and holding a gaze, believing if they stared long enough it would stay as thus.
'I don't know where, and I'm confused about how as well... just know Merlin, that I've felt this way for a long time and it will never change.'
Merlin had to slow their mad movements, his eyes stung. But then Arthur pulled him into close space, foreheads pressured together and everything aching.
Arthur then looked, for an actual moment, panicked. The world stopped once more.
'Will you love me for the rest of my life?' Arthur seriously almost-joked with a content melancholy.
'No' Merlin shook his head and breathed for what felt like the first time and fixed Arthur's pupils with his.
'I'll love you for the rest of mine'
And with that, Arthur's eyes lost focus and Merlin resumed their newly past desperation of passion. Arthur limply dropped the hand that was in Merlin's hair and took the one on his face, placed them both over his heart, knotted their fingers as he walked from this dark room for the last time. Content. And they kissed until Arthur's body went cold and his lips unresponsive.
Many years have passed since that day.
So many years.
Merlin's been lost in every single one of them. Every day, Merlin wakes with the sunlight in his eyes, dresses, then goes to school or work, depending at what stage of life he's in, then goes home and (most nights) cries to sleep or dreams of Arthur. Due to a request of the Dragon, one of the mighty beast's final breaths went into sustaining Merlin with enough life to wait for Arthur...
But Merlin could feel the spell wearing.
Once or twice a blade had come close to Merlin's wrists, his chest... his neck. In times of great depression. But he could never do it, and thus waited, his spirit dying every day just a fraction more, as if God was peeling a peasant's rose petals. One by one.
So, on this day of Christmas Eve in the year 2012 A.D. it was like any other.
Merlin, dressed in somewhat baggy navy jeans, black converse and a black long sleeve Henley shirt... he didn't expect anything too special.
He walked along the road, noting how the sky was that of watercolours, as if the artist had been crying while painting, thus the blues and greys covered the sun most times in liquid textures. The trees were as if the artist had blotted greens with a red paper, thus red from bleeding. The wind was mild and wild on occasion.
Britain was still mourning the loss of its favourite King.
Then as Merlin turned the corner, on his daily visit to the lake... he froze in anger and a very sudden desperate madness.
Someone was touching the boat, moving the belongings inside and was just... here – where they shouldn't be! This was Merlin's place where his heart could weep peacefully!
'Hey! Hey you!' Merlin shouted suddenly aggressively, starting to move with purpose, almost in a sprint.
'Get away from there! You're not meant to be-' Merlin stopped waving his arms as he got closer to the figure, this time given chance to examine its structure and attire.
It was male and wearing armour – King's armour.
Merlin daren't move closer. Merlin was stuck in time, locked. His heart started to beat harder, so hard in fact it was pulsating in his throat. His arms started shaking with a pins-and-needles sensation. His muscles throughout his body suddenly became tenser, his breathing more fast and shallow. He couldn't breathe; Merlin started feeling light-headed and dizzy.
It couldn't be...
But then the figure turned around, and upon seeing Merlin's face, its eyes instantly recognised Merlin, lifting with warmth and a smile broke the once lifeless features.
Merlin's heart was torn between stopping and beating at a deathly speed. He then found the courage to move his foot, and then his knees stopped wobbling enough for him to run. The figure was him.
Merlin's face collapsed with tears, no forces held them back this time, and the liquid clouded his vision until he collided with the armoured man, wrapping his arms immediately around the warm neck and proclaiming to the Earth itself in such acute hurtful happiness,
Arthur gave a damp chuckle and linked his arms around Merlin's waist and held him tight. So tight in fact that Merlin could scarcely pant or breathe at all and it was the most wondrous sensation! He couldn't believe it! After all this time, Arthur was finally back, here, safe... and warm in Merlin's arms. He buried his face in Arthur's neck, rubbing from side to side as if to smother himself in his King. Arthur hadn't spoken, but when he did, it was choked with lumps of joy,
'You're getting my neck wet Merlin. And have to gotten thinner? I could wrap my arms around you twice, besides, what are you wearing and-'
'Just shut up you absolute-!' Merlin lifted his head to look into those eyes he so adored, his face contracted into tears but then smoothed... and got lost instantly with not only the proximity, but the intensity of the oceans' tide drawing him in. Which brought about new pulses of salt, lips starting to quiver again and he couldn't believe this rapture.
