This idea popped into my head after watching some old Friends reruns with my brother the other night. It's slightly based off the episode where Monica feels her relationship with Chandler is inferior to Phoebe's new one, so she then decides to compete with Phoebe, and thus, has lots and lots of sex with Chandler... please enjoy!
And sorry about the inevitable errors...
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and all rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I just own the poorly written smut.
Better Than the Movies
Naruto's face was scrunched up into a childish pout as he slurped his chocolate milkshake sulkily. Sasuke sat next to him, staring at his blond boyfriend with a cocked eyebrow. Across the table in the booth they were sitting at were Sakura and Sai, who were just too grabby-handed with each other for Naruto's comfort. Every few seconds, they both would giggle to each other as if sharing some little secret. Their pale fingers would entwine, and Sai would kiss her knuckles sweetly. Then, they would start, unabashedly, making out with each other. Disgusting smacking sounds and small moans included.
Deciding to go on this double-date was the worst decision ever.
They paid for their dinner and went their separate ways after exchanging a few good night's and goodbye's. As they were heading home from the diner back to Sasuke's apartment, Naruto started clawing at his eyes and screeched obnoxiously for all those around them to hear. "I think I'm going to fucking vomit."
"Why?" The raven-haired male gave him a very miniscule, concerned glance. Whatever this was, it was the same thing that made the blonde throw a silent tantrum earlier in the restaurant.
Naruto pretended to stick his finger down his throat and gag. "Um, were you at the same restaurant, Sasuke? Hello? Sai and Sakura...? Their tongues down each others' throats for the ENTIRETY OF DINNER?"
The Uchiha rolled his eyes. "It's nothing you've never seen before."
That answer was clearly not the one of agreement that he had expected to receive from his boyfriend. Naruto crossed his arms against his chest and barked back, "Shut up! That's not what was annoying about it!" Cerulean eyes examined the dirty pavement below their feet for a few moments in silence. Sasuke knew from years of exposure to the blonde that letting him sulk alone was the best option. Being the loud-mouth that he was, Naruto was going to open up and tell him what was truly bothering him sooner or later.
And it usually was sooner than later.
"They were totally trying to rub their relationship in our faces."
It was grumbled under his breath, but the pale-skinned male heard it clearly. "What are you evening saying?"
When Naruto returned his gaze to the other's face, Sasuke immediately saw how much this was bothering him. His expression was defeated, and the normal effervescence in those electric blue eyes was as good as dead. "You know that they're both still bitter about us dating, Sasuke... They both wanted us, and we rejected them. It broke their hearts when we came out." A tanned nose wrinkled at the unpleasant memories. "Then... they got pissed. I'm sure they're just going out with each other to make us jealous, or something..."
What the idiot was saying was true enough. Their friendships with the other two never were the same after he and Naruto started dating. But for them to pull this scheme now, after two years since it happened was a bit farfetched... A little too petty and a tad too dramatic.
"I'm sure that's not it."
"Um, yeah. It is." Naruto waved his hand in an obvious 'I know what the fuck I'm talking about' way. "Why do you think their hands were all over each other?"
A beat. "Because they're attracted to each other...?"
Naruto scoffed. "No. Because they know we haven't had sex for a month, so they're rubbing our noses into that fact to make us mad."
"...is this what this is about? Sex?" Sasuke blinked slowly. This was getting exhausting. And insane. Besides, how the hell would they know private details about their relationship like that? Unless, of course, Naruto told them about the lack of intimacy, which probably did happen, because Naruto was a grade-A moron.
"No, it's not!"
The blonde stopped walking, and pulled Sasuke's hand back to halt his pace. He turned around, and was met with the most pathetic puppy dog face he had ever encountered. "I'm just... we're not the same couple we used to be, Sasuke..." The light from the street lamp casted dark shadows on the fox-faced boy's cheeks and nose. "We're not as physical anymore... and we act like an old married couple! You used to throw me against the wall when we got home, and fucked me against it until I couldn't move. I miss that." His fingers squeezed the raven's tightly, desperately. "...I feel like we're becoming distant."
