Thank you to all the lovely people who have sent me reviews. They really keep me going. As harrowing as it was to write the torture, this is much more difficult. I hope that it is still believable and that you are still willing to come along on Jane's road to recovery.
Jane can't bring himself to take his hand out from under the covers, away from his sick version of a comfort blanket. Is it progress that he recognises it as being sick. No more words are said between them. Lisbon sits in the visitors chair, her breathing audible in the silence, he concentrates on the sound while laying with his eyes closed, trying to rest but afraid to sleep.
He's not sure how he feels about the developments. He's embarrassed and scared by the weakness he has shown. My life is about masks and hiding, not allowing anyone to see what is going on inside of me unless it serves a purpose. No one can truly like me if they really know the man I am. Angela was the only one, and I couldn't believe my luck that I found her, and then Red John took her away and I knew that there would be no-one else. For all that Red John has tried to change me, underneath I'm still a con man, it's what I'm comfortable with. I don't think I even know the real me it the real me that hired a man to break in to LaRoache's home, that killed a man, that manipulated Red John, that framed a dead man, that helped a felon escape from prison.
He hears Lisbon move in her chair. She's probably trying to find a comfortable position. Hospitals should care more about people's comfort. She should go home and forget about me and yet she's still here. No matter how often I have crossed her lines she has come with me. She seems to feel she can save me. That when Red John's caught that I will be someone of worth. That the things I do are born out of grief. She didn't know me before. I should push her away, save her from me.
Blood wells up as another stitch becomes loose.
Lisbon jerks awake . She looks at Jane, his eyes are closed, he is breathing deeply, but she has seen him sleep often enough to know that he is not relaxed, the tension is evident in his face. She notices his arm moving and her eyes travel down the raised form under the blankets. She sees a red stain on the bed cover.
"Jane, wake up?"
He looks at her through groggy eyes.
"Jane there's blood."
She starts to lift the bed covers.
"Jane let me see what's going on?"
She reaches for the call button.
"Lisbon, please no."
Lisbon looks at Jane, she sees fear in his eyes.
"Jane wants going on, let me look or I get the nurse."
Jane stops fighting her, her closes his eyes and nods.
Lisbon gently lifts the cover and finds the gauze covering part of his thigh saturated in blood. Her horror chases from her mind the intimacy with her consultant.
"Jane I need to get the nurse you have a problem here."
Jane looks away unable to meet the concern in her eyes.
The stitches in Jane's leg were repaired and they sent Lisbon home as it was way past visiting hours. She didn't get much sleep as her concern for Jane kept her brain active. She was up, dressed and on her way to the hospital as soon as she was sure they would let her in. She enters the room to find Jane awake, he smiles at her and waves in greeting as if everything is alright with the world, but Lisbon can see it doesn't reach his eyes.
"Good morning Jane"
"Morning Lisbon. Nice of you to come and keep me company. You look a little tired, perhaps you should have slept some more."
"I wasn't sleeping much Jane, worrying about you?"
Jane makes a dismissive gesture,
"Bah no need to worry about me the Doc fixed me up easy peasy and everything is fine."
"Everything is fine huh"
"Yep, I'm feeling much better today, I'm on some new tablets that are the real thing, why they were giving me imposters before is a mystery. Hospitals are not places to be trusted Lisbon, they like to torture you under the disguise of help.
Lisbon studies Jane, for a moment she wonders about helping him keep up the charade but experience tells her that in the end it will be of no help to him.
"Jane, I know you are the king of illusion. You can make people see things that are not there. You can make them act in ways of your choosing. But there are no illusions between us anymore and if you want me to help you, as you asked me too, then you need to be honest."
"Lisbon I don't know what you are talking about, I am being honest. And I fool you all the time."
Lisbon's tone shows her frustration
"Jane, just stop. I'm a police officer, a homicide detective, I have seen what people do to each other..."
"You're not exactly saying anything I don't already know."
"...I've seen what people can do to themselves."
Lisbon softens her tone.
"I saw the blood on your fingers, you pulled those stitches out."
"Lisbon I didn't"
"Jane you did. Just tell me what's going on. You know you can trust me. I want to help you. I saw Jane, I saw the marks of the abuse he put you through. Let me help you."
Jane catches his breath and looks away.
"I was weak Lisbon."