Warnings/Author's Notes: Nothing much to warn about. You might end up Googling something you didn't want to really Google in hindsight but that's on you.

Written because farenmaddox infected me with a desire for "totally normal kids" Fluorite twins. No world-crushing angst, no emotionally scarring trauma, and most importantly, both are alive and happy and healthy. They fight, they smell, they make mistakes...gloriously normal.



"Ugh. Fai."


"Faiiiigh." The barely-a-teen's tone notched up into that exasperated whine that meant that he was disgruntled enough to descend into mulishness and would not be deterred, deferred or distracted.

"Whaaat?" Fai whined right back. He was warm and cozy and didn't hear the smoke alarms cheeping, their parents fighting or aliens attacking. There was no good reason for his brother to be breaking into his beauty sleep like this. "It's Saturday and it's too cold for cartoons."

"Well then get off me and let me sleep."

Fai finally lifted his head with a put-upon sigh so that he could focus blearily on his twin's face without crossing his eyes to the pain point. Yuui looked barely half awake himself, Snoopy pajamas rucked up every which way and red-rimmed eyes squinted shut against the watery winter sunlight filtering in through the blinds.

"Whaaat? You fall asleep just fine whenever we're like this," the older twin pointed out. "Why can't you stay asleep like a good pillow should?"

"Your weight is not the problem," Yuui replied grouchily, glaring from under a bird's nest of sleep-rumpled hair. "Your breath is."

Even though he couldn't smell it himself, Fai couldn't argue the fact that he had heinous kitten breath since he could feel the usual post-sleep tacky fuzziness all over his teeth and tongue.

"Well if I have morning breath so do you," he replied loftily although not very logically. "If I can deal with yours, you can deal with mine."

"Yours is worse," countered Yuui. "Go brush. Or breathe into your pillow, not my face."

"One difference between us is that I need oxygen when I sleep. You're the only one who can sleep on his face like that."

"And you're the only one with death breath."

Fai narrowed his eyes at his brother for a long moment and then very deliberately rolled right onto him and breathed into his face. Haaaaaaaaaaahh.

"Augh, gross!" The victim made a good show of gagging and choking to death, turning his face as far into his own pillow as he could.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad," Fai protested between giggles. "Can it? Or can it? Maybe I have those...whatsit. I read about them last week. Mystic tonsils."


"No? Tombstone tonsils? Something tonsils. It was something weird. Made me think of a graveyard."

"Your breath reminds me of a graveyard," Yuui said, a bit breathless from being smushed. "Get off me."

"No really, it's a condition where you have little holes in your tonsils and it gives you really bad breath," Fai persisted, attempting to rest his chin thoughtfully on a squirming Yuui's cheekbone while rifling through his memory. "Grave tonsils. No. Creepy tonsils. I can't remember now. Yuuuuui, now it's going to bother me. This is your fault for waking me up and complaining about my breath."

"If you go brush your teeth now I'll Google it for you," bargained Yuui desperately while trying to squirm out from under his sibling.

"The floor's cold. I'm warm and comfy," protested Fai. He'd draped himself happily over his twin, a dead weight that kept Yuui very nicely pinned. If he'd been wrestling his sibling down Yuui might have been able to lever him away, but as it was all he could do was writhe ineffectively. And make threats.

"I am not going to stop complaining or trying to kick you out of bed, so you can cross 'comfy' off the list."

"Oh my God, you are such a butt."

"Go brush, butt-breath," Yuui commanded insistently. "I'll Google 'halitosis caused by tonsils' and then we can go both back to sleep. Win win."

Yuui won, of course. He almost always did, because while Fai argued things for the pure love of raising the blood pressure of those around him, Yuui generally stuck more to the sides of logic and reason. He could also outstubborn his older brother by several miles, and Fai knew it. There was a lull of a few minutes broken only by the sounds of water running and the quiet tac tac tac of Yuui typing away on his smartphone.

"Fai, oh my God, it's not mystic tonsils, it's cryptic tonsils," Yuui called out, laughing airily.

"Crypts!" Fai crowed, pattering out of the jack-and-jill bathroom that separated their bedrooms and leaping back into Yuui's bed - and back onto Yuui - with a happy whoop. "I knew it had something to do with cemeteries!"

"Oof! Get off me!"

"But I brushed! See? I mean smell?" Hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.

"Oh my God, stooo-ooo-hooop," protested Yuui weakly, breaking up his whine with breathless giggles. More awake and less grouchy than before, his tolerance of his brother's antics was back up to normal levels, and there wasn't much force behind his order to cease and desist.

"So how do I cure my crypticness?" Fai asked, peering over his brother's shoulder. "Get this dangly thing in the back of my throat surgically removed?"

"You don't know if you really have cryptic tonsils. And besides, your tonsils are actually on the sides. That dangly thing is called something else. I can't remember what though."

"Google it."

"Google 'dangly thing'?" Yuui asked skeptically. "That sounds like a great way to get an eyeful of gross."

"No no, Google 'epididymis'. I think that's what it's called."


"Here, go to image search so we don't have to read tons of medical texts to figure out if that's the right word. And it's e-p-i-d-i-d-y-m-i-s."

tac tac tac...


"Oh my God, I can't believe you fell for that."

"I can't believe you're such a butt."