Sasuke dealt with Naruto's idiocy on a daily basis, but in that moment, he swore it was infinite. Infinitely, and unbelievably dumb.
"I spend every single day with you, because I love you." Sasuke deadpanned. "If that's a sign of a broken relationship, then I suppose ours is doomed."
A terrified whine hissed through the blonde's clenched teeth. "Don't joke about that, asshole!" The pure horror on Naruto's face made the other male's lips crack into a small smirk, and he couldn't resist the temptation of leaning in to kiss a sun-kissed cheek.
"I'm serious! We need to get the spark back in our relationship!"
The Uchiha rolled his dark eyes. "We don't need to do anything."
Suddenly, a flash of something indiscernible to Sasuke exploded in Naruto's eyes. A volcano of poor judgment and even poorer decisions had just erupted before his eyes, and the molten flow of pure spontaneity would not be stopped. It couldn't be. Sheer confidence pulled his moping mouth into an ecstatic grin, and just as suddenly as it happened, the raven found himself being pulled down the street at an alarming speed by his insane lover.
"Yes we do! And I know just how to do it!"
If Sasuke said he wasn't apprehensive and a little freaked out, he'd be lying through his ass.
A very-staged and uncomfortable-sounding moan pierced the stagnant air of Sasuke's bedroom. The aforementioned male shuddered and stared at his laptop screen in pure disgust. One of his pale hands was covering his mouth as he painfully watched the nightmare unfold itself digitally before his eyes. A pair of clearly bored orbs stared up at him through the video window and faked yet another high-pitched groan as the huge beefcake atop of his body continued to awkwardly jerk his veiny dick into his flabby ass. Sasuke's stomach was churning, and he could taste the bile rising in his throat.
"We are watching porn." It wasn't a question, but a statement. A very disturbed one, too.
Naruto had his chin resting on the Uchiha's pale, bare shoulder, and was currently cackling at the top of his lungs. Tears streamed down his flushed cheeks, and his body was convulsing violently from the force of his laughter. Naruto couldn't formulate coherent sentences. He was that hysterical. And loud. The two of them were squished up against each other because it was necessary if they both wanted to be able to see the video. The sheer volume of Naruto's cackling felt like it was bursting the Uchiha's eardrum.
This was just fifty different shades of awful.
He shot the blonde the most menacing glare in his arsenal. Naruto didn't even flinch.
Sasuke huffed in annoyance, and then winced when the pasty bottom in the low-budget porno had his voice crack when he screeched, "OH YEAH. FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE HOLE."
What the hell even was this?
"THIS ISN'T EVEN REAL." Naruto buried his face into Sasuke's neck and attempted to stifle another round of guffaws. It was only half successful. When he calmed down somewhat, he wiped the moisture out of his eyes with the back of his hand and grinned. "This," he pointed excitedly to the disaster on the laptop, "is probably why I haven't watched porn in a long time."
"Tell me again how this is supposed to spice up our sex life." Sasuke's deep voice was a bemused monotone, and he gently punched his boyfriend in his orange sweatpants-covered thigh. That punishment was far too lenient. Naruto needed a good beating for what he was putting him through.
"Well," the blonde began with a good-humored shrug, "I had the assumption that we were going to find a link to something, well, actually sexy." Tan fingers tickled up and down the porcelain flesh of the other's back. "Something that would turn us both into little bunny rabbits that wouldn't leave the bedroom for awhile." Sasuke couldn't repress a shudder from racing up his spine. "However, that plan SEVERELY backfired." An unattractive gurgling noise bubbled through the speakers. "I mean, look at this..."
Sasuke wrapped his arm around the boy's waist and pulled him closer to his warm body. "If I have to listen to this any longer I think I'm going to be sick."