Merlin brought his hands to slot back upon Arthur's cheekbones, bringing him that much closer as so all Merlin could smell was Arthur, his head filled with it and his senses intoxicated with warmth.
'Are you real?' He couldn't help asking, he'd wished for this day so many times.
'Of course I am!' Arthur spoke with anxiety in his eyes and a beaten breath.
'No... no you can't be.' Merlin stated with convulsions of pained muscles within.
Arthur stared hurt into his Merlin's eyes, mouth slightly parted with wound. They were finally where they were meant to be! He wouldn't lose this again!
'Am I real now?' Arthur spoke while swooping in and caressing Merlin's cheek with his full lips. They were soft and rough against Merlin's skin, planting warmth where they walked, however he remained silent: every fibre of his nerves electrified and burning.
'How about now?' Arthur continued with moist words as he started to assault Merlin's long neck with desperate, heated, wet moistures of love.
Arthur returned to looking at his Merlin and saw a somewhat disbelieving blank expression; the forehead was strong and tried to sustain such efforts with weak supports.
'Merlin, I am not a gentle-tempered man – you forget that: I am not long-enduring; I am not cool and dispassionate. Out of pity to me and yourself, put your finger on my pulse, feel how it throbs!'
Arthur then shakily brought Merlin's hand down to clasp his neck... the blood was forsaking his cheek and lips, distress written in every feature.
His Arthur was real!
Merlin wanted to attack Arthur with his lips, shower him with smooth muscles until he was drenched in sensation... but he didn't have the strength now, words must be exchanged first! And so Merlin returned to his original position and asked Arthur to 'Hold me tighter! Hold me closer!' as reassurance. Merlin couldn't gasp at all, and it felt beyond earthly exhilaration to be grounded in such a way.
Their eyes of skies merged again.
'I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you – especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your frame. And if one thousand miles or so of time came broad between us, I was afraid that cord of communion would be snapt; and then I'd a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly...'
Merlin stopped his quaking voice for a moment.
'But you...' and now while drowning in Arthur's blues, 'But you remember me.'
Arthur tightened his impossible hold on Merlin and now with a face of great high spirits,
'Of course I do... you idiot' Merlin let a wind of laughter escape his tried lungs with a smile.
Merlin was in absolute elation at those words, and the scars of having to crack his heart-strings and rend them from among Arthur's were starting to glow in heat as they healed.
'I have died every day waiting for you, Arthur.' The tears were quick to moisten his rough words as they were released from the chains of his throat. 'Every day I went to sleep, hoping that I'd wake to you. And when I didn't I had to force myself to stand... and repeat the torture.'
It was a liberty to finally speak such things, the confines of being King and Servant less of a barrier now. Arthur looked on at Merlin as if he was something to be treasured.
'I came here, and imagined that everything since the day we met would be washed up here. I told myself that... if that were true, and I waited long enough, then a figure would start to appear out of the water. Then as the water fell from you... you'd wave. Smile. And maybe call. But I never let the image go beyond that.' And it was now, with Merlin finally stripped back and safe in his King's arms that he wept such joyous tears of... freedom!
Merlin felt as well as saw wet liquid filter down his fingers and brought their foreheads together – like he did all those years ago, and breathed Arthur's breath.
'Everything that I did... was out of loving you.' Pause. 'Even if I didn't realise I did.'
Arthur had heard those words before, or something similar, he can't remember... and those words from before didn't sound even as half as sincere, genuine and sharp as Merlin's now.
Merlin looked deflated, his eyes somewhat swollen around the edges and his skin too pale...
Never had Arthur seen something more beautiful.
But then he was overcome by a sharp sadness... Merlin had kept his promise to wait, and yet Arthur couldn't do all Merlin wanted in the past – to live freely with his magic. He didn't know what it was, but something in Merlin's aura told him that magic had been forgotten.
'Arthur? Are you alright? We're here now.' Merlin spoke with mixed concern and nervous excitement; nosing Arthur's face with his own in teasing.
Arthur looked downwards,
'I couldn't give you what you wanted. Although I know now about all you've done... I can't give you the land you wished for. Through all the hate and wrath we've had to endure; all those years you protected me, helping me and now you've had to wait... I'm sorry Merlin, so sorry... that I failed you.'
But then he felt Merlin's hands lift his head level. Those eyes were piercing!
'Arthur, you gave me all I wanted, so much so that I don't think I can repay you.' Arthur looked disbelieving and close to breaking, his lips pouted with a watery sheen in grief.
