Disclaimer: Sting and Disney own "My Funny Friend and Me", and Toriyama owns DBZ. I just own this story. I'm a poor, broke high school student, so please don't sue me! You'd only get about $1.67 in pocket change!

My Funny Friend and Me

"Finally," he muttered to himself. "A little peace and quiet."

Night had fallen some time ago. The only light was from the small campfire a few feet away, and the tiny lights that flickered in the dark blue velvet overhead.

A quick glance proved that the kid was definitely asleep, not just being quiet. As if that was possible. The kid was never quiet.

One more month. That's all I have to get through without this kid driving me insane, he thought with a sigh. One more month until the Saiyans arrive and Goku comes back. Then things are going to be very, VERY different around here.

he thought with a sigh.

He sighed again. A month didn't feel like nearly enough time, even though Gohan was doing surprisingly well. He learned fairly quickly for someone his age. The only problem was that unrelenting cheerfulness. When the kid wasn't training, he was giggling or being annoying in some other way!


He closed his eyes and began to clear his mind for meditation, but a small sound caught his attention. He opened one eye and looked over to where Gohan was. The kid was whimpering in his sleep, tossing and turning as if trying to escape from something.

Great. He's having a nightmare. Just what I need, a scared kid.

The son of Goku remained an enigma to him. Gohan was always happy, no matter what. That happiness was mixed with a determination that had to have come from his father. But strangest of all, that blasted kid almost acted as if he liked the person who was beating him nearly senseless every day. As if he considered his "teacher" a friend.

Dumb kid.

Gohan was still crying out softly in his sleep. He rolled over, and the flickering firelight fell across the small face, twisted in something akin to fear.

Maybe I should see if he's okay…no! What am I saying? I don't care if the kid's scared! It doesn't matter to me. He is the son of Goku, and Goku is my enemy.

For a split second, he wasn't sure if he cared or not. Kami, this kid was making him soft! He was actually starting to care about something. He was actually thinking in terms of defending this miserable planet instead of plotting to take over. Pointless things, like that kid, were starting feel like they should mean something to him. This wasn't right.

Damn kid.


He sighed and looked away from the kid. They were on a small outcropping of rock, high up enough so that he could look out over the area, but that no one could see him without really looking. He looked out across the darkened plain, seeing the tall dark shadows of the surrounding rock formations. He didn't know what he was particularly looking at or for, he just didn't want to watch the kid, who was still sleeping fretfully.

He actually preferred the night. Since he didn't need to sleep, it was usually the easiest time for him to meditate, train, or just plain think. And it seemed like he was doing a lot of thinking lately.

They had to be ready. The Saiyans were coming, and Gohan would be thrown onto the battlefield at the quite tender age of five. And he would be ready. He knew that nothing less would be accepted.

Those guys meant business.

He tilted his head back and looked up at the sky for no particular reason. There was no moon, thank Kami. He'd been almost unbelievably lucky when the kid had transformed because of the projection from Goku's old ship. Hard to believe that innocent little Gohan could become that horrible ape beast. Strange how lonely the stars looked without the brightness of the moon to keep them company.

Now that was a strange concept…loneliness…

Gohan was still tossing and turning, still crying out from his restless slumber. He tried to ignore it.

I hate kids, he thought. Whiny leeches. I hate them. I'll be extremely happy when this whole thing is over and I can get back to hating Goku without having to worry about his stupid kid. This kid stands a pretty good chance of not being ready. Kami give me strength.

he thought.


Would that kid shut up? Even in his sleep he doesn't let me have any peace! he sighed again and glanced over at the boy.

Gohan had to have been having a serious nightmare, because he was rolling all over the place. Rolling…into the fire…

Without even thinking, he reached out a hand and lunged, catching Gohan's head only inches away from the fire. Gently, he pushed the kid away from the flames and released him without waking him.

Can't even sleep without getting into some kind of trouble. Why did I get myself into this? And why didn't I just let him fry himself?

A little voice in the back of his head chose that moment to start talking. :Because you don't hate Gohan as much as you say you do.:

What the… he responded mentally.

:You don't hate the kid at all, and it worries you that you might actually like someone: that annoying little voice continued. :You've always been the lone wolf, and now that might be changing. Trust me, the kid actually does like you, and he could be a good friend to you if you'd give him half a chance.:

I don't need friends. he growled at "it".

:Are you so sure about that:


He didn't have a chance to respond because Gohan had started yelling out. "Stop it!"

That anguished scream was all he could take. He reached over and shook the kid awake. It took a few seconds, but finally the kid's eyes flew open.

"Get away!" Gohan yelled, sending one fist flying without even thinking. He barely had time to dodge the attack. Gohan's eyes widened when he realized what he'd almost done. "Mr. Piccolo! Oh my gosh, I'm sorry—"

"Don't be," was the curt reply. "You were screaming in your sleep, kid. Can't you ever be quiet?"

The child looked frightened and embarassed. The flickering firelight cast shadows upon both their faces, changing them. One looked young and scared, while the other looked older and foreboding.

He broke the silence. "Go back to sleep."

Gohan obeyed, curling up into a little ball on the ground.

There were only a few seconds of silence, then—

"Hey Mr. Piccolo?"

Sigh. "What?"

"Aren't the stars pretty?"

"Yeah, sure kid."

Quiet, then—

"Hey Mr. Piccolo?"

Sigh again. "What?"

"It's so nice and peaceful out here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, whatever."

A momentary hush, then—

"Hey Mr. Piccolo?"

Enough was enough. "WHAT?"

Softly, "Do you think I'll ever see my dad again?"

For some reason, he suddenly felt a little guilty about snapping at the kid for that question.

"Your father is Son Goku. Trust me, he always finds a way around things, and he has a knack for getting himself out of situations that no other person could ever escape from. You'll see him again, I can guarantee it."

"Okay," Gohan yawned happily. For a moment it appeared that he had gone to sleep.


"Hey Mr. Piccolo?"

Grr. "What?"


Well, that was the last thing he'd expected.


Finally, the kid went back to sleep. Maybe he'd actually get some quiet now.

He focused for meditation, but found that strange little voice eating at the back of his mind.

:See? Gohan likes you just fine. Give him a chance.:

:Sigh. Shut up and leave me alone.:

:What's gonna happen after the Saiyans get here? Are you and Goku still gonna be enemies? And what about the kid? Will he be your enemy too? Or could he maybe be your friend:

:Buzz off. I've never had any friends, and I don't feel the need to get any.:

:Maybe you should: the voice responded logically. :A lifetime is a long time to be alone.:


He looked over at Gohan, who was finally sleeping peacefully. Slowly, he reached out a hand, then drew it back, almost afraid that the child would wake again. But Gohan showed no signs of waking as he reached out and laid his hand along his face, brushing a few strands of spiky black hair away from his face. Gohan still did not wake.

Don't worry, kid, Piccolo silently vowed. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise.

Piccolo silently vowed.