"You don't even think this is funny?" Naruto chuckled into Sasuke's jugular and zoomed in the video screen on the laptop to get a close-up of the two pornstars' physical union. "Look at how awkward they are! That guy looks like one of those comic book superheroes with those huge-ass muscles, and the other doesn't even look like he hit puberty yet!" Blues eyes sparkled with mirth as they observed the video for a few moments. "And his dick is so small... oh my god. Wait. He's not even enjoying it! IT'S HALF HARD." Naruto bounced up and down against his stoic lover like a kid in a candy store for having found yet another fault with the movie. "How can you not think this is awesome?! " It was like an I Spy book because all the mistakes were right in front of you and badly disguised.
"How could I?" The raven wrinkled his nose distastefully. "We have better sex than these morons."
"Duh! At least we enjoy it! And, not for nothing, but the guy taking it up the ass is the most inflexible person I have ever seen."
Just as the words were coming out of his mouth, that very same guy in the porno had his legs forcibly spread wider by the buffer male, and he automatically let out the most agonized wail either boy had ever heard. The squeal was quickly drowned out by the larger man with an unenthusiastic yell of, "Yeah... you're so, erm, tight..."
"I'm more flexible than him! And this is his job!" Naruto tapped the arm around his waist repeatedly to get its owner's attention. "Remember after the New Year's party at Kiba's when we fucked in his bathroom! We were standing against the wall, and my foot ended up on your shoulder?! I don't even remember how that even happened... but it felt so good, holy shit."
Sasuke's groin twitched at the memory. That was definitely the best lay he ever had. By far. "Yeah, it did..." He swallowed thickly, obsidian orbs unfocused on the computer screen. Sasuke's mind was beginning to wander.
"And this is just so emotionless. It's just sex. There's no passion in it at all." The blonde stuck his tongue out at the dirty movie. "You need the people to like, need this. The..." he scrunched his face up as he tried to think of the right word, "...desperation... makes it hot. But this...This is just... retarded."
Sasuke wasn't even listening to him anymore.
"It's just so fake, and gross! You can totally tell that they're doing this just for the money." The two actors in the movie switched positions, and the skinny white guy clumsily crawled atop his partner and started to ride him in the most frightening way imaginable. "And... I'm guessing they're not being paid too much.
"But seriously, if this is what the pornography industry is coming to, this is sad. Really sad. Are they running out of actors? Are they out of ideas? How hard is it to come up with a reason to fuck? Seriously, though! How can anybody even get off to this?"
The only phrase that registered in Sasuke's mind was 'get off', and that was enough to snap his attention back to reality. Naruto was still babbling on and on about things that Sasuke couldn't care less about. He just never knew when to shut up...
Soft lips brushed against the sensitive patch of skin behind Naruto's ear. This was one of the countless methods to silence the blonde that Sasuke had picked up on during the course their relationship. The results were instantaneous and beautifully predictable.
The shorter boy sucked in a breath. A smirk pressed into the skin behind his earlobe, and swirled his tongue along the thin flesh. "What about getting off?"
"I..." The blonde's mind was clouding up, jumbling itself into an unintelligible mess. "What?" Was all he was able to manage to squeak out.
White teeth began to nip up and down the expanse of bared throat. Fingernails playfully scraped up and down toned, warm biceps. "This porno," Sasuke breathed, "sucks."
"Thanks, Captain Obvious..."
"Hn," he ignored the uncalled-for sass, and just this once, Sasuke forgave him without a combative quip. Feeling the pulse in Naruto's throat jump and quicken, he proposed huskily "we should make a better one."
Those were the last coherent words that were spoken for a while.
The laptop lay forgotten on the bed as the two boys desperately grabbed, scratched, and caressed each others' bodies. All that tension that had unknowingly built up over the past month suddenly was felt a hundred fold, and it was maddening. Sasuke had Naruto pinned beneath him, and he wasted no time in returning his mouth to its previous job of worshipping the blonde's throat. Teeth grazed the tender skin, and claimed several sensitive areas as their own with a good amount of vibrant, ugly, and possessive lovebites placed sporadically around the region. Naruto squirmed around on the bed from the sensations, mussing up the previously neat and orderly blankets that covered the mattress. Neither of them paid it any attention. The tightening in their bellies were their only concern at the moment.