Merlin smiled and Arthur did think he looked so special, with the tears staining his cheeks.
'You gave me faith; you gave me a dream, Arthur. You gave me a world to believe in.'
That made Arthur happy – to see Merlin's face so lifted.
In that moment Arthur was overcome with a need to do something he'd only had a taste of. And then in realising with bundles of nervous energy that he could do it now... Arthur wasted no time in closing the tiny gap between their lips.
Hearts were pounding, veins were cascaded in warmth. Merlin pulled Arthur's head closer and Arthur tensed his arms in trying to bring Merlin into his skin. Merlin's full lips were elixir, his the complimentary shape to slot and slide into his warlock's. Each movement, each contraction and each push was heavenly, sending bursts of heat throughout both. Arthur then thrust his tongue, wet and wanting, and conquered Merlin's mouth with such force it had to comply. Merlin knotted his fingers in Arthur's hair, silky strands falling and weaving with his fingertips. They smiled into the embrace, making sharp and pearly teeth collide softly, cushioned by questing tongues to chase the sensations. Merlin moaned with the stimulation of Arthur's plump lips plundering him, smooth and damp, with the combined euphoria of Arthur's slimy tongue sliding and slipping with his own...
They possessed the other... finally.
Soon it wasn't enough, wasn't even close to enough and the heat poured through downwards. Arthur's arms explored in pulling Merlin's shirt upwards: Merlin shivering not from the cold. Arthur's large hands covered Merlin's lower back; the curved arch soft and flushed under his touch. Arthur then started to gently rub against Merlin, growling lowly, needing friction, too hot and feeling pleasantly nauseous. Merlin responded by moving his right hand downwards, tilting his left to deepen their mouths' sloppy beautiful dance. Every movement hurt Arthur the longer he waited, gentle pressure through his chainmail a promise. His hands started scarping Merlin's back and Merlin had to gasp at the sensitivity.
When Merlin reached where he wanted, needed, to be; he scrabbled with the bottom half of Arthur's chainmail, taking longer from their continued slow rutting, but then he finally cupped the large length between Arthur's legs – thick, hard and eager. Merlin stroked and rubbed the heated organ, Arthur thrusting all the more into Merlin's hand – the thin layer of his breeches a teasing barrier.
Arthur nipped Merlin's lips and the warlock bit back.
Arthur dipped his hands under the waistband of Merlin's trousers and grabbed the tight globes of Merlin's arse. The man gasped and panted between their need for more, the sensation of being touched in such an intimate area a new and wondrous experience. Arthur caressed and keened the flesh under his hands, so fine and like silk to touch. While licking seductively, Merlin moaned what he could. Arthur slid his right hand between the cheeks and soon reached a furled circle of quivering muscles. It was damp with sweat and Arthur's fingers teased and toyed with the hole, contracting in need and heat.
Merlin then unlaced Arthur's breeches with a shaking hand and found his prize. Arthur's groan thundered Merlin's body as he held and stroked the beast of rock flesh, filled with blood, the balls tightening in response. Merlin wrapped his hand around what he could of the girth, thumbing over the bulbous head, gathering the seed and the proper rutting and thrusting began.
They felt too hot, but never too close.
When they had calmed from the high, Merlin would have to take Arthur back to his flat... and introduce him to the new world. So much had changed in Arthur's absence and it would take a lot of getting used to.
Merlin would wonder how Arthur had come back – and Arthur would always say it was because the world's magic, Merlin himself, would have faded away.
Merlin would start to age again, and so would become old with his King. They wondered if they could be immortal maybe... immortal not in living physically, but through the legends they had created.
Merlin would have to introduce Arthur to people, to the world... and whenever asked about how they met, Arthur always says they 'grew up together'.
But for now, in this moment, Merlin and Arthur had all they wanted: in exchange for warmth, loyalty and love, they could possess the other entirely...
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Many sources have helped me get this out: the novel Jane Eyre, the film Never Let Me Go, the songs A Thousand Years, Loving You, A World To Believe In, Open Your Eyes and Chasing Cars with ImperviousAffinity's YouTube fanvid of the finale of which my beginning quotes come from. All those are owned by their respective artists.
I guess this is the end so let me know what you think – all I wish to do is improve. I hope to see you all soon.
Farewell and God Bless :)
Thanks For Reading x