disclaimer: i don't own twilight or its characters.
Shame. Guilt and self-loathing. All I could feel. I knew it wasn't my fault. I never wanted to do it. But my family stared back at me, glaring at me like I had planned it. I never wanted this pain. Or the baby in my arms. But they didn't believe me.
My children looked at me in disgust, though Alice didn't, she looked more pitting, She knew i never wanted this on purpose. My wife's sobs echoed around the room. I wanted to go over to her side and comfort her. But the glares i got from the others was clear that I was not aloud near her. But she was my wife. Even with Edward reading my mind, he still didn't believe me.
I looked at Nessie, who was sitting next to Esme, her arms around her shoulders. She met my eyes for a moment before looking away. But that glance was all I needed. She too believed me. Unable to face my family's face's i got up slowly. Heading to the door at a slow human pace.
The baby in my arms let out a quiet gurgle. My baby. Not mine and Esme's. No matter how many time i wished her to be. I never want to cheat. Not on my wife nor on my family. When i though back to the night i realized that i had no memory of it. Like after someones drunk, you wake up the next morning remembering nothing. But a vampire should never forget. I had no idea till Emmett found her on the door step with a note.
"Where are you going" Rosalie sneered venomously, glaring at my back. I paused in mid step. Where was i going? My office? Probably.
"Out of your sight" I whispered, my voice cracking and bearly audible. My daughter in my arms staring up at me with large, midnight blue eyes, her tufts of blond hair flat on her 3 month old head. I carried on walking ignoring the others as i walked up to my office. The baby needed a name for starters. The mother of the baby didn't give her one. One instantly sprung to mind. Clara. I looked down at the tiny infant. She was a little Clara.
As soon as i reached my office, i closed the door gently and locked it, knowing it wouldn't stop anyone from my family. Pulling a warm bottle of milk from my bag, that seemed to be filled with what baby Clara would need. I walked over to my desk and sat down, putting the bottle up to Clara's mouth, she began to suck it down immediately.
I felt my chest was going to burst from my pain. I was falling apart. Every time i looked at Clara i could feel pain, guilt and remorse. I knew i couldn't face seeing her 24/7. It wasn't her fault. Everyone knew that.
Downstairs Edward and Bella declared that they were going hunting in Canada. It wouldn't take long for them to get there. Jasper was taking Alice too. Though she hunted last night. Rosalie also claimed to be thirsty too, taking Emmett. So all who was left was Nessie and Esme. Knowing the state Esme was in Nessie wasn't going to leave her side. They were gone in a matter of minuets
I watched as Clara's eyes drooped shut, her breathing and heart rate slowing down as she slipped into slumber. I held her for a moment then gently put her into her basket. Her cib was still in its box. I couldn't bring my self to go near it.
Esme wouldn't forgive me. I was sure of that. I had been dodging knives, china and glass when she found out. I walked over to the computer and started it up. She probably hated me now. My eyes felt only dry and was sucking in air, making my shoulder shake. i was crying. If i was human then tears would have streamed down my face. For my 368 years i had never really cried like this, or even felt like this before.
I printed off divorce papers ad began to fill them in. I wouldn't send them off. I would give Esme the option to fill them in and send it off. If she hated me enough she would. But i couldn't face her. Just seeing her face crumpled in pain made a wave of suffering go though my chest. If Jasper was here I was sure he would be screaming. I knew i was in some way.
I thought of my family. The pain and betrayal I must have unknowingly unleashed onto them. I couldn't even found the courage to look them in the eye. Shame filled me again. I had wrecked the family. How could i face them again. To see their frightful glares directed towards me. I knew they would pick her side in the end. It was only an amount of time till Nessie and Alice did too. I just hope the wolves were different.
I collected the papers together and slipped it into my desk draw. I looked sadly at the ring on my left hand. My wedding band which had the Cullen crest on. I pulled it off and looked at it. engraved on the inside was Carlisle Cullen & Esme Cullen. Together in our hearts
I traced my little finger over those words then also put the ring inside the draw. Just then there was a knock at the door, making me jump. I closed the draw with my foot as i walked slowly to the door. I opened the door a crack to see Nessie standing outside. I opened the door to let her in. She walked in and went straight to Clara in the basket. I watched as Nessie put her hand on her cheek. I could only imagine what Nessie was telling her.
"She's a beautiful baby" She said softly after a few moments of silence. I didn't reply. What could i say? "She has your face and hair" She sounded almost surprised. I nodded and walked over to my desk and pulled out a peice of paper and an envelope. How could i stay and see this pain. I needed time to think. Alone.
I watched as Nessie picked up Clara's sleeping form and started to rock her. I couldn't help but feel a great sadness at the though of leaving. Clara would have to stay here. I couldn't look after her, could i?
"Whats her name" Nessie asked, looking up to me. I looked away, i couldn't even meet her eye, like a coward.
"Clara" I croaked out. Nessie frowned then walked over to me, still holding the baby. She touched my cheek. Her thoughts shooting into my head.
It's alright grampa. I believe you. You still have me, right here.
She dropped her hand and touched my chest, just over my dead, unbeating heart. I took her hand and kissed it gently.
"Thank you" my voice sounded genially thankful, which i was. Clara whined then opened her eyes, letting out a loud cry. I took Her from Nessie and began to rock her gently, but a horrid smell rose from her nappy. I slumped my shoulders. How did you change a nappy?
"Here. Let me Grampa" Nessie said, coming over then took the baby from my hands. With her spare hand, she fished out a changing mat, wipes and another nappy. "Momma left the TV on a little while ago. I learnt how to their" Nessie said, putting Clara on the matt and pulled the poppers on Clara's onese then pushed it up above her nappy then pulled the tabs off then slowly slid it off. I gagged at the smell then stopped my air flow.
I stepped back but i kept my eye on them both. It was fascinating to see how Nessie interacted with Clara. Like a mother to a child. After Clara was changed Nessie rocked her till her crys turned into hic ups then to sniffles. Then she was drifting to sleep again. I sighed then sat down at my desk again.
"Is there anything i can do" Nessie asked, looking at me. What could she do?
"I just need time. On my own" I said standing up. But i slipped my ink pen and the paper into my pocket. "Please look after Clara till im back. I'm going for a short walk" I mumble quietly, darting to my office window. She nodded, with a small sad smile wich i returned before springing from it and landing softly on my feet. I turned and looked though the living room window to see Esme curled up in a ball her head resting on her knees. My chest tightened. I caused that. My mate pain. I glanced up to my office to see my granddaughter looking down at me.
I looked back towards the forest then darted though it.
Yes i know this story is quite different to all my other ones. I had this idea stuck in my head and now i just putting it out.
Plz Don't hate Carlisle (He is my favorite charater), its not his fault.
Plz review to tell me what you think.