Title: Breaking Up
Summary: Brothers can't break up, because they can't be together. Simple logic. Bittersweet.
Rated: T (like all my other fucking stories)
Disclaimer: I don't own Penguin Revolution. I mean I own the manga in digital form for pure reading pleasure; I haven't drawn it or plotted it and I am not the creator of that manga. Tsukuba Sakura is. I am the owner of this fic, though. Sorry I'm lawyering up for a simple disclaimer.
A/N: This is the fic I was supposed to post on my birthday (last Christmas Eve, happy birthday to meeeee) but didn't. It's not light and fluffy and slightly heavier T than most of my fics. But I hope you like it. Mmh. That's it. I love you. I don't know why I always write such depressing stuff.
"No," Aya cries out.
The man on top of him pins him to the bed and captures his mouth in such a kiss that Aya, who's pushing him away, kisses back, desperately, wanting.
"I paid you for this, don't refuse me," he says to Aya, looking into his eyes. Aya's mouth, twisted in a grimace, moves to whisper, "Fine."
He kisses Aya again, but this time Aya submits, wrapping his arms and legs around the man in a complete, emotional lock, only clothes between them.
Ryou's watching. Ryou's watching their lips meeting and he's watching Aya's hands and eyes. But he doesn't move to do anything to the man who's claiming him.
And then the director calls cut, and the man atop Aya gets off, gives a slight smile to Aya and goes for a break. Aya's still lying on the bed, heaving, gasping, into the role. The set managers aren't going to mess with the bed, and if Aya wants to stay there, he can. The director comes up to Aya and starts talking about how he's going to get rescued from this man and in what fashion Ryou will arrive to 'save' him, but Aya isn't listening because he knows all this anyway.
The director has some hesitations about the brothers kissing on film, because it's brothers, but Aya waves it away. Anything for the movie. He sits up on the bed as the man-his name is Kazuki, according to the director-comes back. Kazuki gives that same faint smile and puts a hand on his chest, pushing him down again, climbing on top of him again, forehead to forehead, mouth to mouth, exactly like they were before the break.
Kiss. Rough tumble as Aya rolls them over and gasps out for air. Kazuki's hands go everywhere-Aya's a really, really wonderful actor-and he's whispering words of love to Aya as he pulls off Aya's shirt and sits up to kiss every bare inch of skin.
Ryou throws open the door. Face set in a coldly furious expression, practically tears Aya off Kazuki and says, "He's mine. Lay your hands on him one more time and you won't feel them again."
Drags Aya out of the house-the cameraman is running to catch them-and pushes him onto the bike, gets on it and drives away. Cut to road scene, Ryou still furious, Aya still mute and blankly staring ahead.
Ryou stops the bike at a turn in the road. He turns to Aya and says, "I'm not enough for you?" Ryou's eyes have tears in them. Aya watches and wipes them away as they fall. "Don't be angry," he says. "Don't be mad."
"You were moaning like a helpless whore in there, with a guy I don't even know, and you're mine," Ryou breaks down into tears, and Aya, half-naked, pulls him into a hug, then cups his face and kisses him. They kiss for a long time, lips meeting again and again and tongues entwining and breathing harshly. Aya shudders. Ryou gives him his jacket. Aya says, "I am a helpless whore."
They look into each other's eyes, both in pain, and the director slashes through the moment. "Cut!"
The anguish in the air disappears, Aya hands Ryou his jacket back, and silently walks away, because it was the last scene of the day, wrap up for now.
They don't live together anymore, Aya and Ryou. They don't even talk outside of their roles.
Yukari knows it's her fault.
Completely. She first intruded on their home, then intruded on Ryou's career, and then finally got into a relationship with him and stepped on everything that he had with Aya. Not that they'd had anything. Just the normal brotherly routine. How brothers should be. Before Aya started noticing that Ryou smiled at him less, looked at him less, joked with him less.
Yukari took Aya's place in Ryou's life, and then went to a special place in Ryou's heart that Aya had never had. It's not her fault, but it is, it really is. Aya doesn't blame her for the fucked up mess that he's become, playing his current character in real life, fucking around. It's mostly girls. No, it's always girls. Aya's straight but completely in love with his brother.
Aya. Beautiful, broken Aya. Aya with the shuffling gait and those beautiful peacock feathers around him. The way in which he used to push up those glasses.
Yukari cries sometimes when she sees Aya on television, all dressed and politely speaking about his new project but everyone can see that red, red mouth shiny with someone else's lip gloss and the mussed-up just-fucked hair.
Ryou just changes the channel without warning, and kisses her. But she's not stupid, she hears his name when Ryou says it in his sleep.