Mewls of true pleasure mingled in the air with the insincere ones from the video as Sasuke's mouth moved lower and lower down his lover's quivering body. His lips, teeth, and tongue touched every patch of skin that they could reach. Saliva and bite marks dotted bronzed pectorals, a collarbone, muscles, and even a pair of now-erect and flushed nipples. Naruto's fingers were torn between clawing at the bedspread or at the raven's silky spiked locks. Why hadn't they done this in so long? How had he not exploded? The answer of that question was beyond him, and with his brain focusing on the foreplay, it was just about impossible to answer.
His body was shivering from the dampness on his skin meeting the cool air. Every hair on his body stood up on end, and goosebumps were left in the trail of the adventurous mouth. A needy groan vibrated low in the blonde's throat when a hot tongue dipped into his navel and then dragged along the defined V of his hips. Sasuke impulsively bit down into his boyfriend's right side, and it caused the shorter to sit up suddenly in pain and then glare down at the unapologetic male with a warning look. Sasuke then sunk his face down and sucked on Naruto's bellybutton, his dark, intense eyes staring upward. Naruto's cock twitched in his pants when their eyes met and it took all of a nanosecond for Naruto's glare to soften and his toes to curl.
Breaking the suction with an intentional pop, he inched down lower until he was exactly where he wanted to be. Sasuke nudged his nose against the apparent tent in his boyfriend's sweatpants. A keening whine was the response he received, and he chuckled to himself as he pulled the waistband down of both the pants and the boxers at once. He stared up at Naruto with those proud eyes of his and Naruto stared back down at him and he couldn't breathe all of a sudden and his dick was throbbing so much it hurt and then chapstick'd lips were wrapping around his head and that bastard was enjoying this so much and then oh fucking god his mouth was burning because his entire fucking cock was down his throat oh my god wow. Ugh.
Sasuke's lips sunk down until they touched Naruto's sac. It was overwhelming both boys physically and emotionally. The last remaining band that was their sanity finally snapped when their hazy eyes locked together heatedly, and electricity seemed to burst from their veins and pool down to and fill their bellies with ecstatic warmth. His dark head eagerly bobbed up and down. He hollowed out his cheeks and sucked, and the blonde yelped from the unexpected but incredibly appreciated effort. Drool was mingling with sweat and precum on both the raven's face, and Naruto's groin; it was dirty. And that's what they both wanted it to be. Filthy. Disgusting. Gratifying. Something to make them both scream. They had plenty of opportunities to trust and to make love one another. Now just wasn't the time for it.
Not when Naruto's hips were rolling upward needfully into the wet cavern of Sasuke's mouth. Not when Sasuke swirled his tongue around the leaky head of the other's dick, and then stopped the blowjob to kiss him just so Naruto could taste himself on his own tongue. Not with Sasuke all-but ripping off his own sweatpants and then grinding his neglected cock against Naruto's glistening and swollen one. Especially not when they both gasped, and made eye contact yet again. Blown pupils in blue eyes were silently screaming at Sasuke to just do it. No preparation. No carefulness. Nothing vanilla. Because it wasn't time to make love. It was time to fuck, in the most vulgar definition of the word.
Naruto knew it was going to hurt like a bitch as he watched Sasuke's shaking fingers pump some lotion into his hand and coat his engorged member in the goopy substance He fully knew it wasn't going to be all roses and daisies and rainbows, but that's what he wanted. He wanted, no needed, Sasuke to just get inside him and pound away until he couldn't see straight. He wanted the burn, the pain, the blood, the rawness, the cries, because that's what they're whole relationship really was. Real. Human. Imperfect. It was alive and real, not like the bullshit that Sai and Sakura bragged about.
So, when the Uchiha spread his golden thighs and forcefully pushed himself inside, Naruto forgave him. He reveled in his tightly shut eyes, his tortured whines, and the clumped skin beneath his nails that he scraped off of Sasuke shoulders. He felt whole and full and free. And Sasuke's shuddering body was all he needed to feel for him to know that Sasuke felt the same.