But nothing can be changed. Aya's way of moving on (fucking girls left, right and centre) is different, and Ryou isn't sure whether he loved Aya like that in the first place.
He loves kissing Aya; that's one reason why he chose this film (why he pushed Yukari into getting him this film), because he gets to be close to Aya and yet not hurt himself doing so. He's discovered that Aya's the only person he can kiss with abandon; no one else. He doesn't know why. You shouldn't have an iota of doubt that kissing your brother should give you an eternity in hell. The road kiss was the fourth time he'd kissed Aya, deliberately fucking up the first three takes to get to do it again.
Aya left Ryou's life the day after Ryou and Yukari celebrated one month of their being together. Ryou shattered; Yukari couldn't put him back. Ryou doesn't know why exactly he left, packed up his things and moved out, but he knows it's something to do with him and Yukari. Maybe he loved Yukari and Ryou stole her from him. He doesn't know if he'll ever find out.
Next day of shooting. It's been six months since Aya's said a word to Ryou off-set, and Ryou ambles into a van, the crew gets to that turning point in that road. He gets onto the bike, Aya walks over to him, takes the jacket, puts it on, lowers his head. Ryou sees that Aya can bring tears to his eyes very easily. But so can he. He thinks of the day he woke up to find Aya's room bare. When he'd immediately called Aya to have him hang up. When he'd emailed him and gotten no reply. When his father wouldn't look him in the eye when he'd asked him why.
"I love you," Aya says to Ryou, and Ryou's heart starts beating faster. There is a hint of actual sincerity in Aya's voice, like maybe Aya isn't saying it as the prostitute, he's saying it as Ayaori Mashiba.
"I love you too," Ryou replies, honestly.
"Cut! Katsuragi-san, that's not the dialogue. You're supposed to say, 'I know.' "
Ryou apologizes. Aya's still staring at him.
They start the scene again. "I love you," Aya says. No actual Aya here. Just the prostitute. Ryou cups Aya's face, and leans in to kiss him again. That is also not in the script, but the director catches the intensity anyway, decides to let the cameras keep rolling and capture that intimate moment, fuck the script.
"You know I'll leave Yukari if you want, you know," Ryou whispers. Aya doesn't say anything. "I won't take her from you."
Aya looks up and laughs bitterly. It's a painful combination, the tears in his eyes and the bitter laugh. "You think I left because you stole her?"
The director stops the process. "I'm sorry, but please focus on the scene and try and deliver the correct dialogues."
Aya nods. Ryou nods.
The next take is perfect.
Ryou corners Aya a month later. The movie was released. It garnered national attention and a cult following, and Ryou and Aya were at a party with the crew celebrating the same. Aya's sitting, drink in his hand. Girls are debating how to go to him, because they know now that if they do they'll end up in his bed and who doesn't want to fuck the great Ayaori Makoto?
A girl finally gets the courage to approach him outright, saunters up to him in a way that reminds Aya of Ryou and thus gets his attention.
"Hello," she says, slipping into the seat opposite him. Aya smiles. "Hey."
"So, you were pretty amazing in the movie... I loved all the love scenes, you know," she purrs. Aya keeps smiling, waiting for the real thing that she wants to say.
"Why don't you show me privately how you did it?"
"Sure," Aya says. Not the same awkward class president anymore. Gets up. "Let's go right now."
But then someone cuts in. "I'm sorry, but Ayaori has to go to another party, too," Ryou says, grabbing Aya's drink, putting it aside and then pulling him away from the girl who's awed in the presence of the two stars together.
Aya doesn't say anything. He can get other girls who behave like Ryou.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Love you," Aya says. Ryou sighs. "Love you, too," he replies. They're in a hotel room. It had been reserved for them, a couple of floors above the hall where the party was still going on. There was no one in the corridor.
"Of course. Aya, come back." Ryou closes the door behind him as Aya flops onto the bed.
"I'll ruin what you have with Fuijmaru."
"I love you."
"I love you," Aya whispers and suddenly he's not sleepy anymore, he's in Ryou's arms and desperately kissing him because it hurts, it hurts so fucking much to be away for even a second from Ryou, because he doesn't know how he survived half a year without him, oh god.
Ryou's kissing back. Ryou's taking off his clothes. Ryou's holding him tightly.
Aya wants to live and die at the same time.
"Mine," he says. "mine, mine, mine."
"Okay," Ryou says, breathing deeply, the smell of Aya's hair soothing him, because he was dead without Aya, too, "yours, yours, yours." He'll do something about Yukari. She'll understand. He realizes she knew about this all along. It just comforts him.
They go to sleep, curled around each other, both sleeping soundly for the first time in a long time.
Fade to black, end scene.