The thrusts were unkind. Deep, powerful, and completely lust-driven. Sweat dappled the pale boy's brow and chest as he entered again and again into the other's uncooperative body. Hisses slipped through his clenched teeth, and an incredulous and helpless whimper asked no one in particular how it was humanly possible for someone to actually be this tight.
Naruto cursed into Sasuke's neck, and lifted his hips up, searching for something other than the misery stabbing the nerves at the base of his spine. A prick of severe pain shot through his being from the clumsy move, and he gasped pathetically. Sasuke's unsteady fingers squeezed Naruto's member, and the blonde's stomach lurched in unsubstantial pleasure.
It still hurt, but it wasn't so unbearable anymore. It was what he wanted. Pleasure just barely licking at the pain's aftermath. And Naruto would have been completely satisfied with that sensation. But then his entire body spasmed when Sasuke angled his hips downward and Naruto's loud cries became anything but agonized.
He bit his tongue to choke down another scream, because if the neighbors called the landlord again about noise complaints, he'd break something. His plan was bound for failure when a smooth fist was jerking his leaky cock off and those slim hips were abusing his prostate to the extent of heavenly torture. His noises weren't getting any fainter, and Sasuke was to blame for that, so that bastard would have to explain everything by himself to those assholes next door. Naruto would have laughed at the Uchiha's impending awkwardness, but any noise that exited his lips at the moment melted into a mindless moan or a sensual plea of Sasuke's name.
Their flesh kept smacking. Their hands kept trembling. Their heartbeats kept accelerating. They could both taste their peaks on their tongues. For the raven, Naruto's burning insides were a merciless vice that was slowly sending him into a fast-approaching oblivion. Sasuke knew he was done for, and Naruto's was in the same boat he was, and Naruto was a moron for feeling so good and making this end so quickly. Hooded eyes looked blearily down at his boyfriend, and he twisted his fist around the thick length in his hand ruthlessly. With sweat covered lips and a couple more frenzied snaps of his hips, Sasuke cried out into Naruto's hair as every ounce of his being spurted inside of the blonde. Naruto hugged the raven's shuddering body as he released, and Sasuke was so annoyed at him for reducing him to such a weak mess, a whimpering and pathetic mess, but he loved him for it and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
It was a few jerky thrusts later that Naruto crumpled in on himself. He stopped breathing, and simply let the force of his orgasm rip his sanity apart. Blue eyes stared at nothingness, and he couldn't see anything but white splotches as stickiness splattered his stomach. His lungs burned for air. He hyperventilated, desperate for oxygen, and Sasuke's collapsed body was crushing him, and he felt like he was going to suffocate. The asshole had his face buried in the blonde's neck, and he was probably thought that his breathlessness was from the sex, and holy shit he was actually going to die.
"Goff m!" Naruto coughed out, and Sasuke started to lazily kiss the bronzed throat in front of him, slurring out a few sweet nothings into the skin. This was it. He was done for. His survival instincts kicked in overdrive, and he clawed deeply into the softness of Sasuke's ass, absolutely sure that he drew blood. The Uchiha yelped like a girl and lifted himself up, and he was about to rip him a new asshole when the sight of his boyfriend's purple face came into view. Embarrassed and grumbling a hesitant apology, he slid out of the other and laid down next to him, as Naruto struggled to regain the life that had left him in those few moments of asphyxiation.
When both boys were able to breathe normally, they looked straight at one another. They took in the marred state of their bodies and the bed, the fluids coating their skin, and the haphazard way their clothes were strew about the bed and floor.
Both of them cracked a smile. They curled into each other's bodies and their mouths met in a soft kiss that said everything they didn't have the ability to say just yet.
The laptop had entered sleep mode a long time ago, and both boys were on the brink of their own sleep modes. Just before they passed out from exhaustion, Naruto poked Sasuke's nose with a sleepy grin.
"Sakura and Sai can suck it. They have nothing on us."
And they both knew they were right.